Author's Note: Trigger warnings for rape and questionable consent. (Not explicit, which is why the rating remains at T)

Let Me Be Myself - Chapter Seven

"You're perfectly healthy."

Scowling at the woman, Kaname bit her tongue to keep from cussing her out. Once she was sure she wouldn't dig herself too deep of a grave, she grumbled, "I told you that." She stepped into the machine, putting the visor on. "No drugs today?"

"Why, do you want them?"

"No," sighing, Kaname settled back, "When you guys change things on me, I get worried."

The woman chuckled and shut her in the device. "We want to see what results we get with you being lucid, now that you've awoken to your knowledge."

It took longer for her to enter the state they were looking for, but finally enough words flashed past her vision to prompt a response. She could hear her voice running on with various information but was as powerless to stop it as when the drugs were used on her. Watching from the outside, she gave a shake of her head that didn't translate to her body. Her expression was sad and she turned to look away, not wanting to see herself like that anymore.

"Surely you're used to this by now."

Sighing once more, she looked over at her mirror image and shook her head with a frown, "I'll never get used to this." Hands balled into fists began shaking. Swinging her arm out, she shouted at Sophia with tears in her eyes, "I don't want to ever get used to this! I just want my fucking life back! Why is that so much to ask!?"

"I've told you how we can do that," Sophia shrugged, ignoring the outburst. "You're the one being too stubborn to just work with me on this. You'll never complete it unless you willingly team up with me. Or let me take over..."

"Never!" Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around her chest, "My body is my own. Dammit, my mind is... You've taken enough from me already! I won't give you anything else! Just leave me alone and let me go back to my life!"

The laughter that echoed in the blank space they occupied was chilling. Smirking, Sophia shrugged and held her hands out entreatingly, "They won't send you back. They'll get everything out of you that they can. When your mind ceases to be useful to them, they'll use your body, and when that's too broken to entertain them further they'll just throw you out with the trash and let you rot to death. That's the kind of people they are."

Falling to her knees, Kaname stared at the empty ground, hugging herself. "Why me?" she whimpered, bowing her head. "Why me!?"

"I've told you this already. Why don't you just accept it and work with me to make this world a better place."

"If I do that, then everything that we've been through will mean nothing."

"Think how much happier you'd be. Ignorance is bliss. You'd never remember any of this had happened to you. You can't be haunted by that which has not occurred. You can't miss those you've never met..."

"Who would I miss!?" Jumping to her feet, she got in Sophia's face, trembling with a mix of rage and fear. "There's no one here that I'd miss if I got out! And, you know, as terrible as all of this is, I just can't... If I threw it all away I'd be saying that all of this meant nothing, and that's not true!"

Sophia sighed and shook her head. Giving Kaname a reproachful look, she reached out and stroked the girl's cheek, "You're an idealist, even now? Well, they'll break you of even that, eventually. And when they do, I'll be here, waiting. It's inevitable."

Shivering, her throat caught and her jaw worked without sound for a moment before she finally forced her words out, "You're awfully confident! You don't know me well at all, do you!? I won't break, dammit, I won't let these monsters get the best of me!"

"We'll see." That grin would follow her in her nightmares for some time to come. "For now, why don't you wake up? It's about time for you to go back with your boyfriend."

"He's not my-."

Blinking eyes open, Kaname realized she had freedom of motion and lifted a hand to rub at her sore throat. She could hear approving murmurs all around her and she was eased out of the machine and directed to the changing screen to put her clothes back on. Stepping out, a glass of water was handed to her and she stared at it with surprise.

The woman, Sakamoto, gave her that sickening smile. "Excellent, the results were better than expected. Keep this up and we won't ever use the drugs on you again." Looking down at her chart, she nodded before turning back to her work table, calling out absent-mindedly, "You'll get a break tomorrow. After that, if you thought we were working you hard now, you'll be in for quite the ride. Our guest who will be arriving shortly can be quite the taskmaster."

Dry throat soothed for the time being, Kaname set aside the glass and looked around apprehensively. Deciding to push her luck, she ducked her head and asked in what she hoped was a persuasive voice, "If I get a break tomorrow, then can I spend it outside? It might refresh me and make my work better when you really put me through the grinder."

