Surprise Party

Summary: Oh crap! Duncan forgot Leshawna's birthday, and she is NOT pleased! But maybe his friends can help him make it up to her. Or not.

Pairings: Main: Duncan/Leshawna. I'll leave the side pairings open for you to discover.

Rating: T for adult humor, cursing, that sort of thing.

Continuity: Post-Total Drama and likely AU, given the couples.

Author's Notes: Okay, this isn't the Ezekiel/Bridgette story I said I would be publishing next, but that story is going to be long and has proven difficult to write, and when I noticed on Winter-Rae's profile that her birthday was coming up I just had to whip up a little something as a present to her. So, if you're reading, Winter (and you better be, damn it!), happy b-day! Hope this is just one of many cool perks you've gotten today. (At the very least I know I'm not the only one to write you a story.) Anyway, onto the fic!

Duncan was not a morning person.

He sat, half-slumped over the kitchen table, eyes half-closed, half-awake, and only half-…something. Possibly. It was too hard to think this early in the morning. He could only…half-think…

Zzzzz…

Duncan's eyes snapped open again. "Ugh…coffee…"

With Herculean effort, Duncan managed to climb to his feet and drag himself across the kitchen to the coffee-maker. Now he just needed that…stuff you put in it…

As he began searching, he heard a sudden musical sound from the back of the apartment. He froze. Oh crap; he wasn't having another one of those Total Drama Musical flashbacks again, was he? He didn't want to have to go back to that damned therapist…

The sound, however, was actually coming from his wife Leshawna. She glided into the kitchen, already dressed for work, hair slightly damp from the shower, humming joyously to herself.

"Good morning, my loving husband!" Leshawna practically sang, her face a bright, radiant smile that lit up the entire room.

Ugh. Happy people. The worst thing Duncan could think of having to deal with in this kind of state.

"Where's the coffee?" he mumbled simply, opening the cabinets and digging through.

Leshawna froze, blinking at him. "...What?"

"Where's the…whatchacallit, coffee?" Duncan grumbled, knocking several things out of the cabinets in his search. "I can't find any damn coffee!"

Leshawna stared at him. Duncan, usually oblivious to such signs even in more conscious states, took no notice.

Leshawna pulled a chair out from the table and sat down, staring at her husband pointedly. This could just be a joke---or this could be totally legit. Knowing Duncan, either choice seemed equally likely. Maybe this was some sort of clever ruse, and he was about to spin around with a diamond necklace clever hidden inside one of the cabinets…

He did not. Instead he just spun around and started looking through another cabinet, growling under his breath.

"Uh…don't you have something to say to me, Baby Boy?"

"Other than 'where's the damn coffee?' Not that I can think of. Damn it!" He slammed the cabinet door angrily. "I cannot get through this day if I don't have some fucking coffee!"

"You ain't gonna get through this morning if you don't change that attitude of yours," Leshawna grumbled, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

Duncan moved on to yet another cabinet. Leshawna decided to try another tactic.

"Duncan honey?" she said, trying (with mild success) to keep the rising anger out of her voice. "What day is it today?"

"Ugh, I don't know---Friday? Thank God…"

"I meant the date."

"Uh, I don't know…the fifteenth?"

"Seventeenth!"

"Well, if you already know why are you asking?! Jeez…"

Leshawna ground her teeth; Duncan remained oblivious. "Wasn't there something important about the seventeenth, dear?" Leshawna growled, teeth and lips barely moving.

"Look, Shawnie, I just got up, I can't be expected to remember every stupid little…oh, what's this?!" He snatched something off the fridge door so fast the magnet holding it up clattered on the linoleum. "Is this---this is the grocery list?! Oh, damn it, Leshawna---no wonder I can't find any damn coffee! You forgot to go shopping, didn't you?!"

If Duncan had been a smarter man---or at least a more empathic one---he might have noticed the way his wife's crossed arms knotted themselves even tighter, saw the way her eyes narrowed or heard the sound of her teeth grinding, which at the moment was so loud that several of their neighbors snapped awake from deep slumbers. However, Duncan being Duncan, he did not notice these signs of the grave he was digging for himself, and so decided to pick up a shovel and dig it even deeper.

"I mean, damn it, Leshawna, I told you you needed to stop by the store yesterday! Now we're not going to have anything to eat in the house!" He growled in annoyance, unconsciously crumpling up the list in his hands. "How could you be so forgetful?!"

And snap! went the sound of the camel's back.

"Oh, you wanna talk about forgetful?!" Leshawna suddenly cried, jumping to her feet and throwing up her hands. "Like you don't ever forget anything?!"

"Like what?!"

"Oh, nothing important. Least not to you, I'm sure!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Forget it!"

"No! Don't you just go all psycho on me and not tell me what you're talking about!"

"Well, if you have to ask, I don't want to tell you!"

"Well, what's the logic in that?! I mean, there'd be no point in telling me if I didn't have to ask!"

"Just forget it!"

"Forget what?!"

"It!"

"You're not making any sense!"

"Oh, damn it all---! I'm goin' to work!"

