A Most Awkward Conversation
by Actressen

Some of the many characters played by Johnny Depp over the years meet at an unexplained dinner party. Featuring Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Victor van Dort, Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka, and the Mad Hatter.

-AMAC-

It was a rather large table. Long and ovular, there were six places set, and all six were inhabited. Now, in many ways they all looked shockingly similar- except for one, who looked like he was made out of clay. The two who wore top-hats, a Mr. Willy Wonka and a Mr. Mad Hatter, were speaking animatedly, with lots of hand gestures and half-crazed looks. The words "chocolate", "tea party", and "hat" were brought up frequently . Edward Scissorhands sat quietly, his eyes frantically darting about the room, as one of his scissors tapped on the table nervously. The same expression was plastered on the face of the one who looked like he was made out of clay, one Victor van Dort.

Mr. Sweeney Todd (formerly Benjamin Barker) was muttering a chant under his breath, a scowl on his face. He was examining his dinner knife, watching how it caught the light in different ways. The others were rather wary of him, and his neighbors had pushed their chairs away a good deal. And finally, there was one man sitting at the head of the table, a look of disbelief and mild horror on his heavily tanned face. This was Captain Jack Sparrow, and he was not happy. "Where in the world am I?" He roared, "and this," the disgust was evident on his face as he held up his glass, which was filled with lemonade, "Is most certainly not rum!" He slammed the glass back on the table, waiting for an explanation. quickly gaining the attention of everyone else at the table. No one spoke (except for Sweeney, but that was to himself). Victor finally summoned up the courage. "I-I do, um, be-believe t-that is l-lemonade, sir." He wrung his hands together anxiously.

"L-lemonade?" Edward repeated, looking rather green. Those sitting next to him looked at him nervously, fearing the worst. Before anything else could be said, dinner was served by a man who wore the traditional service man attire. Jack was extremely happy to see him. He quickly got out of his chair to run up to the help. "Good man, good man, where is the rum?". His pleading was ignored. In fact, the man continued as if Jack wasn't even there. "Captain Jack Sparrow will not be ignored!". The man ignored him once more, before leaving the room, closing the door behind him, locking it with a solid click! Jack ran to the door and tried to turn the handle in vain before falling to his knees, heartbroken.

The remaining men took the lids off their plate, revealing piping hot meat pies. Sweeney burst into song, his sentences broken by bouts of maniacal laughter "It's… fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some Shepard's Pie peppered with… actual Shepard on top…. try actor, it's… compacter… but always arrives… overdone," he finished, stabbing the meat pie through the center with his knife. His face then when slack, and his scowl returned, as he muttered "Lucy". He then returned to his mumbling.

The Hatter began to clap. "Bravo!" he exclaimed, "Wonderful performance! Let's eat now, shall we?". Meanwhile, Wonka, Victor, and Edward were scared silent and Jack was banging his head against the door.

It would be an interesting dinner.

A/N: This was just a rabid plot bunny that wouldn't get out of my head. There is no logic, so don't try to find any. I apologize if it's choppy, grammatically incorrect, or if the characterization was poor, but I wrote this quickly and without a Beta. (in other words, don't judge me based on this story).

Now please click the good old button bellow and drop me a review. Go ahead. It doesn't bite. I promise.