I in noway Own Mass Effect, Bioware, EA or any of its affiliates.

Following the Activation of the Crucible Shepard is offered a choice by a rather eccentric figure.

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"Hiya!"

The little black haired boy or was it girl smiled ridiculously, childlike glee evident in his voice as he... she... it? Danced around blissfully in an endless black abyss.

John Shepard had just died, he knew he was dead, and there was no other explanation. Considering he had just thrown himself into an energy beam he was pretty damned sure he was right about that at least.

"If this is heaven, I should have been more of an asshole while I was alive…" Shepard grunted as he sat up. He looked around, it seemed he and the little boy girl… whatever were the only ones there, where there happened to be he wasn't sure.

"It's not heaven…" the child giggled. "This is my realm… the Realm of Entropy!"

"What are you talking about?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. This kid had to be insane. Shepard stood up; looking down at himself he noticed he was wearing a new suit of armour but his guns were gone, had someone changed him and taken away his weapons? Looking around this time he found himself in an empty… room maybe? There weren't any walls, no roof either, just where was he? "Look kid, that doesn't matter. Just show me the way out."

"Mou… You believe a mindless, heartless machine but not me… that hurts… right here." the child frowned petulantly as he tapped his chest, but his smile returned a second later. "This is my Realm; only I can let you in or out, so… just relax a little… and listen too!"

"You beat the Reapers… Congratulations!" the child's smile stretched his face even more as Shepard's shock became evident on his face. "Don't know why you did it the way you did… but meh… whatever…"

"It was the only way…" Shepard shook his head. "If I didn't… EDI would be dead… and the Geth would be gone…"

"Wow… you're an idiot!" the child chirped after a pause.

"What? Look kid I don't expect you to understand…" Shepard began.

"Nope! I get it… You thought a machine that was designed to destroy the Reapers could somehow completely jump its programming and destroy all synthetic life, or that same machine could give you control over the Reapers…" the child shook its head still smiling. "Like I said you're an idiot… you actually believed the Reapers central AI would help you?"

"So the Reapers are… still a threat?" Shepard's eyes grew wide.

"Nope…"

"But you just said!"

"No I didn't…"

"Yes, you did!

"Nope!"

"Why you! You just! Argh! Look, are the Reapers a threat?" Shepard growled out.

"Now? No! Later? Yes!" the child twittered out.

"And what's that supposed to mean!" Shepard was still growling.

"Yeah… you've synthesized all life in the galaxy… Now… but what happens in a thousand years… or fifty thousand years… New life comes into its existence every day… what do you think will happen to them?" the child asked wide eyed, as if genuinely asking the question.

"You're right… we've delayed the Reapers at most… they need to be stopped… but how? I'm dead… aren't I?" Shepard looked weary as he placed his face in his hands.

"Yep! Stone cold dead…" the child giggled again as Shepard sighed deeply. "But you don't have to be."

"What…?" Shepard asked bewildered… what was this kid getting at?

"You're like my favourite show… so reruns?" the child asked hopefully.

"… This is impossible… there's no way… Just who… or what are you?" Shepard questioned.

"Names Eris… yeah that name'll do and as to what I am… I… AM… A… GOD!" the child cackled as it threw up its arms gleefully, he or was it she then stopped abruptly and looked up at Shepard. "I could go for some cookies…" said cookies appeared in its hands. "Want some?"

"Meh…" Shepard had heard weirder to be honest, he nodded and accepted one of the cookies. "Chocolate Chip?"

"Yep!"

"Thanks… So that thing about a rerun…" Shepard asked as he munched away.

"Mm… Chocolate… Oh, yeah, I'll send you back in time, to just before Eden Prime… with the Geth… and you can save the Galaxy, stop the Reapers… Maybe build yourself a harem…" Eris mumbled at the end.

"A harem? I'm in love… you do realize that… right?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah… you and Tali… I know… but you'll be a galaxy saving hero! Poontang is a must!" the little god said passionately, though the effect was ruined by the mouthful of cookies.

"Look… while that idea has… merit…" Shepard began.

"I'll give you a fraternal twin!" Eris offered.

"How is that supposed to entice me?" Shepard's eyebrow rose further.

"Twincest is Wincest!" Eris bounced around.

"Hey now!" Shepard tried.

"Done! Ok! Moving on!" Shepard tried to cut the god off. "And besides, you know the saying…"

"… Alright I'll bite…" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Life is going to screw you over no matter what, so screw whoever you can either as preparation or retaliation." The god smirked.

"Coming from an eight year old that's… really creepy…" Shepard actually stepped back a little.

"I'm also the god of perversion… it's a union thing…" the god-child pouted. "Plus this is only a form that I felt you'd be comfortable with."

"An eight year old she-male?" Shepard questioned.

"I can also turn into a hundred headed beast… or a smoking hot blonde with a gap tooth… or a demon thingy…or…" Shepard cut him off.

"Alright, I get it… but a harem?"

