AN: Hrrrrrrrrgh. Not a fan of this story. However, I wrote it, and as part of the Project I must upload it. 'Tis the way of the obsessive Kyman fan. Now let's get one thing straight... Holy fucking shit I am so busy. D: I'm working on a thing. A HUGE thing. And it will be on this site sometime within the next thirty days (I hope). It isn't one of the two multichaps I'm working on (hrrrrgh), but rather something MUCH bigger. And that's all I'm going to say for now 'cause it's a surprise. So anyway. When this thing is done, I'll reply to all of my PMs and stuff. Sorry to the people I've been neglecting. XP

As a side note, I've seen 201 since I uploaded my last story. Thanks to the people who sent me links for some versions hiding on the internet, you guys rock. Also: if you haven't mailed Comedy Central about murdering freedom of speech, backing down to terrorism, and censoring a meaningful speech that had no right to be censored... then what the hell are you waiting for? Go mail them! (And be nice. Anger gets you nowhere.)

ANYWAY. Onto my craptastic story.

I glared at the computer screen, my hands balled into fists in my lap and my body tense as I tried to refocus my attention. But try as I might, I kept thinking about the boy on my bed, and I hated myself for our stupid little fight. Hell, it wasn't entirely my fault, but… if I hadn't gotten riled up, we wouldn't be like this. I didn't like this.

Says the boy who was hoping we'd stay how we used to be. Ha. I always told him that I didn't want things to be different between us; just because we were dating we didn't need to start acting all lovey-dovey and whatever. I figured we'd be disagreeing and fighting and insulting each other until the day we died. Yes, I thought he was attractive, and he thought the same of me, and dating wasn't really difficult on just that. We just kind of kept it to the side underneath how we usually were together.

But now, after a stupid little fight, I was wishing for more.

I mean, I always liked affection and stuff, but we didn't go into that a lot. We'd hug each other a bit, and we kissed a lot, but… At that moment, all I wanted was for him to stand up and come over here and just hold me for a while. I didn't like how his anger made my heart feel. And I knew that he wasn't about to come comfort me. He didn't care for me that much, and the way he is, I knew he blamed me for everything and didn't give a crap about how his own words had made me feel.

I hated him for that. But at the same time, I was still silently hoping he was eventually going to give up and at least kiss me. As hard as I tried, I couldn't really find it in myself to hate him at that moment. Truth be told we'd never quite had a fight like that. Our fights usually ended when one of us ran out of insults. After that we would just go back to normal. But this time, his Jew jokes pushed me too far, and I learned that you aren't supposed to insult your boyfriend's dick size.

Okay, I admit that it was a low blow. I didn't even mean it – he's heard me compliment that thing plenty of times. I've never had mine insulted so I wasn't really thinking about it… though I can imagine how it would feel. I just said it because he was talking about the goddamned Holocaust again. And, you know, laughing. Not exactly my favorite thing in the world. But when I made my less-than-tasteful comment, he just gave me one of the darkest looks I've ever seen before sitting down on my bed and pulling out his homework. That's right, I angered him so much that he was doing his homework. Imagine how bad I felt for that one.

But I was still angry, and I'm stubborn as hell, so there was no way I was going to give in and tell him what I really thought of his manhood. I was considering it now, though. I hadn't initially expected him to be so angry. He was, though, and I was sitting at my computer desk alone while he did history work on my bed. I really wanted to just have this anger over and done with, but I still felt stubborn, and I wanted him to apologize for his jokes first. That was selfish of me, yes, but I wasn't used to thinking about his feelings anyway. It was hard to after years upon years of absolute torment.

I sighed and put my hands on the keyboard. I knew he wasn't going to come over here, and I knew he wasn't going to apologize for anything. I just had to wait until the tension abated, and then maybe I could do it myself. I felt like I was sacrificing my pride… but at the same time, I just wanted to be with him again. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me and not be angry with me. I hated feeling that way… but that's just how it was.

I began to type up my report, focusing solely on that so I could banish him from my mind. It was honestly hard to keep my mind on my homework, though, and I had to wonder how he did it. Or if he was doing it at all. I glanced over at him for a second, and I was a little annoyed to see that his face was buried in his textbook. Hey, that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about me. I huffed and turned back to the computer. Okay – homework time.

