Disclaimer: I do not own Count Duckula, nor the song that inspired this comedic horror story.

Word count: 1,118 words. (It's a beginning.)

Warnings/Ratings: Spelling some of Gooswings expressions is just too difficult, so I unfortunately have had to tweak some of his signature lines and give his thick accent my best shot, apologies if I have not quite got this right. Hopefully it will improve.

Summary: Inspired by Bill Bailey's song "Insect Nation", Doctor Von Goosewing re-discovers his Mark 7 Shrinking and Miniaturising Ray whilst spring cleaning, he accidently releases the safety catch, a spider gets super-sized and Goosewing realises the potential of this unforseen event, Duckula beware!

A/n:My first ever Duckula story, inspiration: song = Bill Bailey's: Insect Nation, I took the theme of the song and have applied it to the Duckula genre and went from there, do try this for yourself, it's great to see what can go where, and your music library's are probably more extensive than mine... I just like getting full fledged stories from random places, I'm odd like that, this one just seemed like a whole lot of fun, and so... we begin.

"The Locust squats upon the leaf,

He's just biding his time,

The human world that he surveys,

He thinks: "One day all this shall be mine!"

=The Spider Incursion=

Chapter 1:

-The Doctor Triumphant.-

Doctor Von Goosewing threw aside yet another failed projectile 'Ach! How can I be letting things getting be on top of me like this?' currently the greatest vampire hunter in the world was engaged in a much more pressing matter than hunting vampires, spring cleaning.

Goosewing was pulling things erratically out of his store cupboard in an effort to reclaim the space for it's prior function as the pantry, after such a long time of inventing brand new means to hunt and kill vampires storing things properly had become virtually impossible, and so, Goosewing had left failed inventions pretty much... everywhere, the first place he had ventured after a failure was where the invention was left, but after falling over his grandfathers camera in the middle of the night after he had gotten up for a glass of water, Goosewing had resolved to do some much needed spring cleaning.

'Zat is ze pantry taken care of.' Goosewing said slamming the door shut behind him, he cast a vague look around barely registering the large pile of projectile weapons and lasers, his eyes fell upon the sink and he nodded to himself, whilst he was in the kitchen, he might as well fix the clog in the sink, he knelt down and tried to open the door to the cupboard, it didn't budge, he grunted in annoyance and took the handle in both hands 'it is stuck!' he announced loudly to the empty kitchen 'Heinrich!' he yelled out loudly 'Heinrich!' he tugged the door again 'come in here and be helpings me!' he continued to tug at the door, suddenly without any warning the door gave way and Goosewing fell over, bumping his head on the floor and blacking out.

Coming to a few moments later, Goosewing groaned and sat up, he rubbed his head 'Ooh mien head!' he looked at the cupboard, the door was ajar and he could see the piping connecting to the sink, but propped up against it was an object that he strained to remember, it was twisted and battered and seemed to resemble some form of telescope, Goosewing blinked 'Can zat be what it is zat I am zhinking zat it is?' he got back to his knees and pulled it out of the cupboard, he looked it over 'It is!' he exclaimed loudly as he jumped to his feet, holding it in both hands like a trophy.

'It is mien Doctor Von Goosewing Mark 7 Shrinking and Miniaturising Ray!' he cradled it in his arms with an almost loving smile 'Oh what and inwention you were, mien plan to shrinketh Count Duckula und his castle to the size of an insect to protect the world from his wicked und sinister ways.' He sighed sadly in defeat 'alas it was a failure.' He brushed some of the dust off of the controls accidently releasing the safety catch and flicking the dial from shrink to grow.

'It is too bad really.' Goosewing said as he inspected the ray, 'it was such a great inwention.' Goosewing didn't notice the large spider crawling along the side of the ray until it started to crawl up his hand, he looked up quickly, his eyes bulging slightly in fear, he looked to his hand and jumped, dropping the ray that hit the floor and started emitting a whirling noise, Goosewing wildly brushed the spider off of his hand sending it flying across the kitchen, he took a few deep breaths and looked down to the ray as the whirling noise reached a higher pitch, 'Oh dear...' Goosewing said, in a matter of seconds the ray let out a flash of light and a moment later Goosewing was knocked off of his feet by a giant leg.

Goosewing looked up, the owner of it wasn't too happy with Goosewing being in its growing space, the giant spider blinked it's 8 eyes and looked down at him, it's pincers dripped with venom, goosewing gulped, he wasn't overly fond of spiders when they were small, and now that he was confronted with a giant, he was sure he wasn't fond of them when they were big.

He forced himself not to panic, if he could go face to face and head to head with the most evillest vampires that ever lived, then he could handle a giant spider, after all, the difference wasn't that great between a vampire and a spider.

As the spider loomed over him, knowing that he had been the one that had sent it flying just moments before, it was clear that this spider wanted revenge.

'Now holding on a moment, please be being.' Goosewing said slightly nervously.

The spider let out a screeching noise, it was clear that there was a serious difference in language, so the spider changed tactic and moved closer, it's massive legs bent out at odd angles to compensate for the tiny kitchen space, with the spider thinking of lunch, Goosewing instinctively went for the nearest gun, which happened to be his shrinking ray, he flicked it back to shrink and fired.

The spider shuddered for a second before shrinking down to its previous size.

Goosewing jumped up 'Ha! Do not be messing wit me! I am Doctor Von Goosewing, the greatest wampire hunter in ze world!' He said triumphantly.

The spider scuttled across the floor and Goosewing grabbed the nearest glass, flipping it upside-down he placed it over the spider 'Now you be waitingz here while I decide what to do wit you.' The spider climbed the side of the glass and Goosewing shuddered 'How peoplez can be standingz spiders is a mystery to me... perhaps if you never be seeing the spiders you be more relaxed, ya?' he considered the kitchen 'but mein kitchen is not the place for spiders... relocation is in order.' He considered the spider 'but to where? Preferably somewhere far far away, where he won't be a nuisance to me or anyone else.' Goosewing felt proud of himself 'Goosewing you are amazing, not only do you relocate unwanted spiders, you also exterminate wampires.' Goosewing blinked 'Wait justing one minute here... that's it! Why am I not be thinking of this before?' He placed the ray on the bench and went to fetch a container for the spider 'I can be getting rid of Duckula and mein spiders at the same time! Goosewing you are a genius!' He entered his lab and snatched up a beaker that had a plastic cover on it, he pulled off the cover and picked up a random piece of paper that littered the desk in front of him, he spun around and headed back to the kitchen to collect the spider.

A/n: And a dramatic pause there until I've finished and uploaded my next chapter.