A.N:...Hey. Would you believe me if I told you I had almost this whole chapter on the verge of completion sitting in my computer for months just waiting to be finished? See, the truth is I WAS nearly done with it and was going to post it quickly...but something happened and pretty much the whole damn thing got screwed. Kanji appeared over a large amount of what I had written, placed almost randomly everywhere. Hell, the last third of the thing was completely trashed.

So in frustration, both at my computer and myself for my unoriginality, gave up on the thing. To be perfectly honest, I then just about gave up on writing. See, being in 5th year of high school wasn't as easy as I thought...then again, it wasn't as hard as I thought either. Ugh, see how my thought procecess are all wonky?

Never you mind that. Since I successfully finished the year, I finally got around to correcting the chapter. I also went ahead and changed some things around. You know, I've taken the time to read over my entire fic and I have to say... I'm not pleased with it. Is it just me or do I suck at pacing? No, morever, I feel like I've used far too much kudzu plot. Then again, this fic IS exploited for all it's worth for comedy.

Anyway, if you people want an apology... You have my sincerest apologies, for anyone who liked and still likes this fic, for leaving you all hanging on this fic. Seriously, I get distracted very easily by video games, TvTropes, the ocassional anime/manga, school and new ideas popping up in my head. That's probably the reason why I have so many fics that are dying for updates.

So yeah.

Warnings: This chapter has conspicous amounts of blood used for comedic effect. If you've ever heard of the super-mini-meme "BLOOD SPARK!", well, there you'll get your answer. You people will probably not know about it though. I mean seriously, just how many people form this side of the globe are in the know about Touhou? Honestly, the series needs more l-

I'm rambling again.

Oh yeah, also, Milly'll be getting quite foxy this time. Get ready for one hell of a suggestive prank, Lulu. And of course, some coarse language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass, its characters or its locations. I also do not own Touhou. Both franchises (even if Touhou itself isn't really much in the way of a franchise) belong to their respective creators. I merely borrow from their genius for my own nefarious purposes of self-gratification and canon-defilement.

Enjoy!

...I hope.

- The Crown of Love - Chapter 8: Bonding, Glare War III and Foxy Lechery

There was a noticeable curiosity and mild hostility directed at the girls that strode at her sides, Kallen noted, and frankly, she supposed it was natural coming from the standard Britannian soldier. After all, the scientist to her left was now considered a wanted war criminal because of her invention known as the F.L.E.I.J.A. Warhead, which the entire world now knew to have nearly decimated the entire Tokyo Settlement, as well as having ended countless lives, Britannian and Japanese alike. Nina had more hostile and warning glances than Kaguya, who was stared at with more curiosity than hostility. After all, the girl had gone on Live TV numerous times in order to make announcements regarding the UFN, so naturally, some would recognize such an important member of the UFN Council.

The fact that she was still considered an Eleven didn't really help. The term still reminded Kallen of the traitorous deal with Schneizel, and honestly, she was sure Schneizel would still have no power to return the Japanese their rights. Those coveted powers were at the Britannian Emperor's fingertips only, which is to say, her Emperor, Lelouch. The thought still brought a smirk to the redhead's face, but she was careful not to let it show. She was, after all, technically not quite home-free.

Why, you ask, if she and Kaguya had managed to board the Black Crane thanks to Nina? Well, it turns out in the time between where we last left off and the time this new installation came to be, they had arrived at the jet's designated landing site. After donning something less revealing, given how her Devicer uniform was tight, form-fitting spandex that, naturally, left little to the imagination regarding her body (and here Kallen was sure that someone, somewhere, had definitely enjoyed their job a little too much), the trio had filed from the jet and into the clearing, to the surprising sight of entire divisions of soldiers and such specialists. Though she initially suspected an ambush of sorts, her fears (and Kaguya's, she noted) were placated when some captains approached and bowed, doing the conditioned Britannian salute, which amused Kallen to no end since she vaguely remembered a time when she too, was saluted in this way. The benefits of kinship.

Learning that this would be their escort, of course, was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to surprises. They were promptly ushered into a luxurious limo, with a soft red tapestry interior, comfortable seats and even a small bar. She had some worries about her beloved Guren, which was currently in the craft's cargo bay (which was, thankfully enough, big enough to contain the massive Knightmare if left in a kneeling position), but she was assured by the plane's staff and some chief technicians (who gave her strange looks when she mentioned it, never mind when they saw her Knightmare) that it would be transported with them to the Emperor's palace.

Finally, the reason that she felt she was not completely safe for the moment was because, if she was recognized as a Britannian noble, she was, much as she was not happy to admit it, in the company of two people whose mere presence was causing discomfort amongst the troops. She had firsthand experience of how trigger-happy some Britannians could be. Though the pilot of the Guren would later come to realize these worries were in truth unfounded, she was still also careful not to act too much like an oppressed Japanese citizen who had partaken in the many skirmishes and battles against the Britannian army as a Black Knight in the hopes of reclaiming the subjugated country.

However, Kallen would not deny that the limo had a damn good drink selection. Which she was unable to indulge in because she felt she had to set a good model for the younger Kaguya. Speaking of which…

Kaguya was currently engaged in a surprisingly pleasant conversation with the green-haired Nina, which Kallen found herself approving of; it seems the scientist had come a long way in overcoming her paranoia of Numbers. Promptly, Kaguya noticed her staring and offered a wide smile before turning back to her conversation with Nina. Amused, Kallen smiled as she looked out the window as the foliage passed them by, listening in to the conversation as the lights of their escorts' vehicles flitted randomly across the darkness of the road.

"As I was saying, Nina-san, we were hoping to obtain a place at the side of the Emperor. If I recall, we explained how we came to where we are right now. Though I think we never specified the full circumstances of our escape, did we? I thought so. Well, I'm sure you know of the Black Knight's Ikaruga, yes? Then you'll be surprised to find that we have put the Order out of commission. Yes, the entire order."

