A/N: so I'm sorry this took a little longer to be up, but this is the last chapter and I wanted it to be perfect. (and I had some last minute summer work I had to finish lol I start my junior year on Tuesday) Hope u all enjoy (:
Part III: Acceptance
Music was James's escape in the world. Back in California, whenever his parents would fight he would lock himself in his bedroom and blast music to try to ignore them. At first it would be something that he could relate to, like Welcome To My Life or Drown The City; and then he would change it to one of his favorite songs to lighten his mood, like Banana Pancakes.
Which explained why right now he was locked up in his room, blasting music, trying to forget about all the hurt he went through in just one day. His mom and Bud had come home to see him laying on the couch, sobbing hysterically. They managed to calm him down enough so he could tell them what had happened at hockey practice. But before they could reply, James just went up to his room and locked himself inside. The second he got inside, his music was playing so loud he could've swore the walls were shaking. He was specifically interested in one part.
I'm a believer,
Nothing could be worse,
All these imaginary friends
All James wanted more than anything was true friends. He accepted a long time along that his life wasn't going to be anywhere near normal but would it be so bad for him to have friends that would stand by him? 'Of course it would' he argued with himself mentally. 'Who would want to be friends with someone like you? The son of a rapist'
'He never raped her though' he thought, as if he was talking to himself in his head.
'That didn't change anyone's opinion of you though. As soon as they heard about Brian, they all figured you'd be just like him'
'I won't be though'
'Are you so sure about that?'
James groaned loudly and laid face down on his bed. His mood wasn't ready to be lifted so he continued to play the same song over and over again. After the song ended for the hundredth time he had played it, he heard his mom knock on his bedroom door.
"What?" he groaned, his voice muffled due to the fact that his face was pressed into his pillow.
"Your friends are here Jamie." Ms. Diamond said through the door and James sat up in shock. He reached over to shut off his stereo and stared at his door, confusion written all over his face even though nobody could see him.
"What?" he asked, this time out of confusion.
"James, let us in please." Kendall's voice said and James climbed out of his bed. He hesitated slightly before turning the door knob and pulling his door open. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were standing there, his mom behind them.
"I'll leave you four alone." she said before retreating downstairs.
The four boys stood there awkwardly before James finally said, "Do you wanna come in?"
Logan, Kendall, and Carlos nodded and walked inside James's bedroom, the three of them standing next to each other in front of James's bed. They looked at the tall brunette nervously, deciding on when to start and who should do it, but James beat them to the punch.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"Well we, uh…" Logan trailed off, looking at Kendall, silently begging him to take over.
"We know." Kendall said softly.
James's jaw twitched slightly when Kendall said those words. There was a heavy silence hanging in the air, and it was filled with nervousness and awkwardness.
"If you know… then why are you here?" James asked softly.
"Because we're you're friends." Carlos said without hesitation. "And we care about you-"
"We just met." James interrupted.
"That doesn't meant anything." Kendall insisted. "Whether you like it or not, we're gonna be stuck with you forever James."
James bit his lip, trying to fight the smile making it's way to his face. But he knew he lost that battle when he saw Logan, Kendall, and Carlos grinning at him.
"At least you're not mad." Carlos said after a moment. "You're not the person I would want to get mad." Logan and Kendall nodded in agreement and James smirked slightly, sitting down on his bed. "Especially after you beat up Jack." Carlos continued. "Boy you can really fight." he paused. "So did you beat up any guys at your old school?"
"Carlos!" Logan and Kendall muttered in unison, hitting their friend in the shoulder.
James chuckled but the smile was fading from his face. "You know." he said softly, looking at his hands twisting in his lap. "I don't like to fight people, as odd as that may seem. But when Jack said all that I just…" he sighed. "I was so angry, and I was scared that you guys were gonna hate me."
James closed his eyes, thinking back to three years ago. "It all started a couple of days after the police let word out about the rape. Mackenzie's brother Matthew was in my class and he was not happy. And he had no problem with telling everybody how much he hated me."
"James, you don't have to-"
James shook his head, stopping Logan from finishing his statement. James sighed before continuing. "At first, it wasn't much. Everyone just talked bad about my dad to me; told me that he was scum…horrible… anything you can think of they probably said it. I would defend him as much as I could but they just wouldn't stop. It went on for a long time. But that wasn't enough for Matthew. He really wanted me to suffer. So then he started attacking me personally. He called me…" James paused, swallowing.
"James, really." Kendall said, touching him on his shoulder. He raised his head to look at him, his eyes filling up with tears. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want it." Kendall said softly.
James shut his eyes tightly, letting some tears slip down his cheeks. "It's ok. We're friends. I want you to know this."
"Ok." Kendall said softly and patiently waited for James to continue his story. The tall boy took another deep breath and wiped his eyes.
