trial and error

"Alrighty, brave and loyal compatriots of the Shinsengumi. Our problem? One irritable Okita-taichou. Our objective? Getting Kagura-sama to become his girlfriend. Likely outcome? We're so screwed."

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

Chapter 1: In which a stupid plan is concocted

"I think you're losing your touch, China," Okita Sougo smirked as he easily ducked a fist aimed at his head, swiftly taking the advantage to lean down and sweep a leg under both her feet. With an outraged yelp, Kagura hit the ground, panting hard as she glared resentfully up at the blond-haired Shinsengumi Captain.

She just barely held herself back from launching herself at him in another fit of rage—for it would most likely end with her right back where she was now. It seemed that every time she came face to face with this arrogant ass in front of her, she just couldn't win, she thought with a scowl. To think that this one, measly human guy could overcome her supposedly unbeatable Yato strength with such ease…well, it didn't really do wonders for her ego.

With mock courtesy, Okita extended a hand to the seventeen-year-old girl sprawled on the street, an oddly playful light flickering in his dark red eyes. "Getting slower in your old age, hm?"

"Dream on, Sadist. If I'm old, then you're ancient, uh-huh," Kagura snorted, purposefully ignoring the waiting hand and lithely getting up without aid. Like she was a helpless damsel in distress that needed to be lifted from the ground, she seethed to herself. When pigs freakin' flew and Gin-chan actually paid them a regular salary.

Annoyed, she brushed the street dust that had accumulated on her traditional red Chinese-style outfit, sighing as she found a rip at its hem. Somehow, these near-daily fights always seemed to result in yet another piece of clothing being decimated beyond repair—no doubt Gin-chan would grumble when he had to foot the bill for new outerwear, she thought with a roll of the eyes. But in all seriousness, she really had to begin holding herself back from these constant fights with the King of all Sadists. It wasn't good for her outfits—

"Twenty-two isn't considered elderly, monster girl," Okita commented, with a raised eyebrow. His eyes swept her body briefly, blatantly taking in the still underdeveloped curves and childish stance. Amusedly, he added, "Except perhaps to a kid like you."

-and it definitely wasn't good for her blood pressure, Kagura fumed as her blue orbs narrowed in anger at the pompous jerk in front of her.

A kid? A kid? Why the hell did it seem like each and every time they saw each other, he felt the need to make some reference to her apparent childishness? Even better, why did it always bother her so much that in the eyes of her greatest rival, she was still the little thirteen year old girl he'd met all those long years ago, her hair cutely done up in buns and a piece of sukonbu always hanging from her lips?

She didn't even wear her hair like that anymore.

Resolutely, she ignored the sudden onslaught of stinging pressure that began building up behind her eyes, choosing instead to snatch up her purple umbrella from where it had fallen on the ground and spinning around to leave. She didn't need to be labeled a cry baby by him as well as a kid, and she was absolutely through with putting up with that arrogant jerk for the day.

Che. She really should just send him flying headfirst into a building one of these days. Except she had her doubts as to whether that would even succeed in ridding the world of him, cockroach-like cretin that he was.

Perhaps the blonde Shinsengumi sensed that he had gone too far in his teasing, because the next thing Kagura felt was the warm sensation of his fingers gently enclosing her wrist, halting her in the process of stomping away indignantly. Furious blue eyes met oddly repentant red as Kagura spun around in surprise, long pink locks flying as she turned to look at the tall man standing motionlessly before her.

Okita's usually smug face was strangely blank as he looked at her, lacking its usual mocking expression. Kagura shifted uncomfortably as a moment passed without either one of them saying anything, his slim swordsman hand still wrapped around hers.

She was really beginning to get worried. Uncertainly, she parted her lips, blue orbs tinted with confusion. "Oi..Sadist?"

Her voice seemed to wake him from whatever lapse of sense had overtaken him, and she nearly let out a sigh of relief as his red eyes focused on her. "What is it, China?"

Kagura allowed her gaze to meander down to where he still grasped her hand. "What are you doing, uh-huh?" She asked quietly, unconsciously falling back into her old speech habit.

It took only a brief second for the Shinsengumi captain to break free of whatever had occupied his thoughts, eyes trailing down to where Kagura was staring at their joint hands. Immediately he let go, unfurling his fingers and allowing her smaller hand to drop back down to her side. Something odd lingered in the air between them, the rivalry that had bound them together for years threatening to cross into an area that both were hesitant to traverse.

