Author's Note: If you're reading this, then you have internet access, which means you know the new Star Wars trailer came out the other week. As I sat in front of a television—for the first time in literally years—watching it, I had an epiphany: when you're Star Wars, you can wait thirty years to make a sequel and know your audience will still be there for you. I was not Star Wars, and I should really get a new chapter out already. Here's the first chapter of arc three. Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

Disclaimer: Medaka Box is the property of Nisio Isin and Akira Akatsuki. The author is making no profit by this work.

World As Myth

Arc Three - Monomyth

Chapter Seventeen: Welcome To Suisou Academy

Suisou Academy was a clean, modern building decorated with white and blue. Though the campus lacked the awe of Hakoniwa's sprawling size, the buildings had been arranged with all due care and consideration, sported the highest quality equipment and the latest technology, and while the effect was understated, even a brief tour would make it clear that this was indeed Japan's foremost prestigious school.

Two young men stood before the doors of the main building. For one of them, his primary concern regarding Susiou Academy had nothing to do with its facilities.

"Green," Zenkichi moaned, tugging at the right sleeve of his new uniform, the material stiff. He and Kumagawa were both wearing dark green jackets with matching pants, the only decoration the jacket's white collar and five yellow buttons. "Why did it have to be green? Why couldn't it have been white? I look better in white. I applied to Hakoniwa because the uniform was white!"

「That's a terrible reason to apply to a school, Zenkichi-chan! Besides, I kind of like this look. Reminds me of Hakobune.」

"The Hakobune uniforms are black."

「The designs are similar! I bet if you dyed this outfit black, the casual observer wouldn't be able to tell the difference.」

Zenkichi grunted in the age-old way of conceding a point without having to actually concede a point. "Why are you in such a good mood?"

「Why wouldn't I be, Zenkichi-chan? We're starting a brand new chapter of our lives. This is the perfect opportunity to reinvent ourselves.」

"First of all, everyone is going to know we're only here because we got kicked out of our old school. We've already been reinvented as delinquents. Second…" Zenkichi trailed off.

「What?」

"Well…"

「What?」

"Well, when we left…"

-ooo-

There are people who can cry with grace. Their eyes will shine, their tears will draw parallel lines down their cheeks, and they will vent their emotions with either stoic dignity or attractive vulnerability.

Misogi Kumagawa was not one of those people.

「Bwuh, bwuh, bwuh wah wif why rever eh ooh aben, an aku an?」 Kumagawa sobbed into Aso's stomach.

"But, but, but what if I never see you again, Tanzaku-chan?" Zenkichi translated.

Aso patted her captain's head and tried not to grimace at the wet feeling spreading through her shirt. "Captain, of course we'll see each other again. You have my email address and my cell phone number. And my mother's email address and cell phone number. For some reason."

「Bwuh unt eh ember og bwoar are ubb umoar!」

"But I won't be a member of the Broadcast Club anymore," Zenkichi translated.

"Captain, you'll always be a member of the Broadcast Club. No one is going to be able to forget you. Trust me."

「Bwuh unt eh maim, an aku an!」

"But it won't be the same, Tanzaku-chan," Zenkichi translated.

"Well, I'm afraid, sometimes, life just— Okay, I'm doing my best here but Captain you need to blow your nose right now."

Kumagawa detached himself from Aso to wipe his face with his already damp handkerchief. Aso kept her eyes forward and pointedly did not look down at her shirt.

In a nearby chair, Kanoya snorted. "Jeez, when'd you turn into such a wuss, Kumagawa?"

「Hisshuu-chan!」

With a movement that had to be seen to be believed, the kneeling Kumagawa launched himself at Kanoya. Kanoya, having grown used to tackle hugs, raised his arm on instinct to catch Kumagawa by the face—

"Oy, what the hell?"

—and got a handful of snot and tears for the trouble.

Kanoya leapt to his feet and flailed in an attempt to shake off the mess. Kumagawa, bereft of human comfort, reattached himself to Aso.

「Air abba an? Shuu ans owing stunee, unt umm ulls abba an!」

"Where's Hanhaba-chan? If Hisshuu-chan's going to be stingy, I want huggles from Hanhaba-chan," Zenkichi translated.

Aso raised an eyebrow at him. "Huggles?"

