The Gage Secret -1

Johnny felt a familiar hand on his shoulder as he stared at the casket.

"I'm so sorry, John. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"

"Yea, I will. Thanks for coming, Cap."

One by one the other guys from his crew offered their condolences as they each shook his hand or patted him on his back. Losing his Aunt Kitty was so unexpected. She had been the one remaining relative he had left; the woman who had stepped in to raise him when he was 13 years old.

His mind drifted back to his childhood. He had been only 9 years old when his parents had been killed in an automobile accident. His mother had been an only child and both of his maternal grandparents died before he was born. His only extended family was on his father's side.

His father was the middle child having both an older and a younger sister. Johnny's paternal grandfather had been killed during combat in Korea. His paternal grandmother had suffered a debilitating stroke three years earlier and was now being cared for around the clock in the home of her older daughter Katherine Gage.

Louise Gage Norton was the younger sister of Johnny's father. She had married Gabriel Norton when she was only 18 years old much to the chagrin of her family. Gabe had a violent streak that had reared its ugly head once while they were dating. The family feared for Louise but she said she loved him and was determined to marry him and so she did. During the five years of their marriage Gabe had bounced from job to job without ever finding steady employment. However, Johnny would have become a ward of the state if his Aunt Louise and Uncle Gabe had not taken him in after he was orphaned.

It was obvious from the start that Gabe had only accepted Johnny into their home in hopes that a large financial settlement would be awarded as a result of the accident. Once he realized that there would be no money he found many ways to make Johnny's life as miserable as possible. From slapping him across the face to beatings that left his body covered in bruises, he took out most of his anger on his young nephew. His Aunt Louise tried to intervene when she could but she usually ended up getting punched or shoved around too.

A couple of years after he arrived, Aunt Louise announced that she was pregnant. Johnny had hoped this would make his Uncle Gabe happy but that was not to be. Gabe was less than thrilled about the impending birth. While Aunt Louise smiled more as her belly swelled, Gabe seemed to get drunk more often. Johnny's worry grew as quickly as his aunt's mid-section. Gabe made it clear that he did not want the baby. Johnny knew how it felt to not be wanted and he didn't want a tiny innocent babe to endure what he was enduring.

In the early morning hours of his twelfth birthday he awoke to the sounds of murmuring coming from his aunt and uncle's room. Soon, his uncle left and returned an hour later with a woman Johnny knew to be the local mid-wife. He watched from the relative safety of his bedroom peeking through the keyhole as the mid-wife and Uncle Gabe kept leaving and returning to the bedroom. Horrible sounds came from the room; sounds that had the mid-wife not been present would have made young John think that his uncle was torturing his aunt. Finally, he heard a choked and muffled crying sound and watched in horror as the mid-wife rushed from the bedroom with something wrapped in a blanket in her arms. Later, he heard the mid-wife return with his Uncle Gabe. They entered the room for a few moments and then exited quietly. Johnny held his breath as he watched and listened to the conversation.

"She's sleeping now, Gabe. What are you going to tell her when she wakes up?"

"That the baby never started breathing right and died. What else am I supposed to tell her?" He asked harshly.

The midwife gave him a sad smile and then turned to leave. "Let me know if she needs anything." She said before she packed up her bag and left.

Johnny retreated back to his bed shaken and with tears caught in his throat. He knew that his Aunt Louise would be devastated and his heart broke for her as well as the tiny babe who had just died. He had wished for the baby not to grow up unwanted and abused like he was growing up now so had his thoughts somehow caused the baby to die? How would Aunt Louise cope with the loss of her firstborn; especially knowing that Gabe never wanted the baby anyway?

A smaller warm hand grasping his own brought him back from his memories. He glanced to his right and saw a look of concern on Joanne DeSoto's face.

"You gonna be alright, Johnny?"

"I am, Jo. I really appreciate all your help with the arrangements. It was such a nice service. Aunt Kitty would have been proud." He said turning his attention again to the flower covered casket.

Most of the mourners had left and the workmen from the funeral home were giving him whatever time he needed. They waited patiently, unseen as the mourners drifted back to their cars. They wouldn't begin the task of covering up the grave until they were all gone.

