I thought I was being sly, but the creature saw my hand fishing around in my robe pocket.

"What do you have in your pocket, Rincewind? Trying something clever?" the thing asked. It licked its cracked lips, and reached for me. So I did what I do best, and ran like mad. Unfortunately, forests and darkness combined can bring some unexpected things. Like trees. I knocked straight into one, and fell backwards, hitting my head hard on a root. The creature leaned over me, one of his eyes made of black glass, the other a tiny pupil in an ocean of white.

"Now, Rincewind," he said, in a child-like voice. "I'd like you to think of me...as a friend."

I looked at his blonde hair, his black clothes, the poker sticking out of his chest, and his decaying skin. The man was obviously an Assassin, and a zombie.

"I shall find that very difficult." I admitted.

"Look at it this way. If you're my friend I'll be less likely to kill you...painfully. But I'm afraid you do have to die-"

"You're afraid?" I spluttered. "How do you think I feel?"

I stopped talking because he had casually drawn a knife, and was idly watching how the moonlight reflected off the blade.

"You have to die," he went on. "because people are jealous of you. You escape Death repeatedly, and a few wealthy people think that's unfair." He sighed. "I do wish you had been a harder target. When I get nothing out of a killing but money, I consider it a loss. Catching you has been decidedly...uninteresting."

I had to think, and fast.

"Why bother killing me, then?" I asked. "Think about it. What could the money get you? Girls? Not with that unattractive poker through your chest. New clothes? You'd have to cut a hole through the chest. Food? You couldn't swallow it past the metal."

He smiled at me kindly, an expression that was anything but reassuring. "Why, thank you for pointing that out." he said. "You have provided me with a very simple solution." He yanked out the poker with a nasty sound, and prepared to shove it through my chest. I closed my eyes, and thought, 'Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****, I'M GONNA DIE!'

Then I heard a familiar sound. A wonderful, beautiful, glorious sound.

Shlup-shlup-shlup...

The Luggage came charging through the forest, faster than a bullet. Not that I know what a bullet is, but if I did, I'd know the Luggage was running faster than one.

The Assassin stared at it, and said, "Now that's interesting." Then the box opened its lid, and swallowed him whole.

"EXCUSE ME." said Death. I jumped out of the way as the robed figure swung his scythe over the box. Out came the Assassin's soul. He and Death stared at each other for a moment.

"I'll be back, you know." said Teatime.

"AND I'LL BE WAITING."

Then they both faded away.

I looked at the Luggage, then patted it like you might an affectionate puppy. "Come on. We're going home."