Bound for the Sun|005;
by woochann
A Saito/Chizuru fanfiction

Chapter six will be out as soon as I can spare some time. Crane Wing on Windows chapter ten is done, but it is so short that I'm working on chapter eleven as well and will release them both asap. Two more weeks and I'll have a weekend at home and then two more weeks and it is Thanksgiving break! Hopefully I'll be able to updated some stories for real then.

Thank-you all for your patience, and for all your reviews. I'm going to go back to working on Crane Wings on Windows so I can get it done by next week (hopefully).

…

She had been hesitating all day to see if Saito was willing to do calligraphy with her, but he had his job to do, and as his duty came before anything: she did not want to disturb him. A week had flown by without Chizuru dabbling in her hobby again. Most of it was because she had suddenly gotten busy with helping the Shinsengumi, and doing her normal chores. The enemies were quiet still, and since most had been thwarted, it was safe to say that most of the fighting with them was done. New enemies might surface, Chizuru knew, but she would take the peace that she could. Returning to her earlier thoughts, she had little time to waste doing much of anything besides sleep. This was the month for new enlistments and so she was busy helping oversee outfits were mended and hemmed as well as being there to mend any warriors who decided to get into a scrape.

Hijikata had little time to spare his men for her to go and do her stocks keep, so they were down on food. Today had been considerably calmer than others had. Most of the enlistments were done, and those who were accepted were now being shown around their headquarters, and being assigned to different squads. She watched happily as a few new recruits scurried along their way, still getting a feel for the new surroundings. When one stopped and looked at her, she waited patiently as he formed the words he needed.

"Do you know where we may find Heisuke?" Chizuru pondered for a bit trying her best to remember where he was at, before bowing slightly and pointing in the direction.

"He may not still be there, but that is the last place he was at. Are you apart of his squad?"

They both nodded, "Yes, and we are to go out on patrol with him soon."

They bowed to one another and Chizuru watched them take their leave. Now she was sitting by her room doing a whole lot of nothing. She had done everything expected of her today, and she had hours before she had to even think about cooking dinner. Lunch had been given earlier, and she was happy the new recruits enjoyed her cooking. She was happy to see more people sitting at her extremely large (and imaginary) table. They had lost so many in the past squabbles and wars that it hurt her to see so many good men gone. However, now it was regaining its old fervor. Sighing, she threw her legs over the side of the walkway and rested her hands behind her to support her weight as she leaned back. She wanted to enjoy the cooler weather, but her thoughts kept going back to how idle she was. She needed to do something. She decided against seeking Saito out because he was busy, and from what she had heard an hour ago, he was on patrol anyways. Heisuke was soon to go on patrol it seemed and Saito would return…only to lock himself in his room doing paperwork, and possibly meeting with Hijikata on certain political aspects of the Shinsengumi.

When the wood groaned next to her, she jumped a bit upon seeing Okita resting beside her in the same manner.

"You look conflicted Chizuru." When his gaze briefly met hers, she smiled. He had been sneaking out of his room lately to seek her company. Somehow, he knew when she needed a confidant, or when she needed to confide in someone about something. In addition, she figured he got bored so she would let him leave his room only to promise to go back in it once he had his fill with chatting with her.

Okita looked at the clouds lazily hovering by. "Saito visited me today. It was odd, and somewhat awkward. It seemed he had business to discuss. It was rather boring you know! And no tea from Chizuru!" he sighed dramatically.

"Okita I am sure whatever Saito had to say was worth it! Besides, you do not need my tea all of the time. You'll be too spoiled!" Okita laughed lightly, he enjoyed how forceful she was when he spoke to her. He just had to complain for a minute and he was being reprimanded about how he should be grateful. Besides, he enjoyed teasing her, and her sudden interest on what Saito was doing made her that much more interesting to tease.

"I feel like if I mentioned Saito more you'd listen to me more acutely. I could see you nodding your head to sleep when I talked about my adventures in my room."

She scoffed at him before smiling, "Claiming you defeated five enemies while in your room does not count. You know as well as I do that no one has even entered the grounds who is not an enemy in months."

He smiled lightly at how she did not discount he could kill them, but rather that there was nothing to kill. Yes, he enjoyed Chizuru's company quite a lot. However, he had not come to her today to talk to her idly.

"Chizuru, I came over here to tell you that Saito was looking for you. I'm not sure why, but he wanted to see you as soon as possible."

Chizuru jumped up and thanked Okita before running to find Saito. Okita grinned. He was sure he would get in trouble for this later. However, he figured Saito deserved some happiness and Chizuru as well. As close as they seemed to be getting on without realizing it meant they needed some outside prodding. Those two were so awkward with one another, if nothing else he could get a good laugh about it when Chizuru came to yell at him tomorrow. Glancing at the sky one more time he rose quietly to go back to his prison.