Kagura swallowed hard at the strange look in her rival's eyes, trying to speak, but finding that the words were stubbornly sticking in her dry throat. "Okita-baka—"

"Sorry, China," he interrupted, his familiar smirk back in place. "You were in the process of stomping off, right?"

The tiny pink-haired girl blinked at the sudden change in pace. "Wha—"

He yawned, stretching his lanky body carelessly. "By all means, carry on. I've got better things to do than babysit aliens in my spare time." Abruptly he spun around, his usual long stride taking him further and further away. He raised a hand, waving lackadaisically. "See you around, monster girl."

"H-hey!"

It couldn't have been plainer that he was ridding himself of her presence as fast as he possibly could, and Kagura valiantly tried to ignore the hurtful twinge in her gut that it caused her. A few moments later, and the Yato girl found herself completely alone, the rubble and destruction surrounding her the only evidence that someone else had even been with her.

There were nervous glances all around as Okita Sougo, First Captain of the Shinsengumi, strode into the mess hall just in time for the last call to dinner.

Whether he realized it or not, the easy, boisterous atmosphere that had colored the room's aura only moments ago abruptly faded into one of unease. Conversation lessened slowly, smiles were replaced with tightened lips, and lazily sprawled bodies snapped to attention.

Over a hundred pairs of eyes covertly swept the lithe form of the man, looking for the tell-tale signs that communicated whether or not all hell was about to break loose upon them.

Ruffled, sweat-spiked hair? Check.

Clothing in obvious disarray, strewn with dust and dirt? Check.

Eyes glowing with evident frustration and simmering wrath? Check.

There was a single, collective groan, and the men of the Shinsengumi looked sadly down at the unfinished plates of food they were sure they wouldn't be seeing for another few hours. Mournfully, they resigned themselves to the torture they were sure would be quick in the coming.

Okita came to a gradual halt, gazing apathetically at the room full of apprehensive men around him. The slight smirk that spread across his handsome features certainly did not bode well for any of them—Okita-taichou grinning was the equivalent of Hijikata-taichou offering free hugs: it was a sure sign of the coming apocalypse.

"And what are you guys up to, hm?"

Most of the men who actually had brains realized that it was a question best left unanswered. After all, if nobody spoke back, then Okita-taichou would be unable to vent his frustrations upon them. And if he were unable to vent his frustrations on them, then maybe he would be content to satiate his rage on some poor, innocent tree out in the training field, hacking it up until there was nothing left but a few measly splinters.

However, one brave new recruit, naively unaware and unused to the danger when the blonde captain came back in this way, piped up, "Eating dinner, sir!"

Dark red eyes stared at him unblinkingly until the new Shinsengumi member shrank back in confusion, both at the Captain's odd behavior and the death glares he was receiving from his fellow compatriots for being foolhardy enough to provide an answer to the captain's rhetorical query.

The resident sadist of the Shinsengumi leaned unconcernedly against the wall. With every appearance of boredom, he said to the occupants of the room, "Well, you're not now."

A black-haired member spoke up hesitantly. "Um, we aren't, Captain?"

Everyone recoiled at the Captain's sudden laugh, which was dry and largely devoid of humor. "I expect everyone to be on the practice field in two minutes. Last one to be there will be stuck on bathroom duty for a month."

A deadly pause occurred as everyone pictured the fungus infected pit of bacteria that acted as the Shinsengumi's bathroom. The one that everyone was far too afraid to enter in the case that some of the mold had actually become sentient (Yamazaki swore up and down that a piece of filth bearing a frightening resemblance to Kondo-san had actually tried to strangle him once).

The lull in noise stretched as everyone then pictured having to clean said pit of bacteria every day for a month.

There was a satisfied smirk on Okita's face as there was a mad scramble to leave the room.

Exactly one hundred twenty seconds later and counting, the practice fields in front of the compound were swarmed with unfortunate Shinsengumi members in for a bit of impromptu sword practice, a restless, irritated Okita watching the clusters of men with narrowed eyes.

One group in particular was casting dark glances at their captain, their rumbling stomachs merely serving to sharpen the daggers in their gazes. The simmering heat of summer outside did nothing to ease the burdens of training, merely heightening the nasty effects of exercising on half-empty digestive tracts.

"Damn it, I hate it when Okita-taichou gets like this," the same black-haired member of the Shinsengumi who had spoken at dinner muttered to his fellow sufferers as they relentlessly swung their training bokutos up and down, sweat dripping from every inch of their red and flushed faces. His low words, spoken so in fear of a certain Sadistic captain overhearing, garnered soft murmurs of agreement and fervent nods from those around him.

