Okay, so, this is probably gonna THE most wtf thing I've ever written, and that's including Living Vicariously. I gotta give credit where it's due though—funny story actually. One day, I really felt like getting a chocolate chip muffin from Dunkin' Donuts. I knew it'd take a while to get there, so I called my brilliant friend Sarah over the phone to keep me verbal company. I asked her to tell me a Pucca story, and being the wonderful BFF she is, she came up with this gem right on the spot. She has no interest in writing it out though, but I thought a story this wonderfully crack-ish had to be shared. I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did. (Did I mention I had to go to THREE Dunkin' Donuts before I found one that had my muffin? lol.) ONWARD!

"What is THAT?" an extremely curious and amused Pucca asked, peering over Garu's shoulder to try and get a better look.

Garu fruitlessly tried to swat her away, anxious and embarrassed. "It's nothing! Leave me alone, Pucca!"

"Aww, come on!"

"Trust me, you don't want to—"

Garu was cut off as Pucca swiftly tackled him to the ground and pinned him down, rendering him helpless. He blushed in humiliation as he heard her gasp quickly before breaking out into a giggle fit. He groaned.

'Shit. How the hell am I supposed to get out of this one?'

It had started out as a typical day for Garu. He was making his way through the forest, in search of any challenge that could help build his ninja skills. After all, it was imperative that he stay in peak physical condition if he wanted to keep outrunning Pucca, or, at the very least, put up a fight.

The thing was, he wasn't even sure if that was what he wanted any more. Every day it was getting harder and harder to deny his budding feelings. She was everything a guy could want; beautiful, caring, smart, talented, and giving. Just how giving (winkwink), he wasn't sure, but he sure was eager to find out.

It was more than just a physical thing though, much more than that. She was his world to him, which admittedly scared the crap out of the poor guy. How did the girl who'd cause him so much irritation over the years suddenly become the most important thing in his life? There was no easy explanation, but he couldn't just ignore his feelings anymore; they were getting stronger each day, and it was getting that much harder to keep hold of the reins. He was terrified of doing something stupid that would lose her forever, so he just kept running. It was all he knew how to do.

'I'm gonna lose her one day if I don't make a move soon,' he thought sadly. But a move as pivotal as the one Garu had to make didn't just come from out of no where. It needed an impetus.

'But where can I find one of those?'

Lost in deep thought, Garu was surprised to have his musings disrupted by none other than the object of his hidden affection. He looked up from behind some bushes, panicked by the sound of her scream and ready to jump into action to save her.

There she was, locked in some heavy duty hand to hand combat with Ring Ring, resident bitch of the village. He winced as Ring Ring let out her signature battle cry and used her hair to slam Pucca harshly into a tree trunk…

…whose branches created a noticeable tear in her shirt. He blushed upon seeing part of her exposed bra and part of the roundest, most perfect breast he'd even seen that filled it up.

'I would totally motorboat the shit out of those…' he thought, unable to tear his eyes away. Did it suddenly get hotter out or was it just him? He did feel a little guilty though, ogling Pucca without her noticing. It made him feel dirty, and while he kinda liked the feeling, he still knew it was wrong. Damn ninja conscience. 'Maybe I should leave her alone…'

Try as he might though, Garu just couldn't get himself to budge. He was engrossed by the hawtness before him, practically drooling as Pucca let out what he considered a very seductive growl and pinned Ring Ring down to floor.

'That should be the two of us,' he thought, trying to picture the scene. He'd always thought the idea of Pucca being such a capable fighter was hot in itself, but seeing her like this took it to a whole new level.

He was temporarily brought of out his stupor when Ring Ring managed to escape and caught Pucca by surprise, attacking her and obscuring Garu's view of the rosy-cheeked teen. He let out an annoyed groan as he thought 'Get the hell out of the way! I wanna see the hot one!' Pucca was beyond sexy while fighting, but Ring Ring just looked like some coked out drag queen. Not his cup of tea.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Pucca once again got the upper hand and threw Ring Ring into a nearby lake, going after her to let the real whoopin' commence. Because that's how Pucca rolls: take a bitch down and keep her down. She's awesome like that.

Garu's eyes dilated and he bit his lip as he watched a soaking wet Pucca beat the crap out an infuriated Ring Ring.

"You ruined my perfect hair!" Ring Ring shrieked in that freaky accent she got whenever she fought. "I only wash it with mineral water!"

Garu winced as Ring Ring forced Pucca under the lake, but then had his breath taken away when Pucca burst back out, throwing her wet hair that had fallen out of its buns over her shoulder. He was sure he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his life, and he appreciated how she didn't bother to fix her shirt, which was so soaked down so heavily it hung past her shoulders and loosely around her arms, even lower than before, giving him more than a good eyeful of her red bra and rack.

'I could die happy right now if she popped out of that.'

He knew he was being perverted, but he really couldn't care less. He was enjoying himself too much to give into rational thought, and besides, he wasn't hurting anyone. He was sure Pucca would be very flattered if she knew he was getting hard off of her.