Smirking, hand folded on hip, the scientist turned around and nodded. "Sure. Escape would be impossible, anyways. Enjoy the sunlight. It'll probably be the last time you ever get the chance to see it."

Unsure if she had won a victory or not, Kaname was led out of the lab while deep in thought. Handed off to Sousuke, she didn't say a word until they were almost back to their room, "Hey."

"Hm?"

"They said I get tomorrow off. They even said I could go outside. Do you mind taking me out, tomorrow?"

Surprised, Sousuke stared down at her for several moments. Finally, he nodded tightly, opening up their room, "It's not a problem."

"Thanks."

The first thing Kaname did when she was let outside was to run several feet away from the building and spin, finding the sun and turning her face up to it. Standing still, she let the warmth wash over her, taking in one deep breath after another. Sousuke slowly walked out after her, keeping an eye on the armed guards stationed on the grounds. She was, of course, a flight risk, even though she knew better than to try. Finally turning from the sun, she grinned over to him, running to cross the distance that separated them, she tugged on his jacket with a grin, "C'mon! Let's race! Please!"

Shaking his head, he kept his expression hard, not wanting to appear soft on her in front of the others. "No. Enjoy your time, I'm simply here to guard you."

She pouted up at him, slowly following his gaze as his eyes shifted to look over at the others. Understanding dawning on her, she sighed and stepped back, her arms crossing behind her head. "Alright... I guess it really was... too much to hope for." Turning around, her arms dropped to clasp hands loosely at her back. The wonderful heat of the sun soaked into her muscles, making her feel rejuvenated. It was a wonderful feeling, even if it hurt her eyes and pricked at her skin. Taking off suddenly in a run, she made use of the area that seemed to have been set aside for her, never going within a certain distance of the armed guards.

Cartwheeling and rolling around in the grass, her clothes were completely ruined, though she could hardly find it in her to care. When she tired, far too quickly for her liking, she fell onto her back and just smiled up at the sky. Once rested, she would get up and do it all over again. Ignoring the call of her stomach for food, she was afraid that if she said she was hungry, she would be stuck inside for the rest of the day. When the sun finally began to set, she was escorted back inside, a wide grin on her face as Sousuke made a show of being rough and uncaring. The two of them were the only ones who knew that hand on her elbow was gentle.

Back inside the room, Kaname ignored the stinging pain of her exposed skin, dropping down onto the edge of the bed with a happy sigh. "Thank you... I really needed that."

"Hn. Don't thank me, it's not as though I got the permission for it."

Smiling over at him, she shrugged, leaning forward with elbows on her legs. "I know. But like hell I'm going to thank them. Ahhh, that's the most fun I've had since being trapped here..."

He looked over at her from the corner of his eye, carefully taking note of every little change in her since she was able to go out in the sun. "You certainly look much happier now. But those sunburns look painful. Are you going to be alright?"

"It's fine, it's fine," she flapped her hand dismissively, leaning back with a grin. "It hurts, sure, but because of what it is, it feels good, too." Laughing, she stood up quickly, the action causing him to jump as it always did whenever she moved suddenly. Smirking over at him, she waved her hand at him, walking over to the drawers then the closet, "I'm going to shower."

"Ah, right," he murmured nervously, looking down at his hands. Hearing the water turn on, he twitched, staring absently at the floor. It seemed that time outside really had been all she needed to come back from the depression that they had set into her. That exam a few days prior had left her twitchy, and even though he convinced himself it was for the best, the fact that she had barely been able to stand even the slightest touch from him had hurt. He understood, though, he really did.

Whether or not it was a common enough medical procedure, and one that was good to have done to assure overall health, to have it done by these people was what made it so difficult. The doctor that had performed it was the same woman who was leading the tests done to her, always locking her away or injecting drugs into her. That much, he had picked up in the past few months. The other girl that had gone in with her was little more than an attack dog, he knew that from the talk going around. If she had put hands on Kaname, it wasn't likely to have been a pleasant experience, and the thought had made him sick.

Still, perhaps because it really was just a medical procedure, she bounced back from it easily enough after being allowed outside. She hadn't flinched from his touch, had even started to get close to him again. He hated to admit it, but he had missed the little ways she teased him. It left him feeling guilty, no matter what she had said about only doing things with him that she wanted. He couldn't get over the fact that he was in the position of power, and the feeling that anything like that should be done among equals. If only he weren't so damn weak when it came to her.

