AN: This is a story about what Stefan went through when Vanyel died. It's a song-fic, inspired by Offspring's Gone Away, which I feel really says a lot of what Stefan must have gone through. Yes, I know, I called this Stefan's Wish. I suppose Gone Away is a possible alternate title, but the one thing Stefan would ever wish for, is to be with his Vanyel again. Nothing more, nothing less. So, since this song is about similar things, well, it just... worked, you know?
Stefan's Wish
It has been three years since the Great Herald-Mage Adept Vanyel gave his life to defend the kingdom of Valdemar against the forces of Leareth. Stefan tried to commit suicide after discovering that his love had been killed, only to be stopped by his beloved's spirit, who informed him that he could rejoin him only after he died naturally. Grieving though he was, Stefan agreed, hoping that his natural death would come soon. Shortly thereafter, his memories as his time with Vanyel as Tylendel return, violently. Shocked, he went into a comatose state for two weeks, only rousing after he realized that willing himself dead would not get him into the arms of Vanyel any sooner.
Maybe in another life,
I could find you there.
Pulled away before your time,
I can't deal, it's so unfair.
Stefan had walked to the tree marking Vanyel's final resting place, a beautiful cypress tree, always in full bloom, carrying a bundle of flowers and berries and his harp. "Hello again, Vanyel," Stefan said, shedding a tear.
And it feels, and it
feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels, yeah it feels
like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
"I brought you some flowers. I remember how you used to like roses so much." He placed the black roses on the ground in front of the tree, and several of the holly berries fell out.
Will the flowers on your grave,
Show that I still care?
Black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me.
"I wrote you a song, too. That's what's been taking me so long to come back. I think you would like it. I hope so." He sat down on the ground next to the cypress tree, and pulled out his harp. He sang in a mournful voice, playing all along, the lament reverberating hauntingly in the still air.
I reach to the
sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would.
"I love you. I always will, no matter what may happen. I will always keep coming here, until the day we are reunited. I will never forget you, and I will never move on. I miss you, so much, Vanyel. My heart's flame. My soul's passion. You always knew just what to say, just how to say it. Your father tried to have the tree cut down. I sat here for three days, not moving at all, until he gave up eventually. But I bet you knew that already. You always seemed to know everything." Stefan smiled slightly. "You even knew you were going to die, Vanyel. I knew you did."
Gone
away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah...
And it feels,
and it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings, yeah it
stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you've gone away
"You never could fool me, you know? I always knew what you were thinking. And still, I let you go, because I knew that if you didn't you couldn't live with yourself, and I couldn't live with that."
I
reach to the sky
And call out your name
Oh please let me
trade
I would.
"I wish you were here right now, though. I always will. I know, you'll always be with me, until the day I finally die and can return to your arms, but still... I wish I could hold you. I wish I could touch you again, kiss you... love you. There will be no other for me. No one will ever take the place you hold in my heart, Vanyel Ashkervon. I think it's important you know that, even if you did only love me, as Stefan, for a few short months."
Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah...
And
it feels, and it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels,
yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've
gone away
"Hello, Stefan," said Vanyel appearing behind his beloved, directly over his grave.
"Vanyel! I thought I never would hear your voice again. Not until I died. Is it my time now?" The ghost shook his head sadly.
"Do you remember what I told you you would have to do?"
"Getting them to believe that the Herald-Mages aren't going to be needed anymore? The fact that you were going to be the last one, and I needed to get everyone to accept this? Or that I needed to move on?" He said, without turning around.
"By the time you will die, you will have accomplished all but the last. I should have known you couldn't do move on. I just wanted you to be happy. You know, what I've always wanted. I would have thought that since I'm dead, you wouldn't be happy if you continued to love me. I was wrong, I can see that. I should have remembered what happened when my Bonded died. At least you weren't persistent." Vanyel said, the ghost of a sad smile on his lips. Stefan turned around to face his beloved, the tears in his eyes pouring down. "I loved the song. It was so sad... just like me. Just like you. Both of you. Just like-" he said, cocking his head to listen. "Dammit," he growled. "Sorry, Stefan. Someone is trying to get through my forest. Please, live life for you. Live, don't become the zombie you were again after I had to leave last time. I couldn't bear to see you like that again. Anytime you want to hear my voice, start playing that song. I will always hear it, and I will always come to sing, even if I can't physically return to my grave. I miss you Stefan, and I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms again!" His said, as his face contorted with pain. "Alright, Yfandes, I'm coming! I was just talking to Stefan."
The bard sighed, as Vanyel disappeared from sight, as he did every time he came. He still hadn't told him that he was watching the children, although I am certain that he knew already. He picked up his harp, leaving the paper the roses were in, knowing that it would disappear soon, as Vanyel took the flowers back with him. He sighed, and walked back to the Bardic Collegium, where he took out his books to compose a new song. It would be another long year before he could see his beloved again. He knew that, he accepted that, and every year he would write a new song. He sat down, sighed once more, and wrote.
And I know this story is true, for he told me himself.
AN: *smiles sadly* I love the song, but this... this was just really sad, wasn't it? The fact that I had been wondering what Stefan did for the forty-nine years he was kept from his beloved since I read the series oh so long ago doesn't help with it. Please, tell me what you think, and if the rating should be higher or lower. Incidentally, this is intended to be a one shot. If I can find another story, or forty-eight, I will write a new chapter, one for each year, until he finally dies, which will match the ending given in the actual book. So, if you have a good idea for a song, then PM me. I'll find a place to put it after listening to it.