Insane One Shot #3

A/n: This is something that has come through a bunch of Fics but I decided to do my own one-shot about it.

Disclaimer:

I wish I owned it but I don't, won't, and can't. pity me :(

BTW: this is in 5th year-ish

Half way through the sorting feast, Harry potter slowly walked over to the Slytherin Table. The whole hall went silent as he went. Everyone saw he was walking over to the first years with a smirk on his face. As he stood right behind a group of ickle firsties, Malfoy stood up.

"What do you think you're doing Potty?" He asked. Harry rolled his eyes at him.

"None of your business Malfoy!" he said in an even voice. Harry then went behind one first year, picked him up, threw him on his shoulder, and walked them to Gryffindor.

"Harry! Put me down!" The first year said. Harry chucked.

"Now, now Mark, you think you can escape your favorite cousin? Please, I can tell your mother I'm kidnapping you and all she would say is 'That's nice honey, have a cookie'." Harry said. He then set Mark down on the chair next to his before sat down.

"Fine! You'd better help me with my homework though!" Mark demanded.

"Of course! We can't have ickle Markie fail out of Hoggy-Hoggy Hogwarts in first year can we?" He asked and Mark giggled.

"They wouldn't expel me! I'm the 'great and powerful Harry Potter sir's' favorite cousin." Mark said with his nose in the air like a pure-blood. Harry burst out laughing.

"You have been spending way too much time with Dobby. I got to start limiting your guys' sugar." Harry said. Mark shook his head.

"No way! If you did that, we would have to steal your defense books." Suddenly the owls came down. Hedwig stood up in front of Mark. He took the package and broke into a wide grin.

"Mum!" He exclaimed in a happy voice. He smiled and took out a snake. All surrounding girls (minus Hermione and Ginny) screamed. Snape came up behind the boys.

"Why did you kidnap my first year? And why do you have a snake?" He asked.

"I didn't kidnap the first year! I am just borrowing him! I'll send him back later!" he exclaimed.

"By the way my Mum told me to tell you if you aren't nice to Harry and I, she still has the pictures from party of '77, whatever that means." Mark said. Snape paled and gulped.

"She wouldn't…" He murmured. The snake hissed, both Mark and Harry laughed.

"Mum says she will." Mark said. Everyone look so confused. Harry hissed to the snake before a woman who could have passed for Lily Potter (nee Evens) Twin.

"Yes I would!" She giggled. Harry saw the entire room look confused and decided to explain.

"Meet Rosa Evens, my aunt. My was adopted by another family, Auntie went to Beauxbatons. They met in their sixth year. My Mum invited Auntie to a wild party in 1977." Harry told everyone. His Aunt took over.

"At said party; there were a lot of drinks. I brought a camera with me, so I have pictures of Dumbledore singing a Weird Sisters song, a drunk McGonagall dancing with Lupin, Your ruffled, smiley parents coming out of a broom closet, and Snape doing a lovely-" Snape covered her mother with his hand.

"Say another word and the boys hear of what you and Black did right after." Snape threatened. Harry smirked.

"We already know Professor." Harry smiled evilly. Snape glared and hissed something in Harry's ear, making Harry pale.

"Never mind!" He said quickly, not wanting that; he did not know the human body could bend that way, but he sure as hell didn't want to find out!