Title: If Only
Author: Junebuggnc
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Otalia
Summary: Takes place after Rafe confronts his mom and Olivia on the 6/12 episode

Note: In my story Jeffrey is alive and never left. And Phillip and Beth have remarried. Please forgive all legal and medical jargon and situations; a doctor and lawyer, I am not.

Standard Disclaimer Ahead: Guiding Light is a product of Proctor & Gamble . The characters are the creative property of the show and its producers.

Chapter 1

It had been nearly a week since Rafe found Natalia and Olivia lovingly sharing a glass of champagne before their impromptu picnic celebration. Rafe was angry, upset, confused, pick an emotion. He bolted from his mother's house in favor of Frank's. Frank agreed to let him move in. Natalia had tried many times during the week to talk to Rafe, but he did not want to see or talk to her. She had also distanced herself from Olivia, thinking that would be easier for Rafe to come around. Olivia told her to take some time off from work and focus on Rafe; both Olivia and work could wait. Rafe's understanding was the most important thing right now.

The farmhouse had never been so clean. When Natalia is upset, housework seemed to the one of the few things she could do to work off the energy. She had cleaned every room, every closet and all the kitchen cabinets. She had several boxes of food for the local food bank and several boxes of clothes for the local shelter…all that was done in a span of two days. If only Rafe would talk to her. She knew that it would be hard for him to understand her relationship with Olivia, because he had not been there to see it grow…if only.

She had several errands to run; the donations to drop off, the bank and the post office. She didn't want the boxes lingering taking up space in the living room; so she decided to go ahead to town, before the bank and post office closed. Her first stop was the food bank, then to the shelter. The bank was next, it was only a block from the post office; so she parked closer to the post office and walked to the bank.

She had finished at the bank and was walking along Main St. She waited for the light to change for her to cross Elm St. to the post office. She was half way across when she heard her name. Before she had turned around, she knew…it was Emma. When she turned around, she saw Emma running towards her, Jane (her nanny) in the back ground running after her. Emma was now into the street, the light had changed. The approaching car slammed on its brakes, but it was not going to be able to stop. In an instance Natalia took two steps to reach Emma and shoved her from the path of the oncoming car.

She felt like she was moving in slow motion; she heard herself scream Emma's name. She remembered shoving her; she remembered the blinding impact; then everything was black.

"Natalia! Natalia! Wake up! Can you hear me?" Jane called to Natalia as she dialed 911 for an ambulance.

"Natalia. Please wake up." Emma said softly, who had now moved next to Jane cradling her skinned arm.

She could her someone calling her name. It took all her strength to open her eyes. She saw Jane.

"Em…Em…Emma?" She said barely above a whisper.

"She's OK, she's right here." Jane said moving Emma closer to Natalia.

Jane would have sworn she saw a small smile come across Natalia's face, realizing that Emma was safe.

The paramedics had arrived and began working on Natalia. They were working feverishly; they made a comment about scoop and run. That didn't sound good to Jane. She started pulling Emma back towards her car, but Emma was fighting her to stay with Natalia. Jane had to pick Emma up kicking and screaming. It was only when Jane told her that they were going to the hospital with Natalia that the little girl calmed down. They were able to follow the ambulance and that is when Jane made the phone call. She didn't know Rafe's number; she had to call Olivia.

Olivia was in her office when her cell phone rang. She, of course, recognized Jane's number.

"Hi Jane. What's up?"

She heard heavy breathing and she could hear her daughter crying in the back ground.

"Jane, what's wrong? What happened to Emma?"

"She's…She's OK, a few scrapes, I think. There was an accident. Olivia, its Natalia. We are following the ambulance on our way to Cedars. I don't know how to get a hold of Rafe."

"Is she…she OK? Jane, is Natalia OK?"

"She was conscious some, asking about Emma. It looks bad Olivia."

"I'll get a hold of Rafe and meet you at the hospital."

By the time Olivia finished her conversation with Jane she was already in her car speeding towards Cedars. She called Rafe's cell phone; he didn't answer. She didn't expect him too, really. She called Frank, voicemail as well. So she called Buzz to have him contact Frank.

"Hello."