…

Running a hand through his hair, Saito glanced at the paperwork in front of him. Now that Hijikata was leader of the Shinsengumi, he did not have as much time to do paperwork, and Saito had quietly offered his services to oversee anything Hijikata could not do himself. He had to then talk to Hijikata about his decisions for approval before he made any move to send them on their way. It was very rare, and normally in wartime, that Saito was allowed the liberty to bypass approval. He had just finished those when he sat back to enjoy the cooling tea by his table. He was glad enlistments were done, and the turnout was rather surprising this season. Most enlistments were few, and he blamed most of that on the war that had raged but some months ago. Nobody wanted to be part of a war if it could be avoided; therefore, few had come for enlistment; let alone with the Shinsengumi. Now that things seemed to be ebbing into a sort of normalcy, people were stepping up.

He had gotten ten new members to his squad, although Heisuke gained the most. It was never about numbers honestly, and they only gained members to their squads who would thrive under the distinct leadership. Most were assessed to be in a squad by skill, and their weapon of choice. Saito tended to be firm in his leadership, and thorough. He disliked slackers, and made it a point to emphasize hard work and dedication. Heisuke was slightly looser in how he led his men, but was in no way terrible at his leadership skills. He had a different way of approaching things, and that was why the Shinsengumi had survived so long. Different ideas kept the group constantly thriving and without lack of new ways to handle things.

He had taken his new recruits on patrol and was happy to note they picked up quickly. He had gotten a quiet bunch, but a few broke the silence to make idle chatter in-between. Some even tried to ask him questions, most of which he ignored if they were personal, but quietly but surely answered any that had to do with the Shinsengumi itself. Most were satisfied with the answers he gave, and were quick-witted enough not to ask them again. This year's enlistment was a good sign for the future. He hoped it stayed this way for a while, and that the recruits had time to hone their skills before real battle reared its head again.

Deciding to change back into his black kimono, he ran a hand through his short hair to release any tangles that may have knitted themselves to his hair. Just as he had finished changing, and re-organizing his small desk, a slight knock broke the silence of the afternoon.

"Enter."

He stood to his full height and relaxed slightly at the sight of Chizuru. She smiled quickly and by the looks of it, she had run to his room. Cocking his head slightly to the right he let Chizuru speak.

"You wished to see me."

Righting his head, he gave her a slight puzzled expression, "I have not called for you Chizuru. Who might have given you false information?" He had a suspicion that Okita had something to do with this. He had slipped to Okita that Chizuru had taken a new hobby, one he was aiding her in. However, it seemed Okita was already well informed of this hobby, and upon further conversation, Okita revealed that Chizuru visited him often and told him most of the things happening in the Shinsengumi, and a few private thoughts. The gleam in Okita's eye proved worrisome and Saito feared Okita might have been plotting something to ruffle Chizuru's feathers. As he looked at her shocked expression, it seemed Okita had done a good job.

"Okita told me you wanted to see me. I am sorry if I have interrupted something important!" She made a move to leave but Saito simply motioned for her to sit across his small desk.

"There is no need to rush off. You were not interrupting anything of importance. Everything I needed to have done is done. Since you are here and I am free you may do some more of your calligraphy as you have not had much time to do it."

He knew that every time this week he had seemed slightly less busy Chizuru had almost asked him a question. However, she seemed to think better of it and just walk away, her head down. Saito was glad she did not ask him because he did not have the time to do anything of personal pleasure. They had rarely seen each other this past week, and when they did, their conversation was formal, and quick.

"How has your day been?" The question was unexpected, but from Chizuru's fidgeting it seemed she was not in the type of mood for quietness.

Thinking of how to answer her question he answered honestly, "Interesting."

She nodded before trying again at another stroke and smiled lightly when it turned out better than the last. This continued for another hour of Chizuru asking questions and getting stiff answers (if any) in response. Saito was not one to over express himself if he could answer in cordial, short answers. Even with people such as Chizuru where he felt like he could trust them more, he spoke little. It was not in his nature to speak so flippantly about anything. However, Chizuru seemed satisfied with his one-worded answers, and silent responses to some.