Sighing, he dropped his head into his hands, barely noticing when she had come out from the bathroom and walked over to him. She reached down and gently tilted his head up, smiling down at him with a warmth in her eyes that caused his throat to tighten painfully. Bending over, he swallowed as he caught a glimpse of a soft, pinkish-brown from under the loose neck of her shirt, his eyes quickly raising to meet hers once more as his cheeks flushed. He expected her to be angry for where his gaze had wandered to, but instead she ran fingers through his hair and leaned in for a kiss. His eyes closed after a moment, hands balled into tight fists at his sides, the only control he had dedicated to keeping them there. When she crawled into his lap, his mind blanked, and the teeth that captured his lip sweetly had him groaning with need.

She chuckled quietly, a throaty tone that caused him to shiver with delight and excitement at the promise held within. Her tongue smoothed over his lip and she gasped as she pressed herself down against him, dragging herself along the obvious lust pushing against his pants. It was too much, entirely too much. The things she made him want to do, he couldn't, and he stood up quickly with his hands on her hips, just enough so she didn't go tumbling over. He pushed her away, growling quietly, "Stop!"

Pouting over at him, the expression gave him pause when she did it with cheeks flushed and lips swollen and pink from him being unable to resist kissing her in return. "I thought you were enjoying it..."

"Th-That's the problem!" He snapped, embarrassed by his own admission. Walking quickly past her, he snatched up clothes and a towel for himself, disappearing to take a shower of his own.

Left alone in the room, Kaname smirked and made her way back to the bed. She did so love having control over him, however it was that she had to get it. Sure, when he had first come, she had been concerned about the idea of bartering certain favors to get things from him, but at this point, it was a source of amusement, even. In this place where she was captive, at least she could have power in one respect, over one person, and it was a small victory she was going to revel in. The sunlight had done a lot to boost her confidence, to pull her out of the mire. Muscles sore from activity, skin sore from sun exposure, for the first time in a long time, she felt like herself.

"Oh, dear, that burn simply will not do."

Trembling with nervousness, Kaname sat across from the man she was to be stuck dealing with. Sophia had told her that he was like her, that he heard the voice just as she did. What she had not expected was for him to be as beautiful as a woman, or to have such a smooth voice. There was a danger to him, though, one she could sense, and it made her nervous. That drawling voice as he regarded her sunburned skin set her on edge, even as he requested aloe lotion be brought so it could be applied to her skin. Oh, he seemed kind and charming enough, but she had been warned that he was manipulative. Taking that warning to heart, she flinched when his hands gently touched to her face with the soothing gel. He seemed to take it as having been from the burn, but it was the fact that it was him touching her, this man she didn't know, with those piercing eyes the color of ash.

He smiled to her, and she could see the cold calculation in his eyes as he measured every expression he made. "I do hope it heals quickly for you. Be sure to take this back with you when we part, so that you may continue to apply it throughout the day."

When she realized he was waiting for a reply, she swallowed thickly and nodded, regarding him with a wariness that seemed to please him in a way. "Th-Thank you."

"Do not mention it. It would be a shame, for a beauty such as yours to be tarnished by something so easily treated. My dear, photogenic as you are, even pictures do not do you true justice. I wish it did not take me so long to be able to come see you for myself. I look forward to working with you."

"Sorry, but I can't say the same. I'd much rather be back at my home than dealing with any of you."

The girl by the door moved, but he held his hand up, his smile only widening. "I'd heard that you have a tendency to speak back. I admire that about you. You've been here for so long, and you still have this fight. It's part of your beauty. I hope that you never lose it."

She twitched at that, wishing she weren't so amusing to him. Her arms crossed over her chest and she looked away, teeth grinding together. "If it's all the same to you, I'd really rather that remain one of my less admirable traits... I'm not here to entertain you."

"No, Kaname Chidori, that you are not. But don't you think your time here could be more pleasant if we all just got along?"

"Nothing about being a prisoner is pleasant!" she snapped, turning quickly to glare at him.

It seemed he had been waiting for her, and she wasn't sure when it was he had gotten up, but he was right there. A hand settled under her chin the moment she faced him, and he leaned in to kiss her softly. Eyes wide, she could have wished she fully hated the sensation. Even through her revulsion for the man, there was a sweet tingle of lips against lips, of feeling hers cushioning his as they touched with a light pressure.

