A Man Without A Hearth

Ch. 8

Beginnings of pain

There is a feeling one can achieve, a sensation; an impending doom that will loom over you in your last seconds or succumbing to the clarity of calmness. Some few know this feeling well, similar to floating in space and few more know of the sensation all to well. Compare it to the moment, the split-second, before falling.

It is a feeling that can't be contained though, it is rather a feeling, a sensation, an emotion that will leave you forever after that moment, but to feel it perpetually as the darkness surrounds you, it could be compared with death or heaven. Both suit it justly.

Perseus Jackson could feel it in this moment. He couldn't remember much of what happened before this or anything else for that matter. He wasn't sure of much right now but he could tell that he was feeling more at peace than he ever had in his life.

He couldn't see anything as he turned his head from side to side; it was a uniform darkness that was unnatural and hauntingly beautiful.

There was nothing to hear either, a silence held only by the moment before the inevitable but now in an instant of ongoing.

He smelt nothing either, not himself or the area around him.

And he could feel nothing but the sense of flowing along.

In his mind he could see a river and he was riding along it like a leaf. How good it felt to be that leaf, not worrying about anything or needing to feel but only to ride along as the nature of the river pulled it along and forward.

"Why..?" a voice said, at first Percy didn't hear it but when he did it took several moments to recognize it, it was him. He asked a question but he didn't know the answer, he didn't even know the question.

"Why does it hurt?" But I don't feel anything.

"What should I do?" I don't know.

"Should I die?" Why would I?

"Can I please be happy again?" I feel fine now.

"Kill Me." It wasn't a question and it scared Percy, why was he talking to himself? Why was his voice saying these things? Was there something else, something he didn't know?

A ripple tore through the darkness bring with it images that caused Percy to flinch back.

It was himself; fires of all different colors were burning him. Knives of all sizes cut his skin; claws and teeth ripped through him and his lungs were filled with water and blood. He would have died many times over if he hadn't been cursed by Kronos, or was it the pit itself, Tartarus could have made him immortal in it's lands so that the despair and anguish never died.

But more images were mixed in, people of all sizes, boys and girls. Some wore purple, they smiled with each other and cheered together, others were in orange they laughed in circles, they cried together in embraces and they hugged him. Then there were dead people, lying in pools of blood but all their faces were easily seen.

He saw everything that happened to him in his life in these images, all that would ever have affected him and he could feel the tears run down his cheeks, this wasn't something he wanted to see, no one would want to relive their life like this, witnessing all the failure and mistakes with no way to fix them and to feel again the tragedy that his life was.

But one image stopped in front of his it was a scene of almost meaningless life compared to what he had just witnessed but for whatever reason it was being lifted to his eyes. It was a picture of a boy just turned 16 sitting on a marble bench with a fire burning behind him.

With a sudden rush Percy was sucked into the image before it all went black again.

He felt the warm marble beneath him, the fire on his back. He could smell the burning wood and hear it crackling. There was a tingling in his back opposite his belly button where the heat reached.

And he felt some emotions come through him; exhaustion, relief, sadness, anger and completion. It was the end of a war, a war that ended with the death of many. It seemed wrong to be happy in any way but it also felt impossible to not feel comfort in knowing that you get to live another day.

There were small steps coming up beside him and Percy lifted his head to see a smaller kid, she looked almost cute, with a small smile on, although it was one of understanding. She wore a simple brown dress and Greek sandals and covering her head was a scarf wrapped around it. Her eyes were smoldering flames, docile and warm, and the hair that showed was a mousy brown.

"You should be proud, if not for yourself than for everyone else." She spoke softly as she took a seat next to him.

"I'm sorry Lady Hestia but war is not a thing to be proud about." Percy responded.

"It isn't but protecting who and what you love is. Holding on to hope and conquering fear too. Everyone in the party now is feeling proud of themselves and many feel proud for all those that didn't make it because it was them that made it possible for them to celebrate." The goddess of the Hearth explained.

Percy didn't want to talk about this but his ADHD prevented him from sitting silently, "Why are you out here with me, you should be inside with the others."

Hestia frowned, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Percy had fear run through him, "No, no, not at all Lady Hestia."