"Look, this is really just a formality; I want you to have a harem, so a harem you'll have…" Eris shrugged. "Anyway… Like I said, Eden Prime…"

"Will I remember any of this…? I mean you said I'd get a harem… Tali included?" Shepard cut in. The child nodded, and then Shepard continued. "So memories?"

"Wouldn't be any fun if things were the same, I am the God of Chaos after all... you'll keep your memories… your job is to take down the Reapers… the more entertaining the better." The child smiled.

"Wait… I just have to ask… wouldn't you want to keep the Reapers around… they cause a lot of… Chaos… don't they?" Shepard asked.

"Well… Yeah… but you think way too short term…" Eris pursed his lips. "Life is chaos… get rid of life no chaos… Reapers show up once… what…? Every fifty thousand years… stick around for maybe a hundred or so more than disappear… than I have to wait a few thousand more years before another race evolves enough to be interesting…"

"Why not before now?" Shepard asked. "Why not give one of the Protheans the same deal?"

"Oh that's easy!" the god bounced. "The Protheans were boring… "

"O…Kay…" Shepard groused.

"Alright! As I was saying, Eden Prime…" Eris tried again.

"Wait… Wait… What about Kaidan… or Mordin… or Thane? Can I… Can I save them?" Shepard breathed deeply.

"Maybe…" the child shrugged.

"Can I or can't I!" Shepard growled and stepped towards the god menacingly.

Shepard barely recognised a newspaper before it smacked him in the side of the face.

"Bad, Shep, Bad!" Eris chastised the man, the newspaper kept smacking him as he was helpless to defend against the mighty weapon. "I said maybe! I'm not gonna cause their deaths but I'm not gonna stop them either, that's your job! So maybe you can save them… or maybe you can't, so maybe!"

"Alright! Alright! Just stop this thing already!" Shepard croaked out between blows. The newspaper disappeared.

"OK, Now, Eden Prime, you'll save the day, yadda, yadda, become a Spectre, etcetera, etcetera, go on an epic quest, blah, blah, blah, save the galaxy, crap, crap, crap, so I say, so mote it be, by the power granted in me by… me, go forth and do my bidding!" the little god clapped his hands then held them apart. Shepard looked around nothing had happened…he waited… still nothing…

"Was that supposed to do something?" Shepard asked looked at himself them the god.

"Well no… not really… it was more for dramatic effect than anything…" the child pouted. "Anyway… there are still something's I need to tell you."

"O…Kay…" Shepard felt like he was going to end up saying that a lot.

"Your sister's name will be Jane." Eris began.

"John and… Jane…? Really?" Shepard seemed amused.

"I'm not good with names okay!" the child frowned.

"Okay, Okay, keep going." Shepard smirked.

"She survived Mindoir with you." Shepard frowned at the mention of his destroyed home. "She was at Akuze when you were at Elysium."

"WHAT! Akuze! No one made it off that hell hole alive!" Shepard yelled.

"Except her… you'll need to remember that… it's pretty important… She's a Biotic, like you… Only where you are a Vanguard Class, she is an Adapt. She also has more than sisterly feelings for you." Eris giggled at Shepard's frown. "Try not to rush in, in front of her men she's a badass, but she's pretty damaged otherwise."

"Like Jack… before she met the Team…" Shepard remarked thoughtfully.

"Mm… Yep, only where Jack never trusted anyone… Jane has always trusted you… She's also not a violent maniac… that's a big one…" Eris smirked. "She'll also be in on this…"

"The Future thing?"

"Yeah, the future thing…" the little god rolled his eyes.

"What about the council?" Shepard asked.

"What about them?" the god played dumb.

"The last time… how did that Turian prick put it…? Ah… Repears… We have dismissed that claim…" Shepard made air quotes and attempted to mimic the councillor's voice.

"Well firstly… never do that again you sound ridiculous… that's not my problem, that's yours figure it out…" the child made a face and shrugged.

"Not even going to give me a hint?" Shepard fished.

"Try not to plan it all out will you…" the god frowned.

"Why not! Think about the lives we could save!" Shepard was ecstatic.

"Yeah!" the child yelled happily then went straight faced. "I honestly don't care. I more worried about spoilers."

"Spoilers? What the fuck are spoilers?" Shepard asked. "Some sort of evil extra-dimensional being?"

"You watch far too much T.V…" Eris shook his head. "Spoilers ruin the story… and frankly… the fact that I've already watched the series makes the story kind of predictable… but then again… can you catch me a space goblin?"

"A space goblin?" Shepard was not amused.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh! A space goblin!" the god child bounced up and down.

"What exactly is a… space goblin?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"You call them Vorcha and I want one! Please, Pretty Please!" Eris was wide eyed and begging.

"I'll think about it…" Shepard said.

"Mou… that always means no…" the god muttered morosely.

"O…Kay…" Shepard was beginning to see a pattern.

"Anyway, don't you have somewhere to be?" the god asked.

"Where?" Shepard was genuinely confused.

"The Normandy SR-1 of course!"

Everything began to swim.

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That's Chapter 1 people, review, flame, whatever.