A/N: Hi there...any of you who are sitting there at your computers thinking, "Mouse and Stupid Productions...I think I've read one of her stories...oh right! But it was so long ago I don't remember what it was anymore, gee thanks. Bitch." I apologise muchly that I'm not updating any of my unfinished stories. I also apologise that I'm publishing a new story. However, it's a good portion written already. And I will be pacing the chapters that exist already so that it works out and I won't get too behind. See, I wrote an honest to God novel in the past few months and that took up all of my time, since it was something close to eight hundred double spaced pages. And I was working on this story before that, so that's why it got shoved to the wayside.

Summary: Hogwarts 2017. Rose Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy, Albus Potter, Dominique Weasley, Roxie Weasley, Lucy Weasley, Emerald Zabini, Sam Baker, Will Corner, Dylan Abernathy and Lyra Malfoy start school. Naturally, hijinks ensue. Pretty much every single piece of teenage drama I could possibly think of is in this story. It also includes major appearances by James Potter II, Fred Weasley II, Frank Longbottom II and Lily Potter II. And just as a warning, no consecutive chapter is told by the same character... So, read on!

Chapter 1 - Lyra

"And you'll write at least once a week," Mum said. "And you'll come home every holiday."

"Astoria, they're not going to school during a war," Dad said.

"Yes, but," Mum started.

"But nothing. We've put the fear of the Dark Lord in them, they're not going to go off and join the Neo-Death Eaters or something," Dad said. I snickered.

"Well, I might not," I said.

"Funny," Scorpius said. "Really funny." We've spent the past eleven (almost twelve) years of our lives worrying about being ostracised at Hogwarts because Dad fought for the wrong side during the War. He's assured us that given the choice, he would have fought with Harry Potter instead of against him and the only reason he didn't is because he wanted nothing more than his father's approval, and if we ever want his approval badly enough that we'll sign up to AK people, he'll disown us and we'll have to go live with Grandma Narcissa. We have this conversation once a month.

"Alright, let's review," Dad said. "First rule."

"Don't be a pompous ass," I said. "Or an arrogant one, or…or just an ass in general." Dad looked proud until Mum hit him upside the head for teaching me to swear. Scorpius snickered, becoming slightly less nervous.

"Second rule," Mum said, still glaring at Dad.

"Don't go exploring, because we'll get caught by Filch and hung in the dungeons by our toes," Scor said, his momentary lack of nerves over.

"Third, we won't break the rules because McGonagall will put us in detention for eons," I said.

"Four, we won't anger Professor Longbottom because you owe him your life," Scor said to Mum. Mum nodded. Ron Weasley saved Dad's life, Neville Longbottom saved Mum's.

"Five, any products we purchase at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes will not be used in a 10 metre radius of Hogwarts Castle proper," I said, cringing at the floor. Dad raised his eyebrows at me. He pulled out his wand.

"Accio!" he cried. I cringed as my trunk banged open in the hallway and the turn ups of my jeans flipped down traitorously. A stack of decoy detonators, three bins of Skiving Snack Boxes, two containers of Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, shoes that allowed one to walk on the ceiling, a spell-check quill, a tin of extendable ears, a bag of dung bombs, a pot of instant pimple remover and a reusable hangman piled up at his feet. Scorpius was staring at it all with wide eyes. Dad covered his eyes in his hand as Mum's jaw dropped.

"Lyra Gemini Malfoy," she said in an even, measured tone.

"Hi?" I said nervously.

"The entirety of rule number five," she said.

"It's not at Hogwarts!" I insisted.

"But it's going there!" she replied.

"Yes, yes it is," I said, nodding in agreement.

"I can't deal with you," Mum said, turning from the room and heading for the kitchen. The moment the door was closed Scor and I were out of our seats, all of it in hand and ran for the hall. We dumped it in my trunk and slammed it shut, returning to our seats as Mum came back. We adopted sombre expressions.

"Where'd it go?" Mum asked.

"I disposed of it," Dad said. Mum nodded, and grabbed her cloak, heading for the entrance. Dad winked at us when she wasn't looking. I love my father.

We got to the station with ten minutes to spare. I grabbed my trunk and bounded onto the train, running down the length of it to the very last carriage and the last compartment. Two boys were sitting there, not looking at each other, but reading the same newspaper.

"I love the Quibbler!" I said by way of introducing myself. They both jumped and looked at me in terror.

"Is this stuff real?" the one with curly hair asked, gesturing to a picture of a Manticore.