Coming back to herself all at once, she slapped him, getting up from her chair quickly and swiping the back of her hand over her mouth. "Don't touch me!"

He had raised his hand once more to stop the girl at the door from doing anything, and he simply smiled at Kaname. The expression unnerved her. She wished he would just be angry, as that she could understand and deal with. This calm from him just made him all the scarier, his voice continuing to be gentle, "I see. Well, it's unfortunate, but I suppose I understand. You'll simply have to get to know me better. After all, I know everything about you, but you don't know anything about me. One day, I do hope you'll change your mind. Until then... You may have the rest of the day free. Personally, I would like to get some rest before we begin our work, as there is much of it to be done. Your guard has been summoned, and is presumably standing outside now. Have a restful day, Kaname Chidori."

With that, he got up and left through one door, the girl following him with a glare sent towards Kaname before disappearing. It was the same girl that had held her down when she had been forced to have that medical exam done, and Kaname didn't like the look of her one bit. Swallowing again, she wiped her lips once more and turned to the other door, the one she had come in from. Tentatively peeking out, she saw Sousuke standing there waiting, and she fully opened the door so that she could be led back to the room they shared. She immediately showered upon their return, even though it had not been long since her last, leaving Sousuke frowning with concern.

Another person come to add to the tortures, and just when she had been looking so happy. Not that he was surprised, but that didn't stop the pain he had come to expect whenever she was saddened in some way or another. It really was time to admit his feelings to himself, as much as he hated to. He wanted to be able to shut it off, to just be emotionless and do his job without getting so emotionally invested. It was the first time he had ever become so attached, and the fact that nothing good could come from it just made it all the worse. If he had to fall for anyone, why did it have to be this girl?

They sure hadn't been joking, Kaname realized with chagrin. Her days were long and arduous, and she spent less and less time in that room she shared with Sousuke. Even though it was small, and there were no windows there, she was beginning to miss it. This Leonard, he didn't seem to care as much about breaking her will as the rest had, and he ranked high enough to do something about it. They met in wide open meeting rooms with large windows. Sometimes, they even went outside to work, under the shade of trees, by a small pond, or sat at tables she didn't remember having been there before. They were too nice, too out of place at this compound, and the look on his face made her think he had arranged for them to be brought in.

He seemed to enjoy his comforts, his luxuries, and he was making it obvious that he wanted to share them with her. She wasn't sure what to make of all of it. Yes, the cushions were quite comfortable, and all the little amenities made the work more bearable, but it was such a stark contrast, and she was still too much of a prisoner for her to trust in it. Everytime a drink was delivered to her, she half expected it to be drugged. The girl, Sabine, didn't seem to care for her much, and from the way she served Leonard, Kaname had a good guess as to why. She would probably feel much the same if in the girl's shoes.

Though, of course, she didn't return any of the sentiments Leonard laid out on her. The care, the devotion, the supposed love. It was hard for Kaname to believe any of it was true, but there would be no convincing Sabine that she wanted nothing to do with those feelings, or that she would be more than happy if they were directed her way instead. Sighing quietly, she closed her eyes, groping around for her drink and taking a sip of it. She could feel eyes on her and she shivered slightly, suppressing it when another threatened to rack her spine when that gaze intensified. Putting the glass down, she looked almost boredly over at Leonard, a frown on her face. "What is it?"

"Hm. Don't you think we've been working hard enough for now? I'm sure we could find something far more pleasant to get up to, don't you?"

"I think I'd rather work than engage in anything recreationalwith you."

"I promise it'd be worth your while."

"No thanks." Turning her attention back to her work, she marked things off absently. When it was that these things began making so much sense to her, she didn't know, and she really wish it had never happened. Remembering what Sophia had told her, about why she could hear that voice, she wished she had been born just a little sooner or later. Oh, what she would give to have nothing to do with any of this.

Pointedly ignoring him when he got up, she gave him a heated glare when he touched fingers to her cheek. "Are you truly sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! Didn't I tell you not to touch me!? Go away, creep!" she snapped at him, growling quietly.

He stared at her a moment longer, slowly moving in closer. When she started to back away, he took pause. Shrugging as though it didn't matter to him either way, he dropped his hand and stood back up. "Alright, have it your way. Regardless, I'm ready to take a break. Return to your room."

