Newkirk just stood there, staring at the cylinder in his hand, utterly dumbfounded. Carter was watching him nervously. "I guess it must have just got caught in the lining, and worked its way around," he said. "Gee, I wonder what it was that Charlie picked up?"

"Carter," said Newkirk, maintaining control with an effort, "shut up. If you say one more word, I won't be answerable." He dropped the film into his pocket, and pointed down the road, with a glower that killed off any further remarks that Carter might have made. "That way. Start walking. "

They proceeded some way in silence before Newkirk's sense of the absurd took over, and he began to laugh. Soon he was laughing so hard he couldn't go any further. He leaned against the nearest tree trunk, shaking convulsively.

"You okay, Newkirk?" said Carter uncertainly, not quite able to grasp the ridiculousness of the situation in the way that his friend did.

Newkirk was beyond speaking for several minutes. Finally, he pulled himself together. "Carter, you'll be the death of me, one of these days," he said, in a voice that still teetered on the edge.

Carter wasn't sure what had happened, but he knew he was off the hook, as far as Newkirk was concerned, anyway.

Night had fallen by the time they reached familiar territory, but they knew this part of the woods so well that even without moonlight they could have found their way to the emergency tunnel. Gaining access to it proved to be more of a problem.

"What on earth are they playing at?" murmured Newkirk, as the spotlight swept across for the fifth time within two minutes.

"Maybe we've been missed," suggested Carter.

Newkirk shook his head. "I don't think so. We haven't seen any patrols or search parties. All the guards are inside the wire, or just outside. They look jumpy, too. I'm not sure they won't start shooting, if they see us." The spotlight passed over the tree stump entrance again. "We're going to have trouble with this," Newkirk concluded.

"What if we just go and give ourselves up?" said Carter.

"Not while we've got the film. We don't want to be found with it, and after everything we've been through, I'm not leaving it behind." Newkirk turned his attention to the compound, where the prisoners could be seen, forming up for roll-call. "So close, and we still can't get there," he muttered. "There has to be some way to distract the guards."

Colonel Hogan was thinking the same thing. The search of the woods had turned up neither the tiger nor his men. The tiger's absence was good news, as far as it went, but he was worried about Carter and Newkirk. LeBeau had gone way past worried, and was accelerating towards frantic, and even Kinch showed signs of losing his cool.

"Alright, I know," said Hogan, when their combined representations got too heated. "But it's the same problem we've had all along; we don't know where they are. The only good news is that if Newkirk obeyed orders and started back after twenty-four hours, we can assume they're getting close, and we know the tiger's not in our woods."

"And what if they met the tiger somewhere between there and here?" said LeBeau.

Hogan didn't reply, and at the look on his face, LeBeau wished he hadn't spoken.

Schultz's arrival broke the silence that had fallen over the barracks. "Roll-call. Everybody out of the barracks." He couldn't fail to notice how subdued the men were as they filed out, and he began to look anxious. As he counted them in their lines, he got even more anxious.

"Colonel Hogan," he whispered, "there are two men missing."

"That's right, Schultz," said Hogan. " Carter and Newkirk didn't come back with us yesterday." Every so often, he stopped trying to fool Schultz, and just told him the truth. It was something of a relief to be able to do so, and because it was always something Schultz didn't want to know, it was pretty safe. In fact it was often the best strategy, as Schultz was never more useful than when he had a personal interest in the cover-up.

"But...but...they were here this morning. Newkirk was here. I saw him"

"No, that was Captain Outhwaite. He was standing in. Schultz, you really should learn to pay attention."

"Colonel Hogan, the Kommandant will go out of his mind," Schultz whimpered.

"Yes, he will," agreed Hogan. "So if you can think of any way to keep him from finding out, we'll all be better off. I've managed the last two roll-calls, now it's someone else's turn."

Schultz's eyes widened in dismay. "Colonel Hogan, please...." he began.

The Kommandant's voice cut across his entreaty. "Report!"

"Oh, boy," muttered Schultz, and slowly turned around.

"Schultz, report!" demanded Klink.

"Herr Kommandant..." Schultz began. His voice squeaked, and he cleared his throat, and tried again. "Herr Kommandant, I beg to report...that is to say, there is something...I have to inform you that..."

The Kommandant interrupted him. "Schultz, it's been a long day. All I want is to have just one normal, everyday piece of routine business. Then I can go to my quarters, have a glass of warm milk, go to bed and forget that today ever happened. Now, report."

Schultz's shoulders sagged a little, and he opened his mouth to reply. But whether he was going to delay the discovery, or destroy what was left of the Kommandant's peace of mind, would never be known.

Kinch had not been paying attention for some minutes. He was staring at the guard tower to the right of the main gate. As Schultz turned to make his report, he leaned forward.

"Colonel," he said, "there's something wrong with the tower."

Hogan turned his attention towards the tower. Then he tilted his head slightly.

"It's gotta be off by at least six degrees," he murmured.

"More than that," said Kinch. "And it's getting worse."

Then, just as Schultz was about to speak, the tower wobbled, before listing to the left as the earth beneath it subsided. The guard who was manning it gave an unmilitary shriek, and clutched at the nearest upright, and the spotlight, abandoned to the forces of gravity, slewed round to point directly at the Kommandant, who stood as if petrified, unable to believe his eyes.

"I didn't know we had a tunnel there," said LeBeau, staring.

"We don't," replied Kinch. "Unless some of the guys have gone freelance. Colonel, what the hell...?"

Hogan, for once, was as taken aback as Klink. He stared in astonishment at the tower, which remained poised at a perilous angle. "Guys, I have no idea what just happened."

