A/N: This is the reason I will never listen to John Barrowman interviews at 3 am ever again. It is all dialogue.
Disclaimer: in no way is anything mine. And I mean anything.
"Jack...we're in space."
"Yep."
"We are in a spaceship in space."
"Yep again."
"We are floating in a space ship, in space, after we were kidnapped by aliens."
"Yes Ianto."
"Okay."
"Anything else?"
"Where are the aliens now?"
"Out the airlock. They didn't seem to enjoy that very much. But I had to get rid of them before you woke up."
"Jack?"
"Yes Ianto?"
"How are we going to get home?"
"I've sent a message for Martha to ask the Doctor to pick us up. But it is going to take a while."
"Oh."
"..."
"So what do we do while we're waiting?"
"Well I can think of one thing to do."
"No."
"But..."
"No Jack."
"You would enjoy it, and it would be a new experience for me."
"So you've never done it while floating in a spaceship?"
"Well I have...but not with you."
"No Jack."
"Please?"
"No."
"..."
"Stop it Jack."
"..."
"Jack, I said no."
"..."
"Get your hand away from there!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Fine."
"..."
"..."
"Oh god!!! That is the last time I come to pick you up Jack Harkness!"