A tall red-head beside him laughed miserably. "Tell me about it. This is happening pretty regularly now, wouldn't ya say?"

"At least every time he goes out on patrol. Sometimes on his days off too," someone else groaned. "It's starting to become murder."

"Not become, it is murder. Brutal, hellish murder."

The young recruit who had answered Okita's ill-fated question looked curiously around at his companions on the practice field, eager to be included in the conversation. "So he always acts this way?" He asked with interest, gaze darting to the scowling blonde captain who was standing irritably on the headquarters' porch, not even sparing a glance to the gossiping Shinsengumi. Rather, he seemed more intent on setting the tatami mats on fire with the wrathful heat of his glare.

Thankfully he didn't seem to be having much luck with that. They didn't need the added stress of extinguishing a fire on top of everything else this day had brought.

The redhead snorted, eyes falling upon the aforementioned captain also. "No, he only became this way after he fell in lo—ouch!" He recoiled after the black-haired Shinsengumi next to him smacked him over the head.

"Shut up, Ryotaro! We still don't even know if that's the reason for taichou's weird behavior recently."

The red-haired member, obviously known as Ryotaro, rubbed his head in a wounded fashion, eyes tightening in annoyance. "Well what else would you attribute it to, Shin?" He snapped back at his attacker impatiently. "He only started acting like this after something changed with her."

The little recruit's mouth dropped open. "Ryotaro-senpai, you mean Okita-taichou's acting like this because of a girl?" The fearsome Captain Okita Sougo, famed member of the dreaded Edo Shinsengumi and well-known merciless sadist, was in an openly foul disposition because of…because of…a woman?

He blinked, eyes threatening to turn into swirls of confusion. How was that even earthly possible? Normal men lost their heads over women; normal men fell hopelessly in love and began to act in irrational manners! Normal men, not Okita Sougo.

Ryotaro grinned in amusement as he regarded the shell-shocked boy, soft snorts coming from the other Shinsengumi men who were listening to the conversation as well. He placed an affectionate hand on the young teen's spiky hair, ruffling it in a friendly fashion. "I wouldn't call her a 'girl', exactly Kenji," he told the newest trainee in the gang.

Shin rolled his eyes, joining in on the good-humored teasing. "More like an alien girl, wouldn't you say?"

Kenji's already large blue eyes went impossibly larger, the brown freckles on his nose standing out as he paled dramatically. "An alien? You mean—you mean—Okita-taichou's in love with…an alien?" He turned faintly green, obviously entertaining thoughts of slime-ridden tentacles, turquoise scaly skin, and sharp killer teeth. He glanced apprehensively towards the blonde captain again. Sure, he had always thought Okita-tachou had been a little sadistic and scary, but a fairly regular person nonetheless. But now…

His petrified thoughts were cut off by the raucous laughter emitting from the older members surrounding him in a close-knit cluster.

Still snickering, Shin said, "It's not what you think, kid. She's really quite pretty. Beautiful, even. You've seen her when you patrolled that one time with taichou, right Ryotaro?"

"Aa," he agreed amiably, with an eager bob of his fiery-colored head. "She's really breath-taking, kinda like a…like one of those fancy Chinese porcelain dolls you always see in the stores, ya know? Big blue eyes, long pink hair, tiny and delicate—"

Kenji smiled, his initial horror upon the news that his captain was head over heels for a space creature lessening slightly. "She sounds nice."

"—and with the ability to demolish a building just by using her fist," Ryotaro concluded, making Kenji's naive smile fade to a look of shock, a tiny, boyish squeak of astonishment emerging from his parted lips. "You'll probably catch a glimpse of her at some point, Kenji-kun. We've gotten entangled with those weirdo Odd Jobs guys on more than one occasion."

"Yeah, and it always ends up in more trouble and headache for us," Shin grumbled, wincing in remembrance of eccentric beetle hunting, nefarious take over plots and Otaku captains, failed Gorilla weddings and crazy Joi skirmishes. "And they're even more trouble if it's true that their female member is responsible for—"

The conversation was momentarily cut short as a pained yelp echoed across the training compound, and all the members turned to see Yamazaki crawling, miserably singed and soot-covered, from a bazooka-made hole in the ground.

"Oi, Yamazaki, you were going too slowly. Stop lazing around," Okita's drawling voice called out blandly, his hands holding up his favorite and most oft-used weapon.

