Chapter 1: See Hermione Puke

Hermione sat at her desk flicking her quill back and forth between her fingers. Her stomach was turning and her mouth was beginning to water. What was making her so sick? Was it the bagel? Or the orange juice? That had to be it. The orange juice must have gone bad.

"Hermione?" someone said, standing in front of her. She looked up and it was Charles, the editor of the Daily Prophet. "Did you ever find out what was causing the outbreak boils on east side of town?"

"Vomit," Hermione muttered.

"Vomit?" Charles repeated, confused. "Vomit is causing—"

"No," Hermione said urgently, "I'm going to vomit." Without another word she ran from her desk to the ladies' room, threw open the door to the nearest stall, and (without bothering to latch the door) she knelt down in front of the toilet and promptly threw up her bagel and orange juice.

When she was finished, she flushed the toilet and stood in front of the mirror. Her brown eyes were bleary and tears had streamed down her face. She was breathing hard. She tried to calm down and splashed cold water on her face. As she wiped the water off, she continued to stare into the mirror.

Let's think about this logically, she thought. The orange juice wasn't bad. I remember checking the expiration date. The bagel was fine. I must have a stomach virus or something. That's it. I'm just ill.

She threw the paper towel in the trash can and ran her fingers threw her bushy brown hair. The door to the bathroom opened and Hermione turned. It was Phoebe, another journalist.

"Are you okay?" Phoebe asked, leaning against the edge of the sink with her arms crossed.

"Yeah," Hermione answered. "I think I have a stomach virus or something."

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"What?" Hermione said. That was the farthest conclusion from her mind. "No, I can't be pregnant."

"You're probably right," Phoebe said. "Have you missed any periods?"

"Of course no--" Hermione began, but then she thought about it and she couldn't remember the last time she'd had her period. "Oh, no…no, no. I can't be pregnant. I've just been really stressed here at work and trying to move into our new house and…"

"You're probably right," Phoebe said again, although she didn't look like she thought Hermione was right.

"I've got to go home," Hermione said frantically. She ran from the bathroom and into Charles' office. "I need to go home."

"Okay…" Charles said. "Are you alright?"

"I either have a virus or a human growing inside of me," Hermione said. "I'm not sure."

"Uh…Okay," Charles said. "Call me tomorrow and let me know which."

"Okay."

Out on the street, it was drizzling. Hermione ran as fast as she could away from the Daily Prophet Offices. Not watching where she was going, she accidently bumped into a man and almost fell to the ground. "Oh!" she cried. She'd run into him chest first and the impact had hurt her breasts.

She yelled an apology over her shoulder as she continued running. When she got home she sent an owl to Ginny, asking her to come over right away. The new house she and her husband, Ron, were moving into was full of boxes that had not yet been emptied. As she flung them open one by one she chanted, "Please be a virus, please be a virus."

She finally found the long white pregnancy test and ran to the bathroom. Unfortunately, she didn't have to urinate, although it was a good thing she'd gone to the bathroom because as soon as she'd closed the door she threw up again.

Out of breath and extremely annoyed, Hermione went to the kitchen and took out three butterbeers. She downed the first two as fast as she could. She only got through half of the third one before she ran to the bathroom again. She pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet. She immediately regretted this because she hadn't opened the pregnancy test yet. Her legs shook impatiently, trying to hold it long enough to get the plastic off.

"Hermione!" Ginny called from the front door.

"I'm in the bathroom!" Hermione called back. She'd finished and was now pacing in front of the sink where the pregnancy test lay. It was beginning to change colors…there was a pink horizontal line…good, good, that meant she wasn't pregnant…as long as the vertical line doesn't show up…

"Nooooooo!" Hermione yelled.

"What? What is it?" Ginny called, now right outside the bathroom.

Hermione swung the bathroom door open. She stood in the doorway and handed the pregnancy test to Ginny. "What's this?" she asked, staring at the little pink plus sign.

"It's a Muggle pregnancy test," Hermione said in a defeated sort of way. "A plus sign means I'm—"

"Pregnant?!" Ginny yelped. "You're pregnant? Oh, my god, Hermione that's great!"

"Is it?"

"You're not happy?" Ginny asked, still looking at the test.

"Well, I wasn't expecting this so soon," Hermione said. "Ron and I just got our own house and we planned to wait a few years before having kids."

"Well," Ginny said. "Maybe you should've waited a few years to have sex."

"Yeah," Hermione said, "tell that to Ron. Oh, god, Ron. He's going to freak."

"It'll be fine," Ginny said. "How does this thing work, anyway? If we think we're pregnant we drink a potion and it turns our pee purple if we are."

"You pee on the stick," Hermione explained.

"You peed on this?" Ginny asked, holding up the test.

"Well, yeah…"

"Ew!" Ginny cried, flinging the test into the kitchen sink. "Hermione, for future reference, never let me hold something you've peed on."

Let me know if this interests anyone and I'll continue.