"But how? The Ikaruga is like a flying fortress which housed hundreds of Black Knights, and I am sure that there were more stationed outside of it. How could just the two of you cripple the Order?"

"Well, the original idea was just to sneak off after sabotaging the ship, but Kallen here was lucky enough to learn some interesting information that not only increased our chances of success, but also impaired the Order," Kallen turned well before the mention of her name, because Kaguya had giggled in a vaguely malicious and mischievous way when she stared speaking. Kaguya turned her emerald eyes to her, and expression expecting, she continued, "Well, Kallen?"

Kallen offered a small smirk, "Lady Kaguya, you've changed, and I can't say I don't like the change," she said as she settled into a more comfortable position, "What we did was, simply put, destroy the ship. I snuck into the labs when everyone was out and stole experimental technology that improved upon Rakshata Chawla's Gefjun Disturber. We used the portable bomb versions and I planted them across the ship. I'm sure you felt the tremor that the Ikaruga caused when it crashed. I left in the Guren on my usual patrols as per the plan, while Lady Kaguya had left some time before in an errand to "pray for the departed" at the Shinjuku Ghetto, both before the detonation. Once the bombs went off, I took out the guards placed with Lady Kaguya. You know how the rest goes."

Nina gave a nod of understanding and looked like she was about to comment when Kallen's expression turned serious and she looked at Kaguya, who was startled.

"Lady Kaguya, I know we talked about this before, but are you sure of this?"

Kaguya sighed, glancing to the side before she looked at Kallen straight in the eyes, speaking with just as much seriousness, "Kallen, please stop. I have made up my mind. No matter what happens, I will stay by Lelouch's side." But Kallen would not give up that easily, however.

"But still," she pressed, "Are you sure? I realize I should be one to talk, but if you side with us, then the Japanese will label you a traitor. Can you live with the fact that all those people who trusted you will hate you? And what about Empress Tianzi? Won't she be alone?" ranted Kallen. She was going to get the answers out of Kaguya and she would not rest until she felt that the younger girl was truly committed to this, that she truly understood what she was committing herself too.

Or so, Kallen thought she'd be breaking some news, but she did not expect Kaguya to let out a small laugh before looking at her with bemused eyes.

"What?" she growled slightly, with a small embarrassed blush.

Kaguya smiled, "Us."

"Huh? the other uttered quite unintelligently, blinking. She vaguely noted how Nina seemed to realize what Kaguya meant, and that bothered her.

Kaguya was grinning now as she said, "You said, "Us,""

She would have asked her to elaborate, but then Kallen remembered just what she said:

I realize I should be one to speak, but if you side with us, then the Japanese will label you a traitor.

"I..." she mumbled, a numb realization overcoming her.

"Indeed," Nina confirmed, "You...spoke in a way in which you did not seem to consider yourself a part of the Japanese," she said with small curious frown.

"B-but I..." Kallen stammered, shocked at herself for unconsciously separating herself from the Japanese. But why? "Why did I say that?"

Kaguya sighed, shaking her head, "Kallen. There is nothing bad about the way you spoke."

Kallen disagreed, as expected, "What are you saying? I am Japanese, and so are you! I mean, even when I was born to a Britannian father, I still considered myself a Japanese citizen! I may have acted the role of a noble for my parents, but I still thought of myself as Japanese. I may have betrayed the Order, but I did so for Lelouch, not because I was done with being Japanese. I...I cannot even understand myself anymore." she spoke, almost ranting and trailing off.

"Oh Kallen," let out Kaguya, "I don't think you should worry about that. Now please wait and let me speak!" she said just when Kallen was about to interrupt, "Listen Kallen. Whether you consider yourself Japanese or Britannian is up to you. There is no denying what blood runs through you, but who you are is up to you. Whether you're Kozuki Kallen or Kallen Stadtfeld... You're both and neither, I think. Because I'm sure someone like you wouldn't limit herself to just two dimensions. After all, the two of us are here in Britannia on the way to meet Lelouch."

"Who I am..." mumbled Kallen, "I know that. But, I don't think I—"

"Let's not dwell on that," cut Kaguya with a look between exasperation and mischief, "This is something I learned from Lelouch. It would be best if he was the one who told you."

"What do you mean by that?" questioned Kallen, who had composed herself.

And so Kaguya adopted a look Kallen swore she had only seen before on C.C.'s face, giggling a bit, "Now wouldn't you like to know?"

Groaning, Kallen shook her head and gave up, tossing a glance to the side to see Nina who appeared apologetic. Again, Kallen realized, Nina seemed to catch on to Kaguya's meanings. What was with those two?

The black-haired girl, on the other hand, laughed a bit before leaning back on her seat, "As for your question, my answer will stand; I shall not turn my back to Lelouch. The world can call me anything it wants, but my place is at his side. Not anywhere else. I can deal with the fact that Japan may despise me. It's they who have the problem, not me. The Order of the Black Knights needs Zero. Japan needs Zero. The UFN needs Zero. The world needs him. Or at least, so it was. The Order is little more than a puppet for Schneizel now, and is all but grounded now that we've made our move. The UFN now lacks the support of the Black Knights as a military, and also has lost its most iconic and charismatic figurehead. Honestly, it if wasn't for Lelouch becoming Emperor, Schneizel would have been able to simply move in and secure power. Now what matters most for us is to support Lelouch in any way we can," she said with conviction, holding her steely gaze leveled at the other two.

Kallen nodded, accepting and agreeing with her while Nina appeared surprised and thoughtful.

