"There we go, who's a good boy?" Naboo crooned softly to the chubby baby Howard on his knee.

He'd taken off the false moustache and the shiny black wig that Bollo had put on the babies to tell them apart. It would irritate their skin, he'd reasoned while carefully checking them over for a rash.

Vince started fussing from the improvised playpen that they'd knocked together. Howard was an easy, placid baby, but Vince was so exhausting with his constant need to be held and played with. If he thought Howard was getting more attention than him, he'd throw a tantrum.

Naboo balanced Howard against his shoulder and picked Vince up and jiggled him gently.

"It's alright Vince, I just had to change his nappy, I've not forgotten about you," he kissed Vince's downy head and went to find Bollo.

Bollo was putting on a load of babygros in the laundry when Naboo found him.

"Take Howard, Vince is having an existential crisis," he said holding out the quiet, sombre baby to his familiar.

Bollo took him gently and continued putting the load on to wash, one handed. Naboo rocked from side to side with Vince in his arms and sang a little nonsense song to him. Vince slowly stopped crying and hiccoughed.

"There's my good boy," Naboo smiled and stroked Vince's soft cheek.

This parenting business was hard work. He hadn't slept in three days, he hadn't smoked in five, Vince was crying all the time and if he had to change one more nappy, he was going to cry himself.

Somehow though, he couldn't help but prefer Howard and Vince as babies. If it was simply the case that he had to sing a song and give them a bit of a cuddle every time something usually went wrong for them, his life would be considerably more straight forward. And the babies were quite sweet when they weren't screaming.

Still, he'd be happy when Tony Harrison and Saboo came back from the fountain of ageing on Xooberon. If they hadn't murdered each other or eloped yet, that was.

~-~-~-~-~-~-

"I told you we had a map, but oh no, you wanted to ask directions!"

"We were lost Saboo, wondering around the desert aimlessly with no idea where we were. I'm sorry if I thought asking someone who knew was what, where we were, was a good idea."

"I knew where I was going! I would have figured something out, given time. And now, you've landed me in another ridiculous situation!"

"I resent that, I'm in this situation as much as you are."

"Oh yes, buried to the neck in sand. I can see how that would inconvenience you."

"I've got sand all up me crevices."

"Oh, I did not need to hear that!"

~-~-~-~-~-~-

It was three in the morning and Vince was crying again. He wasn't dirty, he wasn't hungry, he didn't want to play and wriggled around furiously when Naboo tried to hold him close. Naboo was so tired that he was shaking slightly.

"Please stop crying Vince," he pleaded with the squalling infant, "I don't know what you want."

He was rubbing Vince's back soothingly and dancing slightly.

"Shh. Please!"

If Vince were an adult again, he'd just tell him to get over himself and then go and get stoned, but the idea of acting this way towards baby Vince appalled some deep, previously uncovered maternal instinct in him.

Bollo walked into the room and looked at him sympathetically.

"He won't stop crying," Naboo said, slightly hysterically, "I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I tried to feed him but he threw it at me, he doesn't need changing. Bollo, what if he's sick? What if he found something bad and ate it? If he's sick, it's all my fault!" Naboo on the verge of tears.

Bollo took Vince out of his arms and shooed him up the stairs. Naboo walked zombie like into his room. Little Howard was tucked up in the middle of the bed, chewing a piece of the blanket. Naboo smiled and climbed into the bed next to him. Howard cooed and grabbed at Naboo's robes.

"Remind me to thank you for being such a good baby, when you're grown up again," Naboo whispered.

Howard had always been the less demanding of his lodgers and he'd never appreciated it properly before.

Naboo tucked Howard up under his chin and fell asleep in seconds. Howard patted his face clumsily with his small hand and fell asleep too.

~-~-~-~-~-~-

Bollo walked up the stairs, with a finally sleeping Vince in his arms. He opened the door and looked at Naboo asleep in the bed, holding the baby. The poor little shaman had dark circles under his eyes and his colour was off. Bollo tucked Vince in next to Howard carefully. Vince would never sleep properly if he wasn't put to bed with Howard. Vince's sleeping hand reached out and grabbed Howard's romper suit firmly.

Naboo's eyes flickered open and he looked at the two sleeping tots next to him.

"How did you get him to sleep?" he whispered

"Baby massage," Bollo admitted quietly.

Naboo nodded and started to slide out of the bed.

"Naboo should sleep," Bollo said disapprovingly

"I haven't been up while they were asleep since this bloody thing began," Naboo said and walked of the door on his toes.

Bollo sighed and followed him.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

~-~-~-~-~-~-

Naboo sat in the kitchen with his head in his hands, when he felt a strong pair of hands knead his shoulders. He moaned softly in contentment and rolled his head back. Bollo rubbed the aching muscles in his neck, shoulders, back and arms until Naboo was so relaxed, you could pour him into a bowl. He'd been agitated recently, possibly in part because he hadn't been taking any drugs since unexpectedly becoming a primary care giver, and was getting uncharacteristically stressed.

"I love your strong monkey hands," he whispered.

Bollo decided to let the monkey comment go, Naboo was tired and he deserved some leeway.

"How long do you think they'll sleep," Naboo said, in a strange hoarse voice.

"Couple of hours, maybe less," said Bollo, digging his thumbs into the base of Naboo's spine.

"What do people do when they're not stoned?" Naboo asked, "This is so hard, I just keep worrying about them. It was hard enough when they could support their own necks, but now every time one of em sneezes I think that I've poisoned them. And they can't help being selfish, silly, impulsive babies now, because they are babies. I can't believe people do this on purpose."

Well that was a slight white lie. The rush of love he felt when he looked at those little babies was incredible. He'd been vaguely aware of being fond of Vince and Howard when they were adults, but his urge to protect and care for the tiny little people was overwhelming him.

Bollo rubbed his temples and Naboo let his head loll gently.

"Naboo's a good mo- parent," Bollo said reassuringly.

"It's all going tits up. I've not had to even hold a baby since Kirk learned to sit up. Why did they have to drink the bloody water? I'm not cut out for this."

Naboo leaned back on Bollo's strong shoulder and sighed loudly.

"I'd best go to bed," he said reluctantly.

He felt Bollo's hands release his shoulders and held back a sigh. Back in his room, Vince was doing his best impression of a starfish and taking up far more room than someone his size should be physically able. He slid in, taking up about six inches of space, next to the babies and went back to sleep.