A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I just want to say that this might be one of the last chapters. I'm starting bigger things and I just want to say that this story is completed. I am really grateful for this experience (as retarded as it might have been) and I looke forward to creating some new crazy ass stuff. So, here's the second to last chapter. Maybe third to last, I don't know. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't belong to me.
Emmett VS. Author
-Emmett signs on-
-Bella signs on-
Bella: I have a ? 4 u
Emmett: Shoot
Bella: Y did I c u in a strip club?
Emmett: Y were u in the strip club?
Bella: Just answer my ?
Emmett: I'm a pole dancer
Bella: What?
Emmett: U herd me
Bella: Ew. Bad mental image
Emmett: Aw, I thought it was gonna be a good 1
Bella: STFU
-Carlisle signs on-
Carlisle: Emmett makes good business
Bella: Ur in on this?
Carlisle: Of course! I am a stripper after all.
Bella: What next? Ur gonna tell me that Jasper is gay?
-Jasper signs on-
Jasper: I resent that!
Bella: Sry Jazz
Jasper: Tis alright
Carlisle: Well, back 2 ur ?, yes, I was gonna say he was.
Jasper: Carlisle! I'm ashamed of u!
Carlisle: Sry, son. U know it's tru
Jasper: I know.
Bella: So, u and Em are in the business?
Emmett: U bet!
Carlisle: How much wuld u pay 4 me, Bella?
Bella: Uh, shuld I answer this ?
Jasper: Just make him happy. He's askin every1.
Bella: Oh. Um, $500?
Carlisle: Wow, that's the highest yet! Do u think I'm sexy?
Bella: Er…
-Edward signs on-
Edward: Dad! I thought u wuldn't ask her that!
Carlisle: But…
Bella: I think ur hot.
Carlisle: But not sexy?
Bella: No, just Ed.
Edward: Aw, thanks.
Bella: No prob, sugar plum.
Emmett: Le gasp! The balls r small!
Bella: Shuld I ask?
Edward: No
Bella: Ok
Emmett: Uh, u dirty minds! I was talkin bout marbles.
Bella: Oh, so ur talking about ur balls. I c.
Emmett: HEY!!!
Bella: Teehee.
Edward: Well, u know it's tru. Rose won't even tuch them.
Jasper: Ur deformed Emmy boy.
Emmett: I will rip my pants off right now and show u that they r not small!!!
Bella: NO!
Edward: NOOOO!!!
Jasper: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Carlisle: Yes, please.
Bella: EWWWW
Jasper: Agreed.
Edward: I will be leavin now.
-Edward signs off-
Bella: Please, Em. Don't torture my mind.
Emmett: Sry.
Carlisle: Hmm. Guess I can't c them. But thinking about balls.
Bella: Stop masturbating my emotions, Jazz!
Jasper: It's not my fault. Carly is makin me horny!
Bella: Well, dammit. Now I'm horny. EDWARD. Where r u?!
-Bella signs off-
Jasper: Damn u Emmett. Thanks 4 makin us all horny.
Emmett: No problem, my friend.
Carlisle: I shall go 2 strip club now. Need some action.
-Carlisle signs off-
Jasper: I need Alice. NOW!
-Jasper signs off-
Emmett: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Emmett: Rosy baby, here I come.
Emmett: And not that kind of come. Dirty bastards who read these IMs. I will kill u all!!!!
-Author signs on-
Author: No, u won't Emmett.
Emmett: Who the fuck r u?
Author: The ? is, who the fuck r u?
Emmett: I'm Em—
Author: It wasn't retorhical.
Emmett: U spelled rhetorical wrong.
Author: I can spell words whatever way I fucking want.
Emmett: Well, u don't have to b such a bitch about it.
Author: If u keep retorting, I will cut off ur small balls.
Emmett: I do NOT—
Author: U don't think I know this, Emmett Cullen?
Emmett: Ur not Stephenie Meyer, so no, I don't.
Author: What if I was?
Emmett: Then u wuldn't be threatening to kill me.
Author: Rly?
-Meyer signs on-
Meyer: I'm going to kill u, Emmett.
-Meyer signs off-
Author: Told u.
Emmett: Fuck u.
Author: Fuck urself.
Emmett: Oops, can't do that.
Author: Well, then. I'll fuck u.
Emmett: That sounds nice.
Author: HAHA! Kidding, sshole.
Emmett: Goodbye then.
Author: U GET UR SMALL ASS BACK HERE!
Emmett: NO.
Author: I'M WRITING UR DEATH RIGHT NOW.
Emmett: BITE ME.
Author: With pleasure.
Emmett: Oh ho. Now u wanna be cocky.
Author: Oh, ur dick is small 2.
Emmett: I'm leaving now.
Author: Fine. Go. I don't care.
Emmett: Fine. I will go! And I don't care either!
Author: Well, what r u waiting 4?
Emmett: Idk.
Author: B gone u tiny bastard!
Emmett: Fine.
-Emmett signs off-
Author: Rawr.
Author: I always win.
-Emmett sings on-
Emmett: Fuck ur cat.
-Emmett signs off-
Author: Well damn…I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAT!!!!
Author: Oh, I'll get him. Mwuahahahahaha.
-Author signs off-
A/N: And I WILL get that tiny bastard. :)