This was partially inspired by Rorschach's Blot's Odd Ideas. I can't recall which chapter specifically, but Daphne Greengrass had replaced Draco as Harry's rival. I decided to play around with the idea, and decided that the Twins would be the best vessel for mayhem, and that Fourth Year would probably be the best time for it.

The snippets are vaguely connected. I write them whenever they come to mind without regard for exactly when they happen in relation to each other. I'm sure that at least a few will be non canon for the story, but will be included because they're funny. I've got a number of chapters written already, and will post one per day for the rest of the year. The flow will probably slow after that, but I'll try to update this more often than Childish things, because of the ability to write whatever I want without having to worry about continuity and plot development.

Enjoy!

The Application Process

"Yes, yes, just fill out the entire application, both the general application, as well as the primary and secondary persona applications. If you don't fill out all of them, then the whole things is invalid. Take as many as you want! If one group doesn't work out, then try another!" The two red headed boys talked to a small gathering of students, with more approaching to hear what was going on, or turning in filled out papers. Harry hesitantly approached them, curious to what kind of scheme they had going on.

"What are the two of you doing?" He asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

"Harry my boy! Just the person we needed to see!" one of the twins said, having him over.

"As for what we're doing, we're just making sure Hogwarts looks its best for the Triwizard Tournament!"

"Just what does that means exactly?"

"Well, as you know, you're quite famous." George began.

"Really."

"Yes, surprised us a bit too. Anyways, you'll garner more attention than most, and a lot of these foreigners are going to judge us by you and those associated with you."

"So, given that not only must you be at your best, but your friends and rivals too, we've opened up this little stand to collect and process applications for those positions. Auditions and interviews are to follow shortly."

"You're holding auditions for who gets to be my friends?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Don't worry. Hermione's grades made her a shoo in for position of best friend." Fred assured him.

"Mostly because we need her help organizing this whole thing." George added.

"But sadly Ron had a bit of trouble with his, so he's filling out another one, trying to make himself a more attractive prospect."

"Really we just like watching him squirm, but you'd be surprised at how many kiddies want to take his place."

"And the rest of them?" Harry asked, looking at the now sizable crowd holding papers, ink and quills.

"Well, given how Malfoy is a stuck up, slimy, whiny git, we figured that he would be ruining your reputation a bit. If he's the best rival you can get, you can't be all that impressive, right?"

"So most of the applications are for your new rival and their own little cadre of companions. Mostly Slytherins, but more than a few Ravenclaws and a couple of Hufflepuffs are applying too. Some of them are putting in applications as free agents, couldn't convince their friends to join up or just didn't think they needed anyone else, so we've been building teams with the unattached applicants"

"You know, it's almost like playing matchmaker. We have to combine them into fully functional groups. Have to make sure that the team dynamics are there, and that there aren't any underlying issues between them."

"Romantic rivalries, blood feuds, that sort of thing."

"We want them at your throat, not each others' after all."

"Right..."

"That's why we got your bookworm to help us out in the first place. She's tearing through those applications like Ron through a chocolate cake."

"So how did you convince Hermione to help out? This seems like the sort of thing she would fight tooth and nail against."

"Well that was easy."

"See we went up to McGonagall's office."

"Dressed to the nines and everything."

"And we told her we had an idea to promote school unity and present a good front to the international students. We laid all our cards on the table with her."

"Well, not all of them. We had to coach it in terms that wouldn't give her an aneurism."

"And she gave us her full approval and extra credit to boot!"

"We just told Hermione that McGonagall endorsed the whole thing, and she could probably get some of the extra credit herself for helping out, and she couldn't get to work fast enough!"

"I see..." Harry replied.

"Not only that, but she's already drawn up a brilliant plan for a smooth transition from the Malfoy/Potter rivalry to the new status quo, and it shouldn't take more than a week for the majority of the adjustments to settle."

"Do you really think that Malfoy will just stop harassing me whenever he can just because he didn't get the position?"

"No, but that's why we're the best pranksters Hogwarts has ever seen. We're cooking up a few charms, curses, and other assorted goodies that will... encourage him to get his rocks off elsewhere. Can't have him interfering with your rival just because his ego got hurt, and who knows? Maybe he'll make the final cut!"

"Well... alright." Harry surrendered to the twins. It was probably best to let them have their fun and stay out of their way. If he interfered, it would probably only focus their attention on him, so bets to let things run their course. besides, if anyone could take care of Malfoy on a permanent basis, whatever trouble this stirred up could very well be worth it.