"Buzz, it's Olivia. I need to find Rafe. Neither him nor Frank will answer their phone, at least if I am the one calling. Please Buzz. It's an emergency."

"Olivia, slow down. What's wrong?"

"I don't know all the details, other than Natalia has been hurt in an accident. I'm on my way to Cedars. I need to find Rafe. Can you call Frank and tell him so he can tell Rafe? Buzz, I have to go. I'm here at Cedars."

She hung up the phone and exited her car. She ran into the emergency room. She first saw Jane and Emma. Emma ran to her mommy.

"I'm sorry mommy. It's my fault Natalia's hurt." Emma cried as tears streamed her face.

Olivia noticed scrapes on Emma's arms and hands.

"Natalia?' Olivia asked of Jane.

"They are working on her. Dr Bauer is in there with her. Did you get a hold of Rafe?" Jane replies.

"I tried, I left him a message."

"Jane, what happened?" Olivia asks.

Across the street at Company

"Olivia! Olivia!" Buzz said just as Frank and Rafe walked into company.

"What the hell does she want now Pop? I don't answer my phone and she hounds you?"

"Frank, no…uh, it's not like that. Rafe, Olivia was trying to reach you."

"I'm sorry Buzz, there's nothing I want to hear from…" Rafe said with such hate in his voice.

"Shut up! You best get that chip off your shoulder now, son, before it's too late." Buzz said as he took Rafe by the collar of his jacket.

"She was trying to reach you, to tell you that your mom has been in an accident. I don't know the details, but she was being taken to Cedars."

It seemed as Buzz was still talking by the time Rafe hit the door. Luckily he only had to cross the street to Cedars.

Rafe ran into the emergency room and literally into Olivia, Emma and Jane. The first thing had saw, was that Emma had been hurt.

"What happened? Where is Ma?"

Just then Dr. Rick Bauer and Nurse Lillian Raines came from the trauma room. Frank and Buzz have too made it into the lobby of the ER.

"Ma? How is she?" Rafe asks.

"She is stable, but extremely critical. I don't know the details of the accident, other than she was hit by a car crossing the street. Her left shoulder was dislocated which we have fixed. Her right leg is broken. We were able to set that thankfully without surgery. She has quite a few broken ribs and numerous scrapes and cuts."

"Rick what aren't you telling us?" Olivia asks.

"She took a severe blow to the head. Her brain is swelling. There isn't much that we can do drug wise to treat this. The brain has to have room to expand or there will be permanent brain damage. We are going to do a procedure where we will remove the skull cap from her head. This will give the brain room to expand. She will be put into a medically induced coma until the swelling recedes. She has been in and out of consciousness. We are prepping here for the surgery now."

"Dr. Bauer, I have to see her, please?" Rafe begs.

"Lillian, give him one minute." Dr Bauer says.

"Rick, I have to see her too, please; I'm begging you." Olivia cries.

"OK, as soon as Rafe is done. But we need to take a look at Emma and check her out. Exam room 3."

Jane takes Emma and leads her to the exam room as Rafe returns. Rick walks Olivia into the trauma room.

"Hey you." She manages through the tears. "You have to fight. You have to come back to Rafe, Emma and me. We need you. Natalia, I love you."

Her eyes were closed. Olivia assumed she was unconscious and knew that Natalia would hear her words. Then she saw her eyes flutter.

"Natalia, can you hear me? I'm here."

Natalia's eyes opened, they were bloodshot and glazed. She tried to speak; then barely made out, "Emma?"

"She's OK. You just worry about getting better and coming back to us. We need you, we love you."

Natalia's mouth is moving again. She manages to move her left hand motioning Olivia closer.

"I love you." She said before her eyes closed and Rick pulled her from Natalia's bedside.

"Olivia, we have to take her now."

"Rick, you have to save her, please, I need her. I love her, please."

"We will do everything we can. Go see to your daughter. She's scared Olivia. She needs you now. Let me worry about Natalia. Go."

When Olivia exited the trauma room after Natalia had been taken to the OR, she saw that Jane and Emma were back in the lobby with Rafe, Frank and Buzz. She slowly walks over to them.

"Jane, what the hell happened?" Olivia demands.

TBC