Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing of LOTR whatsoever! So I guess I own Elena and Layla/Lacey. Why not? They were nowhere seen in the originals. =P

Summary: Two girls from Earth fall into Arda in the country of Middle-Earth. There is a catch. Not only will the fellowship have to worry about the War of the Ring, but to make sure that the balance of Arda will be kept safe. The Eru has chosen its representative to mind the fellowship, while energy that is left in Sauron belonging to Morgoth, has chosen a host that will be useful when the time has come. Did I mention these girls have no survival skills? I will try to make this as unMary-Sue-ish as possible. Bear with me. This is completely for fun and for enjoyment.

I will tell you now. It will be Legolas/OC and Haldir/OC.

I'm sticking to movie based plot and a little bit of the books' timeline.

WARNING: There will be curse words in this fic that will borderline T-M. I have not rated it M, because there is no nudity, but I am warning you that there is strong use of vulgar language and possibly minor sex jokes. This is completely for fun and for enjoyment. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE VULGAR LANGUAGE. This fic contains may contain all kinds of humor from dark humer, sex, race, sexuality, sensuality, etc. If you want to compare humor, think of just regular television shows every day, but rated TV-14.

I ONLY DO POV. To me, it's more fun that way. If you see many fragments, tough. It's conversational style. DO NOT FLAME for semantics or grammar errors. If you would like to assist me in punctuation regulations, please PM me a site. I haven't written in a while and I'm extremely rusty. Also, I DO NOT HAVE A BETA. This makes sense of it without having to correct it. PM me with anything regarding if you need more background story.

If you are to review, tell me what you think of the story, that if you dig it, or not your taste. If you don't like it, don't be an asshole about it. ;]

This is the slowest intro chapter I have ever typed. Sorry! Get to know the girls in the mean time. I'll update sometime this week. =]

I hope you enjoy Eff My Life! :D

Chapter 1: Pilot

"Elena! Schedule me a first class flight to India and don't forget to put it in my agenda that I have a meeting with Mr. Kutherpoli in New Dehli at 10:00am! Make sure to check on the catering deals around the area too. I want the itinerary on my desk no later than Monday!"

Standing in this man's office, telling me I have two things to basically do right away when he wants it on Monday? Yeah right, Sucka. I got that shit done all for ya.

"One step ahead of you, ! I already scheduled the meeting with for you in two weeks time. Mr. Kutherpoli is mentioning that he is also bringing his friend in as well to review the materials at hand. I have scheduled Mr. Xavier to accompany you, which is the best time for the four of you to attend this meeting." As I was saying this, I had already received the emails earlier from the necessary parties that everyone will be participating and have gotten everyone's itineraries. Click and printing on my desk now. Gotta love my tablet and the internet.

"Why is Mr. Xavier coming?" My boss looks at me as if I just did something unnecessary… bitch don't gimmie that look.

"Sir, the friend that is accompanying Mr. Kutherpoli is his lawyer, a very powerful lawyer. You will need one as well to accompany you in case the situation arises. I know this is only contract talk, but it's best to take precautionary measures and his advice has always been helpful to you and our company."

The dolt just looks at me as if I just read him his fortune and I say this in all kindness. He's actually a really cool boss. This is what I do best though.

I'm a secretary to the chief executive officer of a technology company.

You could almost say I'm a master administrative assistant extraordinaire.

"And why is my meeting until two weeks time? I should be doing these talks as soon as possible. We got the deal a month ago!" He really thinks this?

"Sir you must be all over the place. We had the deal set only just last week. They are still going through the drafts of the contract and we still need time to make another draft of the agreement to bring with you to India." This guy sometimes loses it… no wait… usually loses it.

He stops shuffling on his desk looking through papers through whatever he was looking for and looks at me through his big bifocals and fixes his comb over hair.

"Damn Elena. You really got a great handle on this."

"Sir, I'm here to sweat the small stuff for you here. You handle all the big league stuff. I don't think I can take that kind of pressure of making all the decisions."

"Hey, you must make so many decisions too, and not to mention, you can handle a lot of pressure." Damn, he hasn't said anything like that before since I started.

"Thank you. Oh and by the way, before I send you off for home for the weekend. Why so far? I mean the date to go to India?" What would he do without me…

I do a few touch maneuvers on my tablet and bring up my boss' calendar and show him. "That's because you have your 27th wedding anniversary with your wife, your son's soccer team match, and your daughter's recital. Plus I think you can use the R and R time to spend with your family as you make the final arrangements with Mr. Xavier for the second draft of the contract."

