Title: "We're Going to Mexico!"
[the epic sequel to 3 in the Morning]
Author: Rot-chan / Shelby
Prompts: sombrero, blood, vegetables
Rating: T
Summary: Juugo's eating chap stick, Sasuke continues to get slapped by inanimate objects, and why is Suigetsu making out with his hand? The crack sequel to '3 in the Morning'.
A/N: I was encourage to write a sequel by fans of "3 in the Morning" - you know. that one girl., Nitrea, and DeadRatSam - so voila. I hope the final part of this piece of crack makes you laugh. It parodies and pokes fun at a few things, i.e., Karin's love for Sasuke, the Red Light district, Juugo's love for killing, etc. Please review and tell me how you like the sequel. Reviews = TLC, because there was a death in the family a few weeks ago :( [my great-grandfather].
Last time, with our favorite group of idio- I mean, ninja, the Taka:
"Sasuke. We're being SEX TRAFFIKED. To MEXICO! Or something."
"You picked the hotel, chicken ass!"
"Right, says the one with the fluidic anatomy."
"Ah, well. At least we're together," Juugo said with an unnaturally cheerful smile, which made everyone squirm uncomfortably.
Sasuke sighed. "So the hotel was a trap along. I should've known. Maybe if someone wasn't talking about how iguanas hump each other, we wouldn't be here right now!" Sasuke said. Did I mention that when he got no sleep, he developed a third (yes, a third) personality?
Karin sighed and said, "Oh, Sasuke. You're so dreamy when you're verbally abusive."
Now, after Sasuke's third personality made the error of choosing a hotel that secretly captures its customers and forces them into whoring, how will the Taka escape going insane from each other?
Somewhere in Mexico – er, Suna, 5 AM
It was five in the morning and once again, the Taka was in severe jeopardy. Oh, and did I mention that they're still tied up? To each other?
"OK. I swear to GOD. Whoever is touching my leg, I will rip off your -"
Sasuke interrupted, "Does anyone have anything to eat?"
Suigetsu stared incredulously and said, "Since when do you eat? We all thought you were a robot or something."
Juugo, who was secretly petting Karin's thigh, asked "Who wants to play a game?"
"Not Me," Suigetsu snorted, who secretly was starting to see . . . things from his lack of water. Did he just giggle? And why is he starting to kiss his hand? Karin bared her teeth and hissed, "Stop fidgeting so much! You're all sweaty and sticky! God Suigetsu, you are the sickest freak I've ever met!"
After an unrecognizable seal was placed over them and their chakra, the four were very much stuck and very much going insane.
Suddenly the door opened . . . straight onto Sasuke's face. "All right, who the hell needs to take a piss?" Asked a heavy set man with a porn star mustache and a hideous sombrero.
Everyone jumped up at once, even Karin - well, except Sasuke, who lay in a pool of his own blood on the floor as Jugo stared in sick fascination, dying to use some of it as cracker spread -
- "Juugo! Quit staring at Sasuke's bodily fluids!" Karin snapped, blushing for some reason, dragging him out of the train car as Sasuke moaned rather erotically.
---
"Do we have to be tied up again?" Karin said as the man got out the rope.
The man looked thoughtful and rubbed his mustache and said, "Well, I guess I could get rid of the rope . . . for a //ahem// price." He waggled his enormous eyebrows in Sasuke's direction.
Karin gave Sasuke a pleading look; still dizzy from blood loss, the Uchiha sighed shakily, "I know - I know what needs tah be dun," as he unbuttoned his cloak, showing off his sexy naked chest.
"Woah, momma!" The man exclaimed, ketchup spurting from his nose . . . and his pants. Ew. "Ah, well. That's all I got time for fer now. I'll be seein' YOU later," the man winked and shut the door, as Sasuke stared blankly and fell into a crumpled heap on the floor. Nose bleeds can do that . . . maybe . . . .
---
An hour later, and the tension in the tiny train car had grown considerably.
Karin sat by herself, scowling as Suigetsu practically dry humped his own palm; Sasuke, ignoring them both, had finally stopped bleeding and was now staring blankly at the floor, lost in some gory world of his own. Juugo was in the corner, and had finally stopped talking about words that rhymed with 'MURDER' (he couldn't think of many).
Karin, the Smart one (Suigetsu was the Horny one, and Sasuke the Asexual one), noticed that her teammate was being unusually quiet.
"Ju-ugo. What are you doing?" Karin asked, ignoring the strange slobbering noises coming from Suigetsu's corner. After having her chakra so out of balance, Karin couldn't stomach having to watch Suigetsu doing something so utterly vulgar. And plain freaky.
Hunched in a ball, Juugo looked over his shoulders at Karin, and she saw something shiny all over his lips.
"Ah-HAH! I knew it! I knew you're eating something! I knew you were hiding food from the rest of us!"