"Good," She donned a sweet smile, "I always like the flames though, and fire shouldn't be close to as much alcohol as is in there."

"Oh," Percy responded. His feet started to tap slightly at his restlessness. "Thank you."

"What for?" Hestia asked inquiringly.

"For saving me in this war, if not for you I would have died, either by giving up or by Kronos cutting me open. So if it wasn't for you I would have died several times." He answered.

"That is what family is for Perseus." Hestia smiled up at him; her eight-year-old stature dwarfed by his sixteen year old height.

"I guess, it is just hard to see a family out of everyone here, they are so different." Percy said glancing back at the partying deities and their offspring, "Many of them want to, tried to, or threatened to kill me. And then there is the fact that I didn't even know about them for most of my life. But then again I have always only seen my mom as family."

"Well families fight Perseus, there is no avoiding that, but family always sticks together. That is what I like about you, you have a strong sense of family even when you don't realize it." Hestia looked at him with her genuine smile.

"Will it ever be peaceful for us?" Percy asked her.

Hestia stuck out her lip in deep thought; "Well… there is always peace in the world. Not everyone can find it and there is no given way to, but you will find it in your life, I know it." Looking at Hestia now, it made Percy realize even more how she wasn't the little girl she looked like and rather the intelligent and powerful goddess she was.

"I only want you to remember to look for it Perseus, always remember to look for peace."

It was then that Percy was nearly pounced on by Annabeth, who was all excited about the new plans for Olympus and it wasn't until after five full minutes about explaining the columns of the grand entrance that she remembered that she was supposed to be taking Percy to her mother. Being pulled away by his obviously hyper blond friend Percy was only able to call out a goodbye to Hestia who just smiled and waved at him.

The party continued for hours to come, Percy being dragged into dancing by an over-zealous Apollo, who literally threw him into a group of the nymphs that live on Olympus, all of them wanting their own dance. Eventually he was rescued by a red faced Annabeth who had just come over from a table with Thalia and some of the hunters. The hunters looked shocked, appalled, and angry about something Thalia had said moments ago and Thalia was laughing up a storm.

Percy spent hours with each of his friends, his father introduced him to a plethora of immortals and several of them were very attractive female immortals but Percy just lost himself in the shuffle, eventually being able to escape from it all, excusing himself for a beverage break. But on his way to the refreshments, where Dionysus was loitering, he caught sight of the brazier that he was able to sit at nearer to the beginning of the celebrations, and surprisingly there was a familiar figure sitting there.

Making his way out to the fire-pit Percy spoke, "It looks like someone is avoiding the party, Lady Hestia."

"Like I said Perseus, fire and alcohol do not mix." She played with a smile. "And over there is where all the alcohol is." She indicated to the tables lined around, where Dionysus was still standing, that were slightly blocking the entrance to the grand hall that led in from the garden they were in.

"Oh, well." Percy said, scratching the back of his head. "At least you can still hear the music out here, I always loved this kind of music." He had a small smile on his face.

"Really? What do you hear Perseus?" Hestia asked as the hero sat down next to her.

"Wha… You mean right now, well I can't remember the guy's name right now, but this is the song my mom always hummed when it was just the two of us sitting by the fire at the beach." Percy said, "Yeah cause here is the melody…" And Percy started to hum along with the song that he heard.

"Oh, that is a pleasant song, but Perseus, this music that you hear is only heard by you. This is the music of the Muses, it shall change itself for everyone who hears it." Hestia explained. "But it is very kind of you to have the music you hear when with me being something so sentimental."

Percy blushed slightly at the fact that he did not know that, although he probably should have known seeing as Thalia had been smiling all night and he hadn't heard any GreenDay but she must have.

"I guess that makes sense," Percy said, "What do you hear Lady Hestia?"

"Oh, just this and that. Mostly soft melodies and a smooth chorus by artists that you probably wouldn't like." Hestia replied.

"Oh..." Percy looked at his now swaying again feet before his mind drifted back to why he had left the party, looking back over to the drink table and the cooler filled with different beverages. And without much more than a twitch in his gut a bottle of water slowly rose out of the ice and then flew into his outstretched hand.

