First of all, I own nothing. I have said it, but it bears repeating: if I did, whew!

Bones and characters belong to Fox, Hart Hand and Stephen Nathan.

(though, which reasonable female wouldn't want to own DB? Sighs…)

Anyway, I rated this M because I wanted to be a bit freer… I'm a bit shy at writing the sex/smut thingy, but I don't want to hold myself back from writing how I like to, therefore, it is an M.

It's incredibly angsty, and will be for at least 8 chappies until things get a bit better… Bear with me…

Lots of spoilers for S6, episodes 6x01, 6x02 and 6x03, which is the starting point from the events, so 6x04 never happened. (If Hart doesn't fix this, at least here I will, but I know the way to lead us there… painful)

Anyway, here it goes…

She hadn´t understood the true meaning of having your heart crushed until the picture she had hoped she would never see materialized before her eyes.

One moment they were chatting amiably, trying to find their normal selves, or at least trying to, immersing in what they knew: the comfort their work brought them, knowing that no matter if romantically there was an ocean between them, their partnership still remained strong, even if that hidden current that had made them the best was nowhere to be found now, when she saw his eyes lit like a child at Christmas, literally the rug was swept under her feet. His eyes had a light to them she had only seen aimed at her and Parker, and when he stood, she didn't understand what was happening until she turned her head, only to see him engaged in a loving, tender lip lock with the woman he had shown her on his cell phone.

He looked astonished, but clearly elated Hannah was home, with him. It was like something had snapped the moment he set eyes on her. Seeing how he cupped her face in his hands, his thumb brushing her cheek, leaning over the table to kiss her deeply and passionately, not even minding they were in the middle of the Diner, she felt an ache in the middle of her chest that actually made her turn white, but she hid it masterfully, and acted like nothing was wrong, pretending she was her usual, oblivious self, seemingly enjoying that he was happy and that the woman he now loved was here to keep him company.

They had solved the case, and scientifically speaking, it hadn't been all that difficult, but it was the questioning glances on everyone's faces that was making it hard on her to keep the charade. She had even laughed at their comments, dismissing their obvious concern for her, trying to make them see Hannah´s presence wasn´t changing a single thing when she knew it was a complete lie. She could see the sympathy and pity in Angela's face, who clearly didn't buy the lies she was trying to sell, but she wouldn't show them the depth of her despair. No one would know.

They had been talking about love, sharing their usual after-case drinks, and for a split second, she felt like they were no longer discussing the case, but themselves, and how the center, though apparently fine, was completely destroyed. When he told her love was putting someone else's needs before your own, she perfectly understood what he was saying, even if she tried to act nonchalant and cool, resorting to the "techno speech" that had never failed her in disguising how she truly felt. She dismissed his notions about love as usual, telling him that it would be foolish to risk your life that way, and even more if one of the people in a couple fell out of love, thinking inwardly of their own situation, and she wouldn't be swayed by something as ephemeral as a rush of chemicals when considering her lifetime's happiness, and there was something akin to disappointment in his eyes, which vanished completely the moment Hannah entered. She felt it, how the energy changed between them, how the atmosphere went from being dark and gloomy to feeling like the Sun had just entered through a window from the way his eyes were shinning in pleasure at the sight of Hannah, telling her how much he loved her dress, and kissing her in front of her. She could understand the innuendo behind their words, her gut twisting at the implications of their time together, but kept smiling, like the perfect partner and friend she ought to be, and when Hannah asked her for a girl's night out, she ordered every single facial muscle to appear pleased at the suggestion when she felt like running away again. It was true. Love made you put those you loved before you, and if Hannah could make him smile like that, in ways she had missed since the earlier times of their partnership, since the cards had been set on the table, and they had both lost their bets, when they hadn't faced so much death and pain, she would support him, even if she felt like dying in the process.

The moment they stepped outside, she kept her façade, a smile plastered on her face as she let some seconds pass, careful because he might return for any reason, to tell her something, and she would never let him see what this new him was doing to her. Only then, after some seconds pass, she let the mask slip, and felt her eyes watering, but ordered them not to shed a tear, knowing she would break down completely if she allowed herself the pleasure of indulging in her pain. She took a long sip of her drink, her throat burning with the unshed tears and the sting of the alcohol, but didn't let herself crumble. She knew she was punishing herself for what she had done to him. She was punishing herself for being so foolish, for feeling like his happiness was a betrayal to her, to what they had been together, to what they could have had, by not indulging in the tears that were burning behind her eyelids.