She realized he was trying to convince her to spend more time with him by the lure of not having to return to her rooms. It was just as well that he didn't realize she would prefer to be locked back up in there to having to deal with him ever again. Standing up, she took her things and left, allowed to return on her own. It wasn't as though there was anything she could do. Any room with anything worthwhile was guarded, and any attempt at escape was futile. Striding back into her room, she realized Sousuke wasn't likely to be back until she was expected to return, much later. That left her with more freedom than she really knew what to do with.

Working through some of the exercises he had shown her, she tired quicker than she really liked, still having issues with her stamina. A shower helped her feel a little better, and a glance at the time told her she may as well prepare dinner. It was while she was eating that her nerves really hit her. Throat closing up, she just stared down at her plate, not really seeing it even though it was right in front of her face. Leonard, he had her so nervous. Those looks, the little touches, the little promises. He wantedher to barter her body for favors from him, and she began to worry that he would decide he had given too much too freely, and just take payment from her.

Shivering at the thought, she closed her eyes, jaw clenched as she willed herself not to cry. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like it was only a matter of time. What was it that Sophia had said? That he would only cater to her whims for so long? She still wasn't sure if it had been Sousuke or Leonard she was talking about, but from the looks of things, it was the latter. Sousuke showed no signs of changing his behavior. He seemed content to let her find little ways to persuade him for favors, though there had been none of that going on lately. Leonard, on the other hand, was a danger, a threat. There was no denying that under that pretty boy, demure mask of his, there was a ruthless man who didn't care what he had to do in order to get his way.

She bitterly finished her meal, forcing herself not to give in to the nerves. She would never give in, she had promised herself. Cleaning up, she heard Sousuke come in and approach. Looking over her shoulder, she nodded to him, waving to the fridge, "I made food. Leftovers are in there, help yourself." He grunted quietly and nodded, though made no move to retrieve the food. "Not hungry?"

"Already ate. I didn't expect you back until later. Did something happen?"

"Not really," she murmured, turning slowly to face him. "He got bored and didn't want to work anymore, so I was sent back. That's all."

He seemed a little relieved that nothing further had happened, and he nodded, his shoulders relaxing. A set of thoughts started running through her head, and she bit her lip anxiously, wondering if she should act on them. Almost missing it when he spoke again, she blinked at him, nodding slightly at the quiet words he had spoken, "That's good, then. Did you want to get some rest? You've been having late nights and early days."

"So have you... Are you tired?"

Shaking his head, he turned back out to the main room, taking his usual seat. "Not particularly."

She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, steeling her resolve. If it was going to happen, with nothing she could really do to stop it, the very least she could do would be to make sure her first time was under her own terms. Wetting her lips, she walked over to him, smiling with a confidence she wasn't sure she really felt. "Mm. Good..." His head shot up at the tone of her voice and he stiffened when she lowered herself to his lap. Arms sliding across his shoulders, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. She moved slowly, gently sliding her tongue out to ease its way past his lips. He responded to the gentleness far more favorably to the fervor. Whenever she pushed too hard, he would run away, but it seemed this was enough to get him to relax.

His hands settled over her waist, not knowing where else he might put them. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, minutes certainly, when she took hold of his wrists and slid his hands at a tortuously gradual pace up over her stomach to settle at last over her breasts. Twitching, something in him told him to back off, but the voice was too small to be heard. She urged him on with a press to the backs of his hands and he obeyed, running his palms over them and squeezing gently.

At some point, her shirt came off, she was lying on her back on the ground, and he had a taut nipple between his lips. She was arched below him, gasping his name softly, a hand buried in his hair and urging him on. When she took hold of his hands and urged them down to the waistband of her pants, he pulled back at last, shaking his head and looking almost wild with concern. "N-No... No, Chidori, this can't..."

"Please..."

"Chidori, if, if we keep going, I... I don't have that kind of control." He was practically whining. He knew he was, and he hated himself for it, but he would hate himself even more if he ever took advantage of her in such a way.

She sat up, reaching out to cup his cheeks gently, and she shook her head. "I don't want you to hold back... I want this, Sousuke."

Eyes wide, he could barely breathe as he stared at her intently. Searching for any hint of a lie, he could sense nervousness from her, and it was enough to sober him. "No... You don't. You don't want this, Chidori, so then why are you...?"

