TITLE: Inversion of Expectations

AUTHOR: Tiffany Park

CATEGORY: Humor

SPOILERS: None

RATING: G

CONTENT WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY: Ryner and Ferris find an unusual Hero Relic. They decide it's the perfect thing for Sion. This works out about as well for them as you might expect.

STATUS: Complete

ARCHIVE: Please ask first

DISCLAIMER: Legend of the Legendary Heroes and its characters belong to Takaya Tagami, Saori Toyota, Fujimi Shobo, Dragon Magazine, Zexcs, Kadokawa, Funimation Entertainment, and probably a whole bunch of other people and companies I know nothing about. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

Inversion of Expectations

by Tiffany Park

"What does it do?" Ferris asked, sounding utterly disinterested. She bit a dango off the skewer in her hand and stared impassively at the hero relic in Ryner's palm, an attractive sapphire ring.

"Don't know." Ryner held the ring up against the sunny sky. The central gemstone glinted, throwing off brilliant blue sparks in the bright sunshine.

"So how do we find out?"

Ryner shrugged. "Try it out, I guess." He slipped the ring onto his pinky and made a fist. "These things usually activate through willpower, so..." He aimed the ring at an innocent tree at the edge of the meadow.

Nothing happened.

He tried again, this time aiming at an inoffensive patch of wildflowers. Again, nothing happened. "Huh," said Ryner. "Maybe it's broken."

"Maybe you're just lazy," said Ferris, deadpan. "Not only are you a sex fiend who takes advantage of helpless young girls, but you are a good-for-nothing malingerer who won't even put the effort into this very important task." She ate another dango.

"Stop saying things like that about me!" Ryner yelled at her. Irritably, he held the ring out to her. "You think it's so easy, you try it."

Ferris sighed theatrically and accepted the relic. She put it on her ring finger, but it was too large, so she moved it to her index finger instead. She held out her hand to admire the way the blue jewel caught the sunlight and glittered.

"Stop that and try using it!" Ryner ordered, exasperated with her dilly-dallying.

In response, she pointed the ring at him.

"Hey!" Ryner shouted. "Are you trying to kill me? Aim somewhere else!"

"It doesn't work," Ferris said passionlessly. She blinked, and dropped her skewer of dango onto the ground.

"Ferris?" Ryner asked. "Your dango?" Her passion for dango was legendary. She always kept a ready supply at hand, and was known to rant long and loud when others didn't show the proper respect for the sweet dumplings. Sometimes she even threatened people with her sword for the offense. She wouldn't just let a skewer of dango fall into the dirt like that.

"Oh," she said. "I don't want it anymore. Dango just wastes space in my pack and weighs me down. I should get rid of it all. I could walk faster if I weren't carrying useless indulgences around."

Ferris didn't want her dango? Now Ryner was really worried. "Are you feeling well, Ferris?"

"I am fine. Here, you're the magic user. You keep this." She pulled off the ring and held it out to Ryner.

The instant he took it from her, her eyes fell upon the abandoned and now dirt-covered dango skewer. "Ryner!" she shrieked. "I dropped my precious dango! It's wasted now! And I thought it was a good idea. You fiend, you must have made me commit that disgraceful act!"

"How is this my fault?" he protested. "You dropped it. You said you didn't want it!"

"Oh, how could I have betrayed my dango?" she lamented. "I cherish it above my own life. You unconscionable, evil, irredeemable libertine! You used your vile, womanizing powers to mesmerize me into abusing poor, innocent dango as revenge for pointing that stupid ring at you!"

"Eh, stop talking foolishness," Ryner said, rubbing his head and sighing in resignation. He looked suspiciously at the ring, and slipped it back on his pinky. "Let's just take this ridiculous thing back to Sion. Maybe he'll be happy we found him a useless trinket."

The journey back to the Roland Empire went much quicker than usual, mainly because for once Ryner didn't insist that he and Ferris take midmorning, noon, and afternoon nap breaks. In fact, Ryner wanted to keep moving forward no matter what, and was reluctant to set up camp and sleep even at night.

"Are you ill, Ryner?" Ferris asked when they bypassed a perfectly lovely spot by a lake. The soft, sun-warmed grass looked ideal for napping, but Ryner hadn't even noticed.

Ryner gave her a funny look. "I'm fine, Ferris. Why do you ask?"

"You haven't once complained that you need a nap since we started heading back to Roland."

Ryner stopped walking. Ferris took a few more steps before she noticed, then she paused as well and turned to look at him. He appeared shocked. "Ryner?" she asked.

"You're right," he said, blinking with surprise. "I don't want to sleep. I just want to keep going so we can get back as soon as possible."

"You must have used your evil mesmerizing powers on yourself by mistake," Ferris said.

"Don't say ridiculous things." Ryner looked at the sapphire ring speculatively. "Ferris, I think I know what this ring is for." He pulled it off his finger. "I want to try an experiment. Could you get some dango out of your pack and eat it?"

Ferris frowned. "Why?"

"Since when have you ever refused to eat dango? Go on, humor me."

She retrieved a loaded skewer and bit off a sweet dumpling, chewing with obvious enjoyment. "Yes? Now what?"

"Now put on this ring." He gave it to her and watched as she slipped it on her index finger.

Almost immediately, she said, "This is useless," tossed her dango aside and didn't give it a second glance. "We should get going and not waste our time on these frivolities and idle experiments."

Ryner noted this behavior with interest. "Okay, now take the ring off and give it back to me," he told her.

At once, she complained, "Ryner, you did it again. You somehow made me believe my dango a waste and drop it on the ground. What despicable powers are you using against me? Why do you hate my poor dango so much?"

