All or Nothing

by Trycee

Time Frame: Post I Want to Believe

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. It is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. This is written for fun, not profit.

Mulder sat on the steps gripping his overnight bag. Scully sat next to him gripping his arm. She was staring down at the steps, her grip on him tightened.

"Its all or nothing, Scully."

"Mulder!"

"All or nothing," his voice rose.

"How can you say that to me after all these years?"

He turned to look at her. He could tell she was holding back her tears. "I'm coming back, Scully. But you have to let me do this."

"Mulder...I'm scared."

He smoothed the hair away from her forehead and ran his fingers around her face. "I have to do this Scully. I can't stay here like this."

"What if you don't come back this time?", her voice quivered.

"I will. But I can't sit here all day any more. I don't have too any more. Scully, you know what this means to me."

"Mulder, he left you out in the woods for four days. Do you know what that did to me?"

Mulder had gone on a Bigfoot investigation in the woods in Kenwood, Oklahoma. The guide he had hired had gotten spooked and took off with Mulder's equipment, leaving him in the woods for four days. Scully had been frantic, calling anyone that she could to find him but hour after hour she heard nothing about his whereabouts. On the second day she flew out to Oklahoma and helped organize a search party. They found him two days later huddle up against a dead tree bark, bug bites littering his skin, cold and nearly unconscious. She hadn't left his side from the minute they found him. She had even supervised him in the hospital until nearly a week later when he was able to leave. They'd flown back to Virginia and Scully had clung to him more than ever.

"Scully, I won't let anyone take off with my equipment again. I'll take my cellphone, I'll take a CB radio...but I can't NOT do anything...I need to do this for me."

"Does it even matter what I feel about it?", her voice low. Her face was as red as her hair and tears threatened to fall but she wouldn't let them.

"Of course it does," he said, turning her chin so she looked him in the eyes. "Scully, all I thought about for those four days was getting back home to you. That's all I've ever thought of was getting back to you...and to be there when we find William."

He brushed away a stray tear that streamed down her face. He sat in silence for a moment. He knew he had caused her stress again. It was unusual for her to be clingy but he could tell that she was more than worried at this latest trip of his.

"Mulder, I'm not sure I can go through this again...", she nearly whispered. "I haven't had to worry like this in years. The last time I went through this you were dead...", her voice trailed off. "I've lost so much Mulder. I can't lose you again..."

Mulder wrapped his arm around her. "Scully, you'll never lose me...that's impossible," he said, smiling. "I promise to be more careful. I promise not to worry you so much."

"Now that's impossible,"she said shooting him a look. He burst out laughing and she smiled back.

"But seriously Scully, I won't worry you this time..."

Scully placed her hand in his. "How can I be sure, Mulder?"

"Scully, do you know how many years I worried about you?"

"You were worried about me!", she huffed. "No, I was more worried Mulder. You'd run off to god knows where and not tell me...I'd always have to find you. Its a wonder I don't have a head full of white hair."

"Let me just finish what I was saying...", he said, turning towards her. "I know I worried you more than you worried me...or at least I put myself more in danger than I should have and I worried you. But after Duane Barry took you Scully, I wanted to protect you then and I was terrified that something would happen to you. I knew then that I had feelings for you and I was scared something would happen to you."

Scully breathed deeply. She looked up into Mulder's sincere eyes. "That was very early...I didn't know you had feelings for me that early."

He squeezed her hand. "I did, Scully. It went from thinking you were very cute to truly caring about you...and worrying about you. And every time something did happen to you I felt like a failure for not being there. Like when that alien bounty hunter kidnapped you in exchange for Samantha's clone..."

He turned to look out across the field in front of him. "And then your cancer..."

Scully could see the rise in his chest. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder. "Mulder...its okay."

"I wanted so many times to tell you to run away from me...go off and live your life without me but I was scared you'd do it and I couldn't imagine being without you."

"You did tell me to go and be a doctor."

"I did?"

"Yes...twice," she said reflecting back.

"But you said you wouldn't, your place was with me," he said, his voice quivering a bit.

"The second time you said that I had to stop then. That you were making that decision for me."

"That was different."

"How?", she asked.

"Because you were mine then."

Scully turned her head to face him. "What do you mean?"

"I meant that before I had no right to tell you not to be a FBI agent...to be what you wanted to be but when we were together, I had the right then."

Scully shook her head. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing...", he said, looking off.

"Mulder! Wait, you're saying you had the right to tell me to stop being an FBI agent but I don't have the right to tell you not to go off and get yourself killed...again."

"No, I was trying to say I didn't stop you before...I didn't try to stop you."

"If they hadn't taken you Mulder we probably would still have William with us and I probably would've quit the FBI and been a doctor, just like you wanted me too."

"So your saying you would've done it had I asked?"

"We both know I only stayed because of you. And yes I had decided, remember that night when I was cold and we spent it together in your hotel bed with your keeping me warm... when I didn't know I was pregnant with William...you told me you wanted me to quit and go live my life, Mulder. I didn't argue with you. I had decided that I could still be with you as a doctor...they were pretty much shutting down the X Files permanently anyway. I understood your fears Mulder. I understood that you wanted me safe...that's what I want for you."

"But Scully...I've been living like a hermit for so long. I just need to do like I've dreamt...to go investigating the paranormal while we still have time before the end."

"Why can't we spend that time together, Mulder? We've had too many wasted years, Mulder. If I'd known the end was coming so soon...I wouldn't have wasted it searching for the truth Mulder. I would've spent it with you."

He kissed her forehead. "Just let me do this. I promise I won't put myself in that situation again. I promise, Scully. You have your work...let me have mine."

Scully stood up, but Mulder held her arm. He stood up next to her. "I love you Scully, that will never change. I'll be back tomorrow, I promise. Just a quick little trip into the woods..."

Scully's blue eyes got wide. He smiled. "Just joking...just joking!"

"Mulder..."

"Scully,will you let me go?"

Scully looked up into his eyes. "CB radio, cell phone...gun?", she said, placing her small hand into his.

"Yes, I have my gun. I have two."

"Ghosts, huh?"

"Just a little ghost hunt..."

"Where?", she said, folding her arms in front of her. She was wearing her white doctors coat.

"North Carolina...Asheville. I will call as soon as I get there."

She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him. He took her into him and kissed the top of her head and then pulled her back and kissed her softly on the lips. "I'll call as soon as I get there and meet my source. I promise you..."

Scully watched as he threw his overnight bag into his white truck attached to a silver 1972 Airstream Over lander. He had bought the vintage silver trailer setting up his computers, and equipment used for surveying the paranormal. He had purchased infrared thermal scanners, EMF detectors, compasses, motion detectors, professional grade video camera's and other equipment and dedicated his little business to Max Fenig. He had a Giant Alien decal on both sides of the vintage silver trailer with the words 'Believe in Everything", written across it with his phone number. Business had picked up for him and he had been traveling more than she wanted him too. She was now used to him being there with her every morning and every night, so it was hard for her to see him leave...but even harder since he had been found in the woods clinging to life. She had thought that was behind them.

Mulder kissed her deeply, his arms wrapped around her small waist. She breathed in his scent as they kissed. They held each others hands as he climbed into his truck and sped off.

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