"Yeah. Firsties?" I asked. They nodded. "Muggleborn?" I continued. They nodded again. "So cute…Anyways, I'm Lyra, erm, I'd like to sit in your compartment, and my twin brother, Scorpius will be along shortly to join us. And you are?"

The one on the far side looked terrified. He awkwardly brushed his brown hair out of his face.

"Sam," he said. "Baker." I looked at the other guy. He regarded me coolly.

"Abernathy. Dylan Abernathy," he said.

"Bond, is it?" I said. He smirked.

"Yes, M?" he asked.

"I like you," I said.

"Same goes," he said. Sam looked terrified.

"I'm a Muggleborn first year! Stop talking in code!" Sam yelled.

"Sam, we were just referencing a Muggle series," I said.

"James Bond…M…Oh!" he said, looking sheepish immediately afterwards.

"Nervous?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"It'll be okay. I have to go say bye to my parents, but then I'll be back," I said.

"Okay," Dylan said.

I turned and walked out of the compartment and as I did, I ran into Scor.

"We're in the last compartment, guys names are Dylan and Sam," I said briefly before carrying on to the platform. Mum and Dad were staring awkwardly at the train.

"You haven't been here since your seventh year, have you?" I asked.

"I haven't been here since my seventh year," Mum said. "He picked me up."

"Fun," I said. "Sorry about being a pain in the arse, Mum."

"Language, Lyra. Language. Please," she said.

"In which language would you like me to speak?" I asked. She sighed in a resigned way and hugged me goodbye. "Love you, Mum." I hugged Dad.

As I started to go back to the train, he grabbed me by the shoulder and whispered, "Get up to as much mischief as you can. Live your dream." I smiled and hugged him one last time before hopping on the now moving train. Considering my dream is to be the combination of James Bond and George Weasley, except a girl, mischief was definitely crucial.

I slammed the door shut behind me and promptly ran into a girl with really dark red hair.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed.

"Merlin, you're like my brother," I said, holding my head and hauling myself off the ground. A boy a little shorter than Scor was standing next to her and a little behind. "You look exactly like Harry Potter," I informed him.

"He's my Dad," the boy said awkwardly.

"Cool. And you look familiar. Got parents in the history books as well, have you?" I asked the girl.

"Yeah," she said, apparently still feeling bad about knocking me over.

"No, I can't do it, sorry," I said. She looked concerned. "Place you," I elaborated.

"Oh! Oh, it's okay," she said. "I'm Rose, by the way." She extended her hand for me to shake.

"Lyra," I replied, shaking her hand.

"Al," Harry Potter's awkward son said.

"Aha," I said. "Got anywhere to sit yet?"

"No," Rose said. "I'm avoiding sitting with my family."

"As am I," Al said.

"Got the same family then, do you?" I asked.

"Yeah," they said.

"Ah, well then, you should come and sit with us," I said.

"Who's us?" Al asked.

"Me, my brother, this kid Sam, and James Bond," I said. They looked confused as I led them down the corridor. "His name's technically Dylan, but I prefer Bond." They exchanged looks as I opened the door. Scorpius was sitting awkwardly on the bench down from Sam and all three of them were silent.

"Somebody die?" I asked.

"No," Dylan said.

"Right then," I said, sitting down next to Dylan. Rose and Al walked in awkwardly. Scor's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Oh, my brother has a crush then doesn't he? How cute.

"You can sit here," he and Sam said in unison, patting the seat in between them. Rose looked confused, but sat none the less. Al sat next to me.

Nothing happened on the ride until the witch with the trolley came by. Sam and Dylan looked fascinated.

"We've got some new folks," I said, gesturing them. "So we'll have a bit of everything. Emphasis on the Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties." She peered at me curiously.

"Astoria Greengrass," she concluded.

"No, sorry, she's my mum," I said. She nodded, before staring at Scor in the same way.

"Draco Malfoy…Draco Malfoy's son," she corrected.

"Yeah," Scor said, sounding as awkward as Al. She glanced at Al.

"Well, I'd know your parent's any day, Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley," she said. She turned her gaze to Rose. "And Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger." she shook her head to herself. "You hand them their first Pumpkin Pasty and before you know it you've got their grandchildren on the train. No, dear. Never from any of you," she said as I tried to pay her.

"Thanks," I said, confused. She nodded and walked away. Something she'd said clicked. "Hermione Granger! That's who you look like!" I exclaimed suddenly, pointing at Rose.

"Guilty," she said.

