Response to a challenge on perfectlyplum. Prompt: "A day without denial is a day you have to face."

Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money. Characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Lyrics by Nick Radovanovic, Jason Vena, Christian Mcalhaney, Ryan Zwiefelhofer, Kaylan Cloyd

WARNING: Adult situations, not really smutty but sex happens.

Songfic base on Acceptance.

oOo

So Contagious

By Dee

Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
─Nick Radovanovic, Jason Vena, Christian Mcalhaney, Ryan Zwiefelhofer, Kaylan Cloyd

oOo

My footsteps dragged as I let myself into Stephanie's apartment and it was a struggle to maintain absolute silence as I moved the pile of clothes from the chair beside her bed. Laying my gun belt on the floor with care, I removed all my weapons and sat, leaning my head back but keeping my eyes on her pale face. The nightlight in the outlet by the door cast a warm glow over her.

I love watching Stephanie sleep. She rests the way she does everything, with total abandon, embracing sleep the way she embraces life, arms flung wide. Her curly hair was spread on the pillow like angel's wings.

The mission had been long and hard, and when I'd returned just an hour ago Tank had some surprising news for me. The cop had proposed, and Stephanie said yes. She was engaged.

The intel was like a knife twisting in my gut.

But here I was anyway. I had to see her, to hear it from her own lips.

She mumbled something unintelligible and shifted, her left arm drawing in from its outflung position to settle across her abdomen. The sparkle of the diamond on her finger was more painful to my sight than blinding sun in the desert.

Her eyes fluttered open.

"Ranger?" Her voice was high and uncertain.

"Babe," I breathed, loving the sound of the word in my ears, the feel of it on my lips, the taste of it on my tongue.

"When did you get back?"

"Just now. I had to see you. I had to hear it from you."

"Hear what?"

I changed the subject. "Where's Morelli? Why aren't you with him?"

"He's out of town, undercover assignment."

I moved over to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning over with a hand on each side of Stephanie's waist, locking eyes with her, trying to let my feelings for her show on my face. But perhaps after so many years of never showing myself, I was no longer capable of it.

"Babe," I said again.

She reached up with both hands, holding my face in her fingers, staring at me, her thumbs teasing my lips. As my mouth opened for them she slid her hands around the back of my neck and into my hair, pulling me down for a kiss.

She was so delicious, tasting of honey and wild berries, that I lost myself, taking over and plunging my tongue between her lips as they parted for me. My hands measured her curves and found them a perfect fit as my hips rolled between her legs, my hardness pressed against her sweetness.

"Oh God, Babe," I groaned, tearing my mouth away and trying to maneuver back off her. I had to stop this before we did something she'd hate me for in the morning.

But her hands wouldn't release me. She pulled me back down again.

"Babe, don't do this. I won't be able to …"

She interrupted, "Ranger, I need you," and wrapped her legs around my waist.

We clung together for long minutes, tasting and touching, and then her fingers were fumbling with my zipper and I was sliding inside her.

It felt like coming home.

Sometime during the night, between rounds of lovemaking, she removed the diamond ring and set it on the nightstand.

oOo

My watch beeped at 0530. I had an early meeting and I needed to get to the office. It was going to be a busy day, catching up after being away so long.

I took my things into the bathroom to get dressed and just as I was coming back to kiss Stephanie goodbye and ask her to have dinner with me tonight her phone rang.

"Hey, Joe," she murmured, sleepy-voiced, "how's the job going? … Oh, that's great. .. I've been missing you lots. … Me, too. … I'll see you then. … Love you, too. … Bye."

When she set the phone on her nightstand she grabbed the engagement ring and slipped it back on her finger.

I was invisible, dressed in black standing in the dark hallway outside her door, and when she turned over and her breathing deepened I turned and glided away, noiseless. As I let myself out of her apartment and relocked the door, I felt like I'd lost something of immeasurable value.

oOo

I shouldn't call her. I knew it. I should just leave her be, let her find her happiness where she could. And yet it was a fever I couldn't control. I found myself pressing speed dial for Stephanie.

"Yo," came her smiling voice.

"What are you doing tonight, Babe?" I asked.

"Not a thing. What did you have in mind?"

"I need to see you. Can I bring dinner over?"

"Sounds great. Nothing healthy for me, though, remember."

"See you around seven."

How could she sound so matter-of-fact after what happened last night? How could she make love with me all night and not want more, not expect more?

I couldn't be matter-of-fact about it. I wanted more. I wanted her. For good.

I always thought that someday we'd be together. I should have told her, not just hinted at it. Had I fucked up so badly that I'd lost her forever?

oOo

After we finished eating and took care of the dirty dishes and leftovers, we sat together on her couch.

"Babe," I began, but trailed off, not quite able to express myself. I have no trouble running a complex operation involving dozens of people, issuing orders, making decisions, but when it comes to opening up to someone I love my confidence fails me.

