A/N Ok, so I feel horrible about basically saying these were ready to go then waiting almost a month to put them up. I know I have more somewhere that were much funnier but I can't find them anywhere. I'm not happy with thes at all and after staring at them mearly daily I'm not even sure they're that funny. Either way, I hope you at least like them as a time-waster. Grr ff hates me and is putting nearly EVERYTHING in italics. (I HATE IT WHEN IT DOES THIS) Ignore it, please. The only thing that should be in italics is the first dream bit.
The setting (Where in the timeline) is in bold.
(Dream, DYKTIAY?) So, here I am, minding my own business for once. Alright, so no one was home. But still. I
Anyways, I was simply skating around the house in my socks when out of nowhere BAM! I jumped, prepared to shriek as the door next to me burst open. "OH MY GOD, HOW DID BARNEY GET IN HERE?" "Wait!" A muffed voice came out of the Barney head.
That's right. Barney the purple dinosaur was standing in the doorway. I was afraid he was going to break out into 'I love you, you love me' at any moment. I ran screaming down the hall as fast as I could, which wasn't very fast considering the halls are marble and I was in socks.
"V?" I asked, attempting to skid to a halt.
He reached up and pulled the Barney head off to reveal. . .Guy Fawkes. Not really expecting a mask under a mask, but whatever.
"I thought you guys left!"
"They did leave."
"But. . .but. . ." I was seriously confused.
"I'm not who you think I am."
V reached up and tugged off his Guy Fawkes mask to reveal. . .Michael Jackson.
(After moving into the new house, DYKTIAY?)
"Ummm, Lynette?" Jaylyn called from the bathroom we were going to be sharing.
"Yeah?"
"There's two toilets. I mean, there were in the Gallery too, but I could tell which was the toilet and which was the other thingy."
"And you can't now?" I looked up from my book and in the general direction of the bathroom.
"No."
"Well pick one." This would be interesting.
Several minutes passed before Jaylyn screeched. I fell out of my chair, laughing my ass off.
"Wrong one, Jaylyn!"
* * *
(ATGAAT)
Evey was staring off into the distance, clearly in what my mother always called la-la land. V was getting a bit worried, she had never gone this long without moving or talking. Me, I was simply enjoying my book while Jaylyn was off somewhere doing god knows what.
"Evey, what are you thinking?" V asked.
"Oh nothing." She replied as she snapped back to reality.
"If you do not tell me I shall be forced to make guesses."
"Go ahead."
"Very well. I believe whatever you are thinking about involves a pitchfork, a pony, a clown, and Richard Nixon."
I paused mid-page turn. Well at least he had imagination.
* * *
(ATGAAT, after Larkhill fiasco)
I wiped the sweat from my forehead and couldn't believe I'd hardly made a dent. For the past couple of hours I had been trying to sort the books in Evey's room. I started toward the kitchen to get a drink, but didn't get past the main room of the Gallery.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Macho, macho man V was dancing around and shaking his ass to The Village People. I turned back around; I didn't need a drink that bad. * * * (Any point. This is something my band director told us about his sister.
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! Ow. . .
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be a macho!
If you don't get it, say it out loud. Oh, and Peo is pronounced P-O)
"Do you remember that time. . .?" Jaylyn asked.
"Peo?" Peo is/was the band director at our school.
"And his sister?"
"With the phone?"
V looked back and forth between Jaylyn and I, obviously confused.
"You two know exactly what you're talking about?"
I nodded.
"Well what are you talking about?" He asked.
Jaylyn mimed picking up a phone and made ringing noises. I mimed answering it.
"Kelly Peo, RN." I said cheerily.
* * *
(DYKTIAY? Exploring the house.
You'll need to use a bit of imagination, which is why this was never used.)
"Who's idea was it to use Nextel Walkie-Talkies?" Jaylyn asked.
"Mine." V replied. "You two get lost easy."
"Guys. . .I think I'm lost." I said, proving him right.
"I might be too." V admitted.
"I think I'm in the second kitchen." I said.
"We have two kitchens?" Evey exclaimed.
"I found an indoor pool!" Jaylyn squee-ed "GERONIMO!" There was a loud splash.
"Oh lord." V groaned "Thankfully they're waterproof."
"Please tell me she wasn't still wearing my leather boots." Evey said quietly.
"Ummm. . .last time I saw her she was." For her sake I hoped she wasn't.
"Evey!" Jaylyn said "Did you know leather shrinks?"
"I will kill you in your sleep." Evey growled after a moment.
"At least they weren't mine." V stated happily.
"At least they weren't yours? V!"
"Oh no, V. You angered it." I whispered.
* * *
(DYKTIAY? Between Nicole's birth and wedding)
"GOD DAMMIT!" V screamed from the door I was passing with Nicole.
"V!" I threw the door open "Nicole was just outside, watch your. . .language. . .oh my."
I covered Nicole's eyes quickly. He was her dad, but still. V was standing by a dresser, nude, holding his crotch. One of the drawers was half open and a pair of underwear lie on the floor next to him.
"Did you. . .?"
I burst out laughing, much to V's annoyance. I couldn't believe it. V had slammed the drawer without making sure he was out of the way. I don't have one of those and never have as far as I know, but I have to say: OW!
* * *
If you didn't get that last one PM me. I'll explain.
Here's a random observation for you:
I have the graphic novel and I was flipping through it recently looking for things I could use and you'll never guess what I saw. Mein Kampe on V's bookshelf. Yeah. Hitler's book about killing everyone. Don't believe me? It's in the last panel on page nine.