Summary: Bella falls and hits her head on a rock. When she wakes up, she realizes she's not that clumsy, realizes Edward is not the only perfect Greek god, and that sparkling vampires is kind of lame, amongst other things. Parody/Humor

Reality Check

It was a dreary, wet, rainy and horribly mucky day in Forks yet again, for the sole purpose of allowing the Cullens to run amok. Bella was getting ready for to head over to the Cullens to meet her perfect, wonderful and flawless vampire boyfriend, Edward Cullen. She was so excited! Charlie was conveniently at Billy Black's house fishing.

Running down the stairs, she thoughtlessly tripped over a small boulder. She flipped, doing a complete 180 spin, but lucky enough, her Adonis Edward popped out of nowhere and caught her. Edward steadied Bella and gave her that crooked smile because he didn't know how to smile normally.

"Bella, what would you do without me?" Edward chuckled.

"Die I guess. I couldn't live without you, I'd probably jump off a cliff or ride motorcycles and just act like a uber depressed teen for about 5 months." Bella said. Edward noticed her heartbeat was going a mile a minute, he knew he was dazzling her. It wasn't his fault he was so perfect and flawless with his crooked smile.

"I can hear your heart going a mile a minute Bella. Calm down."

"Well, you're dazzling me! I can't help it. I'm just amazed that such a perfect, flawless Greek Adonis would pay attention to me. I'm so unworthy. Why!!!" Bella started sobbing loudly.

"Bella, Bella. How many times do I have to say it? I love you. I love your lanky frame, your pale skin that's beyond the point of attraction, and needless to say, your undeveloped bust." Edward scooped Bella in his arms, running out to his super sexy Volvo that was unlike any car Bella's ever seen. Because silver Volvo's are just the top of the line in luxury cars.

"Oh, thank you so much Edward!" Bella took this opportunity to throw herself on Edward. She knew the supposed celibate Vampire didn't want this, but Bella was such a horny beast and had to try. Ravishing him with her tongue, like she saw in those movies, Edward was starting to react in a similar manner.

"Stop! Bella, I don't want to hurt you. I couldn't!" Edward dry sobbed, filled with self-loathing and pity.

"I know you wouldn't hurt me Edward. I know you wouldn't because you're a vampire who denies himself of human blood but loves me more than you love my wonderfully smelling blood."

"NO! I haven't had sex for 100 years and I'm not going to break that record now. Sure, there have been hotter vamps than you, a mere breakable human, but I've waited all my life for you. Because I'm psychic and knew you were going to be here." Edward claimed. Little did she know, he was a man whore.

Thinking he was sweet and oh so romantic, Bella quickly agreed and settled in the passenger seat. A few minutes later, the arrived at the perfect and luxurious Cullens home that didn't have motes or coffins. The sun decided to make it's presence known and hit Edward's skin. It was so beautiful, like diamonds.

Edward ran to Bella's side of the door and opened it for her. But tragically, she was almost out of the car when all of sudden, her left foot caught on the bottom part of the car and she fell.

"Why didn't you catch me Edward? That's like your full time job." Bella pouted and dusted off her horribly unfashionable jeans and ratty tshirt.

"I dunno. You're okay, just take a chill pill Bella." He dazzled her again, and she forgot everything instantly.

"Okay, let's go inside!"

Walking in the living room, Alice was looking at fashion magazines and bouncing up and down because that's what Alice does. She bounces up and down for absolutely no reason. Jasper was glued to her side, he didn't know what else to do, he was just Alice's little puppet.

Esme was cooking and just generally being unbelievably nice. No one asked why she was cooking, they didn't find it odd, especially since she was a vampire that couldn't eat. She just loved cooking for Bella, everyone just loved feeding, and answering Bella's every beckoned call, because she was so utterly helpless. So human!

Rosalie and Emmet could be heard from up the stairs. Well it was obvious what they were doing. It was loud and clear, cause all Rosalie and Emmett were able to do was to be horny vampires and offer comic relief.

"Well let's go upstairs to my room, we can listen to classical music and so not make out."

"Woo, that sounds so great!" Bella said.

