Help From Hagrid

Those first conscious moments were almost worse than the transformation itself. They were always filled with feelings of confusion and terror. Where was he? What time was it? What had he done? Even if he woke to find himself safe, aware, and alone, the questions were still the first thing on his mind.

Especially after nights like last night. Without the luxury of Wolfsbane, his transformation had been excruciating. But worse still, he had no guarantee that his chains would hold, that his mind wouldn't snap.

Remus Lupin let out a small sigh at finding himself safely shackled to the walls of his prison. It wasn't the most comfortable place to wake up in, but under the circumstances there was no where else he'd rather be. Since his wand was locked safely away in his flat's other room, he performed a bit of wandless magic to free himself.

He gingerly stretched his sore muscles and wrapped himself in his shredded blanket. Again using wandless magic to unlock the door, Remus stumbled into his small kitchen. He found and put on a shabby set of clothes, and unlatched the drawer that held his wand.

Remus sunk down into his one chair and tried to prepare for his morning Ideally, he'd have a day to recover from the full moon, but here and now that wasn't an option. He was about to put on the kettle for tea, when there was a loud pounding at his door.

Easing to his feet and tucking his wand carefully into his pocket, Remus made for the door. It was rare that he had visitors down here in the slums of Knockturn Alley. And most of those who knew his location would also be just recovering from last night's moon.

He slowly opened the door, peering out into the early morning darkness. His door was filled with the shadow of a great man, a giant really, who gave another half hearted thump against the side of Remus' house. "Mornin'!" he thundered, though Remus suspected it was meant to be a whisper.

"Come on in, Hagrid," Remus offered, hoping to get the half giant out of sight. In this neighborhood he couldn't be too careful who he was seen with. Hagrid ducked to enter the tiny flat. Remus gestured to his chair. "Would you like some tea?"

Hagrid shook his enormous head, his shaggy beard reminding Remus of a wet dog. "Sit down, Remus. It's you who outta be restin' after last night. I'll make the tea meself." Grateful for the opportunity, he lowered himself into the chair as Hagrid set about fixing tea.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Remus queried. He had few visitors, and fewer still were old friends. Not that he didn't appreciate the company, but these last few weeks of isolation had given him a certain peace. Remus was secretly grateful his caller was Hagrid and not another member of the Order.

Again, Hagrid shook his massive head. "Nah," he drawled. He scrounged through the mostly bare cupboards for the two cups Remus owned. "I jus' though' after that moon, yeh could do with a little lookin' after. We haven' seen much o' yeh lately. Jus' wanted teh check in."

Remus ran a hand over his tired eyes. This much was certainly true. He'd not been to many Order meetings of late. Timing was everything, and timing had been bad. His current mission kept him too busy for anything else. Not that it was a bad thing. Focusing all his energy on staying alive had been fairly successful in diverting his attention from more complicated issues.

"Thank you, Hagrid. It has gotten a bit lonely on this side of the world." Again, not that he was complaining. He'd been lonely for much of his life, and changing that wasn't worth the risk.

Hagrid, with two gigantic fingers stuffed into an oven mitt, poured the steaming tea into the cups. "Yeh, I can imagine tha'. I figure mos' folks down in Knockturn are lonelier than they le' on." He scooped the teacups into his huge hand and crossed the small room in half a stride. "So how is yer mission goin'?"

The werewolf gave a faint shrug, taking the steaming cup. "Hard to say, really. Most of my audience has heard this message before."

"Tha's right. You went recruiting las' time, didn' yeh?"

Remus nodded, remembering just what that last mission had cost him. What it might cost him this time around. "But it's important we try again," he reasoned. "It's similar to what you've done with the giants. It's only fair that we give new werewolves the choice as well. And who better than I to do it?"

His guest took a long and noisy sip from the tiny cup, draining it in one draught. "Tha' is true, I s'pose. And I'd trust Dumbledore's reasons for sending yeh."

Still trying to convince the louder portion of his brain, Remus continued. "And the Order has grown since last time. Kingsley wasn't part of it before, and neither were the Weasleys."

Hagrid nodded excitedly. "Righ', and Tonks as well. She only joined up this time 'round."

Remus felt his facial features snap shut. Not even here, alone and miserable could he escape mention of her. "Right," he agreed shortly.

But Hagrid wasn't as oblivious as Remus had hoped. His beetle black eyes twinkled as he studied his host. Remus occupied himself by wrapping his damaged left arm. "Hope yer no' hidin' out here, Remus," Hagrid said.

Pointedly ignoring the giant's real message, Remus replied, "I hardly think Knockturn Alley is a smart place to hide from Voldemort."

Hagrid recoiled at the mention of that name. "Don't call 'im that," he pleaded. "An' that's no' what I meant." Again Remus ignored him, but to no avail. "I jus' don' want teh think that yer hidin' from her," Hagrid clarified.

"That's ridiculous," he argued. "What reason would I have to hide from Tonks?"

Hogwarts' gamekeeper plowed ahead through Remus' question as he poured them both another cup of tea. "I recognize love when I see it, Lupin. Yeh outta too, after knowin' Lily an' James."

Remus was beginning to think this visit wasn't quite the respite it should have been.

"All I'm sayin'," Hagrid defended, "is tha' you leavin' hasn't made her forget anythin'."

Glancing up from his bandaged arm, Remus gave his old friend an imploring look. "Can't you understand why she's better off without me?"

Hagrid shook his head sadly, his pupil not understanding his lesson at all. "Can' yeh understand tha' she doesn' want teh be without yeh?"

Downing his tea again, Hagrid placed his cup in the sink and patted his trench coat. "Anythin' I can do for yeh?"

Remus shook his head and stood to see his guest out. "Thank you for coming by, Hagrid. It's nice to know I'm not forgotten."

The beetle eyes twinkled again as their owner smiled down at him. "Yer not forgotten, Remus." The half giant thumped him once on the shoulder, a blow that almost doubled the injured werewolf, and stepped out into the dreary and forbidding alleyway.

After he'd watched Hagrid walk away, Remus closed the door, sunk into his chair, and tried his best to go back to forgetting her, knowing all the while that it wasn't possible.