"She would be even more proud of you, Junior." Roy said joining his wife at Johnny's side. "You were the son she never had."

Roy knew a little about Johnny's past. He knew that Katherine Gage had saved his partner's life when she took him into her home. John rarely talked about his life during the four years between his parent's deaths and being taken in by his Aunt Kitty, as he affectionately called her. Whatever had happened to him during that time was locked up deep inside the recesses of his heart. If he didn't share those events with Roy, then he'd most likely never share them with anyone. Roy knew that meant they were just too painful to be resurrected.

Roy also knew that now his partner was truly alone in the world. He and his wife and kids were as close to being family as Johnny had and he was determined to make sure that he continued to be a part of the DeSoto family.

"Lots of food at our house, Johnny. Just come on over whenever you're done here, ok?" Roy asked.

"I will, Roy. Thanks again…for everything." Johnny turned away from his partner and ran his open palm down his handsome face removing the wet trails his tears left behind.

Roy placed one hand on the small of Joanne's back as they made their way to their car. Their kids had spent the last couple of nights with Joanne's sister but would be home later on today. He hoped that having the kids around might bring Johnny out of his funk. Something was really bothering his young partner. And it was more than just the untimely death of his Aunt Kitty.

A few hours later, his friends from Station 51 and Rampart were beginning to depart the DeSoto residence. They had shared a potluck meal provided by the wives and girlfriends of the guys at the station and Johnny felt a deep sense of gratitude that he'd been so accepted and loved by the brotherhood of firemen at Station 51. By the time most of them had left, the DeSoto kids arrived bringing a smile to Johnny's face. He loved those kids and fell naturally into the role of Uncle Johnny. Once again, he thought of his Uncle Gabe and the horrible man he was. Being an only child, he knew he would never be an uncle unless it was by marriage but he felt like Roy was his brother which made him an uncle to the younger DeSoto duo and he was determined to be the best uncle he could be.

"Whoa, kids. Let me change my clothes," Johnny said as each DeSoto child grabbed a hold of one of his hands and began tugging him towards the back door.

"Please hurry, Uncle Johnny. I want to play and it'll soon be dark out." Jenny pleaded staring up at him with big blue eyes.

He could never say no to a lady, not even a four year old one, when she was batting her eyes at him.

"I will. Just let me put on some jeans ok?" Johnny said kneeling down so he'd be eye to eye with his little princess.

Jenny gave him a big grin as Johnny began to stand while tickling Jenny underneath her chin. With a wink in her direction he headed outside to grab his duffle bag out of his Rover.

"Coffee, Hon?" Joanne handed Roy a cup of steaming coffee then turned back around peering at the seemingly happy scene outdoors.

Roy took a sip of the warm liquid then set the cup down on the counter. He eased up behind his wife and pressed his coffee-warmed lips against the gentle curve in her neck. He loved the way she leaned back into him when he did that. He wrapped his strong arms around her tiny waist and breathed in the scent of her freshly shampooed hair.

They watched from their kitchen window as Johnny played with their kids in their backyard. There was no trace of the sorrow that had gripped him so hard earlier.

"How does he snap out of it so quickly?" Joanne asked her husband.

"He doesn't, Jo." Roy said resting his chin on her shoulder. "He hides it from the outside world."

He caressed her arms with his thumbs. "He's the master at hiding his emotions and that worries me."

"I know, Roy. He needs to open up and release some of that don't you think?" She asked her husband.

"Yea, I do. But Jo, there's more going on than just grieving the loss of Laura Kitty. There's something else bothering him. I know him almost as well as I know myself and something is torturing him. It's in his eyes. Maybe even in his soul." Roy let his gaze move back out the window and watched again as Johnny smiled and laughed while playing Frisbee with Chris and Jenny.

"What can we do to help him, Roy?" She asked as worry lines creased her forehead. "He's like a little brother to me."

Roy's only response was to inhale deeply and shake his head.

Talk to me, Junior. Let me help you get beyond whatever it is that's haunting you, my friend.