'Ah, crap,' he thought, annoyed as he realized the severity of his boner. 'I don't feel like taking a cold shower. Why the hell does getting rid of these have to be such a pain in the ass?'

He turned his attention back to the chick fight, and was disappointed to see it was over—Pucca was of course the victor, while Ring Ring ran off, shouting, "You haven't seen the last of me, Pucca! I'll get you next time!"

Garu grinned as he watched Pucca roll her eyes and mutter annoyed obscenities under her breath. 'She's cute when she's pissed,' he thought, having to fight the urge to run over to her, give her a congratulatory high five, and help her out of that shirt before giving her a big 'hurray for you!' hug.

He shivered with desire at the thought of a topless hug, but frowned when he noticed it wasn't helping his situation downstairs. He shrugged and turned his heel, ready to go back to his house and spend a good 15 minutes emerged in icy water. A heavy price to pay, but hey, he got to see the sexy side of the prettiest girl he'd ever known.

'Worth it,' he thought contently, thinking back to the fight.

'…Just one more peek.'

He turned around furtively, wanting one last look at those perfect breasts. Big mistake. It just so happened that Pucca had chosen that exact same time to look up, and their eyes met. He gulped as he realized she had taken off her shirt, which she was currently wringing in her hands. She still had her bra on, but he knew he was still in deep shit. Most girls didn't like guys staring at their junk pre-commitment.

'Maybe she'll force me into some sexy hand to hand fighting!' he thought brightly, loving the idea of being pinned down by an aggressive Pucca.

But instead, he was greeted with a cheerful, "Hey, Garu! What's up, stud?"

Okay, so he was wrong about the pre-commitment thing. Figures. Pucca wasn't like 'most girls'.

He reddened and sweated nervously as Pucca happily skipped over to him, still shirtless. She was never one for subtleties.

He let out a nervous chuckle as she wrapped her arms around his muscular left bicep and rested her head on the crook of his neck. "I hadn't seen you today yet," she said, nuzzling into him. "I think you're overdue."

He knew what was coming—she was gonna lay one on him. And, like always, he was gonna love every second of it but pretend otherwise. Why? Because old habits die hard.

'I am such an idiot,' thought Garu, annoyed at himself. 'How could I keep rejecting such a hot girl?'

As he thought about her hotness, he was reminded of his hard on. His eyes widened as he realized a kiss from her would mean close contact. And close contact would mean Pucca would feel his 'little Garu' pressing up against her, which probably wouldn't end well.

Scared out of his mind, Garu pushed her away. "SorryPuccaIgottago!" he exclaimed nervously, attempting to sprint to his house. But he never quite was a match for Pucca's abnormal strength; she regained a firm hold and glared at him. "Come on, Garu! Just this once! I really like you."

As his mind scrambled to babble out an answer, he neglected to notice Pucca thoroughly checking him out.

'He's so cute when he's nervous!' she though giddily. Suddenly, however, her gaze settled on his nether regions. 'That's funny, seems a little…wait…could that be what I think it is?' She grinned, highly amused.

"What is THAT?" an extremely curious and amused Pucca asked, peering over Garu's shoulder to try and get a better look.

Garu fruitlessly tried to swat her away, anxious and embarrassed. "It's nothing! Leave me alone, Pucca!"

"Aww, come on!"

"Trust me, you don't want to—"

Garu was cut off as Pucca swiftly tackled him to the ground and pinned him down, rendering him helpless. He blushed in humiliation as he heard her gasp quickly before breaking out into a giggle fit. He groaned.

'Shit. How the hell am I supposed to get out of this?'

"Wow Garu," giggled Pucca, eyes never leaving the huge bulge in his pants. "That's some pretty impressive stuff you're packin'. But I wouldn't have expected anything less from you." She took advantage of their positioning and gave him a passionate heavy kiss. She held back a grin as she felt his entire body shudder beneath her, and definitely not from disgust.

"Pucca, please," begged Garu, "You're wet, topless, and pinning me down while making out with me. You're not helping the situation."

She smiled even more widely as she once again gazed at his crotch. "That's true," she agreed. "Bet you can't wait to get home and relieve yourself, huh?" she asked cheekily.

He sat up, gently pulling her off him as he frowned. "No, what are you talking about? I hate cold showers."

Pucca blinked. "Yeah, so does everyone. But why would you go that route?" she asked, confused. "You live all alone. It's not like your mom is gonna walk in on you or anything."

Garu furrowed his brow, equally as confused. "Hold on, backtrack for a second. There's another way I could go about getting rid of this?"

Pucca stared at him incredulously. "Please tell me you're joking, Garu…" His silence said it all. "Well, yeah! Just, you know…masturbate!"

Garu looked more confused than ever. "What do you mean?"

Pucca's jaw dropped. "You mean you've never…?"

He shrugged. "I guess not...what exactly is it?"

Pucca just about wanted to die. She knew Garu was clueless when it came to love, but damn. She didn't realized just how deprived his stoic ninja life had left him. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt for him. He'd only taken cold showers all his life? That poor guy! She felt it was her duty to shed some light onto the other, vastly more enjoyable way of getting rid of those pesky erections. After all, he was the love of her life. It was the least she could do.

