After the small-but-lovely response to Three Words (originally a character-development one-shot), I rashly promised I'd expand on it. Started this, then got hit with crippling writer's block for Shoker. However, what feels like years later, here it is. So...

Friendship, romance, the "blame" conversation that should have been in the game, and heated beverages! I'd read Three Words before you read this, but it's not required.

Feedback makes my day, and kudos to anyone who gets the really obscure reference I make in the first few lines.

Coffee

"Coffee," Shepard says.

She sighs. She's glaring at a machine. Considering they have EDI on board, that isn't actually a strange thing to do, but this doesn't even have a VI - it's a voice-controlled drinks dispenser. She takes the cup of liquid and tastes it - it's almost, but not entirely, unlike coffee. She throws it away. It's some time in the morning, too early for anyone to be up.

"Co-ffee," she says, slightly more loudly and clearly to the machine, feeling ridiculous. She hears irregular footsteps behind her and perhaps the odd slight intake of breath from pain - Joker. Then a muffled laugh. Yes, definitely Joker.

"What?"

"Guess I'm not the only one talking to a machine." She hears him join her at the counter. "Where's Gardner?"

"I don't know, sleeping? He's not here 24/7. And I'm not flirting to get a cappuccino."

She notices how deserted the mess hall is. Shit. The silence stretches.

"C'mon, Commander, I don't flirt. With EDI, any -" There's a pause, almost like he's catching himself. "With anyone. Shepard - " For a moment, she thinks he's going to ask her the question she's been dreading since their old ship went up in flames. Since she's sure she embarrassed herself horribly, admitting something that should never have been brought to light. Of course, there's always the chance he didn't actually hear it...

He did, and for a moment, he is, but then, deciding to let it lie and make coffee the old-fashioned way, he sighs. "Hang on."

There's a cupboard in which Gardner stores his ingredients. Recently, he's been serving what could actually be called food, due to the fact that she spent three hours on the Presidium with his list (just the memory has her grinding her teeth). He searches through it until he produces a crumpled bag. He opens it and sniffs it. "I think it's OK," he mumbles. "Water," he says loudly to the coffee dispenser, grabbing two mugs and dumping some of the instant coffee in each. The dispenser stutters for a moment before releasing boiling water into them. He pretends not to notice Shepard glaring enviously at him, but can't help the half-smile that creeps onto his face. Ducking back into the cupboard - which, he can't help but notice, has him gritting his teeth in pain and takes much longer than it should - he grabs the sugar, somehow finds a teaspoon, and puts some in a mug before handing it to her.

She samples it, then nods in surprised approval. "Perfect." Something occurs to her, and she can't help but wonder... "How did you know I took sugar?"

He raises an eyebrow. "I've been on a ship with you for two years. I mean, it's not like I watch you every day or something, but..." He stops. "Shepard, why are you even speaking to me?"

"Huh?" She takes a sip, wondering what she's missed, barely registering the pain when she burns her tongue.

"I killed you. You would have got out, but being all heroic and all, you wouldn't leave me for dead. I mean... just, why?"

He seems almost angry at her for dying, she thinks, not realising it's all his own bitter self-hate - none of it is directed at her. "Why didn't I leave you?" At his nod, she tries to answer, but a flare of anger rises up before she can stop it. "Because I don't leave my crew behind? Because I've had enough of this terrifying shit with Akuze, and I didn't want to watch more of my people die? Because you're the best damn pilot around?" Because I loved you, still do... The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows them down, along with another glug of boiling hot coffee, and with those words, the anger is gone, dissolved and replaced by shame for snapping at him. "I... sorry." She places a hand on his own, and her voice is quieter now. "You did not kill me, Jeff. Sure, you were too fucking stubborn, but a murderer?" She shakes her head. "Don't think so."

She registers the look of surprise on his face, and thinks she has gone too far, for a moment panicking that she's revealed her feelings with her touch and her expression.

She nearly has, but Joker wouldn't notice anyway - he's too busy letting good ol' self-deprecation step in and say he's being stupid, it's just very touchy-feely friendliness, and shit, why has his pulse increased to ten times its normal rate and she really needs to stop doing this whole "being nice to him" thing if it makes him react like this all the time...

She quickly withdraws her hand, and he somehow manages to snap out of it. "You're letting me off easy, commander. But, hey, you're right about the 'best pilot around' thing - nice to see you remembered."

She puts the mug in the sink and walks out of the mess hall, parting with the laughing words, "Like I could forget you, Joker."

It really shouldn't make his heart skip a beat, but it does.