"What would I do without you Elena? I would be ridiculously overwhelmed with everything. Plus my last secretary couldn't do half the things you do to help me out."

"Sir, it's never a burden to help you out. This is why you hired me."I smiled so I decided to try to make him chuckle as I peer my head to the side of my tablet while I was outstretching my arms holding it.

He laughs.

Success.

"Well, then, go ahead a take a week off. You haven't asked for vacation time all year, and I don't think I have anything else for you to do. I'll probably take the week off myself. So you are on vacation. By force."

My eyes go wide with anticipation at the sense of forced freedom…

Damn now I gotta plan shit to do for myself.

"Thank you, Sir! Seriously, I really do appreciate this vacation. I'll be back to work on the Monday after that then!" I have a giant grin on my smile. I must look pretty stupid… a woman with a giant smile while trying to hold a professional attitude.

"Now go on. You're dismissed and I'll see you the Monday after next. Don't go too crazy now. You only have a week off!" He points to me from his chair and goes back to his computer.

"Sir, I'm better than that. I'm going to catch up with some family and friends." I head towards the door leaving the click sounds of my high heels behind. "See you then! Have fun in India." I open and leave his office.

I head over walking with a professional appearance. It's the end of the day and the other secretaries have already gone home. I look to my left, to my right… I look up and behind me…

I jog over to my desk letting out a "HA" as I hear my little clicks of my high heels and when I sit on my chair and spin around in it.

I enjoy working with Mr. Sonaltus, but damn. I totally need a day off myself.

I take of my jacket, let down my hair from my hair bun and let it cascade down to the middle of my back. One of the few things about my hair that my boss doesn't know about yet is that it has some blue streaks under the surface. Gotta love camouflage! Business up top and party on the bottom, though sometimes, being up top is great fun too. I snicker aloud. I grab my smartphone and quickly dial a number. As it rings I'm gathering the itineraries in a neat little pile and leaving it nicely stacked next to my monitor. After that I stick my tablet in my purse.

"Hello?"

"Yo, Lacey bitch! Whuddup, Hoe?" I lean my head into the phone to keep it steady on my shoulder. I'm writing out little sticky notes to myself for when I come back from my vacay.

"Yo! Sup Elehbitch?"

"Hear me out. Boss-man said I got the week off because I have been uh-mazing! So I'm off early today. I'm gonna head out to your place, let's pre-game while getting dressed, then head over to Rage Cage?" I'm so in the mood to hit the rave. I swear.

"Fuck yeah. Sounds like a plan. When you planning to be here?"

"I'm just gonna do some last minute notes to myself and for my boss then lock up a little bit here since my he's hanging back for a little longer. I should be there in twenty."

"Alright, holla at me when you're here. I'll buzz you in."

"Fo'sho. Later Gator." I quickly hang up my phone and got my purse. I stood up and got my stuff at the ready and headed toward the elevator.

Ha. A little secret about myself, I feel a little bit of a badass hearing my Chinese Laundry heels clicking away while I'm in my business pant suit.

Twenty-eight years old and its work during the week and party on a Friday night. Me and my buddy like to keep it real on the weekends, but we tend to get pretty wild on Friday nights.

I finally get to the elevator. I press the button and the doors quickly open and quickly walk inside and press the button for the underground parking garage level. Yes. I'd like to get out of the building as soon as possible. I do love my job, and I like Mr. Sonultas, but like the 80% of people's work life I bet, you cannot be your full self. I'm trippin' most of the time, but I gotta hide it at work because I'm a professional now. No more dilly dallying too much. I'm just happy I don't have to bring my work home.

I lean back into the wall of the elevator, close my eyes and take a deep breath. What a week. Lots of dictation typing from my boss, typing up correspondences, confirming and creating appointments, checking in with his family so that my boss doesn't book something on important days, keeping up with stocks, etcetera… etcetera…

Just need to take a moment of peace… just a little moment… of quiet. I pay attention to my breathing rhythms and let out my breath …

Come to me…

"Huh? Duh fuck?" I open one eye and then both. I'm just hearing things… and I 'snuggle' back into the wall.

Come to me, Elena…

"Okay I heard it this time. Who is this?" and that's when the elevator just stopped at my requested floor.

The doors open and I slowly walk out of the doors and look around while heading over to my car. Okay, nothing around, not even people, and this is good. I open the doors to my Civic and shove everything in the passenger seat. Turn on the car and I proceed to make my way to the exit.

Alright, nothing happened. I'm just going crazy.

