A/N: It appears my silly bone is up and running again. So there you go, number 5 on the list. We all know Shepard can't dance. ;-)
They were still docked at Omega after having disposed of Morinth in the Ardat Yakshi's apartment. Samara's mind was put to rest for at least a little while and Shepard had given everybody a day's shore leave to replenish supplies and energy or buy some of the questionable goods Omega offered. Since they would depart in the morning, and everyone had to be back on the ship at 0600 hours max, the crew had the whole evening to themselves. Shepard was just about to call a poker tournament when EDI announced a visitor to her quarters.
"Shepard," came a semi-disdainful voice.
It was Jack.
"Jackie! How nice of you to stop by my little condominium!" Jodi teased. She grinned widely in appreciation of her own humor.
Jack hated that nickname. Jackie. Ugh. She scowled.
"You're going to call a poker tournament, aren't you?"
The Commander's left eyebrow shot up quizzically. "Yes, why?"
"Because you always do when there's shore leave. Fuck, Shepard, you're so fucking predictable. It's unbelievable that you've survived for so long." Jack snorted.
"Well…technically, I didn't." Shepard said with an impish smile on her face.
"Always the joker, aren't you." It was not so much a question but more of a statement. Jack's attempt at making it sound scornful had only half succeeded. They both knew they actually did like each other, though Jack wasn't going to admit that just yet.
"So what do you want, Tattoos?"
Now that was a better nickname. Jack gave a small smile. Shepard immediately knew the biotic was up to no good.
"You're going to take me out dancing."
Shepard's eyes went wide. Dancing was definitely not one of her favorite pastimes. Mostly because she simply couldn't dance. She could hear the beat, definitely, but when she tried to make her body move in line with it, she failed miserably. No, miserably didn't even come close to adequately describe the horror of seeing Shepard dance. It was more like, anyone who would see her dance for too long was sure to get a lethal dosage of awfulness and die of PTSD. It was that bad.
"You're joking."
Jack snorted. "Nope."
"You know I can't dance, right?"
Jack crossed her arms over her chest and eyed the Commander up and down. "As if I care. I just want to have fun. You're going to help me have fun. After all, you don't want an unstable ex-convict on your ship, now do you?" She flashed Shepard a devilish grin.
"No, but… I thought I could spend some time with Miranda too tonight…" Shepard pouted.
"Oh, fuck you. You're not physically attached to that bitch, are you? Not joined to her?" She walked over to Shepard and dramatically felt her up as if looking for the place where she could be attached to the Cerberus operative. Shepard frowned and shook her head. Jack stepped back. "No?! Then man the fuck up and come dancing with me," she sneered.
"Where are we going?"
Jack laughed contemptuously. "To Afterlife of course, you doofus."
The Commander rolled her eyes. "Love you too, Jackie."
Jack turned around and waved her hand dismissively. "Whatever. See you there at midnight."
Maybe she shouldn't let Jack talk to her like that. Maybe Miranda was right after all. Not that Jodi would ever admit that to her, of course. And she knew that, somewhere deep inside, this was Jack's way of showing her she liked her. Kind of a fucked up way, but a way nonetheless. She sighed and started digging through the drawer under her bed for her civvies.
Afterlife was busy as usual. Customers of all races were dancing, drinking, laughing, sometimes brawling. Beautiful, lithe asari were swaying their hips on tables or laps, and the guards on duty made sure that no overexcited customer touched the 'goods'. The music was loud, making conversation nearly impossible. Afterlife was not a club designed to have serious conversations in, anyway. It was rowdy and raw, and therefore one of Jack's all-time favorites. She also liked the aggressively flashing red lights everywhere. Made her feel alive.
Shepard wound through the thick crowd until she found Jack sitting on a high stool by one of the bars, drinking from an immense pitcher filled with batarian ale. She tapped Jack on her left shoulder and then quickly sat down at Jack's right, snickering in anticipation. Jack fell for her little ruse and snarled.
"Aww come on, humor me!" Shepard shouted in an attempt to make herself heard over the deafening music.
Jack turned her snarl into a toothy grin, looking more like a rabid dog than an amused human being. It was enough for Shepard. For now. Jack ordered another huge pitcher of batarian ale and shoved it under Shepard's nose. Both women drank in silence for a while.
"Ready to dance?" Jack asked when she had downed the last drop.
"Not really, but I guess I don't have much of a choice in the matter." Shepard's voice was wary. She still didn't much like the idea of having to dance amidst all the graceful asari. With her luck she'd probably topple over and knock one of them straight off a table. Somehow she didn't think Aria T'Loak would appreciate that. Though the idea of a pissed off Aria did seem somewhat amusing...
Jack pulled Shepard off her stool and dragged her onto the dancefloor. She started to dance, while the Commander was still looking around nervously. Though Jack fought like a rabid animal, only barely listening to Shepard's commands, her moves were supple and controlled. That is not to say that they were orthodox. She had no more reservations on the dancefloor than she had on the battlefield, but it was obvious that she knew what she was doing. Jodi gazed at her in amazement. With moves like that she could imagine wanting to dance. Jack's tattoos rippled and changed shape as the biotic danced exotically, providing an enticing view for many. She caught some sideways glances from both men and women. Most of them stared openly.
"Come on, Ginger. Dance!" Jack called out to her as she ground her ass into an unsuspecting man. He didn't mind it so much.
