KissMeDeadlyT-T: It's been so long since I've written something Yullen! Sadly, I've kind of been in a sort-of writer's block where I can't write anything except Roy/Ed but I had this sitting around in my folder and decided that I would give it a go. I have to freaking write something for my second OTP sheeesh.

So yeah, I managed to finish the first part of it. The next chapter should be up soon-ish and it'll be the reason this is rated M. It might take a bit longer since I've got school starting this week and I'll be busy with that but I'll try to get it done quickly. (For real this time. I'm gonna try not to leave this one hanging like some of my other fics that I haven't updated in like… a year…)

I don't see the point in a disclaimer since I'm posting this on Fanfiction and therefore it is a FANFICTION, but yeah, D Gray Man ain't mine.

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There were some things that Allen liked to keep to himself. For example, his past. The time he spent as a travelling clown with Mana— the happiest years of his life, the years that left a nostalgic, twisting pain in his heart. These were things he was used to keeping private, and it had become routine enough that he didn't even have to consciously think about hiding it anymore. He just did. Allen, through all of his years of struggles and pain and suffering, had become the Master of Lies; the King of Deception; the Guru of Fake Smiles. Without batting an eye, he was able to keep essentially anything that he didn't want others to know hidden behind a fake smile and cheerful mask that concealed his thoughts like a jester's mask hid his face.

Some things, though, Allen couldn't hide. Masking his thoughts came as easily as breathing; but controlling his body's emotions wasn't quite as easy. Granted, he was sixteen— puberty in full swing, hormones raging a storm of sexual need and emotional disaster inside of him. His body did what it wanted, when it wanted, and there was no amount of fake smiling in the world that could hide it. So he couldn't blame himself for this. Really.

It wasn't like it was his fault that he was already horny more than half the time he was awake. He thought that since his life was such a traumatic war zone that maybe his body would just forgo the whole awkwardness of puberty, but since when did fate or whatever like him, anyway? It didn't, ever, really— and that was just proven by the whole fact that Allen had a terrible sexual kink for long, shiny hair, and that Kanda had chosen today of all days to leave his hair down. It couldn't have been yesterday, when Allen had only seen him for a brief five minutes in the cafeteria; nope, it had to be today, when he was sitting barely two feet away from Allen, skin gleaming with a faint sheen of sweat, face pinched irritably at having been pulled away from his katana training for a mission debriefing, cheek resting boredly on his slender hand. Allen tried not to stare. Really. And anyway, who the fuck trained with their hair down like that? Didn't Kanda realize how impractical that was?

Bastard, Allen thought bitterly. He's doing this on purpose. Except for he wasn't, because Kanda probably could not care less about Allen's blatant desire and carnal need to just— Allen. Stop. Thinking.

Allen felt a little short of breath. The collar of his exorcist jacket felt just a bit too tight. He tried to focus on what Komui was saying— really, he did— but he couldn't make his eyes look away from Kanda's perfect hair and Kanda's perfect face and Kanda's perfect body and Kanda's perfect everything. It was so miserably distracting that he couldn't even hear himself think, let alone listen to what Komui was telling them. Even when he tried to keep his eyes glued firmly on the map that Komui was pointing at and tried to absorb information that was probably critical to the mission's success, he could still see Kanda in his peripheral view. Soft-looking black strands fell about Kanda's unimpressed face, slightly tousled from training. It clung to his strong arms and tight black muscle shirt, brushing over the jagged tattoo creeping onto Kanda's left shoulder, contrasting against the creamy whiteness of his skin.

Allen felt hot. His cheeks were burning on their own accord and God, he hoped they weren't as red as they were warm. Crap, he thought, fighting the urge to fan himself with his hand, this isn't fair. Silently, he prayed that Kanda would have the sudden urge to use the tie around his wrist and put his hair up.

He didn't.

Allen kept a poker face, but released a wretched groan inside his head. If Kanda could read his mind… well, he was just really glad Kanda couldn't read his mind. He shut his eyes for a moment. He had to calm down. He needed to make his heart stop thundering so hard against his chest; he needed to make the blood that was rushing south to the center of his body stop and direct it back to his brain. It simply couldn't be at two heads at once and one needed it way more than the other in order to pay attention to this debriefing before it was over. He needed to hear this information. If he didn't, he'd have an angry Kanda on his back for the next five days, griping about how he should have been listening to Komui and that he was messing up the mission, and Allen wouldn't be able to do anything but weep because Kanda would be right.