"Well, what about breakfast?!"

"I'll get something on the way, asshole!"

With that she turned and stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her briefcase and slammed the door behind her as she left the apartment.

Duncan gaped after her for a moment, then threw his hands in the air. "Women!" he screamed. "I swear, if I wanted someone that hysterical I would have stayed together with Courtney…"

The phone rang. Still grumbling, Duncan stormed into the kitchen and snatched it up so fast he nearly tore it from the wall.

"HELLO?!"

"Agh! Jeez, no need to yell right in my ear, man! GAWSH!"

Duncan growled. "Harold, I just woke up, I'm in a bad mood and I haven't had my coffee. Please tell me what you want QUICK before I kill you through the phone."

"Okay, gawsh. Gwen and I just wanted to call and wish Leshawna a happy birthday."

"Well, you can't. She's already left for work."

"Oh, really? Dang." Then he called over his shoulder, "Gwen! We missed her."

"Oh really?" came Gwen's disappointed voice in the background.

"Yeah, and she was being a real bitch this morning," Duncan muttered. "Kept going on about me forgetting…some…" Something finally clicked in his sleep-deprived brain. "Wait, calling to wish Leshawna a what?"

"Uh…'happy birthday?'"

"…Oh crap."

"Duncan!"

"What?!"

"How could you do that?"

"What's going on? …Oh, crap, he forgot her birthday, didn't he?"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"…Okay, yeah, I did. But it's not my fault! I mean, since when is her birthday in April?!"

"Uh, I think it's been for a while, man!"

"No it hasn't! Didn't it use to be in June?!"

"Courtney's birthday is in June!"

Duncan raised his unibrow. "How do you know Courtney's birthday?"

"I keep up with people! How do you not know your wife's birthday?!"

"Well I---uh---aw, damn it! No wonder she was so pissed off…"

"Well, yeah! I mean, how could you man?!"

"Tell Duncan he's an idiot!"

"Idiot!"

"Alright!" Duncan snapped, growing impatient. "I get it! I messed up." He grimaced. "Now how do I fix it?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Well, help me figure something out!"

Harold paused, then, slightly muffled as he turned away from the phone, "Hey, Gwen! If I ever forgot you're birthday, what you make you forgive me?"

"Very expensive jewelry for me or a very cheap funeral for you."

"Hmm…how big of a coffin do you think Leshawna'd need to fit Duncan in? You know, if she really just squashed him in there?"

"Oh, not very big. I mean, if she dismembers the body first---"

"Okay, you would not believe how much I'm not loving this conversation!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, man. You messed up pretty big here."

"Yeah…damn it, I didn't even get her a present or anything!" Pause. "…Though this does explain why she kept bringing up that black dress she wanted…"

"I mean, really," Gwen called in the background, "why did he think Leshawna kept bringing up that black dress---"

"He just got that, yeah."

"You know, if you two are going to be so clever, do it in a way that actually helps me, will you?!"

"Well, if she's already realized that you forgot her birthday, I'm not sure if there's anything you can do, man. Sounds like you're in pretty deep."

"Yeah," Duncan said wearily, shoulders dropping. Then a thought occurred to him. "Although…"

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"Duncan's using his 'idea' voice."

"Oh crap."

"…maybe I didn't forget her birthday at all. Maybe I just pretended to forget so that I could surprise her."

"Surprise her with what?"

"Her surprise party!"

"There's a surprise party?"

"There is now. Harold, I need you and Gwen's help."

"Just a second. Gwen!"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna help Duncan with some harebrained scheme to keep Leshawna from getting mad at him that'll probably fail and blow up in our collective face?"

Gwen sighed. "I'll see if I can get my mom to babysit…"

"Carla, come on…"

"You've taken too many days off already, Mr. Stone. I've been specifically told not to take any more of your excuses."

Duncan groaned into the phone. "But it's an emergency!"

"What kind of emergency?"

"My---mother died."

"Oh." Carla's voice softened. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Stone. This must be a very hard time for you."

"Well…yeah," Duncan said, putting on his most mournful tone. He even managed to make his voice crack a little. Damn he was a good actor.

"Yes…especially so soon after the last tragedy."

"Huh?"

"When she died two months ago, just after Valentine's Day?"

"…Um…"

"I mean, this must be simply tragic for you and your family. First she dies, and of course that was very hard, but then she came back, and so of course you all must have gotten your hopes all up, only to have them dashed again---"

"Alright, alright! Jeez. But I really need to take today off, Carla! My marriage is on the line."

"That's what you said the last time your mother died, Mr. Stone. No offense, but your marriage seems to be even less healthy than she is."

"Oh, come on! I promise to cover for you whenever your marriage is in trouble."

"I'm not married."

"No wonder, given your attitude…"

"What was that, Mr. Stone?"

"Nothing!"

Carla sighed. "Alright, Mr. Stone. I'll cover for you. Again."

"Thanks, Carla. You're a doll."

"Yes, yes. Oh, by the way, please remember that next Wednesday is Administrative Professionals' Day. Just a thought."