Days went and went, and after the "guido's case", as she had called it, she had been faced with more and more heartbreak. They had been walking through the beach when his cell phone had sounded, and even if she couldn't hear the other side, his was more than enough. It was like her heart was already broken and he was standing over the pieces, crushing them even further. She had tried to make him realize how lightly he apparently had taken the subject of Hannah moving in, but he had just said that they had already talked about it.

She hid behind her usual awkward, and part of her knew she had even been silly at the way she had acted, but at the end, all it mattered was that they had solved their case.

More heartbreak when Hannah had gone into her office, asking her to give her ideas on a housewarming gift for him. She didn't even think of what she was doing, her mouth rushing away of her, telling Hannah exactly what she could do to make him happy. Hannah had seemed truly elated, and pleased at the information. Hannah had told her she was certain about her moving in with him, that her reason to return from Afghanistan was him. She had congratulated her, and advised her on the vintage rotary phone. They had laughed, and she tried to act like a dutiful friend. She had heard the questioning behind Hannah's word, that she knew him too well, and she had dismissed the notion, saying that getting to know him so deeply had been out of necessity. Just about as she was about to exit her office, she had been unable to warn her not to hurt him, to make her see how deeply she would hurt him if she wasn't as invested in the relationship as he was. Of course, Hannah was truly and absolutely invested in the relationship, and she had even thanked her for being such a good friend to him.

The girls' night out had turned out to be funny, they had shared gossip, and they had laughed, talking about Hannah and how she was truly a nomad, until she met him. After his arrival, and the happiness they shared as they talked about Angela´s pregnancy, they were deserted, and she was faced with the heartbreak of seeing how all the credit of his elation went to Hannah. His face had lit up in such a childlike wonder, her heart ached, because that smile was no longer for her, the same as his kisses, which truly had never been hers, but it had stung so deeply to see his passionate, tender, grateful kiss, which should have been for her, she had seen no other option but to run. She could see the sexual anticipation, the longing, and she knew she was definitely a third, or fifth wheel, whatever people called it. So she had, yet again, put on her mask, and bid her goodbyes. They had asked her to stay, but even she could see how halfhearted their request was, coming out of politeness, and she had swallowed her pride and sadness, put on her brave face, and exited his place like she hadn't just had her chest ripped open.

She walked back to the Jeffersonian, still unwilling to go home and face the loneliness she knew was forever present in the cold walls. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling, until she almost drew blood. As long Hannah had remained far away, in a deep corner of her mind she could pretend that nothing was wrong, that they could regain the closeness they had once shared, be back to who they once were, but as she recalled the image now burned into her mind, she knew she had finally lost him.

And why not? Hannah seemed perfect. Funny, loving, not awkward. She was welcoming, and even amiable towards her, paying her the respect she felt she needed as she was her boyfriend's partner. Why shouldn't he move on? Why shouldn't he fight for his 30, 40 or 50 years?

Because it was killing her watching him do so.

She missed him. Even with the added pain, before their trips, and their lame attempts at dating other people, their bond was there, unbreakable, hurting them, yes, but still there. But now all she could find was the void in her chest, knowing she would never be whole again.

She didn't even remember the walk to the lab, but when she tiredly slumped against her chair, and closed her eyes, she wished she could go away. But she had promised. They all had dropped everything to help Cam, and deep inside, because they all missed who they were together. She could understand Cam's rightful anger at her decision, and she was aware that it stemmed from the concern she had never disguised, even as their boss, for their happiness, knowing they all depended on the dynamics the duo had established, and how the pathologist blamed her for breaking them. Well, now they would have to do with what they had now.