"Hug plus cuddles."

"Yes, I know. What I meant was, how can you even understand him?"

"A lifetime of practice."

"Sounds rough."

"Aso-sempai, you must have a better idea than most."

"Yeah." Aso patted Kumagawa's head. "Yeah."

「Dun orc abut mike not ear!」

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Zenkichi translated.

-ooo-

"…you were kind of emotional," said Zenkichi.

「Of course I was emotional. I was saying goodbye to my club mates! To my right hand! Not my actual right hand of course, that'd be devastating—」

Zenkichi, a leftie, chose not to comment.

「—but losing Tanzaku-chan was a real blow.」

"I guess. You think she's going to be okay running the Broadcast Club by herself?"

「Oh yeah, she was running the club by herself already. She'll probably be happier now that she doesn't have to forge my signature on all the paperwork.」

"You are the worst club captain ever."

「Yes,」 said Kumagawa, unashamed. However, after this admittance, his eyes narrowed. 「Anyway, you're one to talk, Zenkichi-chan! There was plenty of crying when you left the Judo Club. Remember?」

-ooo-

The Judo Hall had been transformed into a field of corpses. Among the damned, the survivors could only stare in horror as the monster responsible for the carnage breathed fire.

"Hitoyoshi!"

Metaphorically.

Jounan, playing dead beneath several strategically arranged bodies, turned to Zenkichi, playing dead nearby beneath several strategically arranged bodies.

"Do you see what you've done?"

"Hitoyoshi!"

"Do you see what you've done?"

The question was punctuated by an agonized shriek as another unfortunate fell victim to Nabeshima's rage.

"What do you want from me?" Zenkichi hissed back. "It's not like I wanted to be expelled. Or transferred. Or whatever it's being called."

"Do you realize how much time and effort the captain has put into you?"

"Hitoyoshi!"

There was a hoarse cry, a meaty smack, then silence.

"Of course I do! I was there."

"I don't just mean the physical training. Filling out forms, meeting with the club's faculty adviser, smoothing things over with the senior members—not everyone was as open to a newcomer taking over as I was, you know."

Zenkichi winced at that. Being the Foul King's protégé, he sometimes took it for granted that there were other members of the Judo Club—such as its vice-captain—who had dreamed of being captain one day themselves.

"Why, just putting together the gauntlet challenge was a logistics nightmare."

Zenkichi's sympathy withered on the vine. "Don't talk to me about the gauntlet challenge being a nightmare. Don't ever talk to me about the gauntlet challenge being a nightmare."

"Hitoyoshi!"

"Look, Hitoyoshi-kun. Look around. The club has taken plenty for you. Now is the time to bite the bullet and take one for the club."

Zenkichi stared at him. "I am not going out there."

"You're not? It's the right and honorable thing to do!"

"Yeah? Well the right and sensible thing to do is to stay right here where Nabeshima-sempai can't find me."

"Well, I can't fault you for that. I've never seen the captain like this before."

"Hitoyoshi!"

"Still, if you're going to put sense before honor, then I must do the same."

"Jounan-sempai, what are you—"

"Yes, this is your chance, Hitoyoshi-kun!" Jounan bellowed. "Now, while she's looking the other way, run like the wind!"

Nabeshima reared around, her gaze zeroing in even as the lesser warriors scrambled to get out of her way.

"Hitoyoshi!"

"…You're a dick, Jounan-sempai."

-ooo-

「Why, I haven't seen so many manly tears since the new JoJo's Bizarre Adventure anime came out.」

"Kumagawa, those were not manly tears. Those were tears of defeat and terror. And frustration, on Aka-sempai's part."

「What? Nekomi-chan was all choked up—」

"Nabeshima-sempai wasn't crying."

「She totally—」

"Kumagawa. You can ask anyone. We will all tell you. Nabeshima-sempai was not crying. Because she wasn't."

「Fine. Be that way.」 Kumagawa looked around. 「Not that I'm in any hurry, but wasn't someone supposed to meet us out here?」

"Yes, that would be me."

Kumagawa jumped and tried to spin around at the same time, the result of which was that he fell flat on his face. Zenkichi, who had been very careful not to react, bent over and helped him up, then turned them round together.

