AN: Just a little one-shot I've had floating around my head for a while. Highly improbable and silly, but an excellent excuse for some smut.

Hermione screwed up her nose in distaste as she made her way through the girls' shower room. Her bathroom was currently inhabited by Peeves, who refused to leave until she put cream tarts over her nipples and sang 'God Save the Queen'. He became such a pervert during the summer holidays. She presumed that the lack of students to torment drove him a bit mad with a need for pissing people off. Needless to say, she wasn't going to give into him, so she decided to venture down the hall to the girls' prefect bathroom. They had rather marvellous showers, if she remembered correctly. Even so, she didn't exactly relish the feeling of cold, slimy tiles beneath her feet.

Leaving her robes hanging upon the bench lining the wall, she tested the first shower, jumping back in surprise as it scolded her. She daren't even risk putting her hand through the stream to adjust it. The second shower provided much of the same result. Frowning, she tried the last shower, which stood next to the door of the bathroom, and found it to be quite nice. Abandoning her towel on the square of floor she had scoured and dried by magic, dropping her wand atop of the heap, she tiptoed tentatively into the steaming water. She sighed in bliss as the hot water pelted her, washing away the day's stress caused by a rather persistent Peeves. She washed her hair slowly, luxuriating in scent of the water that flowed over her curves. When she was done she allowed herself to trace her fingertips over her body, imagining them to be belonging to some elusive figure as they dipped into her hot core, which was already wet with excitement.

She became flushed, her breathing heavy as she worked herself to a climax, biting her lips before parting them to release a heady moan. Gods, if only a man could do this to my body, she thought a little sourly. She shook the thought off, not wanting to venture into the rabbit hole that was, "Hermione's misadventures with a multitude of dicks – and not the fun kind." But she did not have much time to delve deeper into her pleasure (if you'll forgive the pun) before the sharp banging of the bathroom door opening interrupted her. Barely before she had time to compose herself, she found herself sharing her shower stall with a rather angry Severus Snape.

Severus pushed her against the back wall of the stall, listening keenly for the telltale screeches of laughter. Peeves had chased him down the hall, hexing him merrily the whole way. The bathroom had been his only hope. After several, rather unfortunate incidents, a Headmaster from previous years had been forced to charm the girls' bathrooms to remain inaccessible to Peeves. He clamped a hand over Hermione's mouth as she opened it to protest. Her hands covered her body, her eyes screaming with indignation, but slowly burning with something more. He took in the flush of her cheeks and thighs and felt himself blush. Oh. He had obviously disturbed something. The water drenched him as they stood there, making his robes cling to him in a rather unforgiving manner. He stared intently at the ceiling, knowing that his body would betray him if he were to look at Granger too closely. She did not struggle against him, but he could feel her heart beating wildly beneath him.

He paused for a few more moments, hearing only a whisper of their breath beneath the stream of the shower. Peeves cackled outside the door.

"I know you're in there Sevvy-Poo! Come out, come out!" Severus and Hermione's eyes narrowed with anger. Hermione took one hand off her breasts and removed Severus' hand from her mouth.

"Piss off Peeve's! He's not in here. If he was, you'd have heard by now." Severus' eyes narrowed again, but this time at the naked woman he had pressed against him. What did she mean, 'you'd have heard'? The sound of Peeve's manic laughter drifted away and Severus shook himself mentally. Stomping out of the shower he grabbed his wand from his pocket and began to walk out of the bathroom, in the process of drying his clothes,

"Wait a bloody minute!" Severus spun around. Oh. A very wet, very naked Hermione was standing in front of him, eyes screaming with umbrage. Before he could stop himself, his eyes cast over her body, taking in the pale skin; the firm large breasts, with pink nipples barely concealed by a cascade of hair and the damp triangle of hair that covered her sex. His breath caught in his throat. Hermione swallowed, suddenly aware of the situation. Her eyes flit to his groin, where his hardness showed clearly through his half-damp trousers. She grew wet knowing that he wanted her, and that he found her attractive. She bit her lip, unsure of how to proceed.

Luckily for her, even Severus' muddled state, he still noticed the discernable blush that crossed her cheeks and the widening of her pupils. In three quick strides he was upon her, tangling his hands in her hair and pulling her in for a heated kiss. She moaned into his mouth as his hands travelled over her body, desperately trying to feel all of her at once. When his fingers grazed over her hardened nipples, she gasped. Sensing her pleasure, he began to rub small circles over them, eliciting little whimpers of pleasure from her. His cock was hard to the point of pain at the point, with her tight little body rubbing against him, and her moans revealing the extent of her want. The summer had been torture for him, watching her swan around in short shorts and mini dresses, and the curve of her arse and a hint of a lacy thong showing untold promises on more than one occasion. Little did he know that each movement – every gentle bump of her thigh against his at meetings, and every not-so-accidental glimpse of her underwear – was all purposeful. She had wanted him for such a long time, and she had thrilled from his minute reactions. The shifting of his robes to hide his excitement; the sweat upon his lip when she bent over to give him a delicious view down her top. And now she had him.

He pushed her against the cold tile wall, making her gasp. He kissed her neck and collarbone, biting and sucking hard enough to leave marks in more than one place. His hands glided down her waist and back, grabbing her bum with greedy intentions. He spanked it lightly as he moved his head further down to lick and suck her nipples, making her emit a high pitch squealed. He smirked into the soft flesh of her breast, his hands already journeying somewhere new. He stroked her dripping wet slit and bit gently on her nipple, causing her to pull his hair in desire. His long fingers slid across her clit making her tremble and moan. He kissed her fiercely as he fingered her, quickening the pace as he pushed a second finger in. His fingers curved into that one spot she had been searching for, over and over again. Her moans turned louder, and then into exclamations.

"Oh Gods Severus I'm going to come!" She gasped. Kneeling on the floor, his tongue flicked at her clit as his fingers continued their ministrations, sending her over the edge. Her legs shook as her muscles pulsed around him.

She did not give herself long to recover, barely registering Severus' self-satisfied smile before she pulled him over to the bench, pushing him down onto it. He looked surprised, but then even more so as she began to unbuckle his trousers. Kneeling on her towel, she sprang his hardness free from the constraints of his robes. He gasped, hips bucking slightly as she licked the tip with the flat of her tongue. She moved the wet heat of her mouth slowly down his cock, taking him as deep as she could go. His hips bucked again, before he could regain his composure. Her eyes flicked up towards him with understanding of what he wanted. He moaned, putting his hands on her head and beginning to fuck her mouth slowly. He removed his hands, giving the control back to her. She quickened the pace, hand pumping the base of his cock whilst her mouth and tongue did mind-blowing things to the top.

"Ahhh – Hermione stop!" His eyes were fluttering shut, and she knew he was going to come. She stopped, grabbing her wand to cushion the floor. She pulled off the rest of his robes, pulling him down on top of her on the floor.

With a deep breath Severus entered her. They both gasped, kissing each other wildly. Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him in deep. He moaned into her mouth at the feeling of his hard cock totally sheathed in the heat of her wetness. He began to fuck her slowly, but they both quickly realised that wouldn't be enough. He quickened his pace until he was slamming into her, making her scream with pleasure. She kept saying, oh Gods, oh Gods. His fingers reached between them to rub her clit, bringing her to a climax almost instantly. At the feeling of her muscles clenching around him he came. Slowing his thrusts to nothing, he collapsed on top of her.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." He murmured into her damp hair.

"Oh, I think I do."