Baby Blue Eyes

By Nanaho-Hime

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Yes I know I'm crazy, this is incest and it's gross, though it's only onesided incest and nothing explicit happens. Just try it, seriously, just read it and then flame to your heart's content

i. you're crying and it makes me want to die

James remembers the first time he made Rose cry, and he never forgets it because it's the first time he realizes that Rose is different. She's different from Roxie, and Dom, and Vicky and Lucy and Molly, and it's a good kind of different. He drops her favorite book into the mud on purpose because she thinks she's better at Quidditch and James only has Quidditch and Rosie has everything.

And James has never seen Rosie cry before, and he hates himself because when Rosie cries there's a sick feeling in his stomach and he hates himself. It's the first time he says I'm sorry and means it and he never wants to see her cry again. Fred's not allowed to prank Rosie because Rosie might cry and no one's allowed to roughhouse with Rosie because she might cry, and James gains a reputation for being overprotective, but for some reason it's only for Rosie (and even Lily finds it strange)

ii. when you're scared I feel stronger and I want to be her courage

Rosie can be haughty and proud, and Al might be her best friend but James is her strength, and she can be weak around him and he knows this. She's afraid that she'll be a letdown, that people won't like her for her, that she'll never be loved for being Rosie, extensive flaws and all. And James wants to tell her that she's perfect, because she is. She's smart and funny and good at Quidditch and she has pretty eyes that are even prettier than Al's.

He makes her laugh, because it's what's expected of him and she hugs him and he feels himself flush and there's something wrong with him, yes there is. She goes to Hogwarts confident, and he goes to Hogwarts with the nagging feeling that there's something wrong with him.

iii. you've never been anything less than beautiful and I ache because you'll never be mine

The first time he ever thinks she's beautiful she's fifteen and he's sixteen and she's getting ready for a date with Neil Fawcett and he hates Neil Fawcett because Rosie is way too good for him. For the first time Rosie looks like a girl and it makes James feel…funny, like his heartbeat is really loud and really fast and he wishes that he was the one going out to Hogsmeade with Rosie, and ohmygod what is he thinking?

"How do I look?"

And she's adorably nervous, and her hair is done up and she's wearing blue eye shadow, that make her big blue eyes stand out, and she's wearing clothes that he does not approve of; clothes that are too tight and clothes that will have damn Neil Fawcett looking her up and down and, damn it, Rosie's too young.

She's looking at him expectantly and he forces a smile, because there is something wrong with him, Rosie's his cousin and this is so sick and so twisted and it's just because she's like a little sister, of course, that's it.

"You look beautiful, baby girl."

She smiles radiantly and he's floored.

iv. you're going to marry a redhead, it's a curse, boy, because she'll break your heart

He hates it when they tell him that he's going to marry a redhead because the first James Potter fell in love with a redhead and his dad fell in love with a redhead, and so, of course, he's got to marry a redhead too. They never talk about Al marrying a redhead and why him? Don't they realize that most of his cousins are redheads? And it would be like falling in love with his cousin and that's sick and wrong and twisted.

And then he sees Rosie with her red hair in her face, and he hates that they're right and he's head over heels in love with a redhead and, damn it, he hates this gaping hole in his chest because it's not going to happen.

v. and she's just not you

And when James goes and graduates he gets recruited by the Cannons and Rosie is ecstatic for him because they've always been the two biggest Chudley Cannon fans on the planet and she's squealing and carrying on and he wants her to look at him, damn it but she won't.

"And just think, all the free tickets I could ever want," she chirps and he's hurt because that's all she cares about, and he knows it's sick and wrong and twisted, but he loves her and this is goodbye.

He's possessed when he pulls her to him and hugs her and it's purely platonic and he hopes that she can't hear his heart pounding, and he's holding on to her so tightly.

"I'll miss you baby girl,"

"I'll miss you too James."

And he knows that he will never have her and it doesn't matter that he loves her the most. She's his mother's brother's daughter and this is sick and wrong and twisted. There are other girls in the world, other girls that aren't his younger cousin

He was never a player back at Hogwarts, but he's a hotshot major league Quidditch player now and he's in love with his younger cousin and he's got to fill in the hole somehow. He comes in with a different girl every week and he breaks dozens of hearts and it still hurts, damn it, and the hole gets bigger and bigger and he doesn't care anymore because this is so screwed up. And there are plenty of hot girls and tons of pretty girls and oodles of cute girls but Rosie's the only one who's beautiful

vi. he's everything to you and you're everything to me and I'm the only loser here

She's nineteen and giddy and he hates her because she broke him like this; desensitized him like this and she has something important to tell him and he doesn't want to hear it. Because he's seen that look before and she's going to break his heart.

"I'm in love James."

He feels cold, sososo cold, but she's oblivious. Her smile is fading because he knows it, he's always known it and he's always tried to stop it but it's not enough.

"With Scorpius Malfoy."

Something inside him explodes and something else dies in the explosion.

"You're a traitor Rose,"

She's gone pale, "James"

"You can be in love with Scorpius Malfoy," he's grim, "but I'll never speak to you again and that's a promise."

She's crying and something's broken between them and the universe is spinning because his whole world had revolved around making her smile and now there are tears streaming down her cheeks and he feels completely powerless when he looks at her.

"James, don't you love me?"

And he wants to throw up because there's so much irony and meaning in that question and he pushes past her and out the door because he loves her and it's so sick and twisted and wrong and there must be something wrong with him, there must be.

vii. and it's the end of my world

Lily knows, Lily's always known about him and Rose and everything. James is drinking himself into a stupor because Rose is marrying Malfoy and this world sucks, because he can't say anything to anyone.

Lily puts an arm around his shoulder and James feels like he's five again and he's made Rose cry, "It's ok James, it's ok."

And he wants to cry for the first time since he was three because this is so messed up and Lily doesn't even know.

"It's not ok Lil, it's not, it's never going to stop hurting and I want to die like some screwed up, jilted lover."

Lily shushes him, gives him a quick squeeze, "You'll heal James, I promise, you'll find someone else."

"I'm so pathetic."

And he is, because Rose is the only girl he knows that's beautiful.

viii. and I really do love you so I'm going to let you go

Rose is standing in front of him in a ruined wedding gown, mud marring the white, and it's raining and she's crying and he hates himself for it.

"You know," she's whispering , "I really didn't think you wouldn't show up, everyone went, dad, grandpa, Draco Malfoy and Lucius Malfoy, they were all there, and you were the only one who didn't love me enough to show up."

And she's sobbing something about him ruining her wedding and this is supposed to be the happiest day of her life and he wants to laugh because she's like a little girl again in her ruined dress.

He draws her close to him, and she's sobbing into his t-shirt, and he's trying to comfort her like when she used to be scared of thunderstorms.

Hush, it's ok, don't cry baby, please don't cry

And he kisses her on the top of her head, and she clings to him and she still doesn't know and it's better that way. He loves her and he'll let her go.

A/N: There you go, flame away, tell me how crazy I am, but, in any case, leave a review pretty please