I knew I shouldn't have marathoned three days back to back Lord of the Rings. I'm turning into a weirdo idiot. I thought I heard Sauron's stupid fireball voice in that elevator. But I've just gone batshit.

After about twenty minutes, I had arrived to Lacey's apartment. I hate calling her Lacey. I prefer her real name Layla. It's pretty and sophisticated, which she currently isn't right now… she's in a rock'n'roll phase right now. Ha. I wouldn't want to say, Laylabitch anyway… Layla is too pretty to mess up that way.

I called her through the apartment complex's intercom and she let me in. I go up the elevator to the seventh floor, and then I heard it again…

Elena. I see you…

"No you don't." Right, never marathon LOTR again. I actually say the acronym as a word. Low-ter. Haha. I really am batshit.

I come out of the chamber as it stops at my requested level and approach her door. I knock a few times to get a rhythm going and stop and she finishes the rest and swiftly opens the door.

"You are late." I see Lacey with only wearing a white long t-shirt, but her really pink and blonde streaked hair was already in waves. I can see she has prepared her black lining of her eyes and her red-pinkish eyeshadow and light blush on her cheeks. Yup, she just has to get dressed and then it is my turn in her bathroom.

"Just because it took one more minute to get to your door from the entrance way… it doesn't count!" I chuckle and push her aside and flop on her couch. "Hurry up and get dressed. I can pre-game in the mean time." I reach over to her coffee table and poured myself a shot of tequila that was left on it.

"Fine, I've already pre-gamed enough anyway. Feelin' the buzz up in me and on me! Woo!" She does a little dance to joke that she already is feeling the burn in her loins. Ah to be young and joking around of sluttyness.

"Alright, have fun. Got my stupid 'wedding underwear' as you like to call it laid out for me in the bathroom. I'll be out when I need you to tie me up." She walks down passing me and into her bathroom, but leaves her door open.

"That's because it is! Dude, you're wearing a white corset, a matching garter belt with thigh high stockings strapped to it, some white stripper heels, and your froo froo raver panties!" Jesus, you think it was going to be a kinky honeymoon she was going to.

I took another shot of tequila.

I breathe in as it burns down my throat and then I proceed to grab a beer from the table and take a swig.

"Whatever! At least I dress this way to have fun! We never get to do this anymore like in our younger days of freedom." She shouts from her bathroom.

Which is true. In our early twenties, we had hit up many raves and live shows. We went to foam parties that were just amazing during the summers and even hit up Las Vegas a couple of times to see the amazing DJs like Afrojack, Calvin Harris, David Guetta, Diplo, and more. Love'em. The genre of music can send your mind into new heights on how you view things and that's without drugs. You gotta love this music to see what I mean. Dubstep grew on me and I love it, depending who does it of course. But we can't give up this lifestyle completely. It's just not in our nature.

I take another swig of my beer. Yup that feels awesome.

I lay back into my buddy's pleather couch and just close my eyes for a while.

My Demon… A flamed cat-eye appeared when I had my eyes shut.

"Whoa! Fuck! What was that?!" No fucking way. I'm completely batshit. I've lost my mind.

"What happened?!" Lacey came out of the bathroom all ready to go. I heard her heels clacking from her hallway towards me.

"Nothing… I think. I'm good. I'm just a little batshit right now. Fucking call me crazy, but I saw the Eye of Sauron." I was sitting up straight from where I was and I was breathing quickly and I turned to her.

"You have got to be kidding me. I've seen those movies and they are JUST SO LONG! The books were better anyway." She smirked at me after she scoffed off my panic. "And I will call you crazy from now on. Anyway, I'm all set. Hurry up and get ready so you can tie me up from the back.

I shake my head to wear off the shock of seeing something so stupid. "Yeah, I'm not going to marathon that right before I go to sleep. I think it's really messing with me." I get up from my seat and head over to the bathroom. I look at the floor and I see my little nap sack of my clothes. When I think about it, I think my clothes could be just as worse as hers, just in a different style.

I pull out my black corset that had teal ruffle seam lines around it curving around the bone sticks and around the breast area. And instead of my counterpart who is wearing panties and a thigh highs, I decided to just wear a mid thigh pleated skirt that has a silver chain attached to it from one end of the skirt to the other. I brought random "candy" bracelets (they mainly banned real candy bracelets because people smuggled drugs in that way, so they're just regular beaded bracelets), and glow bracelets and gold arm bands. I found my comfy cool running shoes and my faux big furry leg warmers. Yup… I'm a raver deep down inside and on the outside I'm a professional.

I'm as different as Night and Day.