"Yeah, yeah…"

Duncan hung up. Okay, that was one problem solved; he had time to plan this stupid party now. But he was going to need more help.

He grabbed his address book from the table and dialed.

Riiing…riiing…

Click.

"Hello, this is---"

"Yeah, hey Bridge. It's Duncan. I need your help."

Riiiing. Riiiing.

The phone was already ringing when Ezekiel walked in the door. Throwing his briefcase down with one hand and loosening his tie with the other, he headed for the table.

His wife heard the door, though.

"Oooh! Zeke! Could you come in here for a minute?!"

"Joost a second, honey!"

"But---"

Ezekiel had already picked up the phone, however, and didn't hear the rest of his wife's reply. "Helloo?"

"Zeke! Damn it, I've been calling you all day! Why didn't you answer?!"

"Um…I was at woork?"

"Ugh! Damn it, why is everybody too busy at work to help me today?!"

"Be…cause?" Ezekiel was trying hard to see if this was a trick question. "I mean, it's only too oo'clock---I oonly had a few classes today---"

"Yeah, whatever, man. I need your help, man."

"With what?"

"ZEKE!"

"Just a second, dear!" Ezekiel said, covering up the receiver with one hand.

"But I have something to show you!"

"I'll be right there!" Then, to Duncan, "Soory. What's the problem?"

He sighed. "It's Leshawna. See…"

Duncan explained the situation. Ezekiel listened patiently, nodding to himself without remembering that Duncan couldn't see it.

"…and so I really need you to come over and help. You're good with food, right? You can cook?"

"Uh, yeah." Ezekiel worked at a culinary school.

"Great. I need you to make---something. Anything! Something Leshawna would like. Could you just---drive into town for me and whip something up? We don't have anything here to eat, just---I don't know, stop on the store on your way, I guess. I'll pay you back for whatever you buy, I just really need help."

"Well…ookay, I guess," Ezekiel said. "It'll take me a while to get there, thoo. I doon't know if I'll have time to get down there and make anything decent befoore Leshawna."

"Don't worry, you should have time. I have Leshawna taken care of," Duncan said. "Just hurry up and get down here."

"Ookay. I---"

"ZEKE!"

"Be right there, honey! Goodbye, Duncan."

"Yeah, yeah, bye."

Duncan hung up. Ezekiel hung up the phone and headed for the bedroom.

"Honey? That was Duncan. We have to run oover to see them, there's a surprise party and---whoo."

Ezekiel froze in the threshold of the bedroom. The lights were off and the curtains drawn, but dozens of candles had been set up all around the room, casting a dim glow. Izzy was lying on the bed, dressed in...well, not a lot, actually. She had also sprinkled what looked like flower pedals all over the floor and bed.

Ezekiel's eyes widened. Izzy looked up, grinning like a tiger.

"Why hello there, honey."

"Um…h-hi, dear."

"It's Friday."

"Um...yes. Yes it is."

"Do you know what I love about Fridays? It means two whole days ahead where just get to unwind and enjoy ourselves. Hey, do you know what I find a great way to enjoy ourselves is?"

"Well...um, uh..."

Ooh, Zekey was in stuttering mode. Izzy loved Zekey in stuttering mode, when he was all nervous and his accent became even more pronounced and silly. She leaned over, resting her chin in her hand.

"What's the matter, Zekey-poo? Don't you like my little surprise here?"

"Um…uh…" Zeke looked away, clearing his throat. "Y-Yes, but, um---w-we kind of have too goo oot toonight."

Izzy frowned. Not a real frown, mind you, but one of her playful fun-frowns. "Oh, really?"

"Y-Yeah. See, um…that was Duncan on the phoone…"

"Yeah?"

"And he, um---he foorgot Leshawna's birthday---"

"Yeah?" Izzy climbed slowly off the bed.

"And he, um---he's th-throoing her a soorprise party, yoo knoo, too make up foor it…"

"Mm-hmm..." She took a step forward him.

"And, uh---he wants us too coome, and, uh, too get soome food and---and cook and stuff…"

"Mm-hmm…" She was right in front of him now.

"And---we kind of need too hoorry, because, yoo knoo, i---it's an 'oor drive intoo town, and---we doon't have a lot of time, yoo knoo, too pick up grooceries and too cook and---"

At this point Izzy reached forward, grabbed her stuttering husband by the front of his shirt, and pulled him into a kiss. They parted after a moment, Izzy grinning wickedly and Ezekiel's face bright pink.

He gulped, tapping his fingers together nervously. There was a pause. "I guess---I guess we have a little time befoore we hafta goo…"

Izzy chuckled wickedly before pulling him towards her once again.

A/N: Well, at least we know one of the TDI couples has a healthy marriage, eh? ;-) I was a bit unsure of whether to use that dismemberment joke, though...it was inspired by an actual news story I read. 8-\ Anyway, so, this is chapter one of three...I have the next chapter written, but I am so amazingly busy right now that I don't know when I'll have time to edit and post it...it might not be 'til next Friday or Saturday, but I'll try to get it up earlier. Until then, please review! :-)