In the blink of an eye though, Kaguya promptly returned to her usual cheerful disposition. "Besides, the Tianzi will be just fine! After all, Xingke is with her and Todoh will help him if the need arises. So no need to worry, right?"

Kallen blinked, before laughing with the other Japanese, "You're right Lady Kaguya. I'm sorry for getting so angsty all of a sudden," she said with a smile.

"Good!" agreed the other, nodding with finality. She then turned her eyes to look at Nina, who was happy to be mostly silent, "Now! Miss Nina, you said that you were elected as the assistant to the coordinator, Lady...Milliarde Ashford, right?" she said this in a way to indicate she sought confirmation, though even so the girl in question was slightly startled out of her thoughts.

"O-Oh? Oh yes, that's true. Madame President asked me to come with some designs I had made for a device. It would have been used in a previous party of hers, but the idea was eventually forgotten due to various circumstances, mainly time constraints and lack of test subjects. But mostly because Madame President forgot about it because she became fixed on other ideas for her parties," said Nina feeling slightly embarrassed about the explanation.

"Madame President?"

"Oh! That's how I refer to her. Is something wrong with it?"

Kaguya shook her head in a negative, "Oh no, no, that's fine. I'm just curious."

"Oh that's just one of her many quirks. She says she will only acknowledge your existence if you refer to her in certain ways. One was Madame President. She told me once she'd prank on you for a whole semester straight if you called her Milliarde, so if you don't call her Madame, then it's just Milly. Well, it's either that or something really tedious like "Our Grand and Exalted Excellence, Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe, Almighty Milly Ashford the Magnanimous Overlady," supplied Kallen as if by memory. Which earned her the stares. She fidgeted nervously, "What?"

Nina really did sweatdrop this time, "You...you actually remembered it..."

Kaguya too, in addition to appearing awed, "Oh, I-I see... So just Milly, right?" she asked Nina, hurriedly directing the focus away from Kallen.

The red-head simply colored to a tone matching her hair, looking at their feet.

"Y-yes, it would be best if you just called her Milly. There is no real need to use the long title. Even for respect though, I'd recommend against calling her by her full name. That is, the last time someone actually referred to Madame President as such, well..." Nina trailed, seeming to go off into a memory, before promptly grasping her cheeks and shaking her head with a blush appearing on her cheeks.

Raising an eyebrow, the green-eyed girl asked, "What happened?"

Nina seemed uncertain, "W-well, you see... The last person who used it did so as a way to joke with her and... I-I'm sorry but I-I dare not speak of the details!" she ended in a rush, becoming flushed again.

Coming back from her earlier humiliation, Kallen looked intrigued; it must have happened when she wasn't present. "Ok, now you've got to tell us what happened."

"Indeed, we won't tell anyone, we swear," agreed Kaguya, both Japanese sticking close and almost leaning into the scientist.

However, Nina denied them, "N-No, please don't. If you want to know, then please ask Madame President herself."

"Oh fine," huffed Kallen, "But can you at least tell us who was it?"

"...It was Lelouch."

"Ah...!" said Kallen, and a strange look came over her face.

"Lelouch?" repeated the surprised Kaguya, before taking note of Kallen hunching over slightly and her shaking shoulders.

"Kallen?"

"*snort* Hahahaha! Hahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ah?" exclaimed the other two surprised girls.

"What are you laughing about Kallen?" asked the confused Nina.

"What's there not laugh about? If it was Lelouch, then obviously it was something extremely embarrassing! Now I can't wait to ask her what she did!" cheered Kallen enthusiastically.

Kaguya was curious about this, and asked Nina, "What does she mean?"

"Well, Madame President's pranks are normally in good nature, and she performs her pranks mainly to amuse herself. However, when it comes to Lelouch, she always did everything she could to make it as uncomfortable and embarrassing for him as possible. Also, any especially themed party she did, which occurred more often than you think, was usually built around the idea of making Lelouch squirm. I must say that each and every attempt was more than incredibly successful, if not deeply satisfying and perhaps even therapeutic for her," informed Nina, fondly recalling those days with a smile.

"Haaa...You sound as if you really enjoyed them," guessed Kaguya.

Nina allowed herself a small giggle, "Hehehe, is it that easy to see? You're right though; those days when I was just a student, spending time with the other Student Council members were and are my fondest memories. I always think on them whenever I feel discouraged lately."

"That is nice," Kaguya smiled good naturedly, "This Milly...she sounds like an interesting person. I can't wait to meet her!"

"Yes, well," snorted Kallen, "If my intuition's correct, you two will get along like sisters in a heartbeat."

"Indeed," said Nina, "You seem like a very youthful person, Lady Kaguya. I am sure Madame President will take to you with great ease."

"Ah, that is good!" said Kaguya with glee, "Well, now how about..."

The three girls would spend the next few hours talking and laughing together like normal girls, just three friends spending time together. They would talk about the war, talk about their happier years, talk about themselves as people and of their acquaintances, of the upcoming times and the future.

However, there was a mission imposed on Kaguya by her own self, which was more than just getting along with the devious Ashford girl.

Milly Ashford...I've no small amount of suspicion of your intention towards Lelouch...

Her eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly in the middle of laughing at a joke Kallen had made.

I can't be quite sure until I see you two interact, but I think I'm right. You most likely are in love with my Lelouch, as is Kallen.

She sent a look to the stars with a devious glint in her eyes before turning them back to listen to Nina.

"So if that is true..." went on Nina as she responded to Kallen.

So if that is true, Miss Ashford..., continued Kaguya in her thoughts.

Then there is no way I'm letting this chance pass me by. Lulu, get ready! This will be one St. Valentine's you won't forget!, she resolved, raising her arms in the air in a way that would show determination. Naturally, she did this as she herself joked outside of her mind as a way to mask her thoughts.