The speaker was a girl with reddish-brown hair and a face mask, dressed in the academy uniform. She waved at them, and though the the mask made it difficult to tell, Zenkichi got the impression she was smiling.

「Zenkichi-chan! Zenkichi-chan! A super cute girl appeared! Do you think she wants to battle?」

"…What?"

"Um, hello, my name is Saki Sukinasaki. I'm with the Student Council. Welcome to Suisou Academy."

Saki Sukinasaki

Senior: Class 4

Blood Type: AB

Student Council Vice-President

"Ah, hello, Sukinasaki-sempai. I'm Zenkichi Hitoyoshi." Zenkichi bowed.

「Heya, Saki-chan! I'm Misogi Kumagawa! Do you have a boyfriend?」 Kumagawa did not bow.

Sukinasaki tilted her head to the side. "…No?"

「Yes.」

"Ignore him, Sukinasaki-sempai," cut in Zenkichi, before 'sexual harassment' could be added to their list of crimes.

"All right. Well then, Kumagawa-kun, Hitoyoshi-kun, as I said, I'm with the Student Council. Feel free to ask me anything if you have questions." She gestured to the front door. "Shall we go inside?"

Zenkichi nodded. "Sounds good."

"Please follow me. I'll … show you around, shall I?"

「Ooh, a tour with Saki-chan! A long one, I hope.」

"Oh no, really, it'll just be for a little bit."

-ooo-

"Finally, this is the Student Council's office," Sukinasaki finished. "Any questions?"

「We're done? Aw, I feel like I blinked and missed it.」

"Really? Cause I feel like it lasted forever."

「What a mean thing to say, Zenkichi-chan! Do you not like Saki-chan?」

"I like Sukinasaki-sempai fine. What I didn't like was you blatantly flirting with her for the entire tour."

「I'm hearing that you like Saki-chan and you don't like me flirting with her. Zenkichi-chan, could it be that you—」

"Don't you dare finish that sentence."

"Ahem."

The two boys turned to Sukinasaki, who looked embarrassed for both of them.

"If you two don't have any questions about the academy's layout, perhaps we could move on to your responsibilities with the Student Council?"

"Well … yeah, sure." Zenkichi cleared his throat. "I … take it we're reporting to you guys?"

"Oh no, you're to be full-fledged members."

"What?"/「What?」

"Akune-san only became president a little less than two months ago, and it's been a bit of a rocky transition. We still need a treasurer and a general affairs manager."

Zenkichi blinked. I'm going to be the general affairs manager.

"Ah! I'm the vice-president by the way. I'm sorry, I never said, did I?" Sukinasaki apologized.

「Nah, don't worry about it, Saki-chan. So, the treasurer and the general affairs manager, huh?」

I'm going to be the general affairs manager.

"That's correct."

「It's just been the three of you for the last two months though? Must have been hard.」

"Thank you, it has been. I'm afraid it's only been the two of us. Our secretary doesn't come to school much."

「What is this? A truant student among the members of the Student Council?」

I'm going to be the general affairs manager.

"No, it's a health issue. Even when she does come to school she's always wrapped in bandages. If I didn't know better I'd think she stuck swords in her arms."

「She must do her fair share when she is here though, surely?」

"Well…" Sukinasaki glanced around, then leaned in and whispered, "To be honest, her handwriting is terrible. Even when she does do her share of the work, Akune-san has to write it all out again himself afterward."

「That is rough.」 Kumagawa shook his head. 「What is the venerable institution of the Student Council coming too, right, Zenkichi-chan?」

I'm going to be the— "Hmm, what? Sorry, I zoned out there for a second."

"Ah, well, I shouldn't be gossiping like this. I'm sure you both more interested in hearing who will be doing what, yes?"

「Yes!」

I'm going to be the general affairs manager.

"Hitoyoshi-kun, you're going to be the treasurer."

Knew it. I'm the— "Wait, what? I'm the treasurer?"

Sukinasaki nodded. "Yes. And Kumagawa-kun, you'll be the general affairs manager."

「Gotcha, Saki-chan.」

"Wait, hang on," said Zenkichi. "I'm the treasurer? Like, really?"

"Yes, really." Sukinasaki gave him a look. "What's the matter?"

"Nothings the matter, I just … I just had this feeling I'd be the general affairs manager. Why'd you pick me to be the treasurer?"

