Attack Dogs

WWII Ad:

Guns and explosions…it doesn't take a genius to figure out that they're good at killing people. Not that we don't deliver with our patent pending Big Bertha artillery guns (see pg. 57), but sometimes, you just have to let the dogs do the dirty work. Our specially bred German Shepherds are thirsty for Nazi/Jap/Yankee/Communist blood and always eager to take a bite out of the enemy!

5 dogs with replacement upon death, $70 per minute

Cold War Ad:

Just when you thought the old classic couldn't get better…they're better, faster, bigger, and even hungrier for a piece of fresh American/Vietnamese/Cuban/Russian meat! Our dogs are no longer bred, a process that is too inefficient and too prone to random genetic mutations. Instead, thanks to top-secret cloning technology, we have been able to clone a line of dogs with all its innate killer instincts active! We guarantee that it'll bite a jugular open every time!*

5 dogs with replacement upon death, $1100 per minute ($1000 with activation of Hardline coupon)

*Offer not active if enemy is in a 3 foot radius from a corner, or any more than 10 feet above the ground.

Memorandum (1999):

Due to massive lawsuits from the Humane Society, PETA, and other goddamn hippie organizations, we have been forced to shut down production of our dog cloning facilities. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you. However, we recommend that you try out our similarly priced Chopper Gunner or AC130! Because hell from above is just as good as hell down on earth.