His body refused to listen. His hormones refused to let him sit there and feel calm. Instead, they formed little tiny, nagging voices in Allen's starving brain, and snickered, "Heck no, Allen, instead of doing what you need to, you're going to sit here and get hot and bothered because Kanda Yuu, in all of his bastardly gloriousness, is fucking hot."

An involuntary shudder rippled up his spine. His fingers twitched. He just wanted to touch Kanda— and more specifically, his hair. He just wanted to run his fingers through it, to see if it was as soft as he imagined it was. It probably wasn't, since Allen's mind tended to glorify and make everything ten times godlier than it really was when it came to Kanda, but still. It was beautiful just the same. He remembered the times when they were on missions together and had had to use the same shower rooms, how Kanda would take his hair out of its ponytail and run his callused fingers through it, tugging out the kits, wetting it down until it was a wavy, tangled mess down his pale back, and oops, he probably shouldn't be thinking about Kanda in the shower right now. It wasn't exactly helping his situation. His pants felt tight around the crotch, so he hastily crossed his legs to hide it, forcing a smile on his face when Komui glanced at him in concern.

After a moment of staring, Komui went on debriefing the mission, and Allen went on trying to ignore Kanda and his stupid hair. Kanda shifted then, and the hair that had been resting on his shoulder slid down his muscled arm and stopped, caught in the crook of his elbow. Allen's breath caught and he snapped his eyes away, heart pounding and a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. Oh god oh god oh god oh fuck. Oh fuck, why did Kanda have to choose now to not wear a freaking ponytail? At least when his hair was up, Allen could stay calm and normal, maybe with a slight flush on his cheeks, but nothing close to this hot mess he was turning into now.

Kanda turned his head slightly to give Allen a narrow eyed, annoyed look, and that was it; his bangs falling messily about his cold, handsome face, strays getting caught on his thick black eyelashes, curtains of ink-colored hair falling across the shirt that did nothing to hide the delicious body underneath— Allen couldn't take it anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut until it hurt and he could see fireworks and bit his cheeks in a desperate attempt to distract himself with pain. Maybe he could do it. Maybe he could ignore the pressure between his legs for just a few more minutes and not lose his mind in the process.

With a 'tch', Kanda turned his head again and muttered something about stupid brain-dead bean sprouts being fucking weird. His hair piled on one shoulder, teetering there before slowly falling and brushing softly along the curve of his deltoid.

Allen whimpered.

Komui stopped talking, eyebrows furrowing in concern as he glanced over at Allen, who was slouched down and all but curled into a ball in the corner of the couch. Kanda was glaring at him again, though his gaze was openly tinted with curiosity now. Allen wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him and never let him be seen again, so he could just escape this torture already. Because— fuck this was so embarrassing.

"Is there something wrong?" Komui asked, sounding genuinely worried. "You don't look too good. Have you eaten lately?"

Allen heard Kanda give a derisive snort at that, and nodded feebly. He had had more than enough at lunch— over twenty dishes and at least four of them mitarashi dango. He could remember a few hours ago when Kanda was scowling at him from across the table, muttering about his lack of etiquette, brushing his bangs out of his face, and—oh fuck Allen didn't want to be thinking about his fucking hair right now.

"I'm fine," he managed, forcing a smile. "I'm just a bit tired, is all." Usually, a lie like this would work, but Komui didn't seem too convinced.

"Are you sure? This is just an information gathering mission. I can always send someone else."

Kanda seemed very displeased about this. "Why? I can go alone."

Komui pursed his lips. "I don't like that, you see. Kanda, I realize that you are an exceptional exorcist, but there is always a chance that you will run into akuma, and a chance you won't be able to handle them alone." Kanda frowned and was about to complain, but Komui pressed on firmly. "I'd send you alone if I was certain there were no or minimal akuma in the area, or with someone else, but unfortunately Marie is gone and no one else who is here can leave or makes a practical team with you, fighting wise and personality wise."

"Right, and the bean sprout does?"

"It's Allen," Allen said automatically, not even mad, just for something to say so that he didn't feel so awkward. It didn't work all that well because Kanda just rolled his eyes at him.