She climbed over onto my lap, straddling me, and framed my face with her hands, just the way she had last night.

Her eyes were so blue, like the vastness of the sea, so easy to get lost in. And I was lost, had been for years.

It was an effort to bring myself back.

"Babe, we need to talk about what happened last night."

"No we don't. It's fine. It doesn't change anything."

"Babe, denial won't work this time."

"Hey, a day without denial is a day you have to face. And I don't want to talk about it."

"Stephanie, I want to talk about it."

She got up off my lap and walked into the bedroom, flinging over her shoulder, "Thanks for dinner, Ranger. Good night."

The door slammed shut and the lock clicked.

What the hell just happened here?

I walked over to the bedroom door and knocked.

"Go away." Her voice sounded tearful.

"Stephanie, let me in or I'm coming in anyway. I need to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk."

I pulled out my pick and had the door open in less time than it would have taken her to get up and open it.

She was huddled on the bed, curled up tight on her side, arms wrapped around her knees, back to the door.

"Babe." I allowed the anguish I was feeling to come through in my voice.

"What do you want?" Her voice was thick with tears.

"Stephanie, I might be out of line, but there's something I need to say to you."

Like a child she put her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

I walked around the bed to see her face. With tears on her cheeks, her eyes squeezed tight, her mouth clamped, and her hands over her ears she looked like an angry little kid with wild brown curls.

I couldn't help but smile.

I bent over and teased her lips with mine, nibbling at them until they opened for me and her hands left her ears to encircle my neck. Her knees went down and she rolled to her back, pulling me on top of her.

It wasn't long before we were both crying out with ecstasy.

oOo

The engagement ring was off again, sitting on the bedside table mocking me.

"Stephanie," I said, "please tell me why you said yes to Morelli. You aren't really going to marry him, are you?"

"Why shouldn't I?" she asked, jutting out her chin, eyes narrowed. "It's the only offer I've had, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. And I love him."

"Do you love him more than you love me?"

Her eyes shifted to the left, looking out the window. "Yes."

"You're lying."

No answer.

"Babe, I thought maybe we could give this thing between us a shot."

"You waited too long. It's too late."

"It's not too late. Engagements can be broken."

She reached over to the nightstand and put the diamond back on.

It was a bayonet in my chest, a bullet in my heart.

"Joe's coming home tomorrow. You should leave now so I can get some sleep."

I got up in silence, put my clothes and weapons on, and walked out the door.

oOo

I sat in an SUV parked on the street across from her parking lot, concealed behind dark-tinted windows. I wished it was as easy to shroud my feelings.

Her car was in the lot, but she wasn't there. I'd checked. She must be out with Morelli.

I waited. A sickness had taken hold of me, and the only cure for it was Stephanie.

There.

Morelli's truck pulled into the lot. He came around and opened the door for her.

They must have been out to dinner. Stephanie was wearing a conservative black dress and high heels, sexy as hell without even trying. Morelli had on a sport coat over his usual t-shirt and jeans.

She took his arm as they walked together toward the building.

A couple minutes later the lights went on in her living room.

I knew I should leave, but I just couldn't tear myself away, watching and waiting for the bedroom light to go on, torturing myself with visions of him in bed with her instead of me.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Time passed, and the building door opened again to reveal Morelli, walking to his truck. I watched in astonishment, trying to read his expression, his posture. He climbed into the truck and drove away.

I started up the SUV and drove across into the lot, backing into a parking space at the far side so I had a clear view of Stephanie's windows. I doused the lights. As if in response, her living room light went off.

I saw the glow of what I knew to be the bathroom light in her bedroom window, and then the bedroom light came on. After a few minutes the apartment went dark.

I sat there for ages, just watching, my mind blank.

Finally, as if in a dream, I got out of the truck and sleep-walked up the stairs, letting myself in, taking off my guns, sitting down to keep watch. Her arms were again spread wide and my eyes sought her left hand.

It was hidden under the covers.

No ring on her nightstand.

I settled deeper into the chair, content with my vigil.

"I've been waiting for you." Her husky voice startled me.

"Babe."

"Is there something you want to say to me?"

I hesitated.

"If not, then get the hell out of my bedroom."

It was confession time. "Babe, I love you. I fell in love with you the first day we met, remember, in that little café?"

"I remember."

"When I told you I loved you before, I was afraid to commit. I tried to limit it, to put conditions on it."

She just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Now I'm telling you, I love you unconditionally. I want to live with you, marry you, give you whatever you want, make you happy for the rest of your life. If you'll have me."

A small smile curved her lips and her arms reached for me. I extended my right hand to take her left and looked down at it.

No ring.

My heart felt inflated with helium, threatening to float up into the sky and carry me to heaven.

I grounded myself in her arms.

The end