OUTGOING MESSAGE TO ALL CITIZENS OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE FROM THE PRIMARY CONTROL BRAIN OF IRK, SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF ALL ACTIVE BRAINS, Dated one week after the failure and cancellation of Operation Impending Doom I:

It has come to our attention that there has been some confusion over the last week in discussions about the disaster still going being repaired on the homeworld. Typical of these misunderstandings is the recent debate between the quondam Sort-of-Mighty Second Tallest Horace and Pretty-Mighty Third Tallest Oogly:

Horace: "This is a disaster! This never would have happened when Zim was Tallest!"

Oogly: "What?! How dare you exalt that tiny little monster!"

Horace: "What?! How dare you call the great Zim a tiny little monster!"

Oogly: "Take it back!"

Horace: "No, you take it back, you short little fish!"

Oogly: "Why I oughta--"

(Sigh.) Well, now that we have managed to recover Former Sort-of-Mighty Second Tallest Horace's PAK (what was left of it after the fight, anyway), we can confirm from our scans what many of you may have already guessed: he was referring to the former Almighty Tallest Zim, while the former Pretty-Mighty Third Tallest Oogly (now Sort-of-Mighty Second Tallest Oogly, given Horace's recent death) was referring to the living Exile Drone Zim, the cause of the current crisis.

Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened, either. We all remember the rather extreme steps the former Tallest Granek took after Horrible Painful Overload Day, and the mass executions that took place whenever he heard somebody blame "Zim" for the crisis. And of course the zombie-killing vigilante riots after the deaths of Almighty Tallests Miyuki and Spork. The point is, we are sick of all this confusion between the late, great Tallest Zim and the living, horrible Exile Zim, and have thus decided to put a rest of this issue once and for all.

Henceforth, all official records and spoken conversations about the current Zim will refer to him as "Zim," or "Exile Zim," "Food Service Drone Zim," or any other title he happens to acquire. (I recommend "the Accursed One" myself.) All spoken references to the former Tallest, as well as all official records, shall now refer to him as "Almighty Tallest Zim (No, Not That Zim, the Good One)," or some variant thereof. It is our hope that using this formula will help avoid confusion.

So, for example:

WRONG: "You know who rocks? Zim."

RIGHT: "You know who rocks? Zim (No, Not That Zim, the Good One)."

Please remember this formula, so that we can avoid any more pointless internecine conflict.

This has been a message from the Control Brains. Have a nice day.

This just popped into my head, and thus my one-shot becomes a two-shot. I don't think they'll be anything else, though.

And for the record, I feel the need to give two other stories credit: "In Short Supply" by ckret1, which is the basis of the idea that Zim was named after a Tallest; and "The Puppetmaster" by Zim'sMostLoyalServant, which I seem to have semi-subconsciously copied in a few ways (particularly names). Go read those, they're really good. And hopefully will actually update soon!