This was the most exciting thing until we were almost at Hogwarts. I'd gone to the loo in order to put on my robes and as I opened the door, a boy who looked incredibly like Al, along with a boy with fantastic dreads, tumbled into the door, squishing me flat onto the ground. The boy who looked like Al looked horribly embarrassed, but the other boy quickly kicked the door closed.

"She's coming, mate," he whispered to the Al-boy.

"What? Surprise attack?" I asked as the three of us stood. Let me say the loo is rather small.

"Hiding," the Al-boy whispered.

"From who?" I asked.

"My sister," the black boy responded, at the same time the Al-boy said, "my cousin."

"More Weasleys?" I asked, amused.

"Yeah," they said distractedly.

"Fred, how are we going to get out of here?" the Al-boy asked. Wait. Fred? Fred Weasley?

"Hang on a minute," Fred said. "I think I've got some darkness powder around…" he searched his pockets for a moment. "Bugger…" he whispered, looking at the Al-boy in a terrified way.

"She's only a first year?" the Al-boy said, obviously terrified. Fred raised an eyebrow at his cousin's apparent stupidity. "And the daughter of George and Angelina Weasley…" They gulped in unison.

"Darkness powder?" I asked. They both spun as though they'd forgotten I was here. "Or perhaps…" I dug further into my jeans pocket. "Decoy detonator? Dung bomb?"

"All three?" the Al-boy said.

"I love you," Fred added. I smiled.

"I guess you picked the proper loo, didn't you," I said. They nodded. "Now, let's see…Detonator, bomb, darkness?" I suggested.

"Yes," they said in unison. I dropped the detonator. It scuttled under the door and into the hallway before buggering off. We heard it make a loud bang in the distance. I opened the door and handed Fred the dung bomb, which he flung after the detonator. I dropped the darkness powder and we made a run for it. They followed me back to my compartment. Al and the Al-boy took one look at each other and groaned.

"Not you," Al said. Scor, Sam and Dylan looked confused.

"Hey, Rosie!" Fred said.

"Dylan, Sam, Scorpius, Lyra, this is Fred," Rose said. "And Al's brother, James."

"Why are you here?" Al demanded of his brother, James.

"Because Roxie's trying to kill us," Fred said. Rose raised her eyebrow. "I said she could use a haircut." Rose and I rolled our eyes.

"And that she wasn't allowed to date," James added. Fred looked sheepish. I glared at Scor.

"Never," I said.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said.

"Dating, or telling her she can't?" Dylan said.

"Dating," James and I replied in unison. We high fived. The train suddenly lurched to a halt. James and I fell into the empty seat. Fred fell on his arse.

"Hi," Dylan said to James, who was inadvertently sitting on his lap.

"Hi," James replied.

"James, this is Bond. Bond this is James," I said. "Okay that's weird."

"Just a bit," James and Bond answered in unison.

"You all excited to get sorted?" Fred asked.

"Hell yeah," I said. Rose, Scorpius and Al paled. Bond and Sam just looked confused. "What houses are you in?" I asked James and Fred.

"Gryffindor," they said. "What about your parents?" James continued. I noticed he hadn't removed himself from Bond's lap.

"Slytherin," Scorpius and I answered. James and Fred regarded us curiously.

"Oh, Merlin, the two of you are twins, aren't you?" Fred asked.

"Yeah," Scor said.

"I know the hair is completely different, but we have the exact same eyes," I said.

"Completely…different?" Sam asked. Well, slightly. I have curly, long (long, long, long) blonde hair, whereas Scor's is short and looks like he just got off a beach. But we both have the Malfoy blonde hair and the Black family eyes.

"Sam, are you familiar with the concept of 'sarcasm'?" James asked. He looked abashed.

"Give him a break. He didn't get a James Bond reference as a Muggleborn," I said.

"Oh," James said, standing up. "So, Fred and I are going to go retrieve our trunks, hopefully we won't be maimed, and we'll see you lot at the Feast," he said.

"Bye, all," Fred said, following him out. We stood up and grabbed our various trunks and animals. My cat glared at me. I petted him through the bars of his case. Scorpius had gone for the more practical owl. I didn't envy him.

The six of us put our trunks and pets in the indicated stacks and continued along a beach path in the dark until we turned a bend and Hogwarts in all its lit glory shone across the lake. I've heard stories, I've seen pictures but nothing compares. My jaw dropped, and I felt my expression mirrored by all the first years with us.

"Four teh a boa'," called a giant man. This would be the legendary Hagrid. The six of us looked trapped.