I was actually able to immerse myself in my work for a good while after that. I actually found myself interested in my topic, and I actually took a few minutes off of typing my report to just read the Wikipedia page. When I got back to typing, I was still doing pretty well for a bit. I was focused entirely on this when I heard him sneeze.

"Bless you," I said without thinking.

"I don't need your fucking blessing, Jew," he snapped back.

I turned to look at him with wide eyes. I certainly hadn't expected hostility like that. But the look in his eyes said it all – I'd really hurt him with that comment of mine. I could understand why that would hurt, but he didn't need to get angry when all I was doing was excusing his goddamned sneeze. Before I could say anything, his face was behind his book again, and I decided it would be better for me if I just dropped it.

I returned to my report and began to add the finishing touches to it. I'm a fast worker, and that isn't generally a bad thing, but this time I was actually pretty eager to keep my face planted on the computer screen. The less interaction with him, the better. I wondered why he hadn't just left when I'd insulted him… He had been excited about coming over, but that was because he wanted to be with me and he wanted help on his homework. Neither of those were happening now. Maybe, deep down, he still wanted to be with me… I considered that for a moment before sighing and shaking my head. It didn't really matter; he was angry with me right now. Maybe he'd want to be near me later, but at the moment, he definitely wasn't considering it.

I checked over my report for any spelling mistakes before turning the printer on. Well, I figured once I was done, I could just goof around on the internet for a while. See which one of us would crack first. I really wanted to just jump on the bed and snuggle up to him, but my stubbornness wouldn't allow that. Not yet, anyway. I hoped he'd forgive me soon.

I switched the printer off again and snatched the papers out of the tray. I looked through them carefully, checking for any ink smears or other fuckups the printer could have made. When I was satisfied, I flipped my wrist to drop the papers on my desk. Unfortunately, the way this made the papers move against my fingers was able to give me a pretty long paper cut across my index finger.

"Fuck! Ow!"

I shook my hand for a moment before jamming the finger in my mouth and sucking on it. I hate paper cuts. I've felt a lot of pain in my life, yes, and you'd think something so trivial would be no problem. Hell, I'm a masochist, and this sorta thing should be nice to me. It's not, though. It just… stings. I hate how much it fucking stings. I noticed him moving in the corner of my eye, and I spared a glance in his direction. He was staring at me, his expression a mixture of anger and… concern? No way. I couldn't believe that he actually cared with how angry he was at me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my finger from my mouth, shaking it viciously and pressing it to my jeans before moving it back to my mouth.

"It can't be that bad, Kyle," I heard him scoff.

"It fucking stings, asshole!" I barked around my finger. "I hate paper cuts!"

I wanted to get up and get a band-aid, but leaving him alone while he was so irritable felt… dangerous, somehow. So I stayed there and sucked on my little cut.

I heard my bed creak, and by the time I'd opened my eyes to see what he was doing, he was in front of me and grabbing my wrist. He yanked my finger out of my mouth and inspected my wound for a moment.

"That's nothing, Jew. Calm down."

"It stings!"

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes boring holes into my own before he looked down at my finger again. He seemed to be considering something. Then, much to my heart's delight and my mind's confusion, he gave my small wound a gentle kiss.

"Better, Kyle?"

I practically melted at his tone. I certainly hadn't expected that – he'd been furious with me only moments before – but it was a welcome gesture. I absolutely adored it when he showed any kind of affection towards me. The fact that he had dissipated almost all of the irritation I'd felt towards him.

"Y… yeah. Yeah, that's better."

"Good. Now will you stop your bitching?" He frowned at me for a moment, seemingly trying to decide what to do next, before releasing my wrist and turning to go back to my bed.

I didn't want him to go. This was the most affection he'd shown me all day, and I wanted more, goddammit! After a moment of thinking about whether I should still be stubborn or just get on with it, I reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. He turned to me, his expression slightly annoyed. I thought I saw a bit of hope in his eyes, though.

"What do you want, Jew?"

I gulped and tried to think of something to say, anything that would make him stop glaring at me like that. "Uh… I didn't mean it."

"What?"

"I've told you I thought it was big before. It is. I was just… just angry. Look, if it was as small as I said, I wouldn't have so much fun when we go at it. Doesn't that make sense?"