…

Chizuru had decided to let Saito help with dinner this night considering these next few weeks they would hardly see each other, and Chizuru would not be able to do calligraphy with Saito for a while. He gave her a brush of her very own to use and found some extra paper lying around to be used to practice on. She had her own inkbottles and was eager to do her own work. She stopped musing over her hobby as she finished slicing the vegetables she needed. Saito was brewing tea, and she had even roped Heisuke to help. He looked pained as he watched the water boil. His job was mainly in helping serve and provide an extra hand when needed, but she knew that pained look was his way of concentrating on doing as best a job as possible. He blinked and looked at her before grinning and going back to watching the water boil. She knew he had no patience in the kitchen, and was glad he was doing his best to help. His presence lightened the mood considerably, and his odd conversations helped keep the evening pleasant and less awkward.

Saito was the most grateful for Heisuke's presence. It allowed his mind to be at ease, and less worried about keeping conversation with Chizuru. He may enjoy his small talks with Chizuru, but he appreciated Heisuke's ease of starting conversations and fueling them with his own musings. Besides, it helped Saito's plan of keeping as distant from Chizuru as possible without hurting her. He liked silence, and he liked his time to think alone, and in peace. Now with Chizuru he felt he had to strain at times to make light conversation. He knew that when he talked he had a way of pulling towards the deeper ends of conversation, and therefore light talk came harder for him than intimate and deep speech. He blamed most of this on his personality. While others were great at dancing around at the surface, Saito saw what others neglected. His mind thought of issues and problems on a deeper scale than others did. This did not make his any better, but it proved his mind-set worked a different way. Shifting his weight, he moved to place the teacups on their trays to be brought out to the others. The main force of the Shinsengumi had been fed, and all that was left was Hijikata, Heisuke, Chizuru, and himself. Okita very rarely dined with them, but he knew Chizuru took him his meal around the same time she served the other Shinsengumi members. He suspected this was part of the time she talked to Okita about random nothings that Okita probably had no need to know. However, he understood why he said nothing to Chizuru that he really did not care about such trivial things. He appreciated her companionship, and especially for Okita, anything from outside his room was a blessing. Chizuru had a sense of peace, and comfort about her that few women he had met possessed. Her unnatural feeling of calm may have been due to her oni powers, but he had a hunch that regardless, she would have had that feeling even if she were human.

As Chizuru busied herself with finishing their meal, Heisuke had taken that time to prod a new conversation out of thin air, "Hijikata's been brooding over something these past few days. Have either of you noticed that?"

Chizuru turned her head slightly in thought before nodding with confirmation, "He has been a bit…distracted."

Saito, however, had not really paid much mind to Hijikata's mood swings. He was use to the man brooding, and he assumed it was his usual demeanor rearing its head again. Long before Chizuru came into their lives, Hijikata brooded often. Most of the time it was before a big decision he had to make, or after a small fight had been resolved. Hijikata was not unknown for brooding, and it was welcomed. It meant he was relaxed and in his best mood yet. The only time Hijikata showed true happiness was rare, and saved only for his friends. What you did not want to see from Hijikata was nothing. He had many emotions that danced on his face, but when his face was calm and steady it meant a storm was brewing. Chizuru had calmed most of his nerves, but Hijikata was still himself, and now being responsible for so many men meant his mood swings would come more often. He reasoned that this brooding Heisuke referred too was just Heisuke being himself: stating the observations, everyone already knew of.

"Hijikata has had many enlistments to go over, and papers to sign. I am sure his brooding, as you refer too, is simply Hijikata contemplating his decisions." Heisuke nodded, but was still unconvinced that Hijikata's brooding was for what Saito claimed it to be for. However, Hijikata would let them in on his brooding when he deemed it worth their time, if at all. Heisuke had very rarely been present when Hijikata actually explained his brooding, let alone what it was for. However, something about this particular brooding made him ruffled. It was not the sensation of feeling as if bad things were coming, but more along the lines of prickling at the back of your neck in warning of a shift: be for good or ill was still to be determined.

All of them had silent musings of what "Hijikata's brooding" meant, but either way: dinner was done and it was time to set such things aside for the meal that was soon to be devoured.

…

As Chizuru had foretold, she had not seen Saito since dinner - two weeks ago. Well, she had seen him, from a distance. She often ate with the new recruits when able, but knew Saito preferred his meals to be in private, and away from prying eyes. Heisuke also kept to himself since Shinpachi had left the Shinsengumi. However, ever so often he sat in with his new recruits, and some not from his squad to be informed of the information that the once common townsfolk usually had. Chizuru sighed as she looked around the room, most of the men had left the dining room (or mock dining room) to retire to their rooms, or do some light sword practice. She noticed that most of the men who excused themselves to do light sword practice were from Saito's squad. She smiled a bit at the dedication they put forth in proving to their leader, and themselves that they were worth their rank and abilities.