"Hakoniwa sent us copies of your transcripts. Akune-san and I—and I mean this in the nicest way possible—don't want Kumagawa-kun trying to balance our budget."

「Yeah, that's fair. My math grades aren't the best.」

"None of your grades are the best."

「That too!」

"Not to disappoint you, Sukinasaki-sempai, but my math grades aren't exactly exceptional either."

"None of your grades are exceptional. They're as average as average can get. On a scale of one to ten, you'd fall between four and six."

"…Thank you? I think?"

"You're very welcome. So"—Sukinasaki pointed at Zenkichi—"treasurer. And"—Sukinasaki pointed at Kumagawa—"general affairs manager."

「Okay! When do we get our armbands, Saki-chan?」

Sukinasaki blinked once. "You don't. Only the president gets an armband."

Kumagawa slumped. 「Hey, Zenkichi-chan, let's quit the Student Council.」

"Are you kidding me? Everything that's happened, and it's not getting an armband that makes you want to give up?"

「But, but, Zenkichi-chan,」 Kumagawa whined, 「without the armband, what's the point? How will people know we're with the Student Council?」

"What does it matter? You never cared if people knew you were the captain of the Broadcast Club. Hell, you never cared if people even knew the Broadcast Club existed!"

「That was the Broadcast Club, Zenkichi-chan! Totally different! The Broadcast Club is supposed to go unnoticed. Saki-chan!」 Kumagawa rounded on Sukinasaki, who jerked back.

"Yes?"

「Does Suisou have a Broadcast Club?」

"Um… I'm not sure, actually."

「Aha!」 Kumagawa reared back around on Zenkichi. 「You see!」

"I see that it's pointless trying to argue with you."

「You're damn right it is!」

"If I may!" Sukinasaki's voice rose an octave.

Zenkichi and Kumagawa turned to regard her.

"Thank you. If I may interrupt your … comedy routine—"

"It's not a comedy routine!" Zenkichi denied. "We're just talking. Like we always do."

「Yeah, Saki-chan, we're—」

"No! No no no no no no no no no no. I've seen what happens when I let you two build up momentum. No more talking. We're seeing the president now." Sukinasaki turned and pulled open the doors to the Suisou Student Council office.

-ooo-

The atmosphere in the Hakoniwa Student Council office could best be described as stunned. Medaka Kurokami, the Student Council vice-president, the girl born to stand above others … was bowing so low her forehead was pressed against the floor.

"Classmate Hitoyoshi-san. Kumagawa-sempai. I am so, so sorry."

The other four members of the Student Council were staring in something like horrified awe. Zenkichi and Kumagawa, on the other side of the room (and hyper-aware of it) were just horrified. Even Kumagawa looked uncomfortable.

"Kumagawa-sempai, though it can't make up for what my actions have cost you, I am more than willing to wear a sailor uniform and put my hair up in a ponytail for your enjoyment."

「Oh, err, well, Medaka-chan, that's, gee right in front of everybody, gosh, wow, I'm flattered, but honestly I grew out of that after I left middle school.」

"Classmate Hitoyoshi-san, I'm not familiar with your sexual proclivities, but rest assured, no matter what your fetish, I will—"

"STOP. Just … stop right there, Kurokami-san. Four people in uniform are glaring at me, and we're heading towards some dangerous territory."

「My current kink is Magical Girl cosplay, if anyone's interested.」

Medaka did not raise her head. If anything, she pressed her head down lower. There was an ominous crack from the floor tiles. "I will not stop, Classmate Hitoyoshi-san. Because of the actions of my family … my brother … myself … the two of you have been subjected to this most egregious punishment. I must make amends."

「If you don't have anything in the Magical Girl genre, I'm also partial to maids, nurses, and cat ears.」

"Kurokami-san, please, neither of us blame you for what happened. We know how hard you, how hard everybody fought to let us stay at Hakoniwa. This isn't your fault."

"Even if you say it isn't my fault, the fact remains that the two of you were expelled because you became involved with me. I have to take responsibility."

「If you can't get a hold of a maid uniform, a nurse outfit, or cat ears, that's fine too. Really, I just like to see cute girls in cute clothes.」

Zenkichi punched Kumagawa in the stomach. Kumagawa collapsed with a pained wheeze, dropping to his knees and curling up to protect his middle.

