Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

(Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)

She got the call today
One out of the grey
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away

She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

(Mat Kearney, Closer to Love)

Some things are impossible. She knows this. Of course, she's pretty good at beating the odds. She's a surgeon, after all. She plays the odds for a living.

She got a perfect score on her SATs. When her brother called it a fluke, she signed up for the next round and took it again, just to show him. Another perfect score. And what were the odds, really, that the first time she succumbed to the intoxicating danger of her husband's best friend's arms, said husband would walk in on them?

So even though it's impossible, even though the odds are against her in every way, she takes the test.

It's the first pregnancy test she's bought this side of forty, and like cigarettes or condoms or Hostess she lets the drugstore clerk judge her without question.

She takes the test before she's forced to admit it to herself.

This one she wants.

But it's negative, of course. Positive news is only what she delivers to other people.

X

Wrapped in a sweater's embrace, she reclines on the hard wooden slats of a deck chair, contemplating her mortality.

It's not like it's the first dream she's given up.

"Are you in or are you out?"

He answers more quickly than she'd expected. "I'm sorry, Addison."

She nods. She doesn't cry. "I guess it's a good thing I'm not pregnant, then."

"I'll still be here for you." He doesn't meet her eye. "As a friend. You know."

"Sure," she says.

X

Like she's sure she needs a clean break, to get away from this place and cocoon herself somewhere to prepare for what she wants next.

But it can't be somewhere new. She can't add another pushpin to the map of her failures. So she looks back.

She misses New York, the bustle, the cloaked warmth. She wants to see seasons change again, to see the friends left behind what seems like a lifetime ago.

There have been many opportunities for her to return in the four years since she left; she seizes one with surprising ease.

X

"Is this because of me? Of what I said?"

Naomi's looking for absolution, not honesty. Feeling generous after seeing the size of the signing bonus, she grants it.

"Of course not."

X

She flies out to visit and accepts the offer with a handshake and a broad smile. It's crisp and cool in New York, all the old smells just as she remembers. They pop a bottle of champagne as she imprints the final iteration of Addison Forbes Montgomery on the contract.

"The famous Addison Montgomery. I can't believe we're finally getting our hands on you."

Addison takes a sip of champagne.

"I really didn't think you'd say yes."

"Well," Addison demurs, smoothing her skirt. She crosses one boot over the other. So this is what the other end of the ultimatum feels like.

"Are you going to miss the west coast?"

Sam's face floats before her. The negative pregnancy test. "Probably not."

X

She flies back to L.A. to get her affairs in order before returning to New York.

"It's only a year's commitment," she reminds Amelia. "I want you to stay in the house."

As for where Addison is going to live - that's another story.

She's never going back to Central Park West. Of this she's certain. And the upper east side just reminds her of her family, the Park Avenue co-op her parents kept while she was growing up. With what she knows now about her parents, she can only imagine the things that tasteful two-bedroom must have seen.

And the lure of walking to work is strong - she misses it from her New York days, sipping coffee as she marched in step with a clamoring herd, breathing in what passed for fresh air.

Because she wants to walk, and she doesn't want to think, she take a furnished place in a luxury building a few blocks from the University hospital. She's never lived in that neighborhood but it has to be better than this. Savvy and Weiss aren't too far away - close enough to meet for runs, something they haven't done in years - and they've told her they're planning to take her out as soon as she arrives.

X

Amelia swears she'll visit, and then teasingly asks for the keys to Addison's convertible. But she's taking the car with her; there's a garage in the building and maybe she can escape on an occasional weekend. The hospital's recruiting team has made everything as easy as they can; a driver is coming to pick the car up and drive it across country for her.

With only a few hours left in California, Amelia makes a production of her farewell breakfast, chopping vegetables, cracking eggs, and muttering as butter sizzles.

"Almost ready," Amelia says. "Just have to - oh, crap."

Addison can't help smiling at the faint crashing sounds. "Sounds like more than an egg is breaking."

Her phone rings - St. Ambrose. She's closing out patient files, but a few loose ends remain.

She ducks outside to take one last call from the sun-warmed deck.

"Doctor Montgomery."

"Addison, it's Rachel Ford."

And then life turns on its ear with an almost comical record-scratching shock.

"No, that's impossible."

"It's true. I checked twice."

"Check again, Rachel. It's not possible."

"Look, Addison, I may not be double board certified, I may not be you, but I am a damned good OB and I think I know when someone is pregnant. A false reading with an OTC test isn't that unusual at your age, and a blood test-"

"Oh my god..."

She grips the back of a chair, knees weak. "It was just supposed to be a blood test."

"Why don't you come into the office? We can talk."

She hangs up instead and walks slowly back inside, her head buzzing. Her flight to New York leaves in in six hours.

"Who was that?" Amelia slides a plate in front of her loaded with bright yellow omelet.

"Just the hospital."

"Everything okay?"

The omelet is flooded with melted cheese, softened tomatoes spilling out the sides and Addison swallows hard on rising bile. "Yeah, everything's fine."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, the driver called to confirm that you still want him to come at noon." Amelia glances at the clock. "I told him your plans haven't changed."

"Good." Addison breathes deeply through her nose, takes a bite of omelet. It's not so hard to chew. It's actually not impossible to swallow. "They haven't."

Author's Note: This is my palate cleanser - outside the universe of anything else I'm working on. I don't think I can handle an Addisam baby onscreen, so I challenged myself to see if I could handle it like this. Next chapter: Addison's back in New York, and Savvy and Weiss re-enter the picture. If you're still on board, please let me know what you think!