Raison d'être

A man is nothing without a purpose in life.

If there is nothing worth fighting for, nothing to devote himself to with the entirety of his soul, nothing greater than himself the very existence of a warrior becomes obsolete. He is nothing but a thin, weak shadow of a soldier, lacking resolve and the right to exist.

Ironically, the ones who installed that very truth in him, nurtured and cultivated it with tremendous amounts of effort - those same people had exponentially ceased to be that very reason. The more money and responsibility ShinRa put on its priced super weapon, its hero SOLDIER, the more the company crumbled from within and the more apparent it became that they were not fit to parent their love child.

General Sephiroth was the first to notice, but loyalty and stoic endurance had him bear with the desperate clinging of the company, because he had never known anything else to live for. It was annoying but it was a vital nuisance to his sense of self. He was as attached to ShinRa as they were to him; they had put a lot of money in his creation and upbringing, in his education and training and he had never known a life aside from being their soldier. They lived off the fear he spread, the order he provided, the stability he created. Sephiroth in turn needed the tasks they gave him, the feeling of being useful and serving a purpose.

So he fought their battles, killed their enemies, endured their scientific curiosity, listened to their hollow doctrines and spread their propaganda.

But eventually came the point where even he couldn't ignore ShinRa's downfall any longer and he was not willing to perish with them.

And why would he?

Sephiroth had exceeded their expectations. What had been a symbioses once had turned into a one-sided parasitic relationship. There was no other option but to get rid of the blood-sucking leech that was ShinRa and find a greater purpose.

And that lead to only one conclusion.

In the dark halls of Niebelheim mansion Sephiroth's keen intellect assessed that for a superior being like him there could be no wordly purpose to live for. He'd been there, done that. If the most mundane, most powerful thing on the planet, which happened to be ShinRa, could not provide a purpose then he had to find his destiny somewhere else. Apparently profane matters were not immune to destruction, they were finite and they had disappointed the General. They were not fit to be acknowledged by him. No, he had outgrown such triviality and he found salvation in old books and ancient theories.

Sephiroth was elated to read about Jenova.

And though his heart was in turmoil his mind had never been as calm as his eyes followed the faded letters on yellowed, dusty paper.

Never before had he seen so clearly. Never before had he noticed how trapped he had been in the shallow, endless circle of fake reputation and vapid talks of grandness. How he had sleep walked through life without achieving anything of merit. How bored and sick he was of ShinRa, of their obsolete wars, ambitions and silly power struggles.

The books gave him everything; justification to abandon the burden that ShinRa had become, a glorious reason to fight for, a clear, monochrome view of the world that also provided him with a distinct enemy that was to be destroyed by his capable hands, a way to evolve and a goal to reach. He could do it all by himself, he needn't heed any rules but his own and he could always change them according to his needs.

And thus it happened that he shed his humanity (that had never been his in the first place), abandoned all cumbering morals and devoted himself to the legacy of 'Mother' with a mind as clear and rational as it had never been before. There was no doubt in his heart, no regret and no mercy as he methodically wiped out a city with the cleansing flames of fire to start a new and glorious era where he would reign as a new god.

It was a calmly made, rationally assessed decision with the full awareness of all the consequences that would follow; the strategical and brilliant move of a genius tactician that secured his sanity and his survival. Sephiroth had freed himself from mercy, pity and any emotion but the coldly burning devotion he felt for his new mission. Everything in his way would be ruthlessly erased, whether it be friend or foe. General Sephiroth would become the perfect, the invincible warrior, a god beyond comparison.

He would gain everything and lose nothing because he was the master of his own raison d'être.

fin

That's been sitting on my hard drive for almost two years now and I recently stumbled upon it. Polished it a bit and thought I could post it here^^ I find Sephiroth's mental disposition incredibly fascinating (in case you couldn't tell XD).

Constructive criticism is very much appreciated^_^

Disclaimer: Still don't own~ And probably never will~ Unless Tetsuya Nomura marries me~ Which will probably never happen~ But if it does my first action will be to change all my disclaimer~~~