I looked up at him pleadingly, hoping he would believe me. He looked confused, actually – he probably didn't expect me to apologize any more than I did. He didn't look like he was about to reach a conclusion, so I decided to keep going.

"Please, Cartman, you have to believe me. I didn't mean it. You know what your Jew jokes do to me, and I got angry, and… you don't have a small dick. Okay?"

He continued to stare at me for a few moments, looking as if he were trying to decipher my words. I was terrified – what if that wasn't enough? What if he refused to believe me? What if I'd honestly cut him too deep for him to consider forgiving me? But then he smiled, and I relaxed immensely.

"That's better, Kyle. I'm glad you realized the error of your ways." He pulled his sleeve from my grasp and ruffled my hair. "Lying is bad for you, ya know."

I found myself grinning as well. I could see the relief in his expression – he'd honestly been scared of what I'd said to him. It was hard to imagine him being self conscious about any aspect of himself, but I suppose a guy's manhood is something he can't help but fret over. I know I've done so once or twice or a dozen times.

"So you aren't mad at me anymore?" I asked carefully as I looked up at him. Part of me was actually pretty upset about giving in and apologizing, but the majority was too happy over being on his good side again.

He sighed softly, his eyes wandering over to the other side of the room before turning back to me. "Well… I can't stay mad at that face, can I?" He grasped my wrist against and brought my cut finger to his lips. "Besides, my little Jew needs me when he's hurt. I should put aside my anger for that…"

"Well, isn't that sweet of you," I said softly as he gave my finger another gentle kiss.

"Just promise me you'll never say something like that again," he said, his voice somewhat serious. "I don't like being angry at you."

"You liar," I replied. "You love being angry at me. You fight with me all the time, so you should have expected –"

I was silenced as he kissed me. I knew he was only doing it to shut me up – why else? – but I was so delighted that I kissed him right back almost immediately. The stinging of my paper cut was forgotten now, and I eagerly threaded my fingers into his disheveled hair.

"Mm, and I thought we'd hate each other all day," he purred against my lips as we parted.

"I can't stay mad at you anymore," I replied evenly. "You're too irresistible. Doesn't mean I'm not going to slap you next time you start talking about the fucking holocaust."

"And I'll slap you next time you make fun of my cock, Jewboy," he said gruffly. But he was still smiling. "You're irresistible too, though. I didn't know if I'd be able to keep glaring at you with how adorable you are…"

"You're such a bullshitter," I murmured. "You were furious with me."

"Doesn't mean I could resist your delicious Jew charm."

"That sounds like a breakfast cereal," I said, and he started laughing. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a tight hug as he calmed himself down. I couldn't help it… no matter what he said to me, I liked being this close to him. I liked being with him. And I'd told him I didn't want us to be lovey-dovey, but seeing how we'd already taken a step in that direction, I decided it didn't matter.

Yeah, I'd wanted things to stay the same, but we'd been together long enough by this point to start thinking about some change. Right? I was used to the fighting and the hatred and everything, but none of that even came close to how happy I felt when he held onto me and kissed me and acted like he truly cared. Nothing would ever compare to that.

I won't say I was in love with Eric Cartman by that point, but I was definitely getting closer.

"Now that we have that settled, you're coming with me," he said. Before I could object, he picked me up out of my chair and dropped me unceremoniously on my bed. I sat up and made myself comfortable as he sat down next to me. I would have griped about his rough treatment, but instead I leaned against his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his torso. I was delighted when he put an arm around me in return.

"Now… can you help me with this history shit? I don't get it at all."

I suppose no matter what I want, though, some things are never going to change.

AN: ... feh. I still don't like it much. But hey, if you do, you should tell me! You know, in a review? Because I love me some reviews. Hell, even if you hated it, you should review. Reviewing is good.

So yeah, this was a random something I wrote when the monster I'm working on had just started or sometime around then. I took a gander at the front page of Kyman fics today and figured I might as well upload the stupid thing. Y'know. Appease the fans and all that stuff. I hope you guys like it, at least a little. I write for you guys, ya know. All the people who review me, fave me, or even just read my stuff and do nothing else. I write for you and your love of Kyman. Well, and mine. Nothing's better than slacking off on homework to write some Kyman fluff. XP

Speaking of homework... I have something I need to be doing.

*disappears into the shadows*