It was only Angela's voice that interrupted her musings, "Penny for your thoughts, sweetie", said the artist, and she tiredly opened her eyes, not even raising her head. She couldn't pretend anymore, and she had vowed to herself that she would show her feelings, that she wouldn't hide. For all the good it did her, because her heart was broken, crushed, and she knew the feeling wouldn't go away, "How did it end last night, with Booth", Angela said, sitting in the chair in front of the desk.

Temperance saw her, and smiled. She looked beautiful, she had a new glow around her, and even if her brain wanted to realize it, explaining it with the new hormones coursing through her body, she just knew it was the happiness of a new life growing inside her, of the love she had stopped fearing and embraced so fully.

A hand unknowingly went to her own stomach, taut and firm, and another wave of pain hit her as she realized she would never get to live that, to know what it was like to feel a baby safely nested in her womb. She had accepted that if Booth wasn't her baby's father, no one else could fit the role. And that possibility had just vanished into thin air, after knowing that with Hannah in DC, Booth would fight to the death for his happiness, his lifetime's happiness.

She wanted to be the bigger person, and be truly happy for him. But a part of her screamed, "It was you who decided to push him away. You could have had it all, and you threw it all away because you didn't trust yourself with giving your heart away, you didn't want to be in pain, and yet you're basically dying right now".

"It´s quite early for you to be here, Ange. "With your condition, even if women are not handicapped by pregnancy, you should rest, the toll on your body must be taxing already", Temperance started, and Angela smiled at how her friend was able to mix her concern with her scientific mumblings, "I wanted to paint for a little while, relax... Luckily, the smell doesn't make me queasy, and today I felt good enough to come here. I needed to be alone for a bit, even if I hate to wake so early, baby already mad it impossible for me to continue sleeping, and I could use the time to myself. Jack is hovering", she said fondly, and Temperance tiredly smiled at her.

"Don't get angry. He just cares about you, and with the life he's led, he must be facing some fears of everything fading away, of this being a dream. I know how ecstatic he must be, so don't be so hard on him, and understand he just wants the very best for you and the baby", Angela nodded, but pushed again, "Sweetie, I'm still waiting. "What happened, after we left?", some minutes passed, and Angela frowned, knowing something was very wrong with her friend, and waited for her reply. "After, she gave him his gift. He was clearly happy, so I left. I felt they… wanted me out", she said, and Angela also understood the innuendo behind her words, and just asked,

"He let you leave like that, on your own? That doesn't seem like him at all?", she said, angered that Booth was neglecting her, even if she could understand the rush his new life was giving him.

"Things are different now, Ange", Angela nodded, "Well, she's here, and he's clearly intent on making this relationship work. I think… she might be the one". Angela gasped, and even if she knew her friend would use every skill she possessed to build her walls, she could still see the pain in the depths of her eyes, now a clear blue, and something she never thought she would see in the almighty Temperance Brennan: defeat. "He had never asked anyone to move in with him before, so I can logically assume this is it for him, he found his forever".

"Sweetie…", she said, and Brennan just raised her hand to stop the sympathetic comment she knew her friend was about to provide, "Ange… please don't. I can't afford to break down right now", Angela looked at her, and Temperance could see there was no pity, but only love and pain on her behalf, "If I do, I'll run from here, leaving everything behind, and I can't do that. I promised, and it was so hard getting everyone here…", she said, rubbing her temples, knowing there was a massive headache coming, "I can't be as selfish as to disrupt our work mechanics again because things are not going my way. Look what it did the first time around, and he´s so happy right now", she said.

Angela sighed, "Sweetie, I understand what you're saying, but we care for you, and if you're in pain, we're all in pain. One of us is down, and we're right on the floor with you. Can you answer something honestly?", Brennan nodded, but Angela could see the reluctance to speak about her feelings.

"Did it hurt… seeing Booth with Hannah, that way?", she wanted to lie, to tell her she didn't care, but in her core, witnessing the love and devotion that had once been for her and that was now lost, Angela would read it, she was certain of it, Angela had always had a knack for reading her like an open book, "Ever since you returned you've been dismissing your feelings, acting like the idea of Booth finding someone new doesn't hurt you, but Sweetie… I know how it feels".

She nodded, "Ange… there is something you don't know. Something that happened before we all left", Angela looked expectant, but refrained from saying nothing, clearly waiting for her to elaborate.

