OK so here's the usual requisite disclaimer: Firstly, in case any of you didn't already know or guess this, I don't own the Transformers or anything to do with them (I can only wish did). And ... Secondly, I'm not making anything off this story so please don't think of suing if you do happen to be the one that does own the Transformers (I'm dirt poor so if ya did sue it hell would probably freeze over before I could pay ya especially since I'm not making 1 red cent writing this).
Secondary disclaimer... This fanfic was inspired by the several fanfics about what to do/not do when living with autobots/decepticons/transformers but I am not stealing their ideas I am doing my own take on it in my own style and it will be hopefully totally different from theirs (their stories inspired me to do mine).
So now that the disclaimer's out of the way, this is my first transformer fan-fiction. If you see any mistakes in this please let me know. Now on with the show...
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Well, it seems I got asked nicely to write up a list of rules for all the human decepticon agents living here with the decepticons at the base (and for any that might want to live here in the future). Apparently since I'm the lowest on the totem pole next to the other humans living here, I get to write it up. Oh lucky me. Actually I got Megatron's giant canon shoved in my face with him yelling at me to "Write up some rules to control your (insert your Untranslatable cybertronian insults and insults here) underlings or else!".
So... here she goes...
the list of rules for:
HOW TO SURVIVE LIVING WITH DECEPTICONS
1. Never argue with a Decepticon. If you do, well... Lets just say you only get 1 argument before you're out, like in baseball but permanently.
2. Never make comments about their energon. You can like it, hate it, wonder why its that color, but never never comment on it. You DON"T want to end up wearing it. Seriously, the last human that did... Well …. He isn't commenting on anything anymore, ever.
3. Never make bets with Decepticons. I mean never. I mean sure it's OK if you loose, but never, and I mean NEVER, win at any cost. You just DO NOT want to see what will happen if you win and they loose. Especially never bet with them unless you're bigger then them, better armored and have bigger guns. Seriously.
4. Do NOT dare Skywarp to do anything. Just don't. He'll get caught and tell on you and then YOU will be the one in trouble not him and you'll wind up in the brig if you even make it that far. If you do you're really lucky. I did say lucky right? Well considering the alternative... Speaking of which, chances are when you get out of the brig you'll be cleaning up Skywarp's mess (and if your really lucky, you'll also be cleaning up the grease stain left by the last unlucky person who dared Skywarp).
5. Never smile, smirk, laugh, chuckle or otherwise show amusement when Starscream's in trouble. You will NOT like the results which will be A) it will P'O' Megatron. And... B) it will P'O' Starscream.
6. Never P'O' Megatron. Seriously have you seen the size of his guns? No NOT THOSE guns! Sheesh, I swear that's all you decepticons have on your minds these days. His canons. Look at the size of them. Oi! Not those. *points up to canons* Those! not... ookie. I give up. Next rule... (*hates writing the rules with a certain someone looking over my shoulder*)
7. Never P'O' Starscream. He probably won't shoot you for it but he'll make your life a living hell for it for as long as he lives (which basically means, you are doomed!) He can be really creative doing so too, after all he used to be a scientist. Didn't he create the... no not that... but he created the... oh your right, that was... but he... no? OK next rule please!
8. Never go to Decepticon parties! Never! Seriously, do you want to have to dodge spilled energon and falling cybernetic organisms? A Decepticon party for a human is like one huge as obstacle course but with the added benefit of all the obstacles being lethal if you fail it. Nice hmm?
9. Never tell jokes to Soundwave. You'd have better luck getting a rock to crack a smile. You have been warned. Disobey at your own peril. The last person who insisted on telling Soundwave jokes and didn't desist in time got sent to Hook for a medical exam. Come to think of it ... he still hasn't come back from there.
10. Never pick fights with any of the casetticons unless your a cybertronian. That rule SHOULD be self explanatory to anyone except... (insert your favorite dunderhead's name here). It took me like forever to clean up after... what was his name again? Never mind. Not like he's using it anymore anyway. Took me forever to clean up after whats his name fought the casseticons and lost. Kept finding bits everywhere for weeks afterward.
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So... What do you think? Should I write more rules to surviving the Decepticons? Please read and review.
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Special shout out to Wannabe_Starscream who's story 'Starscream's List' was of inspiration to me.