Bokutos were suddenly swung up and down with renewed fervor all around the compound, the harsh swish of air caused by the motion suddenly loudly permeating the previously lax atmosphere.

"Well, if she's responsible for that," the dark-haired man finished pointedly, even as all members of the small gossiping group suddenly gaining a new interest in the training exercise, crippling fear of being on the receiving end of their captain's bazooka innervating their arm muscles effectively.

Shin sighed heavily as he raised and lowered his bokuto in swift, repetitive swings. "If we survive this, it'll be a miracle," was his gloomy prediction. "When I joined the Shinsengumi, I knew it would be dangerous, but I wasn't exactly expecting to be trained to death by an irritable captain in love."

His red-haired friend grinned at his typically morose tone, clapping him on the shoulder with a free hand. "Right little ray of sunshine, aren't ya Shin?"

"Shut up. It's hard to be optimistic when your sexually frustrated captain insists on using us for target practice every day."

Hesitantly, Kenji ventured, "So, this…um, girl…she doesn't like Okita-taichou back?"

Ryotaro shrugged. "No idea. Women are the most damned complicated creatures on the face of the earth, ya know? No matter what planet they're from—alien or human they're all the same." He shook his head with a knowing grin, even as his best friend rolled his eyes at the bravado in his tone.

"Ugh, it's like Otae-san and Kondo-san all over again," someone moaned piteously. "Remember how many times we were dragged along to help him try to woo her?"

"Oh god, like that time he made us form a human pyramid and serenade her?" Another chimed in with a sickened expression.

"And that other time when he made us keep a running supply of ice cream to her when she was sick?"

"Or when…or when…that time he made us—"

"Hush! We swore never to speak of that incident again, remember?"

"Well, they did eventually get married, ya know," Ryotaro inserted with a reasonable air, taking in the pathetic expressions of his fellow comrades-in-torture. A frown appeared as a sudden thought occurred to him. "It only took—"

"—three years until she agreed to go out with him," Shin broke in sullenly, eyeing everyone with a glum look of doom, "and then another year until she finally agreed to marry him."

A graveyard silence, courtesy of Shin, settled over the Shinsengumi as they all realized what deep trouble they were potentially in. They weren't sure that their poor bodies could hold out for another four years under Okita's brutal training/torture sessions resulting from an unsatisfactory love life.

Then someone summed up their thoughts nicely, despair in every inch of his voice. "It's hopeless. Why the hell do we have to suffer 'cause of our taichous' bad taste when it comes to the female species?"

It was, in hindsight, quite a valid question.

Everyone paused a moment to wonder why exactly all of their superiors were attracted to such violent women. Was it so much to ask that they find a nice, normal little housewife to fall for, one that lacked in the ability to demolish entire towns in a fight or take apart monsters with their bare hands. With the track records of two of their other captains, they all collectively shuddered to think of who Hijikata-fukutaichou would end up with.

Gah.

The coming days were looking increasingly bleak if that was the situation.

Perhaps it was time to consider a different choice of career? Baking, perhaps? Or maybe gardening?

"Well, if…if that's the case," Kenji ventured shyly, hesitatingly speaking up before his moping comrades. "Why don't we all just…speed things up a little?"

The young recruit suddenly found himself on the receiving end of a multitude of stares, some confused, some skeptical, but all hopeful for any way out of the hellish existence that was sure to come about, courtesy of their captain.

"Speed things up?" Someone questioned among the group. "How?"

"I mean, getting them together faster, rather than waiting for it to happen naturally," Kenji clarified, blushing as considering murmurs spread throughout the gathered men.

Shin gave a derisive snort. "You mean, trying to get them together…at least until Okita-taichou catches on to what we're doing and painfully castrates, disembowels, and subsequently burns us all at the stake for it. Brilliant."

"Shut up, Shin! The kid may have something there, ya know," Ryotaro mused, effectively ignoring the characteristically downhearted words of the other. He gave a wild grin as he punched one hand into another, laughing triumphantly. "And hell, anything's better than dealing with this for the next million years or so!"

"Yeah, but Shin's got a point, too," another member pointed out. "And I like my balls where they are, thank you very much."

Quickly intervening with bright eyes before an argument could erupt, Kenji piped up, "Yeah, and that's why we work from the other end. If we could just get the alien girl taichou likes to make the first move, then he doesn't ever have to know about our involvement! They get together, Okita-taichou's happy, and everything works out okay!"