"Remember Gemma Harrington?", Angela nodded, and inhaled, knowing something big had happened for her friend to look so solemn, "Our first case? Sweets gave us the draft for the book he had written, Ange. He had wrongly assumed that Cleo Eller's case was our first. We went to the Hoover, and set the record straight. Even if at first you assumed something had happened, later on you always thought that nothing indeed happened between me and Booth after the night he fired us, didn't you?", Angela nodded again, "It did. Something happened. Booth and I kissed… We were high, on tequila", she scoffed tearfully, "ON each other. We were about to head to my place, but I called it off. I said I wasn't about to have drunk sex with him. And things went downhill from there", she seemed to be regaining her bearings.

"Sweetie, I never thought… I mean, we all assumed you had slept with him, but you denied it so vehemently, and then when we solved the case, it seemed you hated him so much", Bones nodded, "We assumed that indeed it was true and that nothing further had happened. Sure, there was the sexual tension, but we assumed it was the usual stuff".

"I was angered, because I assumed he had gotten me drunk to… make it easier on me, I mean, to make me accept the fact that he had fired me, and also to take advantage of me, sexually. It was a series of misunderstandings that ended up in me slapping him hard on the face, and an exchange of insults that let us both bitter and resentful. Anyway… When we told Sweets everything, he sort of… challenged us. More Booth than me, but us. He said we had to break the stalemate", she recalled Sweets' words. "He called Booth the gambler, and that it was up to him to change things".

Angela was practically clenching her thighs in anticipation, she knew something major had happened. She had noticed that for a while, things were different, like instead of sexual tension, the air around them had filled with unexplainable sadness, not from Booth, who was too high on his new relationship, but from her friend, the woman who would never let love rule her life.

"When we left his office, we were commenting on some things Sweets had said, like I had deep abandonment issues because of my parents, and that Booth had a white knight complex because of the abuse he endured during his childhood when he suddenly said he believed in giving us a shot", her eyes filled with tears at the memory, "He told me he knew, right from the beginning, that we could be something. He told me that in old couples you could see that the guy had always felt it, that he just knew", her eyes pooled even more, "I reminded him that making the same mistake usually ended up at the same result", seeing Angela´s confusion, she added, "Just something that had to do with that first case, before I called you in to help us… But he pleaded to me that we could go for a different outcome… And I…", a solitary tear slid down her cheek, "At first, I told him that the FBI would break our partnership up, but then he kissed me. I pushed him away, telling him he needed protecting, from me, that I didn't have his open heart. He pleaded, Ange, there was so much pain in his eyes… He told me what I just told you… But I rejected him, I told him… I couldn't change", the anthropologist raised her pain-filled gaze, and Angela instantly stood, going to sit by the edge of her desk, taking her friend's hand, hating how much she had lost by making that choice, and how broken she was now by realizing her mistake.

"Of course he had to be sad, but what amazes me is that even after that, he stayed", Angela shook her head sadly, and Temperance nodded while tears continued to fall, "He told me he had to move on, to find someone who would love him for 30, 40, 50 years, and the only thing I could ask was that if we could still work together. I could see he didn't want to, but he did it, I guess out of the love he still felt for me at the moment", she sighed, her voice broken and soft, "But everything was so different. I could feel him pulling away".

Angela could now understand everything. Why suddenly after such a dry spell, Booth had decided to date again, starting with Catherine, who was beautiful, and also smart. Why there seemed to be a desperation in her eyes whenever he was close, like she couldn't run fast enough and at the same time wanted to wrap herself up in him.

She felt terrible because she knew her own issues had blinded her to her friend's obvious inner turmoil, and she knew she had neglected her.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry I was so caught up in everything happening to me I didn't even realize what was happening", Brennan shook her head, glad that at least now she had someone to hold her hand, only if it was a pitiful remainder of the hand she truly wanted to hold on to, and that was no longer hers.

"It's not your fault. I tried to hide it, so that the lab wasn't affected by what was happening", Angela sighed.