I fix my make up in blue and black smoky eyes and I play with my eyeliner to the side of my eyes instead of on my lower eyelids. Nice little Cleopatra design.

I get dressed and come out. I'm decked out and ready to go. We chat about work as she is another fellow administrative assistant to a doctor and we compare our bosses on how much they miss out on the little things and we exchange laughter. I tie up her white corset from the back as she takes a bottle of beer from the six-pack she had on her coffee table. After I was done with her, she ties up mine from the back and I take another shot.

Three shots and a beer, I'm good to go. My hair is up so you can see my bright blue teal streaks under my hair and it's in waves.

Oh yeah we got this. We examine each other and give ourselves compliments until we hear Lacey's phone do some beep beep sounds. She walks over to her phone and presses some buttons. She gets excited and grabs her smartphone, mp3 player, and wallet and sticks it into her mini purse. That means I do the same and we both shout. "Steven's here!"

We rush out of the building as fast as we can. I never know how Lacey does it in those towering shoes, but as she always says, it's a skill. We hop into our friend's car, already playing some music that we are looking forward to with his player, and proceed to our temporary heaven of an all night show.

Time to bob our bodies to the amazing, freeing, magical sounds of our fave DJs… of course the light shows help a lot too.

It's only 3:00am… IT'S ONLY 3AM!

And Lacey and I are exhausted… I guess we are getting older in a way.

We used to be able to do this all night… thank God it's Friday… well Saturday now.

We escape the crowd and ignore the friendlier potheads that say, "Let's hang out… by that island ship." We just say, "No time! Gotta head into space!" Which just translates to, "Wanna meet at the hill?" "No, we're gonna step outside the event for some air." Sure the event is outside, but being surrounded by hundreds of dancing, jumping, and cramped bodies can even make the coldest of nights into a sauna. We fan ourselves by the fences of the exit area.

"Dude, I don't think we can keep going like we used to anymore." Lacey turns to me with a tired look.

"Ha, I'm feeling it too. I guess since we have a lot more on our plate nowadays with work, taking care of our parents, seeing our nieces and nephews, and work and work and work-"

"Oh and did you remember to mention work?" She cuts me off, but it's true. We're sort of workaholics. We're the type of people that actually are fulfilled by being the support system rather being leader. We see it as even the leader needs help and if we can help some people behind closed doors, we can try it too. We enjoy what we do.

"I wish we could just go home right now. I hate being sweaty, plus I want to hit up Banana Republic for a suit sale they're going to have, and I want a new pair of Jimmy Choos." Oh yes, besides working, we like to shop, on the high brand stuff, but not all the time… That's why we wait for sales.

"Nice. You know what? my buzz is down from all the sweating and drinking water. I can drive home. I am completely sober." Lacey turns to me. We never drink at the raves, that's why we pre-game.

"Cool, because I have Steven's keys. He is so wasted, and I think a girl convinced him to go home with her. He's such a slut!" We just laugh. Always the double standard that men can sleep around and call it awesome and when the women do it, she's a total dirty slut. Oh well. I toss her the keys and we exit the rave. We did have an amazing time.

We walk to Steven's car which is in a parking garage. Some security guards nod to us and watch over us. I know they won't do anything, they see events in this area all the time. As we are walking, Lacey actually says something I didn't think would come out of her mouth.

"Don't you wish we could just escape the realities?"

"Say what?" I stopped walking and so did she. "Are you planning to kill yourself or something?" I raise an eyebrow. Okay, not the best thing to ask if you suspect suicide, but I lack tack.

She sighs and hasn't turned around yet. "No!" and she turns to me. "It's stupid. But sometimes, I wish we just had more you know? I just feel so restricted. It's weird. I'm happy with my life. I really am. I'm single, I have a great job, I love my family my friends, I can buy things I like, still go out and party, and go on vacations, but I feel so damn dull and or empty. I don't even know how to explain this feeling." I guess she's been thinking about this for a while because I haven't heard her speak this seriously since her cat, Joker died. That cat was almost like a son to her.

"Listen, I'm in the same boat as you, but I think you're lacking ambition now or passion. I have all those same feelings as you that I appreciate everything that I have. We can't have those feelings right now because life is short. Maybe we can do some volunteer work. We can meet new people and help somebody out. Since maybe, uh… we're at that point in our lives that we're comfortable and satisfied that maybe it's about time to pay it forward." I walk over to her and put my hands on her shoulder.

"You'll try it with me?" She asks me with some glossiness I her eyes. She can be a wee bit emotional at times.