There was no way she would allow Milly Ashford to NOT confess and prevent herself from getting with Lelouch. Or her. Or Kallen. Or C.C.. Sumeragi Kaguya would make sure of that. An Emperor like him needs at his side wives to match his grandeur, was her belief.

And so the limo and its entourage advanced into the night…

Lelouch's eyebrow twitched. Once. Twice. Thrice for the rule of three his eyebrow went, and by the third one, he had settled for merely staring, in a bizarre mixture of disbelief, confusion, irritation, disappointment and, most above anything else, surprise.

How is it, that when he has Suzaku by his side, it's almost as if he somehow becomes less competent than what he had been when he was against him? Sure, Suzaku was never the sharpest tool in the box, and both knew it, but he had been sure Suzaku (and the up to that point reliable Jeremiah, shocking I know) would have been clearly incapable of failing at such a simple task as going to hire a bricklaying and remodeling company. Because, based on his carefully deliberated and decided criteria, the fact that some redheaded girl with a clear communication and self-esteem problem sporting a devil get-up was the very last thing he expected from a supposedly professional entity, it was clear that somehow and don't you dare ask me how, Suzaku failed horribly. At making a phone call.

Had it not been for several factors including but not limited to: a giggling C.C (who would not be laughing behind his back when he was actually able to dispense her punishment), that who appeared to be her boss had somehow managed to fall asleep while bent forward, standing, that Suzaku was excitedly spewing bullshit about designs to a strange blond woman with a funny hat that looked like a cross between a cap and party hats, and that lastly, he needed to keep up his composure as Emp—

Actually, screw that last one; He was the goddamn ruler of over half the world. He could do whatever he damn pleased.

And so Lelouch, having reaffirmed this admittedly reasonable belief in his head, nodded in resolution and opened his mouth, ready to express his doubt in this "company's" capacity to reliably express their ability in the endeavor he required them to undertake. And, having presented this plan with all the loquaciousness of someone brought up like the heir to a throne he ended up claiming with quite the audacious flair (and such gratuitous use of arm-twisting while he was at it), he was understandably reduced to an awed, jaw-gaping man when another red-head entered the premises, lugging over her shoulder or dragging behind her, among other things, bound-packs of bricks, bags containing cement, large toolboxes, several bound logs and, dragging this object with a rope tied to her ankle, a freaking statue of a small...winged girl?

Lelouch missed what C.C. did not, a sign hung over the statue that read:

Absolutely uninteresting sight. Please move along. This statue is most definitely not part of an impossibly unreliable and unlikely-to-present-results plan to put food on the tables of girls with rather developed senses of grandeur. And we're talking big senses of grandeur. We reiterate, absolutely uninteresting sight here; please do not irritate the statue by staring at it more than necessary. Take our word for it. Now please look away, damn it! (*1)

Predictably, C.C. ignored the sign in favor of keeling over in laughter. Lelouch continued gaping and pointedly ignored what he thought was the statue winking at him, the shy red-headed girl decided to settle for quieting and blushing, the blonde woman continued snoring away, Suzaku kept blabbering his mouth at the woman with the weird hat, who looked embarrassed and bored at the same time, the girl dragging the items left for the higher floors, leaving behind a mess for the palace's poor cleaning staff to deal with, and Jeremiah Gottwald, once he was done chatting up the receptionist, sending away Guinevere, eyeing the red-headed workwoman's rather prodigious, bouncing bust and shaking his head in both amusement and exasperation at the gathered people, decided to silently drag away his lord and his the green-haired witch and deal with the situation himself.

Of course, the fact that all three of the remaining present foreign women were quite attractive helped. Though he definitely began to reconsider his course of action when the new, approaching silver-haired woman (who was even more attractive) began to give him quite the evil eye...

Uh... Cut over to Lelouch.

C.C. sighed in relief after laughing so much, her chest heaving while she reached over with a hand to gently grasp Lelouch's jaw and push it up so that she had closed his mouth. That little fly over there must be so disappointed now. Anyways, having the opportunity to take a stroll with the still rather astonished Emperor, the both of them simply wandered down the palace's halls for a while, no definite destination in mind; Lelouch the wanderer, and she, C.C., who would follow him where he went・ wherever it was to be.

Thankfully for C.C.'s nerves, who was by now very concerned by a certain not-quite-dead-yet-not-quite-alive woman's rather suspicious silence as of late, Lelouch chose this time to compose himself, straighten his back, school his expression and place his arms behind his back. And check for his hat. His ensemble wasn't quite what it was (or didn't even feel like it should be) without his hat. His really nice hat. His humongous, almost ridiculous and yet incredibly cool hat. His luxurious empero—You get the idea.

"What's up with you, Lelouch? Even a pollywhale would not be so quiet even if they had lost their mate." (*2)

Stop.

"What the hell does that mean? Where the hell did that come from?"

Continue.

"Care to enlighten me, witch, to what a pollywhale is?"

C.C. shrugged, having this same shifty look in her eyes whenever she considered the relevant information unnecessary yet rather amusing in origin, "Just imagine an orca with frog legs."

STOP.

"You know what, I should not have asked."

"Perhaps you shouldn't have."

Continue.

Lelouch seemed to hung his head in tiredness, "I definitely shouldn't. Now I feel depressed."

C.C. tilted her head, "Why?"

The raven-haired man shook his head, simply looking ahead, 的 don稚 know. I just don't feel so good. I think I need some more sleep."

Anya raised her hand as if she were a student in a class, but spoke before being given permission to speak, "Perhaps milord would prefer to return to his royal chambers for a restful sleep? After all, a nation's light such as you need to be in good health for his people. I know a few ways to facilitate sleep if you would need them・

Lelouch nodded his head in accord as she spoke, "Yes... Yes, you're right! I think I'll do just—"

Waaaaaaaaiiiiiit a minute...

