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Hugo's Howler

Hugo's not like normal kids. When he gets howlers at breakfast, he never tries to run of with them, or throw them in a fire. He opens them with a grin on his face. Everyone listens, of course. Some of us snicker, but all his friends cheer.

I can see he's got a howler, and he's bound to open it. He likes to wait a minute for everyone to get curious as to what he's gotten in trouble for this time. Like they can't already tell. Well, now he's opening it...

"HUGO ELLIOT WEASLEY, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

YOUR MOTHER SAYS THAT SPELL YOU USED IS REALLY HARD TO UNDO! YOUR HAIR WILL BE THAT UGLY SHADE OF GREEN FOREVER! SERVES YOU RIGHT! NOT SURE WHY YOURE IN SLYTHERIN WHEN YOU KEEP GETTING CAUGHT!

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OWLS I GET ABOUT YOU? IM NOT IMPRESSED, HUGO, I AM NOT IMPRESSED!"

At this, someone from Hufflepuff shouted, "Well I am!" and some of Uncle Ron's next words were drowned out by the goofy cheers of agreement that followed.

"DO YOU KNOW THAT IVE HAD OWLS ASKING ME TO STOP SENDING HOWLERS? BECAUSE THEY ENCOURAGE YOU?

YOUR MOTHERS BRILLIANT, HUGO, YOU DONT HAVE AN EXCUSE TO GET THOSE GRADES! AN O IN POTIONS? HONESTLY!

AND WHO PAINTS OVER PORTRAITS! THATS PRACTICALLY MURDER, HUGO! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO RESTORE A PORTRAIT?

AND IF I FIND ONE MORE DUNGBOMB IN YOUR LETTERS HOME I SWEAR TO MERLIN-"

Now the screaming, rage-filled voice of my uncle was replaced with the matter-of-fact voice of my aunt.

"Ronald, really, another howler? Don't you know they've asked you to stop sending these? You're only sore because he's in Slytherin and he's making a lot more trouble than you ever managed to. Don't right that down, Quill! Oh well. Hugo, you behave yourself! Or you'll spend the summer shadowing Uncle Percy at work!"

With that, the letter promptly burst into flames, and the hall broke into jeering and applause.

I don't know how, but Hugo saw me rolling my eyes all the way from the Slytherin table.

"Jealous, Lily?" he called.

"Hardly," I replied, but my voice was lost in the cheers of the Great Hall.

I wonder if Uncle Percy's aware he's being used as a threat. I'm sure he'd be thrilled.

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