"Do you want my opinion, Sweetie?", Brennan nodded, "Booth is an alpha-male. And of course, that would mean he's highly desirable to lots of women, and that they would try and catch his attention. He was so centered in you, in your work, he forgot about himself and just… He let his happiness get attached to you, because he had hope. He knew you were slow where the heart is concerned, and he gave you time, but when all he got in response was you telling him there would never be something more, that all he would have would be the dreams of you two being together, that all of his waiting was for nothing, and he… He did his best to mend his broken heart. And still, I could still see he hoped. But when you decided to ditch everything, and metaphorically run for the hills… That killed him. I saw his eyes when he left that airport after you said goodbye… That man was dying, Bren", she could only nod, knowing every word coming out of her friend's mouth was the truth, "I could feel his pain, and now that you've told me this, everything makes sense. Sweetie, he proved to you more than once that he wouldn't desert you, but we all have a breaking point, and I guess Booth reached his", Temperance could only lower her head, tears falling unabashedly down her cheeks, "He truly seems happy with her, doesn't he?", Angela stated. She could perhaps console her and give her hope, but knowing Booth, aware he was a one-woman man, she highly doubted that if he had seemingly finally given up on Brennan, it was for nothing. And to top it all, Hannah was a permanent fixture of his life now, having moved in with him and all.

"He does. She makes him happy. He told me… It was serious, and I could see, even then… He wasn't joking. The times I've seen them together… I know it scientifically impossible, but he was… glowing", sniffling, she raised pleading eyes on her friend, and dejectedly said, "And now… I lost him, didn't I? But how could I lose someone that I never had?", she said, and Angela squeezed the hand she has holding tighter.

"Because in your heart, despite your fear, you always felt he was yours. And it hurts to think he…", she cringed at the words, but she knew they had to come out, "That he gave up on you, on what he felt, that he didn't want to wait anymore. And it hurts to know that someone else is having what should have been yours, the life you should have led belongs to someone else", Angela said, understanding now, after long talks with Hodgins, how it had been for her husband to see her with Roxy, then Wendell, fearing their love would fade into thin air, that they would miss their chance. And she thanked the Heavens in that moment that she had finally gotten her act together, and they had found each other yet again, and this time, for good.

"Even if it's irrational of me to feel that way, I think… Your perspective of this situation is highly accurate. But I can't…", she sighed, wiping her tears hastily, "I can't break the team up. We were the center, and because of me, we are broken. Perhaps… we won't be mended, but at least, we can work well enough", she said, and straightened her clothes before running her hands through her hair, fixing her bangs, and trying to make it sleek.

"Sweetie…", Angela began, but she just raised her hand, halting her friend's words, knowing she was seconds away from a full meltdown, which she couldn't afford herself while everyone was there, their eyes trained on them, hoping they were going to put their team back together.

"I promise you I'll try and find some semblance of normalcy around him, and I hope, in time, I can stand the sight of him, and not… feel like someone is prodding my insides. He deserves to be happy, I want him to be happy, and I've hurt him way too much to continue being in the way of that path towards the life he has worked so hard to get. I'll resign myself to the fact that I'm only a friend, a colleague, someone to have his back, but that I no longer hold his heart, even if now it seems ironic that he holds mine, that it took me losing him to know he held the key to the life I didn't even know I wanted", she said, and uncharacteristically, bent her head to kiss Angela's forehead, "I won't interrupt your life further, Ange. I've been alone, and I now realize that what you told me when we returned?", Angela wanted to cringe, the words had tons of truth, but at the moment they had come in sarcastic teasing, out of the exasperation she felt at seeing her friend still denying her feelings, "You're right. I'm going to die loveless and alone, at my own hands. But somehow… I'll deal. Right now? I'll focus on not falling apart", she said, and hastily grabbing her lab coat, already decided on spending her morning in Limbo, and she left her friend with tears in her eyes, arms braced protectively around her midriff, which was just barely starting to round, heartbroken that indeed the center had been broken, and the worst part was that those who could mend it had already given up.

I love reviews, live for them… I already have the next 8 chappies… But let me know if this is worth continuing… I will post chapter 2…

This is long, I know… Not betaed, so please, feel free to comment on any mistakes or inconsistencies…

And thank you for reading and dropping me a line if you feel like it… ! Greatly appreciated!