...!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Lelouch shouted in surprise after having jumped six feet into the air, retreating behind a pillar next to C.C., who was on the verge of falling into a laughing fit all over again. Anya tilted her head in a way all-too reminiscent of the green-haired woman, though instead of mere intrigue, her gaze was filled with such confusion and innocence, Lelouch couldn't bring himself to keep hiding from her eyes, even as she approached him. It was only too late that he realized why he had the feeling that something was different about the pink-head Knight of the Round that had sworn to enter his service, apart from the fact that she had seemingly fallen into the role with astonishing ease.

For one, she was supposed to be around Nunally" height, not smaller than him by barely one quarter of a head. Two, she was supposed to be quite flat, not curvaceous enough to rival Shirley in the endowment department. Three, she wasn't supposed to be looking at him with enough adoration to put his old fangirls to shame. Or be standing so close to him he could practically feel her breath. And she wasn't supposed to be so scantily clothed either; though he would never tell anyone how the tight medical gown looked good on her figure. And he wasn't expecting her to slowly raiser her arms to him, as if trying to embrace him…

"Errr...wait a minute..." Amidst the Grey Witch's giggles, let's switch over to Suza—on second thought, maybe it would be best if I didn't.

So, yes, Lelouch was in the middle of getting an intimate-looking hug from a voluptuous, hardly-appropriately dressed young woman in the middle of his enormous palace with an uncaring old hag in a young body as a witness. And so it seemed that our raven-haired protagonist would be once more introduced to the wonders of the soft flesh of the fairer sex (naturally, through clothing; I have my dignity to consider, after all!), but, alas for some and who knows if for Lelouch…

"Ah! Miss Aelstreim, there you are!"

...Anya had some company. Specifically, a couple of nurses who looked quite out of breath, and who were looking upon the scene with confusion, embarrassment, envy and several other things that the Emperor would rather not know visible in the pair's eyes. Lelouch himself was unsure as to whether he was disappointed or not, when Anya sighed, clearly in disappointment herself, before putting some distance between the two of them, instead placing her hands upon the middle of her chest, and settling to quietly gaze (longingly?) at him while the two nurses fussed over her. They were simply ignored.

Lelouch took the time to adjust his clothes, running one of his hands down it to smooth wrinkles that were not there while using the other to shush the insufferable witch's mocking laughter. Though C.C. did not quiet at his demand, he was surprised (and pleased) when the pink head began to glare at the lime-haired woman, ostensibly for not respecting his wishes. Taking this as a good sign, he smiled lightly; so perhaps this decision of his also yielded side-benefits.

As he pondered this, the nurses were raining down questions that shall go unanswered onto the now growth-spurted Anya. And as mentioned before, both the Emperor and his "aide" noted how she ignored them in favor of gazing at Lelouch; it was obvious she was waiting for him to say something to her.

Lelouch cleared his throat, and the nurses quieted at once, turning to him and bowing, remaining in the position.

"Anya Aelstreim..." began Lelouch, trying to put up a regal act before deciding that he didn't really care anymore for appearances, then slumped somewhat, sighing heavily and surprising everyone, "...What are you doing here?"

Anya seemed speechless, looking for something to say, but unable to. Wasn't she supposed to be here?

"Now don't give me that look," he said, exasperated, "What I meant was, what are you doing outside your bed? You are supposed to be resting in the medical wing."

At once, Anya went down on one knee and bowed her head. The skirt of her gown hiked up considerably, but Lelouch kept his gaze steady, "My Lord. I had felt the need to come to your side as soon as I could, in case you needed me in some way. Besides, I am unhurt and in good health. I do not require use of the medical wing anymore."

"So says the girl who fainted due to stress some hours ago, quite literally crying herself to sleep," mocked C.C., earning a warning glance from Lelouch, which, again, went ignored.

"But as you can clearly see," the pink-head shot back, "I am fine now."

"You're legs are trembling."

"I am merely somewhat unsteady on my feet. It will pass. I assure you it's nothing as bad your balance is after lazing all day instead of heeding milord's words."

"Aelstreim!" yelled Lelouch.

"My, feisty are we? Perhaps someone allowed her newfound position to go to her head. No wonder a buffoon like you had so hard a time keeping her memory in check."

"C.C.!" growled Lelouch."

"Tch," and with that, the green-head looked away with a small frown.

Sighing again, Lelouch directed his speech back to the smug-looking Knight. He frowned at this. "Well, as you can see, I am fine as I am right now too. Therefore I have no real need for you at the moment."

"I see," was all she said, looking rather down.

Lelouch hung his head dejectedly, ignoring the giggling nurses. Damn himself.

"On second thought, I did have some business with you, and there are some things you could help me with as well," no sooner had those words left his lips, the girl had somehow appeared before him in prostration, head touching the floor and expressing her thanks over and over.

Apart from a glare from C.C., a starry-eyed look from Anya, more giggles from the nurses and a "Why me?" look from Lelouch, the succeeding events were inconsequential.

Though they had some mishaps once the subject of Anya's clothing came up. But that is a story for another time...that shall involve discussion about cup sizes and Lelouch's chastity.

Suffice to say Lelouch left the hallway as soon as he could to go talk to someone he'd been meaning to talk to for a while. Unfortunately, the nurses were forced to bear witness to the spectacle that was Glare War III.

Now...now what?

…

...

...

...

...

...

...

Hmmm…

Hrmm…

Hmhm…

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(Overly long gag, don't you think?)

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Roses are blue, lilies are black and 2 plus 2 equals quack.

...What the fuck?

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PING! Let's go see Jeremy!