Now there were two students huddled on the ground with their foreheads pressed to the floor.

"Oh no," Zenkichi said in monotone. "Kumagawa's fallen over and can't get up. Hey, Kurokami-san, you'd be doing me a real solid if you helped him."

At last, Medaka raised her head. If anyone asked, Zenkichi would say she was frowning, because it was never a good idea to broadcast that you had seen the vice-president pout.

"How easy to please do you think I am, Classmate Hitoyoshi-san?"

"What? It's the truth." Zenkichi gestured at Kumagawa. "Kumagawa looks like he'd appreciate the helping hand too. This is pretty much a two-for-one deal."

"A two-for-one deal?"

"A two-for-one deal."

"Kurokami-san!" Koga whisper-shouted. "I think you should take the deal!"

"See? Koga-sempai agrees with me."

Medaka sighed, but a tugging at the corners of her lips suggested the sigh was just to hide a smile. Medaka rose to a crouch, put her hands beneath Kumagawa's arms, and in one movement pulled them both to their feet. She left her hands where they were as Kumagawa swayed.

「Urh-ehh,」 he wheezed.

"He said thank you," said Zenkichi, "and that we're all square, everything is water under the bridge, and you don't need to worry about buying any costumes."

「Urh-ehh,」 Kumagawa wheezed.

"He just praised my honesty and virtuous character, so you don't have to worry about whether I might be paraphrasing."

"You know, Classmate Hitoyoshi-san, I think you and Kumagawa-sempai have a lot more in common than is apparent at first blush."

Zenkichi's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to determine whether or not that was a compliment. Beside him, Kumagawa's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to determine whether or not that was a compliment.

Somewhere in the background, Koga giggled, and the tension broke.

"That's the spirit!" Hinokage had, in his usual mind-boggling way, snuck up on them, and clapped them both on the back hard enough that even Medaka shook with the force of the blows. "Chins up! We'll keep fighting this. If I've learned anything over the past two years, it's how to push the chairman's buttons. You'll be back."

"You sure, Hinokage-sempai?" Zenkichi rolled his shoulders in a covert effort to get his spine back in its proper place. "I know you're the Student Council president, but I don't think any student can overturn an expulsion."

"Then I'll get help from the teachers," Hinokage replied. "I've done my fair share of good deeds. If they've forgotten, I'll remind them."

"Of course, the rest of us aren't going to let this sit idle either." Yobuko bustled up with Koga and Ezumachi in tow. "While I can't boast of having done as much as Hinokage-sempai, I wasn't the chairwoman of the Public Morals Committee for nothing. I'm sure the Kendo Club would be willing to join the cause as well."

「I don't know about that, Fue-chan.」 Kumagawa jerked a thumb in Zenkichi's direction. 「I might be a charming model student, but I don't think Harigane-chan will miss this delinquent behind me.」

"The sad thing is you're not wrong," Zenkichi grumbled.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Yobuko said with a smirk. "Besides,"—she thumped a hand against her chest—"I have a foolproof plan to bring the student body around to our side."

The hairs on the back of Zenkichi's neck prickled. "Plan?" he queried.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!" Koga bounced in place, one hand held up. 'Pick me!' she might have cried.

"Koga-chan, enlighten him."

"Right-o!" Koga chirped, the upraised arm falling into a jaunty salute. "Yobuko-san's plan is to distribute a dramatic retelling of Hitoyoshi-kun and Kumagawa-sempai's excellent and/or bizarre adventures."

"A dramatic retelling?" Zenkichi echoed. "What kind of dramatic retelling is this?"

Koga opened her mouth.

"Yobuko wants to make a BL doujinshi based on your lives," Ezumachi answered.

Koga closed her mouth.

Zenkichi stared at Yobuko, aghast. "You want to make a what?"

"It's art, Hitoyoshi-kun."

"I'll be drawing it," added Ezumachi.

Zenkichi turned to him. "You'll be drawing it why?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"People are going to read this?" Zenkichi demanded.

"And I am going to draw it," Ezumachi shot back, his gaze on Zenkichi's face and not dropping any lower. "How do you think I feel?"