"I'll go sit with my girl cousins," Rose said. "There are four of us this year." Al looked trapped.

"Lorcan and Lysander!" he said suddenly. "I'll go with them! C'mon Sam." Sam and Al took off through the crowd.

"We probably should have a fourth," Scorpius said. Before we could even try and figure anything out, a silky voice came from the darkness behind us.

"'Sup," she said. "Mind if I share your boat?" Scor cringed. I smirked.

"And you are?" Dylan asked.

"I'm their cousin, who are you?" Emerald Zabini asked.

"Em, play nice," Scor said.

"My aren't you friendly," she replied.

"Give him a break," Dylan said.

"Why?" Em asked.

"He fell in love today," Dylan said.

"I did not!" Scor insisted as we piled into the boat.

"Well then you have a major crush," I said.

"I hate you all," he said, crossing his arms and looking out the front of the boat in shell shocked wonder.

"On who?" Em asked, excitedly. I'm not sure if it's Aunt Daphne's fault Em loves gossip or if it's her dad's mum's. Uncle Blaise isn't that bad, and I like Em, but Blaise's mother is evil, swear to Merlin. And Aunt Daphne isn't exactly nice, come to that. It's a miracle Em turned out the way she did.

"A girl," I said. She glared at me.

"How much was it? Seventeen sickles?" she asked.

"Two galleons," I said. She glared and reached into her robes before handing me the money.

"Really?" Scor asked. "You were betting on my sexuality?"

"No!" we insisted.

"Then what?" Dylan asked.

"More as to whether or not he's asexual," Em said.

"That's a sexuality," I said.

"Yeah, but it's true," she replied. Scor looked concerned.

"And I'd be asexual because…?" he demanded.

"Em had a theory that Granny Cissy castrated you at birth so that the name 'Malfoy' would die with you," I explained. Dylan burst out laughing.

"Well, she's wrong," Scor said. "I still have my – erm, my – well, the-"

"The family jewels?" Em supplied. He flipped her off as the boat gently nudged the bottom of a set of rock hewn stairs. I climbed out before offering Dylan my hand.

"I say we leave them," I suggested.

"Quite," he agreed. We walked off up the stairs, Em and Scor following at a distance. At the top of the stairs we caught a glimpse of Rose and three other girls, all equally as beautiful as Veela. One actually looked like she could be. I walked up. There was Rose, another girl with brown hair and blue eyes and glasses, the Veela-esque one, and a tall black girl who looked remarkably like Fred.

"You'll be Roxie then," I said to her.

"Have you seen my brother? I'm gonna fuck him up," she said, staring over all of our heads at the crowds.

"I like the Weasleys," Dylan said.

"Just a sort of general," I made a circle motion at them.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Me too," I said.

"So, where's this brother of yours we've heard all about?" the Veela like girl asked. I pointed vaguely to a spot behind me.

"You haven't heard all about him!" Rose insisted. The other three Weasleys looked at her like she was mad. "Bugger off." They smiled. The smiles made them look related. Because otherwise they didn't look it at all.

"Let's go in, shall we?" Rose suggested, grabbing my arm and stalking towards the school.

"So you think my brother's hot," I said.

"You're not going to tell him, are you?" she asked, seeming panicked.

"Are you kidding? I'm the best secret keeper on this planet," I said. "I'm also a great Keeper, but that's for Quidditch try outs." She laughed nervously.

"You can't tell Weasleys anything private, because once one knows, the rest of them do. Just a general warning," she said.

"Duly noted," I replied. She nodded and I followed her into the Entrance Hall. A tired looking teacher greeted us.

"Hi," he said. "I'm head of Hufflepuff, I teach Charms, m'name's Professor Macmillan, erm, yeah. So in about five, you're going to go through those doors, put on the Sorting Hat, it'll tell you which house you're in, and it's fun," he said.

"Is he dead?" I whispered to Rose.

"No, that's the History of Magic teacher," she corrected.

"Right," I replied. A harried looking man ran out of an ante chamber and tapped Professor Macmillan on the shoulder.

"Ernie, go to sleep," he said. "I'm never letting my kids near you when you've been drinking again." Professor Ernie Macmillan nodded and stumbled off down the stairs.

"Oh! Nevi - Professor Longbottom!" Rose called. So that's Neville Longbottom. Got it.

"Yes, Rose?" he asked, seeming tired.

"My mum says 'hi'," she said. He nodded and smiled.