"Ok, so he got everyone to call me a whole bunch of shitty names. But of course the most popular was Pedo-Bear. I never even really understood why they chose to call me that, but they did. And it wasn't just name calling either. Matthew would beat me up every time he could think of a reason too."
"Did you fight back?" Carlos asked.
James shrugged. "Sometimes I would. But most days, if I was feeling bad enough about myself, then I would just let him wail on me. I would come home a lot of the time with split lips, black eyes, bloody clothes… my mom would freak. Then her and my dad would fight because they just knew why I was beaten up, even if I never said anything. I would just go to my room and try to block out their fighting. But anyway, that's beside the point. What I was getting at is that one day, I was so fed up with all the bullshit I was going through, that I just snapped. I came to school, got picked on as usual, but this time I defended my dad as if I was the one in court. They started on the Pedo-Bear crap and I started wailing on Matthew… kind of like I was beating up Jack."
"How did that not make the news?" Carlos asked, shocked.
James chuckled. "It was one of those 'let's pretend it didn't happen' things. We both got so messed up. I made Matthew bleed to the point where he lost consciousness. Which really freaked me out and when I tried to get away, his friends started attacking me. I ended up with a concussion and two broken ribs. Matthew and I were sent to the hospital and because things between our families were so crazy because of the trial, that we all just decided to try and put it behind us. But I'm never gonna forget it… one of the scariest days of my life." James shuddered at the memory. "And because of that day, hospitals freak me out so bad now so if you ever try to bring me to the hospital, I will put up the world's biggest fight."
"Noted." Logan said with a nod.
"Is that the worst things that happened to you?" Kendall asked. His voice was quieter than usual and he was finding it hard to look James in the eye.
James let out a bitter laugh and looked down again. "I wish. After that, and after Matthew was pretty better from my beating, he was even more determined to make my life a living hell. Daily beatings, name calling… it got so bad to the point where I was actually scared to go to school. I would ditch a bunch of days, try and duck out early; whatever got me away from them. But it wasn't enough. They always found me. I ended up in the hospital three more times because I kept getting beat up."
Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were- the least to say- shocked. The three boys had their jaws were dropped slightly and they couldn't get any words to come out.
"What- what happened… after the trial?" Logan finally asked softly.
"It was pretty weird at first. Like, nobody knew what to say to me. But after a few days, my principal brought all of us down to the auditorium, and she went off on this long speech about how the way everyone was treating me was inexcusable and inappropriate. And then she made Matthew make a public apology to me. It was so embarrassing." James paused to roll his eyes. "But he got up to the podium thing and he told me that he was sorry for treating me like shit, and he asked if I could-" James made his voice deeper, as if mocking the boy. "Find it in my heart to forgive him." he rolled his eyes again. "And then everyone just turned and looked at me. They all expected me to say it was ok… but it wasn't. So I just didn't say anything."
"I don't blame you." Kendall said. "I wouldn't forgive a douche bag like that."
James smiled lightly. "Yeah, but unfortunately not everyone took that idea to heart."
Logan's eyes widened. "Did they beat you up for that?"
James nodded silently.
"That's unbelievable!" Logan cried, obviously angered by this.
"Well believe it Logie, 'cause it's true." James said and then sighed again, running his fingers through his hair. "The weird thing is that sometimes I think I deserved it."
His friends stared at him like he just said he wanted to run through the streets in nothing but a mini-skirt.
"You're delirious." Kendall said shaking his head.
James shrugged. "I don't know I mean… maybe if I just accepted Matthew's apology then it would've been easier for me."
"James you shouldn't have to forgive some douche bag who beat you up on a daily basis just because he apologized to you and only half meant it." Logan insisted.
James shrugged again.
"So what happened to you afterwards?" Carlos asked after a moment of silence.
"The usual." James muttered, looking down again. "I got beat up, called names… it wasn't in school through, it was always after school or somewhere where nobody would see it."
"Why did you just take it though?" Carlos continued. "No one should have to go through that."
"I got used to it." James said. He paused for a moment before continuing. "But there is one thing that bothers me more than anything. More then all the teasing and bullying I went through." Kendall, Carlos, and Logan waited in silence for him to tell him. James took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "B- before me and my mom decided to move my dad and I… we got into a fight. I blamed him for everything that happened to me…and I told him that I hated him. We haven't talked since then and everyday we don't talk I feel like the worst son in the world." Kendall, Logan, and Carlos looked at each other, wondering how to reply but James just kept going on his rant. "I- I don't even know why I said it. I guess I was just so angry at him, and I blamed him even though I shouldn't have. And I want to take it back but I can't, and I'm afraid that he hates me now…"
Kendall sighed. "James, it's not your fault. You were mad, and you dad knows that you love him."
"Does he though?" James looked into Kendall's green irises and held the blonde boy's gaze as he spoke and for the second time, Kendall saw James's hazel eyes fill up with tears. "Because I'm pretty sure if my son told me that he hated me I would fail to see the love in that." his voice cracked at the last few words and after he said that James covered his face with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. The room was silent for a few moments as the boys watched James's shoulders shake with silent sobs.