Zenkichi … didn't really have a response for that. The way Ezumachi's eyes weren't leaving his face was making him uncomfortable. He turned back to Yobuko. "Yobuko-sempai, please tell me this is an elaborate prank."

"Oh no, I'm being serious. Dead serious."

Koga and Ezumachi had already been drawn to the dark side. Zenkichi looked to Medaka and Hinokage. Medaka shrugged her shoulders (Traitor!) and Hinokage would not meet his eyes (Coward!). In desperation he turned to Kumagawa … to find Medaka holding empty air.

「Really?」 Kumagawa was clasping Yobuko's hands in his own and looking at her with stars in his eyes. 「Really? Really? Really really really? I'm going to be in a manga?」

"Well, it'll be an amateur work, but yes, you will be. Really."

「Best. Day. Ever!」 Kumagawa spun his head around to meet Zenkichi's eyes, a feat of flexibility that made everyone watching cringe. 「Zenkichi-chan, isn't this the best day ever?」

"Yobuko-sempai, how long will it take you to get this thing made?"

"Factoring in our Student Council work? It'll be a matter of weeks, not days."

"After we're gone though, right?"

"Definitely."

「No! Itami-chan, you'll send me a copy when it's finished, won't you?」

"Of course I will, Kumagawa-sempai. Um, can I have your address?"

「Trade ya! Mine for your's.」

"Um…"

"That's all right, Koga-sempai. Just send it to me, and I'll make sure Kumagawa gets it."

「Really? Thanks, Zenkichi-chan! This is the best day ever, and you're the best friend ever!」 Kumagawa let go of Yobuko to wrap his arms around Zenkichi. Zenkichi returned the hug, and if any member of the Student Council noticed his crossed fingers, they chose not to comment.

-ooo-

Zenkichi had heard from Ezumachi that the Suisou Student Council revolved around its president. That explanation had been verified when Sukinasaki explained that only the president got an armband. The Suisou Student Council office hammered that point home.

The Hakoniwa Student Council office had three desks. One on the other side of the room opposite the door, and the other two arranged perpendicular to the first and parallel to each other. Everyone knew who got a desk all to themselves, but it was the other members who were closer to the door, and therefore closer to the school and the students.

The Suisou Student Council office had one desk. One long, solid, ornate desk, stretching from one wall to the other. There were no other desks, and no chairs save for the one behind the desk. It was already occupied when the three of them entered.

In a languid, luxurious movement, Akune swiveled around to face them. "Here they are, my kouhai and my sempai. Mister Treasurer." He nodded to Zenkichi. "Mister General Affairs Manager." He nodded to Kumagawa. "What do you think of the office?"

"It's…" Zenkichi hesitated, not sure how to positively describe a large room furnished with a single desk and a few bookcases.

Kumagawa did not have the same problem. 「It's great, Kouki-chan! I really like how the size of the desk contrasts with the emptiness of the rest of the place.」

"Kumagawa-kun, please refer to the president as 'the president', or 'President Akune', or at the very least 'Akune-san'. You really—"

"Relax, Sukinasaki-sempai." Akune cut Sukinasaki off, dismissing her concerns with a waved hand. "Kumagawa-sempai has his quirks, and this is a fairly harmless one. Let's not make mountains out of mole hills, shall we?"

"…If you say so, Akune-san."

"Capital. What do you think of the office, Hitoyoshi-kun?"

Zenkichi still had not thought of anything nice to say, but he couldn't remain quiet either… "Your desk is very big," he blurted. Distantly, Zenkichi could have sworn he heard Shiranui face-palming.

"It is a very big desk," Akune agreed, unfazed. "Actually, want to hear a secret?"

"Akune-san…" Sukinasaki began.

"Don't be like that, Sukinasaki-sempai, it's really quite the funny story. This desk"—Akune rapped his knuckles against the wood—"is actually too big for this office."

"I don't follow," said Zenkichi.

"Back when they first ordered the furniture, they measured the room to make sure they had enough space for everything. But it seems they forgot to take the bookcases into account." Akune pointed. Zenkichi looked to see that the ends of the desk stopped a scant few centimeters away from the shelves lining the walls. "Before you ask, yes, this thing is as heavy as it looks, and it's a right pain to move. Apparently the first Student Council had a beastly time getting it through the door. And when they found it was too big, no one had the heart to try and get it out again."