This action caught Hestia's eye, and before Percy could even take the first drink from the bottle a soft sound from beside him directed his gaze to the large and asking eyes of the goddess next to him. And the child-like pleading in them made Percy hand her the water before repeating the action again to retrieve his own.

"Thank you Perseus!" and with no further warning Hestia leaned up and placed a small kiss on his cheek raising a blush on his cheeks.

"Lady Hestia, you should call me Percy. We are friends right?" Percy said, looking away from the petite goddess.

"Percy…" she said with a smile.

The end of this war was not so peaceful. Percy still sat away from the party, with a neutral face. But those that really looked could see the empty eyes he held and could see the calmness on his body, just as the sea is always calm before a storm. No, Percy did not feel happy after this war, with the deaths and losses they all found.

Hestia approached him again in a timid fashion, expected from the eldest of the Olympians as she looked on to the spot she had sat after the last war at which her favorite hero sat now. Trying to read what Percy was not saying as he sat in what Hestia would now refer to as his spot, Hestia could not even tell if Percy was conscious as he failed to move or react upon her approach. But it was the end of the war celebration and Hestia needed to see what it was that she could soothe for her favorite hero.

No one could actually hear the music from the celebration this evening as the sun set red on this bloody day. Percy knew what happened around though, could hear the soft crying, the tales of battle and the silent mourning. And he even heard Hestia approaching him on his bench, obviously wanting to console him despite his polite denials earlier.

"Wars never bring happiness Percy." She spoke softly, "But you should be relieved from the worry by the peace that is now upon us."

"I don't worry Lady Hestia," Percy reply was even, more so than anyone's should be after what he experienced and Hestia would later wish that she had heard that, "But I can still hold sorrow and regret in my heart."

Hestia sat next to him without further delay, omitting her general search for approval before seating herself. Once she was level with Percy her arm went over his shoulder to comfort him only to see a flinch from Percy as her hand almost made contact.

"I am so sorry Percy." Hestia said, looking with worry at the young boy.

"No, it's fine. Just, I got pretty burnt out there with everything and so I can't touch anything really. It will pass after I get a few healing sessions and some soaks in the ocean." Percy said while Hestia nodded believing him while he lied through his teeth.

"Well, here." Hestia said holding a bottle of water up to him, "This might be able to help with something, or if you are thirsty or something." As she spoke Percy was having difficulties not flinching from or slapping away the water in front of him.

Percy smiled at her before accepting the water with a shaking hand before setting it down next to him, "Thank you but I am fine right now."

Hestia looked at him in worry as she took his shaking as injuries that affected him from the war. "Would you like to have some ambrosia or nectar? You should be able to handle a few more squares and a cup." Hestia was not used to playing the role of nurse but at the moment that was how she felt.

Percy looked at her with the most reassuring smile he could manage, "Now it is you who is worrying too much. I am doing fine and this war is over, time is all I need." Percy stood up putting his back to Hestia, "Now I must go, Apollo asked me to have one of his children check my injuries after an hour of rest. Please don't worry about me Lady Hestia." And with those words Percy walked away from the dejected goddess.

Hestia watched as the hero stepped away and sighed before turning her attention to the miniscule hearth that she needed to tend, not noticing that Percy was not actually heading towards any form of medical attention and was rather heading towards the elevator that lead to the city of Manhattan below.

Percy's mind jumped and wavered as his life seemed to condense itself into three seconds, and all his senses were again taken from him by the darkness. But this darkness was not the one that he was in before, that one was not charged with his past experiences, a pure darkness. No this darkness was absolute and was calling out to him just as it had when he was held prisoner inside Tartarus.

Panic set in now, everything was fresh and raw in his mind. As he let the sorrow and pains enclose on him Percy let out a guttural and primal scream.

All those years on the run and hiding had buried his pain, no matter how prevalent it was the pain he felt those many years was no where near his true pain and sorrow. His suffering had been put down when his hid it and only now was it truly being experienced. His scream continued as his world began to brighten, the pain of screaming was not even noticed in the fog of suffering, and his ears did not realize that no sound was coming out anymore.

The world of black and nothingness gave way for a solid white light blinding him had he been giving any notice to his surroundings. However Percy was not close to becoming conscious of his self nor the environment he was in. Surrounding himself in the ignorance of pain.