"Yes," Komui said before they could begin bickering. "You and Allen make an excellent team, because your abilities balance each other out and both of you have a quality for the other's flaw. Despite your… disagreements, I'd say you two are one of the best teams we've got." He clapped his hands together. "Alright, so will you two accept the mission?"

Kanda said nothing, looking pissed off, and so Allen swallowed the awkwardness in his throat and said, "Of course. Right, Kanda?"

"Whatever."

"Great." Allen nodded at this as though it were a decent response and not a sassy Kanda one. "So when do we leave?" Please not right away oh my god I need time to calm down and take a fifty hour long cold shower, oh god—

"You'll be departing at seven tonight, which means you have four hours to prepare." Komui scrambled about the many papers in his desk and then found a document folder, which he handed to Allen. "You'll find the rest of what you need to know in here. I suggest looking it over on the train ride there."

"Fine," Kanda said curtly. "Can we go?"

"Yes, you're dismissed~"

Allen really wanted to get out of there first, so he didn't have to walk behind Kanda and watch his hair swing of so deliciously between his shoulder blades and brush against the firm butt that Allen totally never checked out, ever. He stood up at fast as he could without looking guilty, though if Kanda's strange look meant anything, he failed, and miserably. He played it off as hunger and forced a smile.

"I'm starving! Are you gonna get anything to eat before we leave?"

Kanda shrugged. "Maybe."

Allen nodded, trying to ignore the fact that Kanda wasn't brushing past him and walking off or drifting somewhere behind him like usual, but was instead walking next to him as they went up the stairs. Really, normally Allen would be happy about this, but right now, when he was in the midst of a sexually frustrated nervous breakdown— well, it wasn't the best situation for him. They walked in silence (which was weird, too) until they reached the sleeping quarters. Allen expected Kanda to turn left and go the way back to the training grounds, but instead, he just stopped walking and gave Allen a hard look.

"What the fuck is your problem today?"

For a moment Allen was too enthralled to say anything. Kanda really looked beautiful, standing there in all his godly anger with his dark gray eyes narrowed to slits and dark hair falling like curtains around his shoulders. His mouth dry, he tried to think of an answer. God, he hated this. He wished he could go back to hating Kanda and being blind to how fucking attractive he was.

He was suddenly torn out of his daze as Kanda shoved him against the wall and growled, "Bean sprout. What. The. Fuck?"

Allen responded as his instincts told him to. "I'm not a bean sprout! My name is Allen, damn it!" he shouted, pushing Kanda back.

"Fine, Allen." Kanda punched the wall next to Allen's head and leaned closer again, not missing when Allen gulped and flicked his eyes away from his face. "You've been staring at me all day and you all but fainted like a bitch in Komui's office. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kanda was so close that Allen could reach his hand out a bit and run his fingers through his hair, if he wanted, and God did he ever want to. However, he also wanted to live, so he refrained. In his mind, he slowly counted up to ten, and then said, "You're imagining things, Kanda. I don't know why anyone would stare at you." Then he smirked and added, "And really, if you were looking at me often enough to accuse me of staring at you all the time, then I would like to ask why you were looking at me."

"It's hard not to when you can feel eyes burning into the side of your fucking head."

"Yeah, well, maybe that's why I was staring at you, because I could feel you staring at me." Allen was bluffing, really, but he was going to roll with it because Kanda was getting pissed and distracted from his original question. Allen praised himself. He really was a genius sometimes. He was pretty nervous that Kanda was standing so close and his rather perverted hormonal body was getting all sorts of ideas, so to distract himself, he said, "Got nothing to say?"

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Allen tried to repress a shudder at the sound of Kanda's voice so deliciously low right next to his ear. God, could this situation get any more awkward? "Hey," he muttered, "it was your idea."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yeah it was."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes. It was, Kanda."

Kanda was most likely about to punch him in the face, but a nervous titter to his left distracted him. Allen followed his gaze and saw a red-faced Miranda gaping at them, hands covering her mouth as she trembled so much her dark brown curls bounced.

"O-oh—Allen, K-Kanda—am I… am I interrupting something?" she stuttered, face turning an even darker red.

"What?" Allen asked blankly.

"I-I mean— I'm so sorry!" She hid her face in her hands. "Oh, I won't tell anyone, please don't hurt me!" That last comment was directed mostly Kanda's way. For a moment, Kanda looked as confused as Allen felt, and then something seemed to click. Flushing angrily, he shoved away from Allen and said something under his breath that Allen didn't quite catch but suspected was quite offensive to his person. He gaped between Kanda and Miranda for a moment.

