17. Legacies
She looked just about as I imagined her to be. Reid's mother. It wasn't that I ever had done much thinking about her or talking about her. Nothing like that. She just looked about the same way she sounded in the letter that I had read more times than I could visibly count.
Her hand had raised the moment I stepped in the room and that kind of terrified me. Did she not want to meet me after all? No, that wasn't it. She had been writing something down on the pages she sat over at the table that was in tucked in a corner but turned around so that she could see whoever was entering the room. There wasn't much else of interest in the room. It was a large room that was used as some sort of activity room.
Diana was the only one there but it didn't look like she minded or cared. She slowly looked up and me, her hand falling in her lap as she smiled. "You must be Natalia. I wondered if you'd ever come."
I smiled a little as let my hand slip from the bag I had over my shoulder and land near my side. "Sorry." I started just as she beckoned me to come sit in one of the chairs near her. It was a safe distance away. "I wasn't sure about how to go about talking with Reid about it."
"He's not here." She seemed to just notice that.
I bit my lip as I replied. "Yeah, he was coming but then a case came through. He should be here in a few days."
Diana hummed as she mulled over what I told her which was all the truth. It had flustered me to fly to Vegas by myself. I wasn't one to be on airplanes alone. Hadn't really been on one ever and having the weight of this important person to the father of my kid made it ten times worse.
"Do you have any questions for me, Natalia?" The question took me off guard. I expected her to have more questions about me and my relationship with Reid. She confused me a little. It wasn't even that she had asked any such thing in the letter. I just wasn't sure what I was supposed to do here but I couldn't really deny that I was curious.
It was probably better if I stuck to the few tiny questions that I had accumulated over the past couple days. They were small but there were many. "What was he like as a child? He doesn't talk about it."
"Much the same as he is now, I expect. Highly intelligent and sweet. He rather be in a book that he would finish in an hour than go outside and play. I got him out most of the time. It wasn't what he wanted to do. Knowledge was his entertainment and I can't say I was disappointed in that. He's doing well for himself in the bureau as far as I know."
I nodded, I think we both knew how highly valuable he was to the FBI. He helped that he loved doing what he did too. "I'm not sure what he's told you about me. I didn't read over his shoulder when he was writing to you. I'm not good at being stealthy either but I want you to know that I want no harm to come to him. No matter if I'm the cause or not."
"I have no doubt about it. He's told me enough to make me curious to the point of seeking you out myself. You weren't direct - I prefer when people are direct, when you said you weren't sure how to talk to him about coming here. I think I understand why. I'm his mother, I'm no monster. I only want him to be happy. It's up to him whether that involves you."
There was something about her own directness that made me continue to spill my guts to her. It was easier because she was being honest with me. I felt courage when people were more open with me. I think that was something universal but it still felt good.
She wasn't as scary that I thought she would be either. There was this thing about Mrs. Reid that I couldn't place. She wasn't as loving as I experienced with my own mother but she wasn't completely guarded as she sat there talking to me. It wasn't the image that had been created because of her illness. She was something to admire, and someone to fear in parts. The former was something I was slowly working towards.
"I sometimes wonder if it would have been different if I never got pregnant."
Diana mulled over that for a moment. "It's not something you should feel guilty about. Spencer is with you for reasons beyond the fact that you are having children together and while I don't necessarily agree with how that happened I know that there's something about you that makes me feel whole. He wouldn't go so far as to make it work if he didn't see anything more happening. It's not in him to pretend."
I believed that too. It was a struggle of mines that I had recently realized. I expected bad things to happen because they did; not only to me but to the people I held close and had lost one way or another. It had served as a lesson for me to protect myself. I couldn't let it get in the way of what I was building up towards.
"Thank you." I whispered. I knew in part why I was expressing such gratitude to someone who I just met. It was more out of understanding that not everything was supposed to be met with caution and that you could be surprised to.
I was most certainly surprised.
We talked a little more about Reid before a man came in wearing the standard uniform for the aids here in the center. He carried a cup with a few blue tablets in it as far as I can see and two bottles of water. One he offered to me, and I took it while he passed the medicine to Diana.
This was the first time I really thought about her illness. She was schizophrenic. Something that Spencer was afraid of eventually consuming him because of the genetics involved.
She busied herself with unscrewing the bottle after the man left. She doesn't say anything for a little while. She seems content and I don't mind the silence as much.
Then she's asking more of me. "How did you meet Spencer? He mentioned only that your name was Natalia, Nati for short and that you kept him occupied."
"I don't know if I'd go that far. He entertains me more than I. I used to work for the police department. Before I realized I was pregnant and I was invited to this gala for the government. I'm not all that important really. We shared a dance." I didn't know if I needed to go on but I think she realized what else happened that night.
"I see. Were you fired from your job?"
I shook my head. "In a way I quit. My boss was an imbecile who couldn't stand the thought of a woman with child being stationed in the department for all eyes to see."
She smiled. It was an odd smile that gave me so much but also so little. There was something about what I said that made her amused.
"Do you plan to find another job elsewhere after you have the babies?" She knew that we were having twins. How did she know?
I decided honesty would be better than dodging the question. "I'm not sure. My focus is the children right now and i can't say I'm exactly fit to do this. Be a mother but I want to do my best for whatever is to come of it. I think it would become a full time job in itself. Not that I mind at all."
"It can be. I don't think it should hinder you if you do want a job outside of being a mother. I couldn't say if it's easy especially if there are two not one to look after but it's something to think about. I did my best with him, even though I had his dad." She had this faraway look in her eyes that made me think that Reid's dad was a difficult subject to brooch. So I decided to just not go there.