「Wow. That's really sad. Even I can't laugh at that.」

"Wait, wait, here comes the punch line. Since the desk is too long to get around and too heavy to move, the only way to get past the damn thing is to climb over it or crawl under it." Akune leaned back in his chair and chuckled.

Kumagawa chuckled with him. 「Yeah, that is pretty funny.」

"Isn't it? Why, I suspect the reason the Suisou doesn't grant the Student Council their own uniforms is to cut back on the cleaning expenses." Akune plucked at his uniform. "Do you know how much money goes into maintaining this old thing?"

「Say what? Kouki-chan, Saki-chan, are we going to have to spend our pocket money on our uniform? How will I be able to afford Jump every week?」

"Don't worry, Kumagawa-kun. If your uniform gets damaged while doing a job for the Student Council, the academy will pay for it," said Sukinasaki.

"Seriously?" That got Zenkichi's attention. "Suisou has a policy like that? Hakoniwa doesn't!"

"I'm not surprised," said Akune. "You wouldn't believe how long the form is. It almost makes you want to pay the fees yourself. Which, I imagine, is the point."

"Hitoyoshi-kun, why do you know Hakoniwa doesn't have such a policy?" asked Sukinasaki.

"I got into a fight with a Russian wolfhound. The dog won. My uniform lost."

"A Russian wolfhound…?"

「Hey, at least it went better than your mud wrestling match. You nearly drowned.」

"Mud wrestling…?"

"Eh, it still beats getting shot at."

"Getting shot…?" Sukinasaki stared at them, expression horrified. "What kind of things happen at the school you attended?"

Zenkichi and Kumagawa shared a look.

"It's complicated."

「Yep.」

"They make quite the pair don't they, Sukinasaki-sempai?" Akune swung his legs up and pushed himself off his chair, riding the momentum across the surface of his desk to land on his feet. "Well, now that we've all gotten to know each other, shall we move on to the next step?"

"The next step?" Zenkichi echoed.

"The next step," Akune echoed back. "Didn't Sukinasaki-sempai tell you? You'll be participating in our summer program, so you need to review the files on the middle school students we've selected to take part."

Kumagawa's face turned serious. 「Kouki-chan, when you say middle school students, you mean genuine students from middle school, right?」

"Yes."

「Any girls?」

"They're all girls."

「Any cute girls?」

"They're all cute girls."

"Akune-san!"

"What? It's true. Besides, just look at how excited Kumagawa-sempai is."

"That's the wrong kind of excitement! The bad kind!"

Zenkichi was torn between defending his friend's honor … and agreeing whole-heartedly with Sukinasaki. He decided to take the lesser of all evils, and ignore the problem. "Why don't we just take a look at the files?"

"Excellent initiative! I'm sure we are all going to get along like a house on fire, Hitoyoshi-kun."

Chaos, destruction, lots of people running around screaming…

-ooo-

"Gotcha!"

Shiranui looked down at Zenkichi's left hand, the fingers of which had intertwined with those of her right. "Oh my. You are are surprisingly bold, Hitoyoshi-kun."

"Oh no, you're not going to embarrass me into letting go. I'm not letting you out of my sight until I get some answers."

"Your face is red."

"It's a hot day!"

"Your hand is sweating."

"It's a hot day!"

Shiranui took pity on the poor boy. "Yes, I suppose it is rather warm. Very well then, Hitoyoshi-kun, you have ensnared me. Now what?"

Zenkichi composed himself. "I want to talk. A real talk. Not like what we had on the rooftop."

"That was not a real talk?"

"It was close, but no."

"If you insist. However, I do have responsibilities I must attend to, so can we walk while we talk?"

"…You want us to walk together? While holding hands?"

"Yes."

Zenkichi's composure evaporated.

"Will that be a problem, Hitoyoshi-kun?"

"N-No, n-no pr-problem. Ha. Ha. Haha. Ha. See! I'm fine!"

"Your hand is becoming sweaty again. Could I offer you a tissue?"

"No, thanks, I've got my … ah." Zenkichi looked helplessly at his left pocket, then at his left hand, clasped with Shiranui's right.

"Hitoyoshi-kun, I am going to start walking. You should take that as your cue to start talking."

