OK This story is going to be updated far slower than any of my others, this is a completely new for of writing for me and I just wanted to give it a go.

Olivia lost Elliot, she's now in therapy trying to deal with it, I mean, Can you imagine how hard it would be for her?

Please R&R this is something very new for me and I am going to need your feedback to feel confident with this

Bold is the shrink talking (Haven't decided who it is yet it's not Huang though!) Italics is flashbacks which is in the third person. Normal is Liv's POV talking to the shrink!

They looked at each other and both gave a firm nod, they'd worked with each other for eleven years, they knew exactly what the look had meant without saying a single word which was good considering they were in a building with an armed suspect and they didn't know where he was.

Olivia went left and Elliot went right. They walked silently with their guns at the ready. After walking around in a near semi circle Olivia heard a struggle up ahead and she broke out into a run.

"Elliot!" She screamed just as a gunshot rang out.

She quickly returned fire not caring where she hit the perp just that she hit him before he hit her. As soon as she saw that he was down she rushed over to Elliot's side.

"El!" She yelled grabbing her radio and applying pressure onto the wound in his chest. "This is SVU portable to central I need a bus to my location ten thirteen officer down!" She sobbed into it before dropping it to the floor so she could use her other hand to apply pressure to the wound ignoring the answer that came through the radio.

"Come on El don't leave me!" She pleaded through her tears.

"Liv…" He croaked.

"I'm right here El, come on stay with me please baby stay with me." She cried. "Don't let me lose you now."

"Kids… tell them… I love them." Elliot whispered as blood started seeping out of his mouth.

"You're going to tell them yourself El I promise you're going to tell them yourself." Olivia replied hurriedly.

"I love you Liv… love you so much…"

"Elliot I love you too baby please stay with me, don't leave me!" She cried.

"Love you Liv always love you…Kiss me" He said before coughing violently.

"I know El and I love you too always have always will now don't do this to me!" She begged as he slipped away from her.

She bowed her head and pressed her lips firmly to his and they felt cold, the blood covering her lips cold too.

I'm never going to forget it am I? Never going to forget any of it. I want to. I want to close my eyes and be able to sleep without hearing his voice, his cough…I need to forget.

When…when I heard the gun go off I already knew he was hit. I didn't hesitate in running and firing back either and as soon as his body hit the floor I rushed to Elliot's side.

I knew it was over. He'd been hit right in the chest and I knew… I didn't want to and I kept reassuring him and as much as I was reassuring him I was trying to reassure myself too.

I kept telling him that he was going to be ok, that he would speak to his kids again and that he needed to stay with me… stay conscious but there he was, slipping away in my arms sending his last messages knowing that I would deliver them.

I could see the sparkle in his cerulean eyes slowly disappear. The eyes I've looked into nearly every day for eleven years and even when we faced the worst of crimes… that spark was always there you know?

In our first year as partners he told me we were partners for better or worse. This is the worst and he's not here.

"Do you feel let down by that?"

Am I allowed to feel let down by that? Should I feel let down by that? I don't. I feel guilty, it's the only thing I seem to be able to feel at the moment is guilt and it's eating away at me.

You're going to say that's normal. That it's ok to blame myself but this isn't the same this is actually my fault.

I know there's no point wondering the what if's and I'm trying not too but it's not a what if that is the question of my guilt it's an I should. I should have waited for back up before going into that warehouse, he came in after me.

She held him close to her as he choked again sending blood splattering all over her but she didn't care. He wanted to feel his heartbeat against her own and the worst thing was she could feel it slowing. She could hear his breath raspy in her ear.

"Please don't die." She croaked knowing it was hopeless.

She lowered him into the crook of her arm and cradled him, rocked him as he looked up at her unmoving, unblinking. He was gone.

The sounds of people rushing into the warehouse fell on deaf ears as Olivia closed her eyes and held her partner in her arms, she couldn't, wouldn't let him go. Not yet.

A lot of what happened next is a blur. I remember holding him. I remember rocking him and I remember looking into the glass that was now his eyes. I don't however remembering the arrival of the cavalry. I don't remember what happened with Don, Munch and Fin all I know is what they've filled me in on since… well since.

"When the mind's under extreme stress sometimes it can shut down, it's completely natural."

I guess it's for the better that I don't remember. I mean, you can't be embarrassed about doing something you don't remember doing.

She held tight to his body ignoring everyone that had gathered around them. The silent tears fell heavily down her cheeks but she wasn't ready to put him down yet.

"Olivia." Don's voice carried into her ear but it sounded too distant so she ignored it.

He pressed his hand to her shoulder trying to hold back his own tears as he saw one of his Detectives cradling the body of another. This was a scene he'd never allowed himself to imagine, a scene he never believed he would witness.

"Come on Olivia Melinda needs to work." He said softly, he knew he would have to tread carefully, she was going to be in her most fragile state right now and one wrong move could send her over the edge.

Munch and Fin managed to hold back their tears so that they could come and help their Captain. They knelt down either side of Olivia and pressed a hand to her bicep.

"Come on Liv… you gotta put him down." Fin whispered softly.

"I can't." A sob passed her lips as she pulled the body closer to her. "I can't."

"Come on Liv." Munch pleaded, seeing his friends like this was killing him.

"I'm so sorry El, I'm so sorry." She whispered before kissing his lips once again.

Melinda came over to Olivia deciding enough was enough, this was hard for all of them and she wanted to get this over with as soon as she could.

"Liv." She said kneeling down in front of the Detectives. "I'll take good care of him." She whispered and Olivia nodded and closed her eyes before leaning over the body once more.

"I will always love you baby… always." She whispered directly into his ear before kissing him one last time.

Melinda helped move the body back to the floor and Munch and Fin both hoisted Olivia to her feet.

"No don't make me leave him!" She yelled. "Please!"

"Liv come on…"

"No get off me!" She screamed struggling against them.

They lost the fight and she flew back over to Melinda and Elliot and she took his hand.

Don looked at Olivia while Munch and Fin shared a pained expression, there was no way either of them were going to be able to move her just yet. She wasn't ready.

I stayed by his side while Melinda did a quick preliminary. I still stayed by his side when he was put in a bag and then placed on a gurney. I grabbed the bag while they wheeled him out because I wasn't able to let go.

When they put him in the back of the black ambulance Melinda wrapped me up in an embrace that I couldn't return.

"I'll take good care of him." She said again and I nodded in reply, I knew she would.

Once the bus was out of sight I fell to my knees but I couldn't cry anymore, I hadn't cried since Melinda had started to work on the body, not that I didn't want to. I wanted to cry, scream, wail, kick, punch anything but the numbness that was clouding me.

"Someone needs to tell the kids." I told Don and he nodded as he knelt beside me on the could hard concrete.

"The chief is already on his way." Don said and I just nodded in reply.

"And Kathy." I said and he nodded.

"Come on Liv let's get you out of here." Munch said reaching for one arm while Fin reached for the other.

It surprised me. They were hurting just as much as I was yet their main concern was me at that point, they really took care of me when I was clearly in no fit shape to take care of myself.

Once in the Sedan Don climbed in beside me and he held me tight as we drove with the lights but no siren towards the precinct. Elliot deserved that mark of respect and every one he had after.