There were so many things that I didn't have the heart to talk about.
I wasn't allowed to stay much longer but Diana asked if I'd come back another day while I was still here. She also mentioned that she hadn't seen her soon in a couple of years.
It reminded me how important today was supposed to be. Not even the fact that this was a meeting between two women who were important to Reid, but that he was wanted there to some degree.
I hated to think how much that frightened me to think about what would happen once he found out that I had visited her without him and even without telling him that that's why I wanted to go. He had to know though. Why would a pregnant woman want to go Vegas rather than visit someone? It wasn't a place for me.
I did see the charm of it. This was his home since he was born. There was a lot going on but I rather stay out of it and during the first night after I had bought some food up to the room I ended up calling Garcia who seemed to be waiting for me.
Reid had bought me a spare phone. Or rather gave me one of his spares. For a man who wasn't all that into technology he had a lot of those phones. Burners though they were.
He said he'd call at some point but I hadn't heard anything. That wasn't exactly why I was calling Garcia. I just wanted to talk to her about today.
"Thank god you called. I was starting to fret. Morgan and I are trying to get him to leave the case early so that he can be there with you."
I laughed imagining how annoyed Spencer had to be with the duo of Penelope and Derek ganging up on him. This made me realize something. "The others don't know, do they?"
"Oh. Sort of. They know he is involved with someone and that you're living with him and they've tried to get details out of him. Mostly JJ because she worries about him. We all worry about him but neither I or Derek have let on about the fact that we know you or that you're expecting genius babies. We are all fairly good at dodging and pretending that we are clueless about things that are important to us. You're safe. How did they meeting with Mrs. Reid go?"
I sighed. "She's nice. To the point of disbelief."
"She wasn't off kilter was she?" Garcia had this tone that I recognize. She seemed worried.
"No, no, no nothing like that. She asked questions and she was nothing but helpful and supportive. She wants me to visit again."
"That's good. I met her once. She had come to the bureau a few years back. Got Reid a little riled up but she was trying to help. I think Reid was blindsided by it but you can tell how much he cares for her even when he doesn't visit much."
I expected as much. I didn't visit my own sick mother as much as I should. It was hard sometimes but Reid worked hard and had little free time for himself.
"Do you think he knows?"
"It's possibly, Nati. We never really know how much he knows unless he tells us something. It'll be alright though. He adores you. I think the only thing that would concern him is if his mother was not okay when you were there."
"I understand." I said quietly, covering my mouth from a yawn.
"Get some sleep, chica. I'll let you know if anything comes up."
"Thank you, Penelope." I ended the call and curled up on my side.
It took two days for Reid to be persuaded to come join me in Vegas and I happened to already be signing in to visit Diana. I wasn't allowed to for a day (a disturbance caused for a lockdown of the facility and no one could enter) and I wanted to scope out the city the other day.
He entered the room in a hurry as if he had ran there. He looked frantically at his mother before noticing that I was there and he frowned. He opened his mouth to say something when his mother intercede.
"Hello, Spencer. Come here and give your momma a hug."
Diana seemed quite unfazed by her sons change in demeanor but I could feel every single ounce of trepidation hit me all at once and I started crying.
Even after he had crossed the room and hugged his mom and let her kiss his cheek I hadn't even gotten myself under control. It was like a flood.
He sat down near me but he wasn't as close as I wanted him to be. I don't think it was even that either. I didn't like when he was upset but this felt worse somehow. As if I had betrayed him.
"Before you say a word Spencer I contacted her a little while ago. I wanted to meet Natalia on my own."
She shifted her eyes over to me and saw the state I was in. "It's the hormones, dear. You're not nearly as upset as you think you are. Scared, yeah I could understand that seeing as he caught you unaware here but it's fine. Isn't it Spencer?"
This felt different. She was different than the last time I was here. I think it had to do with Reid's irritation with me. She didn't like it.
I could feel him looking between the two of us before I felt him place something in my hand. I looked down to see that I was holding a small piece of fabric. A handkerchief.
I almost started laughing. He would own a handkerchief.
I wiped my face with it before looking at him. Still waiting.
He cleared his throat. "Yes, it's fine. I just don't understand why neither of you decided to tell me about it. It's not like I would mind."
"It was not entirely about you. It's about the legacy."
"Legacy?" I piped up.
"I knew there had to be a day when he'd have kids. He cares too much to not want to have the experience of that joy. He has a grandson and that's good but there's something more tangible about knowing that you have someone out there who is a part of you."
"Is that what I am to you?" Reid asks her. There is a bark to his bite.
"No. It's something that you're carrying forward with Natalia. I may have no part in it at all but I wanted to know the woman who you chose. She's good."
His face softens at that exclamation.
We are all quiet for a little while. Then he says something that makes me want to cry all over again. "She's better than good." He's looking at me and smiling as he reaches for my hand and squeezes it.
Diana feels happier in this moment than ever before. She sees something vital in her boy's eyes. She sees light and love and everything that she thinks is going to keep this going for however long he's on this earth. She only used one of the many words to describe her future daughter in law.
No, he hasn't asked for her hand in marriage yet but it won't be long before he does. As his mother she can just tell.
He's passionate about this woman too and she loves that. It's why he reacted the way he did. So she smiles at them and waits. None of this is going to be easy but she'll be happy to hear about it and see it if she can.
/
I can't even begin to apologize for how long this has taken to be updated, written, worked on but I can hope you like the chapter all the same.
I feel like the last line of this chapter kind of speaks more volumes for what I've had in mind for the rest of this story. So *hint* *hint*
Let me know what you think? And if you're still with me? :)