They all wore contemplative looks at that, mulling over the proposition.

"If it goes that smoothly, it'll be a miracle," Shin muttered, frowning. "And I still hold to my castrate, disembowel, burn prediction."

Ryotaro sighed heavily, before clapping one hand on Shin's shoulder and the other on Kenji's. "Then let me put it this way," he drawled out with false cheer. "We either gather every eligible man of sound mind and body to help us out in this most important endeavor, or in little more than a year there won't be enough left of our sanity or our bodies to qualify as men. Got it?"

And really, when put that way, there wasn't much of a choice.

In the background, there was another distant yelp of pain as an unfortunate Yamazaki was once again used as target practice by their irate captain.

It had to be noted that the central meeting room of the Edo Shinsengumi headquarters was a very, very large room.

As in gargantuan.

As in, 'what the hell was the guy who designed this drinking when he did so'.

With that addendum, the exact magnitude of the crowd should be understood when it's said that the room was full. Shinsengumi lined the walls, perched on any spare windowsills, and carefully ducked to avoid their neighbors' flying elbows or gesturing hands. It was an impressive turnout, made even more impressive considering what the subject of the meeting was, defining just how desperate the men of the Shinsengumi had become.

A hush quickly fell over the crowd as a tall red-head strutted to the forefront of the room.

"Attention, brave and loyal compatriots of the Shinsengumi!" Shouted a certain over-enthusiastic Ryotaro, pointing his bokuto at the gathered horde of Shinsengumi before him. Kenji, who had the misfortune to be seated in the front row, hastily leaned backwards to save himself from being stabbed in the eye. "Welcome to the first annual "Get Okita-taichou married and/or laid" meeting! Your support in this matter is duly—"

His spiel was cut short by a deliberate cough from a member of the audience, who, upon closer observation, turned out to be none other than his erstwhile best friend.

"What, Shin?" He asked irritably, annoyed at his stride being ruined.

Shin surveyed him blankly, and in his normal deadpan, said, "'Get Okita-taichou married and/or laid' meeting? Really, Ryo, you couldn't come up with anything better? Say, something more covert that won't get us all ordered to commit seppuku should Okita-taichou overhear of it?" He scoffed, shaking his head derisively. "Use your brain, idiot."

There were quiet murmurs of agreement rippling throughout the room, as no one particular fancied being on the receiving end of their captain's unholy wrath, causing Ryotaro's face to immediately turn the same color of his fiery hair. "Shut up, Shin! It was the best I could come up with on such short notice!" He paused, glowering out at his comrades as he folded his arms petulantly. "And it's not like the name really matters anyways, ya know?"

Chewing thoughtfully on his mouthful of anpan, Yamazaki chimed in helpfully, "Shin-san has a point, you know. We should all come up with something more discreet…something we can freely refer to in the presence of Okita-taichou. Like the Anpan Plan!"

Yamazaki wilted when his name suggestion was promptly shot down with a unanimously shouted "NO!", muttering darkly under his breath about unappreciative food snobs.

Kenji, ever the practical one, raised his hand slightly and said, "We should brainstorm different names for the plan, then. Like—"

"Like the Amazing Plan!" Someone called out cheerfully, clearly under the impression that this was a good name.

"The Cool Plan!" Was another yelled out.

Well, no one ever said that members of the Shinsengumi were hired based on merits of creativity. Really, the only requirement for joining up was that you knew which end of a sword to hold…and even that knowledge was a little suspect among members.

"I like the 'We're All Doomed To Miserably Fail' plan," Shin input sullenly, even though his pessimism was predictably ignored by all present.

Kenji looked thoughtful for a moment, before his young face brightened. "How about the 'Awesome Super Secret' plan?"

Ryotaro snorted from his position on stage. "There is absolutely no way in all the fiery hells I'm going around saying I'm a member of the Shinsengumi A.S.S. plan."

"Well, fine, if you're being so picky…What about the 'Dangerously Ultra Manly Battle' plan?

"That's not much better, kid. Not much better."