Wordlessly, Logan walked over to James's bed and sat down next to him. He gently removed his hands from his face and turned his head so he was looking at him.
"My dad is the total definition of a workaholic." he started softly. "He was never around when I needed him and most days I didn't even see him. So basically it was me and my mom most of the time. And on top of that, my dad was a liar. Whenever he promised me he would be there, or he would come home from work early just to see me… he never did." Logan paused and took a deep breath. "When I was thirteen, we had a school assignment; write an essay about one person you admire. And I chose my dad. Crazy, I know. How could you admire someone you barely even see? But nevertheless, I chose my dad, and my teacher thought it was so good that she suggested I read it at our school's open house. My dad promised me that he would be there and like a fool I believed him."
"He didn't show up?" James asked in a small voice.
Logan shook his head 'no'. "And when my mom and I got home that night, I called him up at work, told him I hated him, and hung up the phone. We didn't talk for almost two weeks after that."
"So what happened?" James asked.
"My dad called me one night when he was at work. He told me goodnight and that he loved me. That was something he hadn't done for me in years, and I knew that, if he could still tell me that after I told him I hated him, he loved me, and he knew I still loved him."
Kendall stepped up this time. "Remember how I told you my dad died six years ago?" James nodded and Kendall sat on the other side of him. "Well, right before he died, I had a hockey game. It was my first hockey game ever and the coach picked me to play center- my dream position. And there were three other kids up for the position and the fact that he picked me meant the world to me. But when I got to the game and I realized that my dad didn't show up, I was so mad at him. My mom tried to calm me down but all I could say was that I hated him. About halfway into my game, my mom and I get a call saying that my dad was in a car accident." Kendall paused, running his shaky fingers through his hair. "My first thought was that it was my fault that it happened to him."
"But he didn't ear you say it." James said.
"Yeah, I know but I still… I knew I had said it and I still blamed myself." Kendall replied.
"So what happened when you got to the hospital?" James asked.
"I ran into his room and told him I was sorry. He didn't know what for and he couldn't say much to begin with but I could make out him saying I love you, over and over again until he died."
"I told my dad I hated him when he ran my helmet over one time." Carlos said, sitting down in a swivel chair and wheeling it in front of James. The tall boy cracked a small smile, biting his lip trying to stop it. "It was a total accident though." Carlos continued. "But it was my favorite helmet. I even decorated it. But one day I left it sitting in our driveway and when my dad came home from work, he totally destroyed it. So I told him I hated him and locked myself in my room all day. Then, right before I went to bed, my dad came in with a brand new helmet. I apologized and he told me he knew I didn't mean it. I know that's not as dramatic as these two-" Logan and Kendall rolled their eyes. "But it's still the same thing. And what we're trying to say is that your dad knows you love him and even though you told him you hated him and you haven't talked to him in who knows how long, he still knows you love him."
James smiled slightly. "You think so?"
"We know so." Kendall said, throwing his arm around James's shoulder.
"Thanks you guys." James said quietly.
"And if anyone tries to bully you again, just take it up with Kendall." Logan added. "Carlos and I got picked on a hell of a lot and Kendall was always stood up for us."
"He got suspended once for beating up a whole group of kids in our gym class." Carlos added proudly.
"It was only three." Kendall said modestly. "And they were totally asking for it."
James chuckled. "You guys are the best." he said and threw his arm around Kendall and Logan's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. He latched his foot around the chair Carlos was sitting in and jerked it forward so the Latino boy fell into their group hug, knocking the four boys backwards onto James's bed.
For the first time in three years, James Diamond knew what it felt like to have true friends… and he knew what it felt like to be happy. And he wasn't going to trade these feelings for anything in the whole world.
A/N: Anddddddd that's all folks! :D Yup, Reputation has come to a complete end. I'm sad to see it end but I'm so happy that you all like it so much. Again, I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter to get up but I wanted it to be perfect for you guys and after a couple days of editing and typing, I finally have it completed. So tell me what did you think? Hopefully you didn't think the end was too corny :p lol but yeah, all the feedback is greatly appreciated!
Special thanks to:
unnaturalstories
Magiccatprincess
DarkPrincess128
DancingFanatic217
writergirl217
So-Bored-With-These-Games
skb.0104
StillLovely
KendallSchmidt4Life
For taking the time to review chapter two, and thanks again to all those who reviewed chapter one. I love you guys! And I hope you all liked this story :D
-Courtney (fall into your sunlight)
PS: Disclaimer: Welcome To My Life, belongs to Simple Plan; Drown The City, by A Skylit Drive; Banana Pancakes, belong to Jack Johnson; and Evil Angel, belongs to Breaking Benjamin