Karin, who becomes quite vicious when hungry, tried to grab whatever it was that he hid in his hands,scratching at his shoulders and screaming, "Give – it – to – ME!-"
Finally she grinned as she got her prize, but then blanched in horror as she held up a . . .
. . . half-eaten chap stick? In Peach Pout?
Suigetsu laughed.
---
By 6 in the morning, Karin was reduced to a state of quietly murmuring to herself; Suigetsu had made friends with an imaginary potted plant; Sasuke was etching his final testament into the wall with the sharp part of his rollers; Juugo was licking the left over balm on his fingers; all in all, it was pretty much the lowest they'd ever been.
All at once, the train squealed to a stop.
The man from earlier, whose looks Sasuke couldn't recall after finally regaining some mental stability, led the four out, shackling their wrists in chains and leading them along; Juugo only worsened the situation when he started singing random slave songs in ridiculous baritone.
"Happy Happy Joy Joy District. . .?" Karin read the sign, painted in some weird version of half-Japanese, half-Mexican, or Suna-can, or something, over their heads.
All around them were eager men and women standing outside of seedy clubs, whore houses – and Sasuke just hoped that the woman looking at him with unshaved legs was wearing shoulder pads.
"I always wanted to be famous!" Juugo grinned as he stared at the tacky neon signs and age-old Christmas lights strung up everywhere. Karin wished she could smack her forehead.
The four were dragged into a huge building, where men and women half their age were being taken upstairs and down. Well, that's never a good sign.
"Ok. Uh . . .Chicken hair, on the left, you're goin' first." Sasuke's shackles were unchained and he was taken off by two men into a room on the left.
"Yeah Sa-sook-e! You're finally gonna lose it!" Suigetsu cheered. Juugo and Karin squirmed uncomfortably.
---
When Sasuke woke up, he didn't know what time it was, or why he was wearing a skirt.
Soon, it all came flooding back – there were two guys, the 'woman' with the shoulder pads . . . and some vegetables. Feeling pulp slide down his legs, Sasuke grimaced. After having an orgy with two yams, a carrot and a tomato, he was feeling rather disgusted . . . and violated.
Sasuke sighed, feeling like this was all a nightmare of some kind. How could one stupid mistake cause all of this? If only they could somehow find a way to get a trigger to break the seal . . . .
Suddenly the Uchiha fell as the mattress caved in on itself. Well, he just hoped that the others were doing better. All right, not really.
---
Three rooms over, Karin had miraculously overcome her label of 'Useless' (along with a few other choice words), by finding the way to break the chakra seal.
The man who had 'trafficked' them was snoring beside her, a saddle on his ass. Karin grimaced and covered up his pretty parts with the sombrero.
Karin had went through an intense round of Cowboy Rodeo – which, in actuality, consisted of the man and watching Wild West cartoons while Karin fed him cherry tarts and massaged his back. And it was so not hard taking a lamp and knocking him out.
Now, Karin had found the seal, and the key to their escape - and all she'd had to do was knock the man unconscious and loot through his stuff. She really was heroic. //cough//not//cough//.
---
Five rooms over, Juugo heard a banging noise in the closet.
Hours earlier, Juugo had been taken into the Exotic Dance room, but his Mexican party dress had split down his ass, and the mop on his head (it was the only 'wig' that fit him) had fallen off on stage. He raked in 30,000 anyway.
Unbeknownst to him, Suigetsu was forced to role play of all things, with a few perverted men and women, and all had been going well until his lack of water caused his fluidic 'breasts' to collapse in a pool at his feet.
Juugo got up and opened the closet door, wondering what could possibly be inside -
Screaming, he was met face to face with . . . oh, it was just Suigetsu. Tied up in a closet. It could be worse. Maybe.
---
It had taken five containers of gasoline - of which were all for some reason underneath a few of the beds in the whoring rooms - two dead prostitutes, and some special brownies to accomplish their getaway.
Really, all they four had done was meet up in the hallway – though Sasuke almost killed a still delirious Suigetsu after the water boy had laughed at his he-she gettup - and jump out the window after their chakras had recovered. For some reason, a few very, er,'relaxed' people in the club had lit the place on fire.
As the Taka ran out of the Red Light district, the sun low in the sky, they slowed to a jog, a strange silence between them.
"Juugo, is it weird that I found your stripper dance oddly sexy and desirable . . . ?" Suigetsu trailed off.
"Yes, Suigetsu. Yes, it is," Sasuke said, and Karin clung to his arm (and made a grope for his ass), as they set off into the sunset.
The end. For real.
[End Notes: Too much crack. It's the grand finale of '3 in the AM'. I hated writing this, yet I loved writing this. I hope you all enjoyed. Thanks so much for encouraging a sequel, for reading, reviewing, and favorting this fic. Review and tell me how you liked the ending. We all know Karin is also the Horny one (lol). Thanks for your reviews and support!!]