The last man excused himself and bowed quietly to Chizuru, sending a small thank-you for the meal before heading off to bed. Once the room was empty, she began to place bowls and cups in stacks to be taken to a few tubs to be washed. The meal was quiet today and calm compared to usual nights which were more rambunctious and loud. As she stacked the last bowls together, the sliding door opened to reveal Hijikata. Sitting back on her knees, Chizuru smiled lightly to Hijikata before returning to her work.

"Chizuru, may I speak with you?"

Looking over her shoulder, she stopped her busy work, "Of course!" Standing she dusted her pants before making her way to Hijikata. She looked him up and down and still felt odd seeing his hair short and sticking in odd angles rather than long and in place. She thought it was rather at odds this night, but assumed he was having a rough night and had been running his fingers through his hair constantly.

He looked around the room once as if to inspect it before walking out with Chizuru close behind. Once he had found his room, he opened the door and let her in before him.

He sat on his usual mat in his usual Hijikata manner with a face of seriousness and tiredness. Chizuru wished his burdens were lighter, but knew that it would not be so.

"I have to ask something of you Chizuru. I am going away for a few weeks with miscellaneous, but important errands that need handled. Nothing dangerous, for the most part." Chizuru relaxed at hearing the final sentence, glad to know he would be able to handle any threats without difficulty.

"What I require of you is simple: I would like to know if you would be able to run errands by yourself for a while as Saito will be in charge while I am away, and Heisuke will take on even more responsibilities. This may not have needed to be discussed at such an hour, but with my departure to be in two days, I felt I should inform you that you do not need a protector while running errands. While I am beside myself for this, I know that if the time came, you could defend yourself well enough to get away."

Chizuru nodded her understanding, but looked concerned when Hijikata began debating over something in his mind. She read it on his face and was concerned he would not express whatever was troubling him.

"Also, if I may be so bold as to ask something else of you?" Chizuru spoke a quiet 'yes' and sat patiently waiting for Hijikata to wrestle with his mind. "Okita is restless, as usual, but if you could spend time with him on a regular basis, that might make him complain less. This might also sound like an obscure request, but if you could spend some time with Heisuke as well, it would help ease the burden I have. Unfortunately, Heisuke is still shocked and disoriented from Shinpachi's departure and is often times distracted which makes his alertness decrease. I figure that you would help him much more than I can and would do."

The request was strange, coming from Hijikata, but not altogether misplaced considering how few there were of them now. Chizuru had noticed Heisuke's bottled up emotions, or reckless release of some, but she figured that he was just confused, hurt, and alone – even amongst friends. She had not once sat down with him to see how he was in a long time, and maybe it was time to reacquaint herself with Heisuke again when he was not too busy.

"I will do my best for both, and I pray that your journey is easy. Is that all you wished to ask? Would you like some tea for the night?"

Hijikata relaxed slightly and shrugged his shoulders before replying, "That is all that I require of you, and tea would be great if you could spare some."

Chizuru smiled, and silently tipped her hat to Heisuke. He had noticed Hijikata was fretting, but over what he was puzzled by. Little did they all realize it was something personal rather than formal. He was concerned for his friends well begin and seemed at odds with asking someone else to help ease his burden in it. Typical Hijikata behavior.

…

After giving her goodnights to Hijikata (and his tea), she worked her way to the kitchen to finish the dishes that were stacked a mile high (so to speak). As she walked in, she heard the clanging of dishes. Looking around she spotted Heisuke setting now clean dishes on the counter to be put away. He was currently looking puzzled as to where they went, but relaxed his brows when he spotted Chizuru.

"I was going to put them away for you but considering I have no clue where they go, I figured I'd set them on the counter so you could do that." Chizuru looked around astonished but grateful at his quick work, but stopped short when she saw a few grains of rice stuck on a few. She giggled before walking over to him.

"I am grateful for your help! I did not even know you were still awake."

"I was, and when I came to set my dish down to be cleaned, I noticed you had not even gotten one done. Therefore, being the kind person that I am, I did them for you. I figured you were currently doing something else before these so it wasn't a big deal." He shrugged before wiping his nose in embarrassment. She smiled and decided to take this time offered to her to have a talk with Heisuke.

"Could I trouble you for a few minutes Heisuke?"

Heisuke looked troubled by her question, but seemed to decide quickly on his response, "Of course, is there something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, it is just that I have not gotten to speak with you in quite some time."

Heisuke visibly relaxed and shoved his hands in his pockets while they walked. When they were outside, he sat down on the edge of the walkway, letting his feet rest on the upper most stairs that were in front of him. Chizuru did the same while looking at the sky above, smiling at the moon whose rays danced lightly on her face. Heisuke did the same and cocked his head to the side trying to find the constellations in the sky above.

