Author's Note - December 30th, 2014

The last time I have been on my account was on July 20th, 2013. It has been more than a year since then. I haven't updated my profile, nor my stories. I've completely disappeared from fanfiction. Glancing at what I said on my profile, I called myself lazy for not updating. As much as that's true, it's not the entire truth. I haven't been updating because I've fallen out of the passion in which I once felt for fanfiction. Writing fanfiction was my life, my love, and my happiness.

Or so I thought.

Today marks the beginning of the end of the year. 2015 is literally right around the corner. 2014 was a hard year for a lot of people. It was a hard year for me, and my writing suffered because of it. Maintaining a life online and one in the 'real' world is incredibly difficult to manage without balance. I didn't maintain that balance and before I knew it, my life was crashing down in front of me. I couldn't make time for family and friends as all I wanted to do was sit on my bed with my laptop and type my heart away. I've lost a lot of friends due to the drama that comes along with life. Lies, betrayal, hurt, anger, and sadness is a part of every teenager's life. We all just manage it differently.

I managed it through tears. Lots and lots of tear were shed this year as I cried through the pains and expectations of my family, the drama with my friends, and the sudden realization that I'm not able to let go easily. This year was painful, but I've learned so much and I've grown up. By "growing up" you lose the passion you have for things even when you thought you'd love them forever. I've lost my passion for "borrowing" characters and playing dress up with them. Fanfiction is the way to unleash your imagination and I've done so. It helped shape my life and who I am. However, I'm not the same girl I was 3 years ago. I've grown up and I've been on a hunt to find my "happy place."

My happy place is my writing. I write not only to unleash my imagination, but to help myself gain a clear mind and deeper understanding of who I am. I can't seem to do that anymore on this website because looking back on my stories, I'm reminded that I was once this happy little girl who thought life was perfect. I know now that perfection isn't real, it's a delusion. The bittersweet delusion of perfection.

I found my happy place, and now I need to close a chapter in my life and learn to let go by moving on. This is one of the chapters that I've kept open for such a long time. I've been holding on to this part of my childhood because it is what made up my childhood. I used fanfiction to hide from the world, but now it's time to face it. Fanfiction is my comfort zone, and now I need to step out of this bubble and feel alive again. I'm the empty shell of the girl I used to be, and I'm going to fill this shell right back up with the joy and passion for writing. I'm breaking the rules I've used to trap myself in, and as my gym coach told me, let go of the pain.

This isn't a goodbye to my writing career. It's just my way of moving on from the expectations I've put up for myself. I'm closing this chapter in my life because I want to be in control to write out my life. I'm taking the pen back and I'm planning to write my heart away-making as many mistakes that I want without being able to erase them off the paper. Fanfiction will always have a special place in my heart, it was on here in which I've made some of the best friends and people who I know will support me no matter what. Leaving my readers hanging is the last thing I want to do to them-but I hope you guys will understand that it's the best thing I can do for myself as this year ends.

In just two days, it will be a new year and I can't wait to start it off by knowing a little bit better of who I am then the year before. In response to my countless goodbyes, this is what a person I hold dear to my heart always and never says. They always say 'see you later' and never goodbye. I guess that's because goodbye means forever.

So Fanfiction, this isn't goodbye, but more of a see you later and thank you to everyone for being a part of my childhood and a part of my life. I wouldn't be who I am without you.

~ December 30th, 2014

Athenagray15