Then it fell together for him too. The way Kanda had been looming over him, pinning him against the wall, and the heated gaze of anger they'd likely been sharing could have been interpreted as like, Allen didn't know, passion or something. Not to mention the fact that Allen had been blushing the whole time because Kanda smelled really nice and his body felt warm and his hair was so beautiful. Oh God, Miranda thought she had interrupted some sort of rendezvous. He turned bright red and stuttered, "Oh—Oh god! No! Miranda—we were fighting—"

"No! No!" She waved her hands and babbled, "You don't have to pretend, it's okay, I don't mind homosexual relationships, I mean, I know we're supposed to think they're sinful, but I don't care, and I won't tell anyone, please don't hurt me, oh my God I'm so sorry, oh, what a horrible day, I'm such a horrible person I don't even know why I exist—Please, don't kill me, Kanda, and don't hate me, Allen, I'm not judging you, really! I won't tell anyone—"

"Miranda!" Allen shouted, his face growing steadily darker with every word. "Stop! Stop apologizing! There is nothing between Kanda and I! Nothing! We were arguing. You know, like we always do?"

"B-but—Lavi said—" Her eyes widened then, and she slapped her hands to her mouth. "Oh no."

Suddenly, a dark aura appeared around Kanda, and he turned onto her with a murderous look. "Lavi said what?"

"Nothing! Nothing!"

"What did he say?" Allen demanded. "I'll kill him!"

"Not if I get to him first!"

"Shut up, Kanda, he's mine!"

"I knew him first!"

"I don't fucking care!"

"Guys?"

They ceased bickering at Miranda's timid voice. She swallowed and started to back up. "All Lavi said was that you two were— were attracted to each other, and that—th-that… Don't kill me!" She wailed again.

"The only person who's going to die is Lavi," Allen reassured her. "What did he say?"

Miranda's eyes were huge and teary. "That… you guys didn't know how to deal with your attraction to one another, so you… um, took out your sexual frustrations on each other. By fighting all the time."

"…Sexual frustrations," Kanda said flatly.

"Yes. That."

It was silent a long, long time, and Allen thought idly that perhaps a tumbleweed should bounce by and add to the incredibly awkward and tense atmosphere. Then Miranda wailed and took off running in the opposite direction, crying apologies and begging for forgiveness, leaving a shocked Allen with an equally stunned looking Kanda. They both stood there like morons for another minute, and then Allen weakly said, "Oh my God."

Kanda made a huffing sound. "Well, that explains a lot."

"What the hell does that mean?" Allen blurted, facing Kanda with a red face and wide eyes. Kanda just looked away, and Allen all but screeched like a banshee. "Don't fucking look away, you asshole! What do you mean, that explains a lot!"

"You should go get ready," Kanda said dismissively, turning around. "We just wasted half an hour, and you have yet to eat out Jerry's food supply and I still have to finish training and shower." Then he walked away, leaving Allen gaping after him in utter shock and trembling in anger.

"Kanda!" he yelled. "Tell me what you meant!"

"Shut the fuck up, beansprout. God, you're annoying."

"Oh, awesome. I just fucking love your sass. Do you lack the ability to be a decent human being or something?"

"What gave it away?"

"Kanda. Answer the goddamn question or I swear to God I'll rip that pretty hair out and sell it to someone who has the personality to match it."

Kanda just snorted at that, throwing a narrow-eyed look back at Allen who was nearly frothing at the mouth in irritation. "Judging from how pissed off you are, I think you know exactly what I meant, bean sprout."

This made Allen shut up, eyes practically bulging out of his head as Kanda swiftly rounded the corner, hair trailing behind him and then disappearing too. Allen couldn't bring himself to move for a long moment, completely stunned. Had Kanda… was he… was he saying that Lavi was right? No way. That would be admitting that they were sexually attracted to each other, and while Allen knew he felt that way… He never thought Kanda would feel the same. Ever.

He thought he might pass out.

There is no way.

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KissMeDeadlyT-T: I just idk I love Kanda when he's being a bitch

Thanks for reading, if you got this far, and I'd appreciate some reviews if you're in the mood to leave one. *dorky grin and thumbs up*