"How have you been?" It was a simple question, but one Heisuke recognized that was not so simple to answer.

"Chizuru, if you're trying to say something-" Chizuru looked at him intently and Heisuke shut his mouth before grinning slightly. "You do not need to worry about me Chizuru. I'm fine."

"No you're not Heisuke. Normally I would believe you, and have believed you for quite some time, but it is become clear that it is not. Your mood swings are rivaling Hijikata's and you lapse into moods of quiet uncertainty that leaves me quiet and saddened by your current state. I know you are more mature than you were before, and I know your responsibilities require you to little time to really assess how you are, but really think about it for me. I really want to know how you are, and if you can say to me that you are fine then I will believe you, but if you are not: then say something. I just want to help."

Heisuke rested his elbows on his knees, "There are some things you cannot help someone cope with Chizuru. Shinpachi leaving was just one of the realities that I've had to face. It's strange," he looked at the moon with a quiet reverence, "I never really thought of death until a few months ago. Maybe when you are younger you think you are invincible, but even in the Shinsengumi when I knew I could die any day, I still never really faced it. The past few months helped sober me up, to be sure. Then to top it off, Shinpachi left which seemed odd in and of itself, but can I really complain? I left the Shinsengumi for a time as well, and yet Shinpachi seemed fine despite that. I'm not trying to say that he should have been bothered by it, but I just wish I could be more mature about it. It just seems…weird without him or Sano. Quiet. Just, different."

Chizuru smiled with understanding, "You are more mature than you realize Heisuke. Death is something that we daily have to cope with, and often times if left at that will burden us more than it should. Death is simply a part of life, and while it does not make the sting less painful, you have to let Death do its part, and play the part you were given for the time you were given. It is hard to see friends leave, and people die who were once considered comrades, but if you live in the past, you will forget today. Death comes suddenly, and normally unexpected, so to live life in a different time seems silly, but understandable. Shinpachi left because he felt he had to and because he wanted to. What you do with your time should be up to you. Do not worry about Shinpachi so much, or feel alone without him here, but be happy that he chose to live his life as he felt it deserves to be lived. He would want you to do the same. I do not want to solve your problems because then how will you ever learn to depend on yourself, and be your own person? Sometimes, Heisuke, you will never find the answers to the questions you ask or seek. Sometimes you have to let what is, be what it is, and just live. You know this stuff already, I'm quite sure, but maybe you need to hear it from someone else."

Heisuke rubbed his temple before looking at the sky again, not saying a word. Chizuru's smile faded and replacing it was firmness.

"Trust me as you trust yourself. You are strong Heisuke, and very much your own person. I am here for you when you need someone to listen, and just listen. I know I tend to try to help more often than listen, but life is best shared than fought alone. Everything will not suddenly become better, and may even become worse, but I know you can make it Heisuke, and I'll be here to share it with you for as long as I can." She nodded to herself to confirm this, and looked at the sky with as much interest as Heisuke was. He was searching himself for an answer only he could find, and Chizuru was content to let him be. She too tried to search herself for her own answers. She needed to follow her own advice and become her own person, and not so dependent on others. Relying on others was not a weakness, but only doing so was even worse. It was cowardly. It was like having you tail between your legs and slinking off. She just could not trust herself to think for herself. She had no problem forming opinions, but if she only depended on others for everything then what was the point of thinking at all?

"I guess…I'm not fine."

Chizuru blinked, but quickly looked content as Heisuke looked her in the eye. "And that is perfectly okay."

Heisuke stood up, shrugging his shoulders before resting his hands behind his neck, "I'm going to bed now. Thanks for sitting with me, and for confronting my behavior."

He walked away before Chizuru could say anything. She smiled and stood to walk back in the kitchen to re-clean a few of the dishes Heisuke missed some of the stains on, and to think about what supplies were needed for the next day's meal, and the meals to come.

Both were unaware of Okita standing around the corner listening in on their conversation. Pushing himself off the wall, he began his slow walk back to his room, his features grim. He knew in his heart that Death would take him sooner than later, and that whatever he had was incurable. He had a foreboding in his heart that he would not live for very much longer, and he wondered how Chizuru and his comrades would take it.

"No matter what they say, death is always experienced alone."

He gripped his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. He just wanted his suffering to end, and yet he wished he could live for many more years to prove to his enemies he could not be killed off so easily. Yet there was this sadness. This unexplainable sadness gnawing at his mind, he would never be able to taste freedom once more, and he had always hoped to die with freedom rather than imprisonment.

He had little time to think of much else as his coughing started up again.