Before they could even make it to the first step, Alice turned her head and squealed!

"What are you so excited about Alice?" Bella asked in hesitation. She expected Alice to want to go on a shopping spree for her. But she dreaded that, because she hated getting nice things. Bella just hated shopping period, she thought it was a complete waste of time, she rather just sulk and wear shotty clothes. Much more appealing.

"Nothing. I just decided to squeal, it's what I do." Alice smiled and was still bouncing up and down like a little pixie. That's the only way to describe Alice, pixie. Words like troll, doll, or tiny just didn't cut it, pixie was the only option.

Bella just shrugged and continued up the steps. Well, she tried to continue. Her right foot was in front of her left, and she fell, smashing her head onto a step. Emmett appeared out of nowhere and boomed with laughter. Cause when Emmett laughs, he can only do it in a booming voice.

Glaring at Emmett, Edward freaked out like crazy. "Shut the hell up Emmett. Someone call Carlisle! The only reason he exists is to take care of Bella after her spills! Hurry! He'll know what to do!"

Bella's head cracked open and a small amount of blood splattered out. Edward was sobbing, holding Bella's body to him, protective, and growled at Jasper.

"Don't come near her Jasper! You've only been off of human blood for 8 years. You can't resist it!" He growled again for good measure.

Jasper looked at Edward bored. "Yeah, I seriously can't resist. That's why I haven't moved since Bella came in."

Eventually, after Edward sulked some more, Alice had a vision. "What is it Alice?"

"We have to take Bella to the hospital! Carlisle will be there! He's a doctor." Alice gasped.

The Cullens piled into Emmett's jeep, and because it's so vital to know, the Cullen couples had to sit in each other's laps. Once at the hospital, Edward rushed into the hospital, at barely human speed.

"CARLISLE! HELP ME! HELP BELLA! HELP!!!" Edward screamed, but still screamed in a velvet voice. He was incapable of speaking in anything other than a velvet voice that is just another factor in Edward Cullen's dazzling ability.

A nurse that was completely taken back by Edward's undeniable sex appeal showed them to a room. Edward set Bella on the table and paced back and forth impatiently. Bella was still unconscious. Then Dr. Carlisle Cullen sauntered in with his hot vampireness and of course, he was not surprised to see Bella there.

"Hello Edward. Sorry you had to wait son, I just came out of a triple bypass surgery and then delivered a baby. Oh and I just found the cure for AIDs cause I'm most perfect and intelligent doctor ever!" Carlisle walked over to Bella.

Simply by waving his hand over Bella's head, he made a diagnosis. "She has a concussion, when she wakes up, she could be a little kooky, or maybe just some amnesia…I really don't know. You'll figure it out son. I got to disappear now, I'm not that important."

Edward flashed a crooked smile for the millionth time that day and turned to Bella and started dry sobbing, again for the millionth time.

Picking her up, he ran to their own personal meadow. Because having your own meadow was also uber romantic, and Edward was romantic as a natural result of his prefect Greek god characteristics. She opened her eyes, confused.

Looking around, Bella realized she was lying on the ground. And then she noticed Edward Cullen was sparkling. Blinking a few times, she realized everything she once thought was so stupid and highly illogical.

"Um. Edward?"

"Yes, my love?" He attempted to dazzle her with his only form of smiling.

"Can you tell me why the hell you can't smile any other way? Oh and I know I said it was beautiful when you're out in the sun and sparkling. But….well…it's kind of lame and fruity. I mean, a vampire sparkling? Who ever heard of that?" Bella got up and looked around.

"And this meadow is stupid. Take me back to civilization now!" Bella started to walk off in an a direction she thought was the right way.

"Okay. Okay. But wait up, I don't want you to hurt yourself again." Edward stood up. He was confused as to why Bella was acting so, so, realistic.

"Why would I hurt myself? I'm not some stupid, blind, damsel in distress that needs you to save me. Contrary to popular belief."

Edward shook his head and sighed. 'Maybe she should hit her head again.' He thought.

AN: Hum..just wanted a little break from my more serious stories. I just thought it would be funny to do a parody. I could continue if you want. Review, pls!