Neither had Newkirk; but he knew an opportunity when he saw it. It took a few seconds to get his wits back when he saw the tower start to tilt. Then he realised that one spotlight was out of action, and further, that the sentries in the other nearby towers had turned their lights towards the impending disaster. He grabbed Carter's arm. "Let's go," he hissed. "Quick, Carter."

Carter was too dazed to argue. They scampered towards the tree stump, opened the tunnel entrance and scrambled inside.

Inside the compound, Klink was close to apoplectic, and so incoherent that the guards had no idea what it was that he was screaming at them to do. Hogan had to take it upon himself to order the prisoners back to the barracks.

"Do you think Newkirk and Carter could have caused that, somehow?" asked Kinch, once they were inside.

Hogan rubbed his forehead. "I'm beginning to think anything's possible."

A soft tapping noise from below the tunnel bunk forestalled any further discussion. Hogan strode across to punch the opening mechanism, and as the bunk slid upwards, he felt a surge of relief.

"You made it, then," was all he said.

Newkirk was looking pleased with himself as he emerged from below. "Piece of cake, sir," he said. "And we've got the film."

"You're kidding." Hogan stared at him. "We thought it was a lost cause. So the ostrich gave it up."

Newkirk glanced at Carter, who was still at the top of the ladder. "Well, it's a funny thing about that, sir."

"Newkirk...!" muttered Carter, going red.

"Never mind that," LeBeau broke in. "Did you know there's a tiger out there somewhere?"

"Is that right?" said Newkirk. "Actually, we did get an inkling, didn't we, Carter?"

"Uh, yeah." Carter looked away, trying not to laugh.

"Is that all you can say?" LeBeau glared at the two of them. "We were worried sick about you."

In spite of his best efforts Carter had started giggling, but Newkirk maintained his self-possession. "You didn't have to worry about us, LeBeau. We had Charlie on our team. The tiger never stood a chance."

It wasn't until the following morning that the mystery of the collapsing tower was solved. The changeable weather had finally settled down to a persistent misty rain, excuse enough for the prisoners to stay indoors.

Newkirk and LeBeau were engaged on finishing Outhwaite's going-away suit. The captain had expressed a sudden desire for a double-breasted jacket, but Newkirk had managed to talk him out of it: "They're not wearing them on the Continent this year, sir."

"And there isn't enough material," muttered LeBeau, bending his head over his work so as not to be heard. "Not in the whole of Germany."

Around mid-morning Schultz wandered into the barracks. His mood had brightened considerably on finding that the two missing men were no longer missing. "Guten Morgen, gentlemen," he said cheerfully.

"Morning, Schultz," said Carter, who was sitting on the floor next to his bunk, leaning to one side a little to keep the pressure off the bruise, and consoling himself over the parting with Charlie by making friends with Blanche, LeBeau's wallaby. He'd had a rather trying half-hour the previous evening, when the whole saga had come out, but Newkirk had managed to make the story so entertaining that even Colonel Hogan had ended up laughing.

"What's new, Schultz?" added Hogan, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"The news is, the tiger has been recaptured. Apparently Herr Koch is livid. He wants to know what the tiger got into a fight with. They had to operate, and it's not easy giving an anaesthetic to an angry tiger."

"Can't imagine what could have done that," murmured Newkirk, with a glance at Carter. "So how'd you hear about it, Schultz?"

"The men from the zoo were here this morning to look at the burrow under the guard tower," said Schultz.

"Burrow?" Hogan looked up. "Not a tunnel, then?"

"No, it was a burrow. They found animal tracks all around. They say it looks like their missing aardvarks were there." Schultz gurgled. "The Kommandant is almost around the bend. One more zoo animal at Stalag 13 and he will crack like an egg."

"Have they found any other animals yet, Schultz?" asked Carter, smoothing down the fur on Blanche's back.

"No. Wait - just one. Their ostrich came home of its own accord, some time in the night."

Carter smiled. "I knew he'd be okay," he murmured.

Schultz looked at him, then at Blanche. His contented expression folded in on itself and re-emerged as trepidation. "Carter...what is that?"

"It's a wallaby, Schultz," said Hogan. "They come from Australia."

Schultz began to back away. "No, this is not good. Pets are not allowed in the barracks. No animals are allowed in the barracks. Especially not animals from Australia. Colonel Hogan, I will have to report this."

"That's great, Schultz," said Hogan. "We were going to tell the Kommandant, but nobody had the nerve to face him. You've got real guts, Schultz, going in there knowing he'll...what was it you said? Crack like an egg?"

Schultz stared at him, then at Blanche. His chin quivered, and he began to whisper, "I see nothing. Nothing...." His voice died away as he backed out of the barracks.

Carter got up, moving Blanche aside, and went to the door to check on him, while the wallaby hopped across to seek some petting from Kinch. He tickled her between the ears. "Aardvarks," he said. "Well, that just beats everything."

"It sure does," agreed Hogan meditatively. "You know, it might be useful to volunteer to fill in the burrow. It'd be handy to have some kind of access directly under the guard tower."

"Colonel, I think we've done enough manual labour for one week," said Newkirk.

Carter, still at the door, turned his head. "I think it's a great idea," he said. "And you know, guys, it's just like the colonel said."

"What did the colonel say, Carter?" asked LeBeau, with a puzzled frown.

"Yeah, Carter," added Hogan. "What was it I said?"

Carter eased the door open, knowing he'd have to make a run for it. Then, with a grin, he replied:

"Aardvarks never killed anyone."