She smiled at him. "Here Garu, I'll show you!" she exclaimed happily. "First, you…"

Pucca, wearing her dry shirt once again, eagerly waited for Garu to return from behind the bush, dying to hear about how his first time went. The poor guy lived such a strict life, he deserved a little fun. She looked up hopefully when she saw him get up from behind the bush and walk over to her.

"So, how'd it go?" she asked.

He answered by simply motioning over to his still-bulging pants. Pucca frowned. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I did what you said. I held it and rubbed it but nothing happened."

Her frown deepened. "Well, first of all, it's more like stroking and tugging, not rubbing. Second of all, were you thinking sexy thoughts?"

"Oh…well, I was thinking more about how confused I was."

Pucca smacked her forehead. "Garu! You're supposed to be thinking about what got you hard in the first place!"

"Oh," replied Garu, embarrassed. 'I wonder what she'd say if she knew it was her.'

"Here, let me help you out. Tell me what it was that turned you on and I'll talk dirty to you about it in a sexy voice. Sound good?"

Garu blushed. "Uh, okay. It…it was you Pucca."

"Okay, fair eno—wait, what??" asked Pucca, caught off guard.

Garu sighed, humiliated. "I thought you looked really sexy fighting Ring Ring back there. I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my life," he told her truthfully.

"Oh…" It was Pucca's turn to blush. She soon brightened though. 'He thinks I'm sexy! Cool!'

She smiled a 1000 watt smile at him. "Perfect! That means I can definitely help you out there!"

He grinned back at her, not believing how well she was taking it. He figured she'd be flattered, but didn't think she would admit it so readily.

"So, tell me again what I should do?" asked Garu, fully trusting any advice the beauty before him suggested.

She stared thoughtfully at him. "You know what Garu? Why don't you whip that thing out and let your old pal Pucca have a look?"

Garu stared at her, confused but still trusting. His eyes never leaving hers, her carefully unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. Pucca casually brought her gaze down from his eyes to his package.

She nearly fainted.

It was all she'd ever dreamed of and more. Though on the inside she was jumping around and squealing like an excited little school girl, she kept her composure in front of Garu. No need to embarrass him for putting himself out there. She wished he would do it more often.

"Okay, Garu…very nice, first of all," she said, not wanting him to feel snubbed either, "Well, amazing actually, but, uh…" What was she saying again?

"You were gonna teach me how to masturbate, remember?"

Pucca almost laughed. That sounded so wrong.

"Oh right. So, like I said…" she stared at it some more. "First, grab a hold of it."

Garu did as he was told, taking his erection into his hands and holding it loosely.

"No, Garu! Like this!" exclaimed Pucca, removing his hands and replacing them with her own, holding it in a nice, firm grip. Suddenly, she realized what she was doing. She blushed as his entire body spasmed.

"Oh crap! Sorry about that!" She immediately let go. '…I am never washing these hands again…'

Garu's eyes widened. "What? No, don't be! That felt awesome! Way better than when I did it."

She blushed and started sweating bullets when he shyly added, "In fact, do you think you could just do the rest for me?" Noticing her flustered reaction, he quickly added, "Just this first time!"

She nearly died again. Only Garu could basically ask her for a hand job and not get his head ripped off. Actually, she'd take it a step further—only Garu could basically ask for AND receive a hand job from her and not get his head ripped off.

"Well…okay. Just this once. Pay attention!"

And so commenced the most amazing five minutes of Garu's life thus far.

Damn. DAMN. "That was incredible, Pucca!" exclaimed Garu, in awe of her. Was there anything she couldn't do?

She smiled at him, feeling dirty but brushing it off. "Glad to help you out, stud."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he blurted out.

She frowned. She did want to be his girlfriend, but come on. She slapped him lightly on the cheek and crossed her arms over her chest. "Bad timing, Garu. You don't ask a girl to be your girlfriend right after something like this."

Garu blushed, realizing she had a point. "That's not how I meant it, Pucca! I've been wanting to ask you out for a long time, even before I realized how sexy you are! I just needed a little push!" he exclaimed truthfully.

Pucca smiled. Garu made a very cute spaz—she could never stay mad at him. "Okay, Garu, I believe you."

"So…you'll be my girlfriend?"

"Of course!"

The one he just received would be the first of many, many sexual favors to come. Pucca made an awesome girlfriend.

END. I know I'm f'ed up. No need to mention that. Sarah did give me the basis for this, but I took a lot of liberties with the story, so don't think she's a pervert too (even though you kinda have to be if you wanna be my friend :P).

This was really fun to write. Lately I've been stressin' with my writing, but this all came out so easily. Wish college essays and Raging Hormones were this easy to write. Ugh. Anyway, I notice I have Pucca call Garu 'stud' a lot. Can't help it--that's what I call every guy I've ever gone out with or had a crush on. (And trust me, none of them have actually been studs. I only go for dorks. har har.) I even almost called my teacher that once O.o I'm a loser like that :P

And one more note children: you don't have to be easy to be an awesome girlfriend. I was joking :P