Jodi frowned at the nickname but did start to dance. Well, 'move' was probably a more accurate description. She brought her arms up to a 90-degree angle and clumsily started shaking them while stepping from the left to the right and back. She looked more like a waddling penguin on steroids than a dancing woman and it didn't take long before Jack burst out in loud laughter.
"Holy crap, Shepard! You can't be fucking serious!"
The Commander glared at her but did try to change her moves. She was now attempting to sway her arms up and down one by one while still doing the same steps as before.
The crowd dispersed a little around her after she accidentally hit a couple of people.
"Are you trying to fly away, Shepard? You won't need the Normandy much longer if you continue like this!" Jack sneered.
"I told you I can't dance!" Shepard shouted. She shot some of the people she hit an apologetic look and put her arms back down against her sides. Only her feet were moving now and it made her look like a stiff board swaying slightly with the wind. The sight was truly appalling.
"Just let go, lose control! Do what your body wants you to do!" Jack offered. She took a step back just in case.
Jack would quickly learn that she had just given the Commander the worst advice ever.
Shepard closed her eyes and sighed. Let go. Not easy. Not for a soldier like herself; always used to being in control, in command. Leading others by example. The way she danced wasn't an example she wanted to set for others. Not that she thought other people would want to imitate her moves anyway.
Let go.
Let go.
Let…go.
She let go.
The crowd around her dispersed even further, and with good reason. She was hopping up and down, left to right, arms up in the air, swaying dangerously to all sides. She was all over the place. With her eyes closed she didn't notice how much space she was taking up. Jack gazed at the abominable sight in horror. She hadn't expected Shepard to be that bad. People were watching the display, some laughing, others angry at having been pushed off the dancefloor by a bouncing maniac. Nobody wanted to interrupt The Great Commander Shepard, though. There was no telling what she might do, plus the chance of getting whacked on the head by one of her flailing arms was too high a risk. Jack needed to salvage the situation. Shepard was drawing the wrong kind of attention with her moves, ruining all the fun and almost making Jack regret dragging her out here.
Just as she wanted to move in to try to get the Commander to stop 'dancing', a batarian in Blue Suns armor walked up, wrapped a steel-clad arm around Shepard's waist, and placed the barrel of a gun beside her head. Shepard's eyes shot open in shock when she felt the cool barrel against her temple and she froze. Everybody froze. Jack's biotics sparked as she prepared to unleash a shockwave to force the batarian off his feet. She hated the Blue Suns with a passion.
He snarled a warning at her before turning his attention toward Shepard. "Vido says hi," he commented dryly as he put his finger on the trigger.
Suddenly a hole appeared between his four eyes and he sagged to the floor, dragging the pistol down with him. People gasped in surprise. Screams were heard throughout the club as the crowd started to move toward the exit. Shepard spun and caught the gun. She pointed it at the batarian just in case he wasn't dead yet. He lay motionless on the floor. His four eyes were staring up at her, unblinking.
Shepard looked around in an effort to identify the person who had shot the Blue Suns mercenary. Jack tried to walk in the opposite direction of the crowd, searching for the source of the bullet. Moving through a crowd of fleeing turians, humans, asari, and the occasional salarian, was difficult and she found herself dragged backwards a couple of times. She grit her teeth and elbowed her way through the mass.
Then they saw Aria. She was standing at the top of the stairs, gun in one hand, a drink in the other. She surveyed the crowd's exodus with a scowl. It twisted her facial markings, giving her an oddly scary look. Anto flanked her, ready to open fire on anyone who stepped out of line.
"Aria. I suppose I should thank you for killing that thug?" Shepard asked.
The asari turned her attention toward the Commander. "Shepard. Don't ever dance in my club again. Apparently it's so abhorrent that even Blue Suns are sent in to make it stop. I'll be losing money now that this-" she swept the hand holding the gun over the fleeing crowd dramatically, "is leaving. I hate losing money." Her tone was filled with its usual arrogance. She took a nonchalant sip of her drink without taking her eyes off the Commander. Shepard could swear the asari looked more amused than angry.
Jack burst out in laughter at Aria's Blue Suns comment. The Pirate Queen shot her a stern glare, but that didn't impress Jack. Not a lot did. She continued to laugh, possibly even more loudly than before.
Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "That's funny, Aria. Very funny." Then she grinned. "I warned Jack that I couldn't dance, yet she still brought me here. I guess I couldn't have proved my incompetence any better," she joked.
"If you think I care about your petty stories and your petty crew, think again. Now get out of my club and take that tattooed canvas with you." Aria was somehow managing to stare the both of them down. Anto grinned.
Jack growled. Shepard shot her a look telling her to shut up and let it go. She inclined her head slightly toward the club's exit. The biotic spun on her heels and marched out of Afterlife, upturning some tables in the process. Glasses fell off and shattered when they hit the floor, spilling liquid everywhere. Aria rolled her eyes.
"You've got to leash that pet of yours, Shepard," she remarked icily.
The Commander shrugged. "Why did you stop him from killing me?"
Aria took another slow sip of her drink and swirled the liquid around in her glass before answering. "Because I think you may be of use to me yet."
Shepard met up with Jack just outside Afterlife. The tattooed woman was sitting on a bench wearing an amused smile.
"What made you all Miss Sunshine after stomping out of the club like that?" Shepard scoffed.
Jack let out a laugh. She punched the Commander in the shoulder. "Because I actually had a pretty fucking good time tonight. That batarian made my damn day. We should go dancing more often!" She got up and walked away.
Shepard gaped at the retreating woman. Great. Just great.