"It's that ring," he told her. "I think it reverses strong behavior patterns and bad habits. Not that napping is a bad habit, everyone should take afternoon naps..."

"Will you make sense?"

"When you put on the ring, you decided taking time to eat dango slowed you down so you threw it away, even though you're a dango addict. You did the same thing before, too, the last time you wore that ring. And while I was wearing it, I never wanted to sleep. I thought it was a waste of time because we needed to get back to Roland as soon as possible."

Comprehension dawned on her features. "But you always want to sleep. Even in the middle of the day."

"The ring must be doing something to reverse our behavior about the things most important to us."

"That's ridiculous," she scoffed. "Whoever heard of a hero relic that wasn't a weapon?"

"We were bound to find a clunker sooner or later," Ryner said sourly.

"What should we do with it? The thing is useless."

"Maybe we should just throw it in the lake." Ryner scowled at the ring in his palm. He enjoyed his naps and took them at every opportunity, but this stupid thing had made him forget all about that.

"That does seem a good place for it," Ferris agreed readily. "Anything that makes me waste precious dango isn't fit for civilized people."

"No, wait," Ryner said, getting a brilliant idea. "We should take it back to the palace. I know a certain workaholic, slave-driving, sleep-deprived, bully of a king who really needs to try this ring out for himself. We can tell him we don't know how it works. He doesn't need to know that we figured out what it really does."

Ferris nodded. "Yes, an excellent idea. It's that tyrannical king's fault we had to find the ring, so he can take the consequences. That's what he gets for using us in such a diabolical manner."

"He'll probably fall asleep and stay that way for a week. Or at least stop working us so hard. We'll get a vacation," Ryner said happily. "I can take afternoon naps all day, every day."

"And I shall have all the fresh, wonderful, Wynnit dango I can eat, any time I want," said Ferris.

Once they reached the royal palace, Ryner and Ferris easily found the king of the Roland Empire. As usual, Sion sat at his desk in his study, working on a hideously large stack of official documents.

Ryner shook his head. Sion looked as tired and harried as ever. "Ah, Sion, you work too hard," he sighed. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I don't have time to waste. There's too much to get done," Sion replied absently. "You could help..."

"No, no," Ryner said hastily. "Ferris and I need to get back to hunting for hero relics, right? And here," he said, holding out the sapphire ring, "we found one for you."

Sion took it and held it up to the light. "What does it do?"

Ferris said, perfectly deadpan, "We don't know. This sex-crazed pervert was too lazy to make it work."

"Hey! I told you to stop saying those things about me!" Ryner ranted at her.

Accustomed to their antics, Sion laughed.

Ryner smiled at him. "Maybe it just didn't like me. You're a decent magic user. You should give it a try," he said with spurious innocence. "Go ahead and put it on."

Trustingly, Sion slipped the ring on his ring finger. Ferris and Ryner watched him with breathless anticipation.

"Oh, wow," said Sion. He suddenly looked refreshed, alert, and alarmingly energetic. "This ring is amazing. I feel like I can get a hundred times as much work done now. You two," he pointed at them, "if we all work together we can clear all this paperwork by dinner, and even get a good start on those files over there."

Stacked against the wall were towering piles of overlarge boxes stuffed full of papers.

Ryner's eyes widened. "What? Don't you want to take a nap?"

"We don't have time for naps. You take too many, anyway," Sion said, rising and crossing the study to collect an armful of files. He deposited them in Ryner's hands, then got Ferris her own stack of paperwork. "Come on, now, we can do this." Sion was talking faster and faster. His eyes were lit with feverish energy, and he tapped his hand on a bookshelf with impatience. "Now, you two. Get working."

"Wait, what did you do to that ring?" Ferris asked.

"Me? Nothing," said Sion, holding his hand out to admire the jewel. "This relic is amazing. It feels like it's increased my efficiency a thousand fold."

"Oh, no," said Ryner.

"You mean it energized you?" said Ferris, incredulously.

"Oh, absolutely. I'll bet my magic would be significantly more efficient and effective while using this ring," said Sion. "It would be an incredible weapon, but it's great for my regular work, too."

"Efficiency?" Ferris's eyes were wide. She whispered to Ryner, "That means I lost interest in dango because...?"

Ryner nodded slowly, grimacing. "And I didn't want to take naps," he replied to her, "because it improved our efficiency at what we were doing. It helped us get back to Roland sooner."

They both looked horrified.

"How did Sion know?" Ferris asked, appalled. "Why didn't we see this?"

"Probably because for us it subtracted things that were dragging on our efficiency, but for Sion it actively added to his by giving him a lot more energy and drive. He likes to work, and we don't, so we misinterpreted what it was doing." Ryner looked glum as he worked it out. "It helped him do what he wants even better, just like it helped us get back to Roland faster. More efficiently," he concluded with resignation.

Sion was staring at them. "Wait a minute, you two. You said you didn't know what it was for," he said. Confusion was quickly being replaced with growing annoyance. "It sounds like you thought it did something else. What exactly did you expect this ring to do to me?"

Neither was willing to answer that question. Instead, Ferris glared daggers at her partner in failed crime.

"I'll kill you, you arrogant, ignorant, deceiving pervert," Ferris hissed at Ryner. She dumped her paperwork in Ryner's arms and drew her sword.

"Later," said Sion, twisting the ring about his finger but not removing it. At the moment the work at hand was the dominant purpose in his mind. It was far more important that his friends' peculiarities. He'd take off the ring after the task got completed, assuming something else important didn't come up. The ring really was a wonder... "First do the paperwork, then kill Ryner."

*** end ***

April, 2011