"aghaash fafjes csjeds.. aga shfasg hasfash asdhfa sdghas dghasf ahsdf aashdf ahs fahs agashg ahgha gahga gaga gag agagg," gurgled Jeremiah Gottwald in pain, unable to properly articulate anything remotely resembling coherent human speech due his current and unfortunately very unfortunate situation. A female voice laughed evilly, no one so much as glancing at the spectacle, too busy eyeing the still parroting Kururugi with the blonde with the weird hat, the other blonde still snoozing her (apparent) youth away, and the other red-head still looking at her feet and mumbling things too low for anyone to hear. No one paid attention to the teal-haired man in need.

How...unfortunate.

What happened to him?

He was currently being strangled by a silverette. The same one who had been giving him the death glares.

Why wasn't he fighting back?

She had several knives pressed to his family jewels. And she was strangling him. And he was turning purple. And his sight was turning dark. And he was a chivalrous pervert. And she was cute. And she'd cut his balls in a heartbeat if he so much as did anything other than gargle in pain.

How long did his torture last before finally getting out of there?

No one knew.

How very unfortunate.

In another time and space, a being known as the author would be sweating bullets at this impossibly unforeseen turn of events, but he had no way to express this regret in a greater, more attention-grabbing way without thus invoking a mighty sledgehammer to smite the fourth-wall.

Oh wait. He already did. Chapter 2 was all about that, remember?

...

I think it would be best if that madness stopped here, for the sakes of many involved. Let's go over to someone I'm sure you've been all wondering where she was.

...Just for the record, Jermiah actually only spent about ten more minutes in the grip of man-death before the silverette shrugged, kicked his nuts then left his prone form on the floor.

K.O! *DING DING!*

A surprising amount of time later considering how short that intermission was...

"Ugh, where is that boy?" groaned C.C., having been looking for the wayward Emperor for well over half an hour. Her current company did nothing to make matters less stressful. If anything, they made it worse.

"Wowza... This place is...huge doesn't even begin to describe it! Amazing!" squealed the very excited and impressed Kaguya, the girl having taken C.C.'s appearance in stride and assuring her that Lelouch—her Zero—was there.

"No kidding...Man, and we are gonna live here from now on? Talk about..." Kallen wanted to say gaudy, because honestly, she had gotten quite used to the life of a soldier that she'd forgotten almost all of the assorted luxury that came with being a noble. Thus she ended up saying, "...er,impressive, yes..."

Though even Kaguya admitted, though to herself, how lame and unbelievable that sounded.

Kallen of course, was completely unsurprised at seeing C.C. greet them at the door when they reached the palace. Maybe it was because she had gotten quite used to that unmistakable deadpan face, the one only C.C. could use to convey more than just outright boredom at the word. Maybe it was because she felt assured she was in the right place. Maybe it was because she'd have to be stupid not to guess the woman would stick to Lelouch like a tick after all they'd been through.

Or maybe it was because she had been hugging her Cheese-kun pillow to herself with one arm while using the other hand to eat pizza, a servant knelt at her side in prostration while he held a pizza box above his head, as if he was offering a sacred object to the heavens.

Really, that was just so C.C, she had to comment on it, and warned her confused companions to expect this to be common from the lime-haired woman.

The witch's response?

"Of course. For I am C.C."

Nina was the only one surprised at the reception to the palace. The woman was certainly...unique, to say the least.

Least being her lime-colored hair, of course.

"IIRC, my Emperor said he went to check on the supreme coordinator... Um, Lady Ashford, correct?" said the fifth and last of the entourage, reminding C.C. once more of her. She grit her teeth and ignored the net speak she used.

Indeed, too much time blogging did have negative real-life effects.

She smiled.

"Why yes, Annie dear, that's absolutely, fabulouSLY correct!" she said with as much fake sweetness she could muster, congratulating Anya the exact same, plaque-inducing sugary sweet way Marianne would use with Anya when the girl answered a correct question, when the then-young girl took classes from the late Empress in proper etiquette.

With bolding, italicizing and underlining of the text and all. Oh wait, that's a technical fourth-wall exclusive. Please ignore that bit.

Anya twitched quite visibly, and developed a small eye tick, but otherwise remained silent. But knowing her mannerisms from Marianne's advice, C.C. knew a victory when she saw one. She kept her pride smile to herself.

But couldn't help but let out a small "...Ha!"

Meanwhile, the other three ignored ladies gazed at each other in confusion then regarded the other two with trepidation. If this banter was commonplace, God only knew how Lelouch dealt with it without going insane.

Kallen and Kaguya both resolved then, determination burning in their eyes. They'd have to step up their act to win the war for Lulu's attention!

Nina sweat-dropped, feeling quite awkward left alone by herself in the middle of a love tug-o-war.

"Haaa..." sighed Milly, idly scribbling notes away on a clipboard while half her mind listened to the various assistants that prattled suggestions, numbers, references, names, dates and all sorts of other information she didn't really care to listen to at the moment. She'd been quite busy brainstorming for ideas that could be easily replicated to scale to the entire Britannian capital, and she'd been at it for hours on end now. She'd missed her lunch, she didn't sleep that well earlier when she napped, she still hadn't had her dinner, and Rivalz was off making a fool of himself with the palace maids. She knew he was making a fool of himself, instead of getting her a snack, because not ten seconds after he left the room she heard the telltale shriek of an indignant woman and the subsequent slap that accompanied it.

"Milady, are you listening?" asked one of the assistants, her tone vaguely annoyed.

"Yes, yes..." said Milly, quite bored.

"...Very well," responded the assistant, sounding quite unconvinced, "Well then, as we were saying..."

Milly would have sighed out loud if she wanted to cause a fuss. Well, she DID want to so she could amuse herself some, but she was still busy thinking and stuff, so she stopped herself from doing so. Really, her job as supreme coordinator for this festival was turning out to be quite a lot less glamorous than she thought. Being cooped up in one room too long was quite stressful for a free spirit such as her.