"Why not? I may not have the same empty feeling as you, but I want to help you out. Plus, it would be cool to help someone out anyway. We used to do it in high school for extra credit, so why not do it because we want to, and it will give us extra good karma points." I chuckle.

She smiles and jumps up and down then hugs me. "Awww thanks! You're the best."

"I know. I have to be because life is short, and because it is, we must live life to the fullest." I pull away and smile at her. She nods to me and we start up walking again.

"Come to me…"

I stop in my tracks again and I whip my head and look around the bright parking garage.

"What was that?" Lacey asked.

"You heard it this time?" I stare at her wide eyed.

"Yeah Dude. This is creepy. Maybe it was someone else." She grabs onto my arm and we walk faster to the car. We make a right turn and we see our friend's car.

"Come to me Elena…"

"Bail to the car!" Lacey shouted and we run to the car. I had the keys in my hand and I press the button on the key to unlock the car. "Get in!" I shout. I'm passenger seat and Lacey is in the driver's seat. I quickly put the key in the ignition for her and we're just screaming and yelling.

"Quick! Go go go go!" I yell. "I'm going! I'm going!" She turns on the car and she quickly backs out of the spot puts the car into drive. "This stalker is not getting you, Dude! This motherfucker should leave us alone and die!" And she puts the pedal to the metal!

"Layla, you are to be summoned to Arda."

"Jesus I'm getting stalked too? Does your stalker and mine live together now?!" She makes a turn! "Just shut up and drive!" Then the parking garage's lights all went out.

We were in complete darkness!

"Shit shit shit SHIT!" She turns on the headlights, but we still couldn't see anything. She then turns on the highbeams of the vehicle.

"FUCK! What the shit is going on?! Jesus Christ! Keep driving! Keep driving!" I yelled out of fear. "Where are all the cars!? Walls?! Where is the road!?" Lacey and I were fucking scared and everything was black.

"Just keep moving!" We're screaming our heads off. I keep looking forward and I don't even know if we're moving anymore and then the car turns off by itself.

"No no no no no no no no! Not now! Please! Not now!" She tries to turn it on and bangs the dashboard. "You piece of shit! Oh my God this cannot be happening!"

"God damn it! Fuck this shit!" Then the car starts to collapse on itself. "Whoa! AHHHH!" We panic and get out of the car immediately as we continue to see the car crush itself and then it flings itself far away into the darkness at such speeds.

"Who are you!? Screw it, just leave us alone! We want to go home!" We embrace each other tightly afraid that we might suffer the same fate as our poor friend's car.

"Just let us go home please!" Lacey screams in emotional fright and holds me tighter. I bring her into my embrace as tight as I could and then I see a red light from a far and it gets bigger and brighter.

"Come Elena. I have chosen you to finish what my lieutenant has started."

"Elena, join me and we shall rule Middle-Earth- all of Arda as one!"

"Stay away! I want to go home! I don't want to do anything with you! I don't even know who you are!"

"Layla. Join us to defeat this evil once and for all. The fate of Arda rests in your hands." A more kindly voice sounded this time compared to that deep, whispered rasp of a voice.

"No! I want to go home to my family! Let us go!" She shouted. We don't want anything to do with crap!

Soon behind Lacey, a white light began to appear… growing in size and in illumination.

"Oh God. Someone gave us ecstasy in our drinks when we ordered them and we are just losing our minds! I will only pre-game and never drink a soda at a rave again! I will always keep an eye on the person who will give us a drink at the snack bar." Lacey was saying to herself.

"Yup, we're just trippin' balls. I'm probably so fucking high from everyone else smoking weed, that this is the worse high ever. We're actually sleeping in the car and this is all bad dream!" I shut my eyes and I just keep holding Lacey, and we are fully embracing each other now with our eyes shut not wanting to let us go.

Then a force pulls us away from each other. I see our distance between each other growing further and further apart. We're screaming to each other as I see her being pulled into the white light.

"ELENA! ELENAAAAAA!" Even though it is helpless, our hands try desparately to reach out to each other.

The last I see her is she is being enveloped in a white light. I couldn't help but relax a little. But she is terrified for me. I am forced to turn around and I see that flamed cat-eye that is enormous in size.

"Who are you!?" I shout. I feel a mild heat and use my hand to block out the light that affects my eyes.

"You know who I am."

It cannot be though. It's fictitious! "You're not real! You're not real!" That's all I could scream out.

"Come forth Elena, MY DEMON OF DESTRUCTION!"

The force has taken me into the slit pupil of its eye and I feel the heat growing stronger. All I could do was scream, see a tiny white light, and then it all went black.