"Now, everyone, I'm the head of Gryffindor, I'm also Deputy Headmaster, and your Herbology professor. In a minute you'll enter the Great Hall and it's important for you to know that your house will be like your family. I know mine was," he said. One of the doors swung open. "And here we go!" he said. We followed him into the Hall apprehensively. At least, apprehensive on my part. The hideous tattered hat was sitting on a stool, just like Dad had said. Rose gripped my elbow nervously. Scorpius sidled up to us and took her hand before she could hyperventilate. She leaned into him and let go of my elbow. I felt the blood return to my arm.

The hat broke into song, shocking the Muggleborns and not even fazing everyone else. I only tuned in at the end.

"So, even though you may all scream and shout

Have no doubt that I will sort you out"

"Well that's promising," I muttered. Neither Rose nor Scor were paying attention to me. I rolled my eyes. Neville stood up and picked up a list.

"Abernathy, Dylan!" he called. Dylan winked at the three of us and sat on the stool. The hat had been on his head for all of one second when it yelled, "Gryffindor!"

Ackerly, Chase, became the first Hufflepuff, Anderson, Raven the first Slytherin.

"Baker, Samuel!"

Sam walked awkwardly up to the stool and cringed as it touched his head.

"Gryffindor!" it yelled. He sighed in relief and sat across from Dylan. I noticed James and Fred sitting next to them.

Bancroft, Laura; Bennett, Grant; Briar, Stephanie; Clark, Kent (or Superman. I can't decide…); Corner, William; Finnegan, Fiona; Finnegan, Ioan.

At least Scor and I aren't the only twins.

Jack Flintwood; Damian Gray; Andrew Grey; Kevin Griggs; Jasmine Hemmingway; Carrey Jakes; two Jenkins'; three Jones'; Juniper, Keenan, Kellan, Kimberly.

"Loosely, Ana!"

"Hufflepuff!"

"Lucy, Gavin!"

"Hufflepuff!"

"Malfoy, Lyra!" Oh god. That's me. Everything's been a blur, but now I have to go up there. What if the hat rejects me? Or worse! Puts me in Slytherin!

I trembled as I walked up to the stool. I sat like a boy and held onto my knees as the hat spoke in my ear.

"Why are you frightened?" it asked. "That's not a very Gryffindor way to be, is it?"

"Bravery means being scared shitless and doing it anyway," I muttered. The hat laughed.

"Right you are. Such a long Slytherin lineage, be a shame to break it. Capability to be in Ravenclaw. Determination to be in Hufflepuff, but the desire to be in Gryffindor. A boy perhaps? The need to be with your friends?" Merlin, hurry up. "You're right about the bravery bit, by the way…GRYFFINDOR!" Sam and Fred cheered loudly while James and Dylan leaped out of their seats to applaud wildly.

"Shut up!" yelled a girl who looked remarkably like the Weasley cousin with glasses.

"Sorry, Molly!" Fred yelled back. I handed Scorpius the hat and made my way to the Gryffindor table, sitting in between James and Dylan. They both hugged me as Scorpius put the hat on. Please let him be in Gryffindor. He seemed to argue with the hat as I had done, and turned pale. The hat rolled its eyes.

"Gryffindor!" it yelled. I cheered loudly. Thank Merlin.

"Potter, Albus!" James grabbed the table cloth nervously. The hat debated.

"Gryffindor!" We all sighed in relief. Al's friends the Scamanders were sorted into Ravenclaw, as was Alex Thomas, and then,

"Weasley, Dominique!" The Veela girl walked up.

"Gryffindor!" the hat yelled. She came and sat down next to William Corner.

"Weasley, Lucy!" The girl with brown hair and glasses walked up and was sorted into Gryffindor.

"Weasley, Rose!" Rose walked up nervously. She sat down. Scorpius's eyes were glued to her. I considered snickering at him, but managed to refrain.

"Gryffindor!" The hat yelled. Both she and Scorpius sighed in relief. James, Fred, Dylan and I avoided each other's eyes as she sat down next to Scor.

"Weasley, Roxanne!" Fred ducked.

"Gryffindor!" She sat down at the table and glared at Fred. He waved.

"Oh bullocks… she's in my house," he muttered to Sam. Sam looked concerned.

"Zabini, Emerald!" Em walked up, looking haughty. I waved. She winked at me and went to join her Slytherin housemates.

"Welcome to Gryffindor," James called down the table. Oh yeah. This is going to be fun.

Please read and review, because I'm not updating until I get three reviews. And just so you know, I have the next chapter sitting on my hard drive collecting cyberdust. So if you want to read it, you should review. Yeah.

Mousie