When she was but a humble (ha!) student council president of a humble (ha!) learning institution in a humble (...) conquered nation, and only amused herself with humble (HA!) parties, she had all the time she wanted to plan and prepare, all the resources available to her, and all the entertainment she personally needed packed in one handsome and quite deceptive package. Time constraints have apparently sapped some of her own creativity, much as she was quite unwilling to believe.

For the festival she had in mind, Milly had planned a multi-stage...tourney, you could call it. The first five days of the festival would be marked with a theme for that day, a theme that would correspond with values found in a relationship. Things like companionship, compatibility, compassion, dedication and trust... Each of the seven days would involve one theme, and all participants—that is, every single person in the capital—would be tested in that value, accumulating points based on tasks and tracked by special devices she'd need Nina to plan about with. At the end of the fifth day, the winners would receive their prize, and be honored to spend the last two days of the festival with the Emperor himself.

As her plan stood, she found it alright, but Milly really wanted to add various touches to spice it up. Unfortunately, despite convincing herself to the contrary, she still felt some fear that Lelouch would not approve and perhaps punish her in some way for crossing a line. This is why she'd kept things as simply as she could for her basic plan before she'd take a risk with more...outrageous ideas.

Then again, she caused her fair share of outrage in her time as a student. The memories just made her smile fondly.

Sighing, Milly placed her clipboard down and made a motion to the men and women to stop.

"...I believe this will be enough for the time being. Let's take a break, alright?" she said, tired.

The gathered people shared some looks between them, quite a lot of them holding skepticism, but since she was quite a lot higher ranked than them at the moment, they agreed and left her alone.

But she could quite hear what comments they muttered under their breaths.

"...Who does she thinks she is..."

"..some vulgar noble fallen from grace..."

"...tival is around the corner and she's wasting time..."

"What was our Lord thinking?"

As the double doors closed, Milly picked a pencil with a very sharp point and promptly threw it with a deft movement of her hand. She got up to stretch, enjoying the sounds of her cracking bones and the feeling of blood flowing through her veins, and idly noticed the pencil she'd thrown had embedded itself on the wooden door. Huh. Must've been some really old or bad wood. Or maybe they're making pencil graphite with something that makes it harder to break than a thick wooden door. Do they even come up with an original idea that doesn't suck anymore?

As she scooped up some of the notes she'd left strewn over a table, she heard the doors open and close, and almost missed the sound of very light footsteps. Indeed, she would have thought herself alone if not for the sound of the doors; this person was sneaky!

Since she had her back turned, she waited until she felt the person stop a few paces behind herself before quickly acting. She threw her stack of papers towards the other person without turning, at the same time stepping forward. When the sound of the intruder's surprise confirmed her success, she coiled a bit then sprung backwards and drop-kicked her "assailant" into a sofa, then jumped and landed on them, using her whole body to keep the unknown person—whom she confirmed to be a man—down.

The man of course struggled against her, but he was pathetic. Did this person seriously think they'd be a match for HER?

"Now now," she said patronizingly, "why don't you tell me who sent you, and for what purpose? You realize you were taking a threatening posture against me, Madame Ashford, don't you?"

"Ooof-! Get off, Milly! I sent myself here to see how you were doing! Show your Emperor some respect and GET OFF, WOMAN!" shouted the very irate man. Milly blinked, and then realized she was pushing down none other than Emperor Lelouch Vi Britannia himself.

Oops.

"No, wait!" Milly thought to herself, a wicked idea forming in her mind, "This is the ~perfect~ opportunity, the chance I've been missing on since he left! Get ready!"

Lelouch was understandably very confused, and very, very afraid, when, instead of obeying him and letting him go while sputtering apologies, Milly made herself comfortable on him, and leant in, a very foxy grin on her face as she idly twirled a lock of her hair. Her tone was nothing short of seductive.

"Now now..." she said sultrily, enjoying the way his face became redder than a tomato. She drew a circle on his chest, "my Emperor, my Lord, my master..." she purred, laughing wickedly in her mind. Lelouch's eyes were bound to pop out of his skull at the rate they were expanding.

"Are you sure you want me off?" she said, pressing herself against him for good measure, and giggling as he seized up immediately, "I'm sure you know by now...Kitty can do wonderful things for her stressed master..." she went on, the sound of the word "master" making Lelouch shiver quite strongly.

Were she any other person, Lelouch would have used his Geass on her to make the act stop right where it was.

But as we all know, Milly Ashford had all the right tools and techniques to get her way, and so only she would dare to keep on going into ever-more-dangerous territory.

...And be succeeding.

"Time to go in for the kill," she thought.

Putting on her most seductive smile, she draped her arm over his shoulder and straddled him properly, running a hand down his chest to stop at his stomach.

She barely stopped herself from grinning madly, which would break her act.

"And, oh? What's this?" she breathily questioned, making a show of massaging his shoulders, "Master is so stressed out right now, isn't he? Oh, you poor dear! Come now, come to me!" She wrapped both her arms around his neck and left her face inches from his own.

"Come to Kitty, she will ease away all those nasty thoughts with her wonderful, f-u-l-l c-o-n-t-a-c-t magical spells..." she whispered, grabbing his hand...

Winked at him, "...for ~everything~..." and placed his hand on her rear. She didn't mind.

"Coup d'Grace," shethought in triumph.

But of course. The end result?

The foundation of the Lelouch Blood Geyser Resorts.

