Title: Three

Author: Skadoo

Series: Star Trek: Voyager

Rating: T for some implied action which takes place just before this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em folks but sometimes it's fun to play around with 'em. Don't shoot me or sue me please.

Summary: Kathryn hasn't been following protocol lately and consequences ensure. It's a bit cracky. This is my attempt at a farce. A farce is a comedy that aims at entertaining the audience through situations that are highly exaggerated, extravagant, and thus improbable. Farce is also characterized by physical humor, the use of deliberate absurdity or nonsense.

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Author's Notes: Thank you to Mrs. Singing Violin for her duties as Beta. So, if you find mistakes they're entirely my fault. I never thought I'd write something like this that would be so disrespectful to our illustrious KJ but it's all in fun and obviously very AU. For the purposes of a humorous story I took some creative license, see second Author's Note at the end of the story.

She sat perched on the biobed in Sickbay, dreading what the EMH might confirm. Her stomach was twisted in knots, her body stiff with anxiety.

"You're correct, Captain. You are three weeks pregnant."

She felt waves of shame coursing through her. I think I'm going to be sick again and this time all over his shoes. She swallowed hard and mumbled, "I… ah, have no idea who the father is."

The EMH looked at her knowingly, "Surely you must have some inkling. How many could there have been?"

She cringed, slumping her shoulders and lowered her face into her hands, unwilling to answer his question just yet.

"I can help you determine who the…er… lucky fellow might be with just a few detailed scans with this obstetrical tricorder."

Well, there was Kashyk. Did I ever underestimate him! I didn't think I'd have to pay off on my gamble. Wrong! Ugh, and he was everything I feared he'd be. Selfish jerk thought he was God's gift to gaharay. And then Tuvok. Who'd have thought he'd pick then to go through his Pon Farr. Well, after acts worse than death with Kashyk, it wasn't that hard to agree to help Tuvok. It was almost worth it considering the wonderful makeup sex with Chakotay afterwards. But which one is the father of my baby?

He turned to face the console as he began to transfer the data. "Fascinating!" She dropped her hands and peered at the doctor through slits. "I'm sure I'll be able to write a paper for the Starfleet Medical journal! Something similar happened a few hundred years ago but this is unprecedented. Your children don't have one father but…"

She blurted. "There's more than one?"

"Three!" He stated proudly.

She was reduced to repeating what he said like some kind of parrot. "Three?"

"Yes, and each one has a different father." The loud thud as she fainted and fell off the biobed attracted his attention. "Captain? Captain, are you all right?"

Author's Note #2: Heteropaternal superfecundation occurs when two different men father fraternal twins.