Flushed as he saw right through her, she sat back, eyes closing as she steadied her breathing. "B-Because... he... th-that guy... I'm sure, I'm sure he's thinking about it. And, and I can't... if, if there's something I should have control over, it's... at least... my virginity... If I lose it to you, then, then at least it won't have been... a total loss... If it's you, then... I can be happy about it... even if I'm not really ready..."

He didn't know what to say to that. The amount of trust she showed him just then, it was too much. He wanted to walk out that door and never return, but that would only break that delicate trust, and from her, he wanted it so badly. If there was any person he never wanted to disappoint, it was the girl looking at him with sad brown eyes. Giving in would mean taking something precious away from her at a time when she wasn't ready, by her own admission. Not doing so might mean that she would have no control over it, and there was nothing he could do to protect her from that man should he decide to take her.

Licking his lips, his chest felt heavy, as though his heart was being crushed. He wanted to tell her these feelings of his, the ones he knew the name of, no matter how much he didn't want to admit it. That would only cause her more problems than she needed, though, even if it might make this one situation easier on her. Would it be selfish of him to say? Would she even believe him if he did? He just didn't know, he didn't know if it would be better or worse for her to know the truth. At least, if he didn't say anything, things couldn't possibly go any further south. Maybe it would help, but he didn't want to take the risk that it would hurt.

Finally nodding after what seemed forever, he leaned over, easing her back down to the floor. His eyes mirrored hers with a sadness he had never known he could feel. "...I understand. I, I hate the idea of doing this, but... If it means that, at least your first time, is under your own terms, then... I'm okay with it. Even if you hate me for it after, I don't mind... As long as this is really your choice..."

"Yeah...," she murmured quietly, unsure what to make of his words. "It is. My choice, that is... R-Ready, or not, as long as the person is my choice, and, and as long as it's not forced... I choose you, Sousuke... Here and now, I choose you... So, please..."

"I... I have no experience. I don't know how to... make this feel good. I'll do my best, to, to make it as pleasant an experience for you as I can... I'll follow your instruction. Whatever you want me to do... I don't want this to become about me, okay? I'm not... I don't want to take my pleasure of you and leave you... stranded..."

She laughed quietly at the redness creeping up on his face, and she nodded, smiling gently. "I, s-somehow, I knew you would feel that way... Thank you." Not wanting things to get any more awkward than they already were, she pulled him back down for another kiss, lifting her hips when his hands finally came down to remove her pants, her body pressing back against the hardwood floor as he lay atop her.

Author's Note:Apologies for the long, LONG delay in getting this chapter out. My muse was completely dead throughout my entire pregnancy, then there was adjusting to life with a newborn, and, well, only short little one-shots with no concern for continuity were easy for me to write. I've begun chapter 8, but only just barely. I will continue to update this story chapter-by-chapter, but once it is complete, I will no longer post in-progress stories. After this fic, I will ONLY post completed works, so that I don't ever have a delay like this again. It's been nearly 2 years... I'm so sorry... This story WILL be completed, hopefully within no more than 4 more chapters.

Thank you so much to everyone! The support that stillcomes in for this fic makes me incredibly happy. It was a difficult story for me to undertake, and I did not know what kind of reception it would have. Every single one of you that reads it and enjoys it, I thank from the bottom of my heart. I've been having an incredible time writing this fic, and I am so grateful that it is so thoroughly enjoyed by so many people. To everyone who takes the time to leave reviews, I give extra thanks. I appreciate them all, whether they be praise, urging me to continue, or criticism, I love them all. Thank you, and I hope I have your continued support throughout the remaining quarter or so of this fic.

Note about the previous chapter: I just want to take this moment to remind people that A) There is a difference between character knowledge and author knowledge (that it's still a good idea to get pap smears done even when a virgin - I know this. Kaname may very well not have. It is my experience that girls her age don't think of them unless they're sexually active and/or looking for birth control) and B) Even if it was a simple medical procedure that we women all know we're gonna have to go through, the thing is, we do it on OUR terms, however uncomfortable it is. It was still forced on her, she was restrained during it, and the doctor that administered the exam was someone who is constantly abusing Kaname in other ways. This is why I had her react the way she did. Considering all of that, does it really seem so extreme now?