—

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…Two hours later…

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—

"Alrighty, brave and loyal compatriots of the Shinsengumi," a ragged-looking and much less enthusiastic Ryotaro half-heartedly called out to the crowd, which was also looking decidedly worse for wear. "Like I was trying to say over two freaking hours ago before I was interrupted," he sent a pointed glare at a certain dark-haired someone. "Welcome to the first annual—"

It was here that he took a deep breath, "—'Awesome Cool Super Secret Shinsengumi Love-Love Plot Shut Up That's A Stupid Name No It Isn't Go Jump Off A Bridge Wait I Forgot To Put On Clean Underwear No One Wants To Hear That Yamazaki-san Stop Eating Anpan Fish Are Flying Through The Air But Only In May Gorilla Gorilla Sailor Senshi Are Cooler Than Shinsengumi OMG Kawaii Pandas Are Cute The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly In The Plain My Ears Are Bleeding Believe It Okita-taichou's In Dire Need of A Girlfriend/Wife So Shut Up And Let's Figure It Out' meeting."

Ryotaro leaned over, gasping painfully for air and clutching his stomach.

Everyone looked mildly impressed that Ryotaro had actually managed to recite the name in a single breath.

Shin was making a face that heavily indicated he was going to interrupt with another snide comment regarding the title of their evil plot, but one deadly glance from the heavily breathing redhead stopped him in his tracks. So instead he sighed and leaned back in his chair, obviously resigned to being associated with one of the stupidest names in the history of mankind (he would later revise his opinion after a training visitation to the renowned Yagyu clan's compound, in which the entirety of the Shinsengumi would be cowed by a tiny, poo-tossing monkey with a name to put theirs to shame).

There was a pause as Ryotaro tapped his chin speculatively, and decided, "We can call it the A.C.S.S.S.L.L.P.S.U.T.A.S.N.N.I.I.G.J.O.A.B.W.I.F.T.P.O.C.U.N.O.W.T.H.T.Y.S.E.A.F.A.F.T.T.A.B.O.I.M.G.G.S.S.A.C.T.S.O.K.P.A.C.T.R.I.S.F.M.I.T.P.M.E.A.B.B.I.O.I.D.N.O.A.G.W.S.S.U.A.L.F.I.O. for short. Who doesn't love acronyms, right?"

Wisely, nobody decided to comment.

Slipping back into his former state of excitement, Ryotaro pumped a fist into the air and shouted, "Now men, what is our mission?"

"To find all the Dragon Balls!"

"Who the hell let Goku in here? Out. Now. Our objective's a little more realistic, thank-you-very-much."

Goku sadly left.

Annoyed, Ryotaro tried for the second time. "Now, tell me what our damn mission is!"

"To bring together Kagura-sama and Okita-taichou!" This was chorused in such eerily perfect unison by all present that Ryotaro couldn't help but blink in bemusement.

He shrugged. "Good answer." Ryotaro resumed pacing up and down the stage floor, his long red hair bouncing with each loud step. "We all know this has become a life-and-death situation: if we don't improve Okita-taichou's love life, we'll all be dead from too much training. Of course, we'll probably all be dead anyways should Okita-taichou figure out what we're doing, but I'm willing to risk it! Now who's with me?"

In the general way of manly men, there was a roar of approval at the thought of heedlessly throwing themselves headlong into the path of danger.

"And what, men, is the verdict of this noble and illustrious venture going to be?" Ryotaro questioned in a deafening voice amidst the chatter of the gathered men. "Knowing that we have pooled all of our resources, all of our wiles, and all of our combined intelligence into this quest, what is the only possible outcome?"

"SUCCESS!" was the general outcry that immediately rose up.

Shin, still seated wordlessly in his chair, looked to his left to see a contented Yamazaki chewing dreamily on his anpan, and then looked to his right to see a guileless, smiling Kenji. He didn't need to look in front of him to know that Ryotaro was still bouncing around on the stage like a red-haired imbecile.

Wiles and intelligence, huh?

He exhaled and rubbed the bridge of his nose to stave off the oncoming headache.

"We are so screwed."

So this idea for a story just randomly popped into my head, and I thought it would be cute to write about the hapless men of the Shinsengumi trying to meddle in their captain's love life. For this purpose I did have to invent the Shinsengumi characters of Ryotaro, Shin, and Kenji, since we really don't have all that many actual members to go on beside the principle four of Kondo, Hijikata, Okita, and Yamazaki. But don't worry if you dislike OC's: every chapter will involve the canon characters in some way or another, and definitely center around Kagura and Okita's relationship.

Hopefully you guys will have as much fun reading this as I did writing it! Like it or hate it, I'd love to hear some feedback :)

(Side note: For anyone who doesn't know, Yamazaki's strange obsession with anpan is a running gag later in the anime; and the whole plan name is parodying the pet monkey that Kyuubei had…the one with the hilariously long name that had no end to it :P)