It was no accident that Zenkichi considered Shiranui his best friend. Literally, because Shiranui had targeted him to get close to Kumagawa, but also because the two of them just meshed. Kumagawa was his childhood friend; his friend for so long even the title of 'friend' did not do the relationship justice. Shiranui filled a niche Zenkichi had not realized was empty; a friend who did not know his every secret (and whose every secret he did not know in turn), but with the personality type he was most comfortable with. True, Shiranui's sense of humor was on the dryer side, but both she and Kumagawa preferred to treat a sore point by poking it.

But while Shiranui was his best friend, she was also a girl. Or, as she was only pretending to be a high school student, she was a woman. A very attractive woman. Whose hand he was holding. As they walked together.

"We are walking, Hitoyoshi-kun. Would you like to have that real talk now?"

"How old are you?" Zenkichi asked.

Throughout Hakoniwa, female students and teachers suddenly felt deeply offended, but with no idea why.

"…I do not think bold does you justice, Hitoyoshi-kun. I suppose you will want to know my weight next."

"Arf," said Zenkichi, mouth having shut down to avoid saying anything more damning.

"Let me answer your question this way. You are the only one aware that I am not a freshman girl. Feel privileged that you know that much. Any other questions?"

"Arf?"

"No, I am afraid I do not know anything of substance about the Flask Plan. I was only privy to the details relevant to the young Kurokami-san."

"Arf?"

"The chairman? Hanten-san? Would you believe that man is even older than I am? He is actually rather simple. He has someone … well, something he covets, and he will do whatever he deems necessary for the object of his interest."

"Arf?"

"Not a clue. How Suisou Academy ties into the Flask Plan, who the chairman is, what the Student Council does—I cannot tell you."

"Arf?"

"To the Broadcast Club room. I am in the mood to see Kumagawa-sempai weep hot, bitter tears of jealousy when he sees us walking hand in hand."

Zenkichi stopped walking. "No."

Shiranui tugged at his arm, but Zenkichi was resolute. She clicked her tongue. "You can a be a spoilsport at times, Hitoyoshi-kun."

"Shiranui, what can you tell me?"

"Hmm? Whatever do you mean?"

"I can be dense at times, but I'm not stupid." Zenkichi held up their joined hands. "I wouldn't have found you if you didn't want me to."

"…Well, I suppose I should have expected you to figure it out. Yes, Hitoyoshi-kun, there is something I need to tell you." Shiranui's expression turned serious. "Something you need to know."

Shiranui squeezed his hand. Zenkichi squeezed back.

"Yeah?"

"That is—"

-ooo-

「Snap out of it, Zenkichi-chan!」

Zenkichi blinked and realized his cheek stung. "Ow! Did you— Did you just slap me?"

「I didn't have a choice, Zenkichi-chan! We've been having too many flashbacks lately. Way to overuse a narrative device.」

"All of my what even. All of it." Zenkichi rubbed his eyes and glared at the folder in his lap. Akune's dossiers on the middle school students were full, detailed, and as dull as anything.

The four of them were seated in front of the desk (Akune had pulled out four folding chairs from a well camouflaged closet), each with a folder. Sukinasaki and Akune were taking notes on their's, Kumagawa, when not slapping his friend, was browsing the included photos, and Zenkichi was just trying to stay awake.

"Akune-sempai?"

"Yes, Hitoyoshi-kun?"

"About this girl…" Zenkichi blinked at his folder until the label swam into focus. "Kuromi Arouta. Considering her personality, how should we—"

"How did you get Arouta-chan's file, Hitoyoshi-kun? We ruled her out weeks ago."

Zenkichi sat still for a few moments to allow the initial wave of hatred to dissipate. "Okay," he said through clenched teeth, "can I get one of the current files?"

Akune sat up and glanced over the others. "No need. We're missing the girl from the Mifune Institute. I'm sure she'll hand you her manual when you see her."

"Hand me her manual?" Zenkichi repeated.

"Yep," said Akune.

Zenkichi waited for the elaboration. None came.

「Hey, Kouki-chan, where are we going for the summer program?」

"I'm glad you asked, Kumagawa-sempai. We'll be heading deep into the mountains, to a place of history and tradition."

"I don't suppose you could be a bit more specific?" asked Zenkichi.

"Easily. The most important place in the world you've never heard of. The Shiranui Village."