Ray Of Lights In The Darkness

Chinook Regional Hospital

Lethbrigde, Canada.

August 24th 2003

She was swimming in a lake, the water was so warm and refreshing and her body felt so blissful weightless, and it made her feel so merciful free. Certain her body could and would carry her on top of the water eternally, if she wanted to, she swam without direction or marking. She was free and felt like a fish in the water.

Suddenly, a dark cloud covered the sun and left her blind to the surroundings, the sudden increase of her breathing frightened her, it was so difficult to take air into her lungs, and the heavy burden she swiftly felt on her chest was worsening her breathing difficulties. A weak echo of a voice was playing in her ears, too frail for her to recognise, the voice left her with confusion and an oddly fear. A small brush of warmth lingered on her lips for a while, before the sun finally won the fight with the cloud and bathed the lake in its warm rays of light and warmth.

Shaking her head to clear her vision, she stared first to one side than to the other, the sight was the same on both sides; endless water. There was no shore anywhere in reach and no boat, she was truly free. For a brief moment the thought sadden her, and a heavy feeling of loss in her heart shot through her body like an electric current, and her body stiffened in grief, and she started to sink under water. Her body was becoming so heavy and careless, all she wanted was to give in to the dark and disappear. But just as suddenly, the heaviness disappeared and her body became weightless and her mind empty again, for the shortest moment a deeper sense of loss indulged her body and mind, until she gave in to the ignorant bliss. She was truly free.

With a deep sigh Mulder withdraw his lips from the petite person in the large hospital bed, when he closed his eyes and gently locked his lips with Scully's soft but still lips, he could almost pretend that she was just sleeping, but only almost. The dominant part of his brain wouldn't let him find peace for just one second, always insisting the truth was better than being kept in the darkness, but was it, really? He wasn't so sure anymore.

She was so beautiful as she lay there, so perfect in her petite being, if he didn't know this amazingly strong person in the bed before him, he would assume she was fragile. But she was anything but fragile, she was the strongest and most independent woman he had ever met and he found it enchanting.

With a last sigh, he removed his hand from its position right above her heart and bringing his hands to his face, he stoke his eyelids tiredly for a few seconds, when finished with the effortlessly task, he finally got up from the chair and acknowledged the person standing in the door.

"Mr. Mulder?"

Rarely was he called Mr. Mulder, often agent Mulder or just Mulder, this new status of theirs would take some time to get used to. "Yes," he replied with a tense and tired voice.

"I would like to have a word with you." When Mulder didn't move the man became more serious, "in private, Mr. Mulder."

Unwilling to leave her side, Mulder looked down on the person in the bed, fearing she would slip away, if he left her for just the briefest time, and his hand flew to her soft auburn hair. He loved how it lingered on his fingers for a long time, like it did now that she had let it grow. He looked forward to see how long she would want her hair. The length gave her face a more feminine and softer glow, and he loved it.

"She will be all right for a few minutes on her own, nurse Johnson will sit with her."

In the water Scully felt a breeze caressing her hair lightly, the feeling awoke another feeling in her but unable to catch the meaning behind it, she was overwhelmed with confusion. The confusion disturbed her ability to swim and again her body became heavy, but just before fear was taking over, she saw a hand with long fingers entangled in her hair and her heart filled with longing. But just as fast as the longing set in it was gone, and the memory disappeared with it. This time she was with a sense of deep regret.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Mulder whispered under his breath, before he turned away from her and walked towards the doctor.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mulder?"

Twisting his mouth in remorse, Mulder said. "It was nothing." Speeding up his pace Mulder followed the doctor closely, he wanted to get back to her as soon as possible, and hadn't time for a lazy walk. Thankfully, the doctor understood or just disliked to be breathed into his neck, whatever his reason was, he intensified his pace.

The small office they stepped into was sparsely furnished and no papers was spread around the desk or cabinets, it was a very sterile and organised place, and the white walls

gave the room a coldness that was intimidating. This was a place where bad news was delivered often and in a mannered way, no deep feelings were allowed to enter this office, he guessed. Mulder directed his attention to the man before him doctor Merse was as emotionless as his office.

"Please take a seat," with his right hand the doctor let Mulder understand which chair, he wanted Mulder to sit in. Obeying, Mulder lowered his tall body into the chair, "why isn't she coming to?"

"We don't know Mr. Mulder, Ms. Scully experienced a head injury but not a severe one according to the MRI scanning. There is no brain damage or bleeding, neither external nor internal. Her vitals are fine and she is in excellent shape despite her condition, everything is fine."

"But she has been in this coma for twelve hours, so apparently everything is not fine!" Mulder was more exhausted than angry, the anger had rushed trough his body twelve hours ago and stayed there for hours until worry and depression replaced the anger. Anger only fed on adrenalin not fear when it was mixed with exhaustion. He still feared the worse but anger would draw him away from her in an attempt of finding revenge, and neither of them needed that now, his time with her was precious and he knew his disability to live without her. Revenge was a small and fleeting relief to find and her life too important to seek it.

"We expect her to come out of her coma any minute. I'm just wondering if there is anything important to her past or condition you haven't told us. The FBI has sealed her medical records and Ad Skinner has forced us to name her Mrs. Kate Moore and you Miles Moore, and we are not allowed to mention her condition at all. I'm under the impression that you are under some witness protection programme…?"

Scully hadn't got to choose their names this time like he had promised her the last time they worked undercover, how she had hated their names and the whole undercover situation. It seemed ages ago and strangely irrelevant to their present situation, their names were as meaningless, but irrelevant thoughts kept popping up in his head for the last twelve hours. It was not unusual when a person was dealing with a stressful and traumatic ordeal, he knew that with his Oxford education, but still it surprised him.

Getting no answer doctor Merse folded his hands, "we'll just have to give Ms. Scully some time. Don't you worry Mr. Mulder."

'Don't you worry' the words echoed in Mulder's head, how could he not worry? He loved her for Christ sake! Worry came with love, and yet he had to discover a button to switch off, when it came to worrying about Dana Scully, not that he wanted to find it, knowing perfectly well if he did find it, it would mean his love had died or that she had. Their love was all he had, all he wanted.

Ignoring the doctor Mulder got up from the chair again, he had no answer to give the man and no desire to try; the poor man would be overwhelmed if he knew Scully's past and demons. Their demons. Abruptly and strong despair washed in over Mulder and feeling he was deeply needed, he ran out of the door and didn't stop before he was bending over Scully. Grabbing her hand, he felt how far away she had gone in the few minutes he was away, her hand was colder and her skin paler.