All ages permitted, free admission, cheap membership! Only 3 billion dollars now! Members get free tours to the volcanic-grade spurts of our unique geyser tour spot! The only place in the world where the water is true red-blooded male blood! Don't miss the chance to watch the famous Nose Sphinx spurt its special brand oxygenated blood! Rumor has it those who bathe in it will become invincible! Just make sure not to get a leaf stuck on you when you bathe. That would elicit rather...undesirable responses from Fate.(*3)

Milly idly wiped the blood off her face, and carefully got off Lelouch. She specially made sure not to step on the world-class boner he was currently sporting. But we reiterate, what red-blooded straight male wouldn't react like that to...that?

Getting soaked in blood wasn't that bad considering she got another peek at Lelouch, even if through clothing. Did you honestly believe Milly Ashford wouldn't peek? Shame on you if you did!

Off to the side, she saw her audience (which consisted of Suzaku, Jeremiah, Sayoko, C.C., Anya, Kallen, Kaguya and Nina, who had all arrived at some point in-between the start of the commotion and the end of the...show) staring at the spectacle in various levels of awe, fear, peace, arousal, insecurity, awe and...admiration?

Indeed, while Suzaku and Jeremiah were both quite aroused by the show (if the shit-eating grins were any indication), their reactions were placated by the inner fear they felt for their Lord with all the blood he was still spurting, plus the one going away from his brain and into his...other head. They didn't amount to Kaguya and Anya, who were both shamelessly comparing notes and studying Lelouch's prone form from different angles and taking more notes.

C.C. wasn't sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, "experiences" with Marianne let her to appreciate Lelouch's position from interesting angles. On the other, if the guy couldn't wait to get lap treatment, he could at least have waited until she'd finished her sixth pizza that day. Now it was all covered in blood! RUINED FOREVER!

Sayoko smiled placidly. It was good to see things return to almost absolute normalcy at last.

Nina smiled awkwardly. This wasn't the first time this had happened with the two of them before, but it certainly didn't often result in a blood load this big.

"Milady must've been really waiting for this chance."

Kallen was in a very discomforting situation. She was vexingly trapped midway between the roads to anger, hurt, embarrassment, unabashed cackling, awe, jealousy and complacency. She'd only seen this happen once before when she'd been in the Council, and it wasn't anywhere near this bad, nor had she really cared about it then.

Funny how a year can make all the difference. Still, it was nice to see something quite familiar again.

The less we speak about Kaguya and Anya, the better. The obscure arts they invoked by taking notes on Milly's technique, Lelouch's reaction, the very setting itself... It was blasphemy made flesh into two nubile girls who had found a figure of admiration in Milly Ashford.

God help us all.

Milly smiled when the people all promptly raised score cards over their heads. She smirked at the line of perfect scores, until her face soured when she spotted the 7.5.

Everyone looked up and saw it belonged to Sayoko. Everyone (except of course Lelouch, who was well off into La-la-land) stared at her like she'd grown another head, two tails, three horns and four tree branches. Yes, tree branches.

"Milady," Sayoko began respectfully, inclining her head to the side in confusion, "I thought I taught you better than that. You could've done better you know."

Milly huffed, "I know I know. You taught me everything I know, after all. I just couldn't help myself."

And she posed like a cat, "Nya!"

Five seconds later, Suzaku, Jeremiah, Kallen and Nina all simultaneously lost consciousness, for a horrible revelation had been made. C.C. did not faint. She simply became catatonic, no worries. The others though? As I said, a revelation had been made.

A revelation so great it had shattered their perception of the world forever. But mostly that of a seemingly inscrutable ninja-maid.

What had afflicted them so?

Two words, dear readers: MIND RAPE.

"Nya!" came twin shouts from Anya and Kaguya as both promptly did the same pose Milly had, appearing at her sides. A part of C.C.'s comatose mind briefly wondered where thy got the neko-mimi(*4) from, but quickly lost focus and will and returned to its dead state.

"Nya nyaaaaa!" cooed Milly as she "pawed" at the fourth wall, "Stay tuned folks! More to come later! Now that everyone that matters (and some that don't) is here, things should progress a bit more smoothly! See you soon!"

She waved cheerfully, much like she did back in her temporarily abandoned job.

"See youuuuuu!" also waved her newest disciples.

...Disciples.

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...God saves us all.

A.N.: ...Yeah, saves us from three Millys running around the place. Lelouch has his hands full with one, what would happen if Milly "enlightened" them?

*Shudder*

Yeah, I used Lelouch as the unfortunate receiver of whatever mishap occurs at the moment to screw him over. Again. Fanfic or canon, he's not getting any rest, ever. Also went with Sayoko as Milly's mentor. Hey, if she kissed Shirley while disguised as Lelouch no prob, why not? Works for my humor.

Notes:

*1 This scenario and everything related to it is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds, and if you find some form of normalcy in it, even by this fic's standards (or better yet, Touhou's (ridiculous) standards), then either I'm doing my job of mind-screwing you all very well and should be paid handsomely for it, you've been already desentisized to it because of teh Internetz, or because something's wrong with you. And me for writing it. Or, hell, everyone, what do I know.

*2: A pollywhale is a creature from to the Baten Kaitos universe (couple of games for the GameCube. Real awesome, real underappreciated). Essentially small orcas with no fins and frog legs. They may sound gross, but they're very docile and quite...passionate. In fact, one of the Quest Magnus (one of two types of key items BT uses) you can pick up is (Pollywhale) Love Syrup, unless I remember the name wrong. Yes.

*3: Literal blood bath, check. Invinciblity from it, check. Leaf on shoulder, check. Tempting fate, check. Yep, I just made a direct reference to poor Siegfried of Les Nibelungs. Just in case it wasn't obvious, it's another of my narrative jokes.

*4: Pfft, this one's easy. Neko-mimi are fake cat ears. You know those hairbands with fake cat ears on top? Those are neko-mimi. Do not confuse with a possible future kemonomimi gag, wherein animal attributes are issued for real.